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School Report; A Poem to Express Emotion by Marietta Stone. April 15th 2999

I sit alone and cry alone
I'll sit alone and die alone
I'll sit forever by myself
I'll sit and slowly draw my knife

I lie alone and cry alone
I'll lie alone and die alone
I'll lie forever by myself
I'll lie and slowly sharpen my knife

I fall alone and cry alone
I'll fall alone and die alone
Dying now, dead forever
Here today, gone tomorrow...


I don't know what I'm going to do. Bellatrix hasn't told anyone about me but she says that they'll know soon enough and frankly, she doesn't want to be there when that happens. I can't bear to think of the future, it just hurts too much. I don't know whether it would be easier for me to just take my own life, but I can't do magic and the cleanest way to die would be a killing curse. Or rather the killing curse.

After I had spoken with Bella, I had gone up to my room. I just sat on my bed staring at nothing. Bella came in after a few minutes and gave me some tissues, but she could see that I wasn't ready to talk to her so she left soon after. I took a tissue and wiped my eyes. Then I picked up another tissue and tore it into little shreds. I kept on tearing and tearing until I had gone through the entire box of tissues. I was left no better than I had been before, except that I was now surrounded by hundreds of tiny bits of white, fluffy paper. They looked like snow.

I let out a cry of frustration and then threw myself down, onto my bed. With my head burried in my pillow I cried out in anguish, screaming into it, no longer caring if anyone heard. I just wanted the ordeal over. Bellatrix had been standing outside of my door, waiting for me to calm down. She knocked gently and entered before I answered.

“Mari-jam?” she asked softly. She hasn't called me that since I was tiny. It was nice.

“What?” I sniffed, sitting up and wiping my eyes on my sleeve, almost wanting to start a fight to let some of my pent-up emotions run free. I noticed that I was still wearing the dress and realised that lots of bits of tissue had clung to it, making it seem feathery and fluffy. It almost made me smile.

“What have you done?” Bella smiled at me sympathetically, reminding me of how wonderful she could be at times.

“I don't know,” I said stiffly. I could see her consider tidying it all away with a flick her wand, but she clearly decided against this, for which I was eternally grateful.

“Look, you must be at least a little magic anyway, otherwise you wouldn't be able to fly,” she looked at me with earnest. She was being so kind. And to think; the previous night I had been afraid that she was going to do something horrible to me. She really was a brilliant sister.

“Well maybe anyone can fly. It's the broom that's magic. Not me,” I said this, but secretly I was thrilled. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope. Maybe I might be magic after all.

“We can always try. You've got until September until you have to do magic properly. I'll help you. I'll teach you spells and stuff,” Bella sounded almost as desperate as I felt. I genuinely believed that she wanted to help me.

“We can try,” I said calmly. “But I doubt that it'll work. I mean, Sunesh could fly, right?”

I knew that I was being pessimistic, but I couldn't bare to get my hopes up only to have them crushed later on. It would hurt too much. It would hurt so, so much...

***

Later on today...

Bellatrix. Oh how that name is bitter to me. I hate her. And I don't hate people. Ever. I may occasionally dis-like someone, but I would never hate anyone. And I don't just hate Bellatrix, I loathe her. These words barely form a ripple on the surface of water signifying just how much I hate her. And I know that I will never be able to forgive her. That sort of oppurtunity has been taken away from me.

I went downstairs after I had calmed down a little more and I passed Bellatrix on the way. She sneered at me in a very strange way: The way that she would normally sneer at me: The way she did before she started suddenly being nice to me.

“You are such a fool, Marietta,” she drawled. “You are such a gonner you might as well have gone last week.” Then she laughed cruelly.

“What are you on about?” I asked her, worried about her sudden change in behavior.

“Here's a little life lesson for you; Never, ever trust someone that isn't already in your debt,” she began to walk away, almost cackling. Then she turned back to look at me for a fraction of a second. “By the way. Mother wants to speak to you in the back room.”

I stood there. Rooted to the spot, watching her walk away from me. The girl who as good as killed me: The girl that is my sister. Tears fell down my face once more; my whole world crumbling.

I could feel the blood drain from my face and flood to my feet. It made me woozy and I had to cling to the door post for a moment to stop me from falling. Lights flashed around my eyes but I blinked them away, breathing deeply.

I turned stiffly, wiping my face with my sleeve and heading towards the back room to see Mother. I came to the door, knocked gently and then turned the handle, stepping into the room silently, my shoulders hunched.

“So you're here at last,” Mother sighed, her nose slightly wrinkled, looking at me with disdain.

“I'm sorry, Mother,” I tried to hold back but tears were already brimming in my eyes and I did not know how long it would be until I started spouting, crying and wailing in front of my Mother.

“You are no child of mine,” Mother said darkly. "Some sort of changling surely. I care not what you did with my originally child, no doubt you have had her slain. All I can say is that at least you will get your just desserts."

I said nothing, but bit my lip, hard, and blinked back my tears with all of my strength. It was easy enough to believed that my Mother would rather pretend that I was some devillish changling than her own flesh and blood.

“My husband shall take you to work with him tomorrow and then your fate shall be decided. Until then you are to stay in your room. No meals, not anything. Do not attempt to communicate with anyone. Not even my children. Bellatrix is the only one which knows of this and it shall stay that way. I shall tell them that your death was a tragic accident and that shall be the end of the matter. You are nothing and now you never will be. You are to be forgotten, and I wish not to look upon you any longer,” she looked at me. I could see that she could barely believe that I was her daughter. She had never known me and now she never would.

“That will be all child. Now go,” she glared at me. I knew that I was dismissed, but I just had to do one thing before I went.

I stepped up to Mother and quickly pecked her on the cheek. My last show of affection to the Mother that never loved me.

She slapped me away, and started cleaning her cheek roughly, as if either my absence of magical ability was contagious or that she simply wanted to wipe me out of existance.

I left her and headed up to my room. I passed Bellatrix on the way. She tripped me up with her foot and laughed evilly. I pretended not to care, even though I had finally allowed my tears to start running down my face. The did more than run, they poured.

So now here I am; a minor, all alone in this big wide, cruel world. But not in the world for much longer.

I shall contemplate my future. Surely, I shall be executed, there is no doubt about it. But what shall I do after that? Should I choose to become a ghost? Haunting Bellatrix and my parents for the rest of their days. I entertained that notion for a while, I was almost happy. Almost.

If I don't laugh, then I'll cry more. Then I remember what's going to happen and I know that I'm being ridiculous. I have no life, so how can I feel emotion?

At least I know it will all be over soon.

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