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Chapter 12 - Telling Aunty James

“Do they make you so envious you want to slap her?”

“Excuse me? Care to elaborate?”

Lily sighed. “Ruby and Remus. They are so happy and I’m not.”

Holly snorted. “Yeah but you and James were like that too. So slap-able…” She muttered, stabbing her beans.

Lily moodily poked her roast beef. “Yeah but that didn’t go so well. By the way loved the note. Said exactly what I couldn’t put into words. Very colorful language too.”

Holly smiled through a mouthful of potato. “Why thank you. I have been told I have a way with words… I also heard what you said to him. I think we make a good team.”

Lily laughed. “Oh yeah.” She said, giving Holly a high five. It was just the two of them at dinner, everyone else had deserted them. It was almost strange to be eating without Ruby.

“It must be difficult for them…” Holly mused.

“What do you mean?” Lily asked, abandoning prodding her meal in favor of just chewing her fork. She knew at once who Holly was thinking of.

Holly sighed. “How they can’t be with all their friends at once. How are they sorta stuck in the middle.”

“Yeah, I thought that too. Probably why they aren’t here.”

“I am happy for her.”

“Me too. And him. I'm glad she finally got used to the idea of his condition and… everything.”

“Yeah…” Holly mused thoughtfully. “Hey Lily? When’s it my turn?”

Lily took another bite of her potatoes. “Turn for what?”

Holly looked glum for a moment. “To be slap-able.”

Lily couldn’t help but laugh. “What about Sirius?” she asked, glad to finally get that question out. It had been bugging her all day.

All Holly could do was shake her head. “Nah, there's really nothing there.” She told Lily even though her heart was beating madly at the thought of him.

Lily gave her a look of pure disbelief. “Oh come on. After everything that’s happened?”

“Yeah we’re just friends. Sorted everything out.”

“I see. So the fact that he was passing notes with Miranda Ellis didn’t bother you at all?” She asked. Holly shook her head. “And.” Lily continued, “at this very moment you aren’t aware that he is sitting behind me with a pretty Ravenclaw?”

“Oh, I didn’t notice.” Holly told her unconvincingly. Lily rolled her eyes. She had noticed about ten minutes ago that her friends gaze was no longer on her but somewhere over her shoulder.

“So who is she?” Holly asked in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone.

Lily spun around to get a better look at the dark haired girl behind her. “Wren Fischer. Sixth year, I believe.” She told her. “didn’t they date last year?”

Holly snorted. “Yeah probably. What sort of a name is Wren anyway?” She asked bitterly.

Lily shrugged just as Wren began to laugh at something Sirius had said.

“Oh my God!” exclaimed Holly, dropping her fork accidentally. “She sounds like a donkey on helium!” She hissed.

Lily shook her head in amusement Wren laughter couldn’t be further from sounding like a donkey on helium. Not that she had ever come across one but.. Cheekily she smiled at Holly, pointing her fork at her accusingly. “Nothing there, my arse! You are so jealous!”


“Hey Hol. What ya doing?” Sirius asked brightly almost a week later.

Holly held up her book so he could see the cover. He nodded in appreciation. “Haven’t seen you for a while.” She commented, setting her book down.

“Yeah…” Sirius sighed taking a seat next to Holly. “Nothing personal Hol, just not comfortable when James is around.”

Holly snorted. “I don’t think anyone is.” It was true. Whenever James and Lily were in the same room they were almost guaranteed to start an argument. Usually it was Lily with a snide comment that begun it all. James simply couldn’t resist a comeback. Whenever this happened it was time for people to start with their excuses and make for a quick exit. “Right now I am enjoying the peace and quiet.”

“Well it is about to be stomped upon.” Sirius said as James and Lily walked into the common room together. “Sorry, I’m gonna leave.”

Holly quickly gathered her things as she heard Lily mention the words ‘Randi’ and ‘joke’. “Not without me you’re not. Lets go.” She said.

