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It Started with Hate, It Ended with Death
Chapter 09 ~ Just Not For Me

Lily rolled over in her bed, towards the sunlight that was poking through her windows in her Dorm. She opened one eye and glanced towards the clock which read nine forty-two in the morning. She sighed and curled herself up more and breathed into her sheets. Her eyes hurt and her nose was sore from crying and blowing her nose all night. She glanced down towards the ground where Nova was on a sleeping bag, curled away from the sunlight. Nova and Lily had stayed up most of the night; Lily crying, Nova soothing her.

Lily shut her eyes tightly; all night she had hoped that it was some ruthless nightmare that invaded her mind, and had made her ultimate nightmare, become the reality that no one wanted to live or be entangled in; and that when she woke up the next morning, her owl would be sitting on her bed, a fat letter perched on its leg and then, Lily would write her mum and tell her of the nightmare, and receive a letter soothing Lily of the nightmare. But none of that was going to happen because her parents were dead, her nightmare had won. The ruthless, cold fingers of reality had grabbed her heart and had squeezed it, causing pain and numbness.

Lily rolled herself into a fetal position, and grasped her sheets tightly. “Lily?” said a tired voice from below. “Lily, wake up.”

Lily wiped her nose on the sheet and looked over the edge of her own sheets. “Hey,” Lily said to her friend who was facing Lily’s bed, her body still scrunched.

“Did you sleep alright?” Nova asked her, her face falling into a sympathy smile.

Lily nodded. “Come on, we have to get dressed for Hogsmeade,” Lily said, sitting up, and getting out of bed.

“Lil, you don’t have to go to Hogsmeade today… I’m sure Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore wouldn’t care,” Nova said, sitting up and leaning over to a bag that she had brought with her, retrieving a pair jeans and a purple sweater.

Lily opened up her own wardrobe and picked up a pair of faded jeans and turned towards Nova. “I have responsibilities, Nova, I can’t just let them down because of my personal life,” Lily said softly, turning back and looking at the shirts folded neatly in their cubby holes.

She heard Nova get out of the sleeping bag and approach her. “Are you sure you want to go, Lily? I’m sure James will do fine,” Nova asked her.

Lily nodded her head affirmatively. “I need some fresh air.”

Nova nodded understandingly and pointed to a sweater on the shelf. “Wear the green one; it brings out your eyes.”

Lily smiled. “Thanks. You shower first; I’m going to do something real fast.”

“You sure?” Nova asked her.

“Yea, go ahead.”

Nova walked off with her clothes and shut Lily’s door behind herself. Lily placed her clothes out on her bed and she walked over to her desk and sat down to write a letter to her sister.

Lily and Nova left the Heads Dormitory and made their way to the Entrance Hall. Lily averted her eyes from the students in the corridor – Lily knew that the Daily Prophet probably had an evening edition go out last night, to bring the news to the people.

Nova and Lily rounded a corner and Lily came to a stop, looking at the Grand Staircase.

If I go down those steps, I will face everything I never wanted to face before, Lily said to herself.

“Come on, Lily, I’ll make sure no one says anything to you,” Nova said, grabbing Lily’s hand and leading the way down the steps. Lily tried to swallow, but something the size of the galleons in her pocket, was forming there. The two girls made their way down the steps, the hollow sounds of their feet making Lily feel nauseous.

“Lets hope that Zonko’s have gotten some good stuff over the summer… hopefully some new products as well,” Sirius said going down a list, as James kept his eyes pinned to the stairs.

“Yea, let’s hope,” James muttered, running his hands through his hair.

“Do we need more Dung Bombs? I forgot to check…” Sirius asked, more to himself than to James. “I think I have another pack. Whatever, we’ll just buy another pack… oh, and I need some sugar quills, not to mention real ones as well,” Sirius added on.

“Yea, so do I,” James said half-heartedly. His eyes leapt at the site of a girl in jeans and a green sweater, her hair half-up half-down, the curls slightly wet.

“Let’s go find tweedle dum and tweedle doo,” Sirius said to him, sticking the list in his pocket. He twirled on his heel and skimmed the crowd, branching off into it.

“James,” a voice cooed from behind James. James spun around, his eyes falling on a girl with long blonde hair and sky blue eyes. “Are you going with anyone to Hogsmeade?” she asked, sidling up to his side.

