Disclaimer: This story is in honor of Lily and James. I do not own them, nor do i own Harry. All I own is the plot.

Ten reasons why 10 was my favorite number.
#1-My birthday is October 10th. (10-10)
#2-J, the first letter in my name, is the 10th letter of the alphabet.
#3-10 was my golden birthday.
#4-10 is the first 2 digit number.
#5-My wand is a 10 in willow.
#6-Willow is the 10th most popular tree.
#7-I live at 10 Mongolia Crescent.
#8-I graduated with 10 OWLS.
#9-…and 10 NEWTS.
#10-I have 10 true friends.

What happens if sometimes, you just lose it, lose everything, and anything that ever meant something to you? You lose control. At least I do. You cant stop destiny, but what if you could, would I be here, would life be different, if we could change the meaning of life, just like that?

It has been 10 days since I lost my cool, 10 hours since I last ate, 10 minutes since I last retched at the thought of what happened 10 days ago, on what I thought would be a normal day.

Everything was fine, it was Halloween, and I had dressed up to surprise little Harry with his first time trick-or-treating. I had even bought him a cute little pumpkin costume, I myself was one also. It was about dinnertime when I picked him up. I took him to the more muggle prominent neighborhood. WE walked around and I laughed at the look on James face when we returned home with 3 minimized pillowcases of candy come out of my pocket. When little Harry was asleep in Lily's arms, I said my goodbyes and left for my flat.

The only thing I could think about was, if I had kept Harry longer, would they have been able to escape, would they still have died, would Harry, sweet Harry, still have his parents. Maybe, but now he is a little boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Ten used to be my favorite number. Now, I have no one to celebrate my birthday with, my wand is broken from me hitting it against the floor repeatedly to get it to make them come back to life, my house is being sold because I can no longer stand loving in England. And 2 friends are dead, one in Azkaban, one was a traitor, one a supposed traitor, another was an accused traitor whose location is unknown, and in the past 10 days the other five were killed.

Why do I feel like everything is my fault. I wasn't their secret keeper. But here I am, sitting all alone, while I hear the shots and fireworks going off in honor of little Harry, of Lily and James, and I don’t know what to do. Do I go out and celebrate that one of the worlds worst wizards has disappeared, or do I stay and mourn the lost lives of my lost friends, and the future of little Harry. I've heard they're sending him off to muggles, people who despise the world he comes from, the world he's saved.

Ten is no longer my lucky number.

So, please review, I would appreciate it very much. And if you are a banner maker and like my story, i ask you to please make me a banner. I would very much appreciate it.

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