Sirius smiled, putting a finger to his lips to ask for quiet, then without warning he ducked behind the couch dragging Holly with him. Risking a peak over the top he began to move stealthily like a spy around the room avoiding James and Lily. Stifling her laughter but passing on the commando roll to the next couch, Holly followed him.

Once free of the common room, Holly let her laughter out. “Oh my god, thank you. If I had to listen to another argument that really says I-am-still-crazy-about-you-but-I'm-much-too-stubborn-to-ever-admit-it I really would have had to-“

“You think that she doesn’t really hate him?” Sirius interrupted.

“I don’t think, I know.” She told him, tapping her nose, knowingly.

“I feel horrible.”

“You should.”

“Gee thanks.”

“Anytime. So where are we going?”

“Well I was going to meet a friend of mine for supper. Do you want to come?”

Holly nodded. “Sure I would.”

“Awesome. There she is. Oi Wren!”

Holly could almost see the golden light and hear the angels singing in awe as Wren Fisher spun around in slow motion, her dark curls fanning a full circle as she turned. Holly almost groaned out loud seeing her strut down the hall towards Sirius. Ok maybe she wasn’t quite strutting but whatever.

“Hey Wren.” He said giving her a quick hug that made Holly squirm with jealousy. “Wren, This is my friend Holly, Holly this is Wren. ” Sirius told them releasing Wren and smiling widely.

“Hey Holly.” She said with a genuine smile. “Great to finally meet you.” She said while standing there with Sirius’ arm still around her like it was totally natural. “Sirius talks about you all the time. All good things of course!” She laughed.

Holly looked at Sirius in shock. “Really? He must be lying then.” She joked feebly while desperately trying not to howl as she took in Wren. Sparkly blue-green eyes, a cute little button nose, an infectious smile and dark curls to frame it all. She was gorgeous and her laugh didn’t sound at all like a donkey on helium. Life was so unfair. Feeling like she was going to cry, she smiled at them both.

“So are you joining us for tea? I would love to introduce you to my friends.” Wren told her earnestly. Holly was slightly taken aback. Here she was prepared to loathe this girl and here she was inviting her to eat with her.

“Actually, I might pass on the invite…Look I’m gonna leave you two, gonna go see if I can find Ruby. See you later. Nice meeting you Wren!” She called over her shoulder.

“She seems really nice.” Wren commented after Holly had left. “I can see why you are crazy about her.”

“Yeah. Pity me Wrennie.”

“Oh don’t worry babe, I do. So are you going to tell her?”

Sirius shook his head. ”Never. I know she doesn’t feel the same way.”

“You are an idiot Sirius.”

“I know… I seem to be hearing that a lot lately…” Sirius sighed sadly.


Meanwhile Holly had wandered out side in search of Ruby. Squinting into the setting sun she spotted her friend by the edge of the lake with Remus. Heaving a sigh of loneliness she continued on without disturbing them. It was unfair to interrupt what little time they had with out their friends bitching at each other. And besides they looked cute sitting there in their own world.

Holly smiled as she watched Ruby laugh at something Remus had whispered in her ear. She moved slightly so she was leaning against his legs while he played idly with her hair. And Holly had never seen him so happy. With a final sigh she turned away, instead heading towards the Quidditch pitch where she hoped no one would be.

Holly was right. It was empty. Probably because it was meal time. And Sirius was with Wren.

Wren. The perfect girlfriend.

She wanted to hate her but it was almost impossible. She wanted to tell Sirius how stupid she had been but she couldn’t. So instead she sat in the middle of the Quidditch pitch a million thoughts running through her head. Everything that had happened this year. James and Lily and the whole breakup…Remus and his secret then him and Ruby…and last of all Sirius. And wanting what you can’t have.

Holly sat there for some time, after a while she lost track of time. The sun had long since set and it was beginning to rain. Still she sat there until she could feel the rain soak through her clothes. With a sigh she slowly got up.

Still lost in thoughts she drifted down the hallways completely oblivious to anything around her. lazily she dragged her fingers along the rough stone walls, listening to the dull sound of her footsteps.