“Uh, Jen…,” James said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m going with the Head Girl,” he said quickly.

“That Evans girl?” Jen asked, her nose wrinkling. “You’re still after her? James dear, get over her…,” Jen said, her eyelashes gracing her cheeks as she blinked seductively.

“Jen, that was a fling last year,” James said, his eye gracing the staircase, as Lily and Nova stood there, talking to Professor McGonagall.

“But you gave me the Keeper position on the team,” she pouted playfully.

“Because you have talent,” James said, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Well,” Jen said, running her fingers down his chest. “I have more talent than just Quidditch,” she said with a smirk.

“Jen, no,” James said, grabbing her hand and pushing it away.

Jen straightened and frowned. “You’re not the same, James, and it’s a shame…,” she said to him, turning her back and walking towards a group of Hufflepuff boys.

James sighed and shook his head, glancing back over to the stairs, where Lily’s eyes had watched the entire time…

Lily sighed as she sat at the last step of the stairs, Nova next to her, as they both watched Professor McGonagall approach them, a scornful look on her lips. “Great,” Lily muttered under her breath, incoherent to Nova.

“Ms. Evans,” Professor McGonagall said a few steps from Lily and Nova. “I’m so sorry about your parents.”

“Thanks,” Lily replied solemnly, her eyes averting to the crowd. They found the head of a tousled, black-haired boy, whose eyes were lingering longingly on a girl with waist-length, wavy blonde hair.

“You know, Ms. Evans, if there’s anything you need…,” Professor McGonagall said to her, her eyes softening with sympathy.

“Thanks, Professor, I’ll…” Lily stopped and looked at James oddly as the girl ran her fingernail down James’ chest, his red sweater stretching with the muscles in his arms. She saw them go rigid, and his jaw clench. “I’ll do that,” Lily finished, her eyes flashing back to Professor McGonagall.

Professor McGonagall’s eyes softened with sympathy, as she thought that Lily stopped to compose herself. “If you need a few days off for class…,” she said to her.

“It’s alright, Professor, Professor Dumbledore told me that my parents’ funeral is on Friday, I’ll leave on Thursday night. I should be fine, Professor, honestly. My studies should not be put on hold,” Lily said, holding back tears as the thought of her parents’ funeral entered her mind.

Lily looked over at James again; his eyes were linked onto hers the light reflecting off of his glasses, obscuring her from seeing the emotion in his eyes. “That asshole,” Lily whispered to herself.

“I didn’t catch that, Ms. Evans?” Professor McGonagall said; her face twisted into confusion.

“Oh,” Lily said, her eyes disconnecting from James’. “I was just thinking of that man… the man who had mur-murdered my parents,” Lily said, her voice catching.

Professor McGonagall nodded knowingly, tears clinging to her eyes, underneath her spectacles. “I’ll let you go find Mr. Potter. I know Professor Dumbledore wanted the two of you to accompany the other students into Hogsmeade. After all, Ms. Evans, you two are at the top of the class.” Professor McGonagall sighed, wiping at the mist that had accumulated in her eyes, as she made her way to the front of the crowd.

Lily sighed herself and said, “That’s my job.”

“It’ll be alright, Lil,” Nova said, who had been uncannily quiet this whole time.

“I know,” Lily said, her body sighing. “That’s what everyone tells me… It's what anyone ever tells me nowadays.”

“Shit,” James muttered to himself as Lily focused her eyes on Professor McGonagall again.

“James, where the hell have you been?”

“Uh, what?” James asked confused, turning around to look into Sirius’ eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I thought you were behind me when I wondered off to go look for Remus and rat boy,” Sirius said to him.

“Oh, I got distracted – sorry, Padfoot. Did you find them?” he asked him, his eyes flashing to the staircase, but Lily was already gone.

“No. Don’t know where the hell they are,” Sirius said, his eyes gracing the room once more. “But no matter, they’ll find us. They always do.”

“Yea, that’s true.”

“Can I have your attention, please,” Professor McGonagall’s voice rang with sternness. It seemed that she had composed herself in that short while from the staircase to the Main Entrance. “Now that we have gathered your names and the Third Years’ permission slips, we can all leave. But, there are rules. First off, do not do anything to embarrass this school, Hogsmeade is a privilege and it can be taken away,” Professor McGonagall said sternly, her eyes resting on Sirius’.

“That’s never stopped us,” Sirius whispered to James, who couldn’t help but smile.

“Also, if there are any problems, our Head Boy and Girl will be traveling together. If you need them, you can find them. Ms. Evans, Mr. Potter, if you could please come forward,” Professor McGonagall said with a wave of her hand.

Lily felt her cheeks warm when she heard Professor McGonagall call her voice. “Go, Lily, I’ll meet you when we go out,” Nova said, pushing Lily.

“Yea, go,” Alice and Marla said simultaneously, which the two had just found the group moments beforehand.

Lily felt the jolt of Nova’s push, and she knew that she could not go – everyone’s eyes were on her, and she could make out James’ head traveling to the front as well. Lily took a deep breath and walked toward the front.

When she got to the front, Professor McGonagall gave the two the floor and she looked at James who just stared at her. She could feel her face warming up and she turned towards the group of students, who were all staring at her and James.

“We will walk out and into the village,” Lily said, her confidence rising. She had always loved to speak publicly. “If you’re in trouble at all, please don’t hesitate to find either of us,” she announced, then waved her arm to show that they were leaving.

The chatter began once the group hit the outside. The snow was still on the ground, casting a glimmer onto the castle and into people’s eyes. They cast their hands to above their eyes, some sticking sunglasses upon the bridge of their noses. The wind cast a cold chill onto people and everyone immediately bundled up more, bringing their scarf’s more up on their necks and chins.

Lily glanced sideways at James. He had always been a flirt, per say – at least, he had always been with one girl or another. He and his “new girl of the week or month” was always the topic of everyone’s chats, at least once or twice a day. She didn’t know him well, but she knew that he played with Nova on the Quidditch team and he was always boasting on end about his skills. He was good, she had to admit, but it was his egotistical mind that just plain pissed her off.

It wasn’t until last year that he really started to mature, in his ways. He stayed with a girl for more than a week or two; he didn’t kiss in public, or even boast about his scoring or skills on the Quidditch Team. Nope, instead he turned to Lily, much to her dislike. He started to show his “love” for her even more, and then, him and Lily became the topics of people’s conversations.

“Won’t they be a cute couple” or “There children would be adorable. What? With James’ eyes and Lily’s hair color? Or the other way around!” or “If James has the right genes, that kid will just be a damn good Quidditch player! Smart, nonetheless, like Lily as well!” Of course, Lily would just roll her eyes and pretend that she didn’t hear them, it was disturbing. Her in bed with James? Like that would ever happen!

Lily’s eyes followed to the front, where the town of Hogsmeade loomed threateningly. It was never possible; not in the entire world would she and James ever be able to get together. It just wasn’t possible at all. And even if it was, Lily was determined to halt that possibility at a standstill.

James smiled as he entered the town of Hogsmeade. Lily was at his side – in all the times he had asked her, she would always say no. Of course, this was sort of forced by the Headmaster, but in his opinion, Dumbledore was brilliant… in an old sort of way. He had made dreams come true for James, even if Lily was as happy as a girl with the intense animosity for him as her…

“So,” he said to Lily, as the students behind him dispersed into stores and to the Leaky Cauldron. “Do you want to walk up and down the village or do you need stuff?” he asked her, hoping that she would shiver in a way that would cause the two into the Leaky Cauldron.

Lily stayed silent for a moment. “I need quills. I’ve broken a few of mine,” Lily said vaguely, hoping that that was all she needed.

“Well, I need some parchment, and I believe quills. So, I guess we’re headed off to Scrivenshafts,” James said, with a sideways glance to Lily, who looked entirely worn out. Of course, how could she not? Who could lose both of their parents in one go and still hold it together?

Lily sighed. She really was not in the mood for all of this. James Potter, the completely egotistical prat whom had made her life miserable since her first few minutes at Hogwarts when he tipped over her boat in the black lake, was standing right beside her as they passed Zonko’s on their way to Scrivenshafts. Could her life get any worse than it already was? Lily honestly did not like James Potter - actually, she despised him with all her being, but what could she do about that?