(A/N Adapted from ‘Mouth Shut” By The Veronicas.)
I kept my mouth shut from the start
I guess I’ve left you in the dark
Thought you knew me, But who does?
Say we’ll be friends, I don’t see how.
when you find out how I lied.

I kept my mouth shut for too long
All this time you got me wrong
And before it went too far
I had to go and break your heart
Tore everything we had apart

Now I'm feeling lost
When She’s in your arms
The reasons are gone
For why I was ter-ri-fied of you
I tried so hard
Not to be the one
I don’t like who I've become

Won't keep my mouth shut anymore
I've had my share of closing doors
Now I can't help be afraid
I know exactly what you'll say
You’ll say sorry it's too late

But I'm feeling lost
When She’s in your arms
The reasons are gone
For why I was ter-ri-fied of you
I tried so hard
To be the one
I don't like who I've become

I kept inside of me for all this time

Thought that I could push it aside if I just tried

But I'm sorry to admit that I have lived a lie

'Cause I'm feeling lost
When She’s in your arms
The reasons are gone
For why I was ter-ri-fied of you
you tried so hard
To be the one
I don't like who I've become

I kept my mouth shut for too long
Now I know that it was wrong

I wish I told you from the start
but instead I played my part
It should've never gone this far

Can I keep my mouth shut anymore?”

“Oi!” A voice called. Holly spun around quickly to face James. ‘Holly? Where have you been?” he asked in a concerned voice, taking in her saturated clothes and hair.

Holly pushed her dripping fringe out of her eyes. “Just outside.” She told him with a small shiver.

“You do know it’s after curfew right?” James asked, pulling out his wand. With a quick swish Holly’s clothes were completely dry.

“No sorry I didn’t. And thanks.”

“That’s Ok…” He said waving her thank you away. “Holly? What's going on?” he asked when he could finally see the tears on her face.

Holly took a step back looking at the ground to cover her slight blush. “I don’t know if I should be talking to you.”

“That’s ridiculous and you know it. So what's going on? Another argument with Ruby or Lily?”

With a deep sigh she dropped to the floor, leaning against the cold stonewall. “No. Nothing like that. Just me feeling sorry for myself.”

James frowned at her comment. “Why for?” He asked sitting down next to her. “Holly?” he prompted when she didn’t answer.

Slowly she looked up at him. “See this is where it gets kinda awkward. I don’t know if I should be talking to you.”

“Come on share your troubles with Aunty James.”

Holly snorted in a most un-lady like fashion. “That is really creepy.” She said with a smile.

James smirked. “At least I got a smile.” He said, nudging her in the side. “So can you tell me what this self-pitying is about?”

Holly gave him an innocent blank look. “You mean you have never pitied yourself?”

James thought for moment, until what he said finally registered. “Don’t kid yourself Hol, I am the king of self-pity remember.”

Holly nodded. “How is that going for you?”

James shrugged. “Strange I guess. I hate myself for what happened but I don’t know what to do.”

Holly nodded. “What about you and Sirius?”

James frowned. “That’s who this is about isn’t it?” He said nodding slowly.

Holly nodded again, looking intently at her hands. “Yeah…”

James sighed deeply. “Well I guess I regret some things that happened there too.”

“Then why don’t you fix things? It’s not too late!”

“I don’t know. I just can't help but hate him for what he did.”

“It’s partly my fault you know.”

“How on earth do you figure that?”

“I got Sirius mad.” She said quietly. To her surprise though James started laughing.

“Sorry Holly. But that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.” He laughed. Holly pulled a face and swatted him playfully. “So tell me now what's your story?” he asked again. This time she took a moment before she spoke

“I finally realised what I wanted and it’s too late.”

“How is it too late? You two were good together.”

“Well technically we were never ‘together’ but yeah it is. He’s moved on…has a girlfriend.”

“Sirius has a girlfriend? Since when?”