“So, how long till Lily cracks?” Nova asked, as she popped some Bertie Bott’s into her mouth. “I mean, James Potter… for about six hours has to make her crack sometime,” she said, as she wrinkled her nose at the flavor.

“I don’t know…,” Marla answered her, as the three girls peered into the Scrivenshafts window, watching Lily and James.

“Guys, this is so wrong,” Alice said to them. “Lily trusts us, and here we are watching her, not to mention betting on ow much longer until she cracks,” Alice said, as her curiosity took to her and she peered in too.

“Alice, stop being such a worrywart. Honestly, it’s harmless… fun,” Marla said with a shrug. She turned to Nova. "Two hours."

“Look at her,” Nova said a few minutes later. “She looks so…” Nova contemplated for a few minutes. The other two girls turned to her, looking at her expectantly. “… so, annoyed,” Nova said finally.

“Oh shoot, they’re coming out,” Alice said, ducking into the alleyway, leaving the other two.

Marla shook her head. “She’s such a worrywart!” The bell dinged above Marla and Nova’s head as Lily and James walked out. “Or maybe she’s right all the time,” Marla whispered.

Lily glanced over. Stalkers, she thought, as she eyed the two hovered by the window. “What are you guys doing here?” Lily asked, hoping that James didn’t think that she had staked him out.

“Um, nothing, looking at the new quills,” Nova said, pointing to the bright purple feather in the window. “Perfect for me, huh?”

Lily looked in the window. “Yea, perfect, Nova, why don’t you go buy it. It’s ninety-five galleons,” Lily said with a smirk as she folded her arms across her chest.

Nova glanced back in the window. Ninety-five galleons for a quill? Couldn’t be right… but Lily had been right, of course. “I can admire, can’t I?” Nova asked innocently.

James looked between the girls – from Nova’s false innocent smile, to Marla’s smiling face, to Lily’s smirk. “Um, Nova, why would you pay ninety-five galleons for a quill?” James asked, confused in the matter.

“Because, it’s a perfect view,” Lily answered for her.

“Sight. I think you meant ‘sight’, Lily,” Nova answered.

“No, I did mean view.” Lily fiddled with the handles on her bag, as a gust of chilly air blew by them, Lily’s hair waving frantically in the wind, and bustling her cheeks with redness.

“Should we gp?” James asked, after an awkward silence. “We’ve been a long time down here, students rarely come down this way,” he lied, just to move on and away from Lily’s friends, even though he liked their company, he just wanted one moment to be with his “dream” girl.

Lily’s face fell. She really didn’t want to be alone with James. “I –"

“Yes! Go on! We didn’t mean to keep you,” Marla said, a little too perky. She turned to Nova and grabbed her hand, “Lets go look at that quill!” she said, smirking hard at Lily.

They won, Lily thought to herself. Of course, they get the last word…

The bell dinged merrily as the two entered the store, leaving an icy silence in the air, and tension rose with unwanted company. James gestured for the two to continue and said, “Are you cold, Evans? We can get, uh, a butterbeer…?”

Lily sighed. She really didn’t want to be alone with Potter, not one bit. But she was cold, freezing in fact, and she just wanted something to warm her. “Fine,” she said throwing in the towel. She turned to James and said, “And if you try anything, Potter, I swear to Merlin, you will jinxed so much, your knickers will be twisted in a knot that not even the brightest or smartest Healer will be able to fix. You hear, Potter?” Lily asked, her anger bubbling.

“Yes, ma’am,” James said, saluting to her mockingly.

Lily made a sour face at him and twirled around fast as the two made their way down the street of Hogsmeade, Lily walking as fast as her legs would carry her. Of course, James was either directly next to her or one step ahead. He didn’t even have to walk fast, he was tall and she was, well, five foot three. She glared up at his tall, looming figure and sighed.

Students around them ran buy, laughing and chatting, as if the world was perfect. What Lily could not understand was how they all got by day by day – when, in her world, the world had simply stopped revolving, gravity evaporating, giving her the unpleasant feeling of walking on air.

A bell rang chillingly as it snapped Lily out of her sub-conscious mind, and to the face of James Potter who was waiting for her to walk in, holding open the door. She walked in, scared of what people would think. But as she walked in, no one looked at her, everyone was huddled over there glasses of butterbeer, the steam pouring out of the tops of their cups as they sipped their drinks.