Holly shrugged. “I don’t know. But how can I compete with her? She is like Brainy McBarbie. Absolutely-Bloody perfect in every way, like Mary Fucking Poppins. And she doesn’t even laugh like a donkey on helium…it’s so unfair.” James couldn’t help but laugh. Holly shot him a look. “I am serious here! And you are not helping!” She wailed. ”You don’t even know who Barbie is and you still laugh! I need comfort and support at a time like this…and possibly some unfair bitching towards her. Not laughter!” she whimpered almost laughing herself.

“Ok sorry.” James said trying to stifle his laughter. “So who is she?”

“From what I have picked up she is Ravenclaw Sixth year…name, Wren Fischer. Do you know her?”

James shook his head, this time only barely containing his laughter. “Holly you idiot. She isn’t his girlfriend. She can't be. Wren and Sirius have been friends for like ages. They are practically related. There is nothing there. Trust me. We have been through this.”

“How can you be sure?” Holly questioned, staring up at him with watery blue eyes. “They seem so…”

“Flirty? Affectionate?”


“Holly look that’s just what they do. Wren’s cool but they are just friends. She’s like one of those lifelong pals. He would never cross that line.”

“Well now I feel stupid. So may I ask how come I never heard of her before?”

James shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t like to advertise the fact that he can actually be just friends with a female. A girl that doesn’t worship him...”

“That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard.”

James laughed. “You just summed up Sirius in one word.”

“I actually met her today.”

“Who? Wren?”

“Yeah. I wanted to hate her so much but I couldn’t. She was really nice to me. Like I mean genuinely nice. None of this fake niceness bullshit. It wouldn’t surprise me if he did prefer her to me... I wish I could tell him the truth.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Why don’t you?” She shot back. “I’m sure he would be interested to know how much you regret things and that you miss him.”

“I never said I missed him.”

“Yeah but I know you do.”

James laughed bitterly. “Guess we are like, kindred spirits then.”

“Yeah… both too stubborn to admit the truth” Holly sighed her eyed welling up with tears again. James noticed she was close to tears and turned to hug her.

“Hey, don’t cry.” He soothed.

Holly let out a sob. “I messed things up completely though!”

“Holly, everything will be fine. You just need to talk to him. Let me tell you, I listened to him whine about you for months, he has not moved on. Forget about Wren too. She isn’t a threat. You shouldn’t feel like you have to compete with her. Sirius likes you. Not her.“ James told her, slowly rubbing her back and hoping to god that she believed him.

“I hope you are right.”

“I promise I am. Listen to Aunty James. She knows best.” He joked again, trying to lighten up the mood. To his delight Holly began to laugh through her tears.

“James Potter what the hell are you doing? You are supposed to be patrolling” a voice interrupted them. James peaked around Holly’s blonde head to see Lily standing in the archway, hands on hips with a disgusted look on her face. “Of course I find you here with some girl- Holly?” She gasped when Holly finally turned around.

Holly smiled weakly, wiping the tears from her face. “Hey Lily.”

“What the hell is going on?” Lily demanded as Holly and James stood up. “What did you say to her?”

“He didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t jump to conclusions.” Holly sighed, dusting off her robes.

“Then what’s wrong Hol?” Lily asked looking between the two.

Holly shook her head smiling a half grin. “Everything is peachy keen. You done patrolling Lils?”

Lily nodded, still confused. To her surprise Holly turned again to hug James. “Thanks for listening.” She murmured as she drew away, kissing him on the cheek.

James shook his head. “Anytime Holly. Hope I helped.”

Holly nodded. “You did. In your own strange way. But I hope you take your own advice though. Talk to him.”

“Maybe.” James answered noncommittally. Holly almost laughed…that was until she saw the look on Lily’s face. So instead she began to walk away.

With one last frown at James, Lily followed her. Halfway up the stairs Holly turned back. “Oh and James? Tell him any of this and I will hex you.”

James laughed. “You really are such a sweet thing aren’t you?”

A/N. today we have dadadadaaaaaaaaaaa ‘Mouth Shut’ by The Veronicas.

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