“Do you drink butterbeer?” James asked her, grabbing a booth in the corner.

“Of course I do,” she said, grabbing her purse, as James shook his hand out she answered sourly, “Potter, we’re not on a date, and I will not give you this satisfaction.” She handed James a few coins and looked away.

James shrugged and walked up, putting in the order, for the young Madame Rosmerta. She looked at the cracking wood, which was dark with age. She couldn’t help but think about her house at home. What would become of it? What would become of her parents belongings?

The clinking of glass against wood made Lily jump as the eyes of James came into loom. Now, that’s a nice site to see, Lily said to herself sarcastically.

“Are you ok?” James asked, sliding a glass to her. “You seem, out of it…”

“Do I now, Potter?” Lily asked in a clip voice. She wrapped her numb fingers around the glass, willing the warm to whisk away the coldness.

“Yea, you do,” James said, running a hand through his hair, nervously.

“Well, considering the circumstances I seem to have a reason, do I not?” she asked him, her face warming. “Merlin, Potter, you can be very shallow-minded!”

“Hey, James,” said a voice from behind Lily. “Well, well, what do we have here?”

Lily’s eyes flashed as she turned, to meet the grey eyes of Sirius Black. “Black, I swear to Merlin – if you do not leave right now, I will curse you then stick you in detention for next Saturday, all day long, with Professor McGonagall.”

“But next Saturday is Gryffindor’s first game of the year!” Sirius rebuked, his face falling.

“Well move!” she said to him, pointing her finger towards the door.

“Fine,” he said, looking at James. “I just wanted to let you know, that when you’re done with hothead, here, that we found Snape and we’re following him and flicking bits of paper into his head, to see how many we get to stick.”

Lily stood up and glared at him. “BLACK! GO!”

Sirius held up his hands. “Jesus, fine.” He backed out, sending James a glance.

Lily sat back down, putting her head in her hands. “Uh, sorry about that,” James said tentatively, after a few minutes.

Lily looked up. “I don’t know what your problem is, or why you’re shallow-minded, but the world does not revolve around you,” Lily said, her face bright red, clashing with her hair horribly.

James looked quizzically at her. “What do you mean? Padfoot just said all of those things. It’s not like I asked you out or anything.”

“But that’s the point, Potter! You didn’t ask me out!”

“I’m confused…,” James said, looking quite confused, his brow furrowed.

“Potter! You don’t understand! You’re just not for me! Get it through your head!” Lily said, leaning into the table.

James looked down. “Fine, I’ll leave you alone then,” James said, getting up. “I tried, but I guess that wasn’t enough, was it?” he asked her, slipping her coins from the butterbeer onto the table. “See you later, Evans.”

Lily looked down at the coins, glittering through her glass of butterbeer, and back up at the looming head of Jesus’ messy locks.

“Potter, wait!” she yelled at him. But the door had shut, leaving behind a gusty, cool wind, causing only Lily to shiver.

Author's Note: So, this took me forever to get up! And I apoligize deeply!!! This chapter, I hope, makes up for it! I beg you all for feedback! I need some reviews to encourage me, also, ideas are always welcome, as well as critism (although, flaming will only make you wait longer).

It was a tad fast going, but I didn't want to make it too long! More is on the way!

Check out my site for updates! A new, smacking story is on the way!!

Lilibet asked: Where do you get the ideas for Lily's friends, how did you come up with their personalities and how do you know their reactions to certain events?
Answer: Excellent question, Lilibet! Well, let’s start with the strong-headed character: Nova is my own creation; her looks are based off of me except for the purple eyes. Her personality has some of me throw into there and some of my friends. I know how she is going to respond because I usually use how I would respond to the situation at hand. Her protection for Lily comes from my best friend, Michelle, who has protected me from certain things. Alice I based off absolutely nobody. I want Alice to be eccentric, yet completely lax. I want the reader to not know what’s going to happen next with her. Her character is all over the place! Marla I base off of a few of my friends…I have her as someone who is just a story accessory, as I like to call them. But she is based off of a lot of my friends, who I know pretty well. (Last but not least) I have Lily. I base Lily off of my friend Christina, who is completely studious. Lily is a studious person, as we will see throughout the course of the story

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