Chapter Ten – A Sirius Talk “Hey Remus…Can I talk to you?” Sirius asked catching up with his friend after dinner. Remus frowned slightly. “I’m on my way to…you know.” “I know but it’ll only take a moment.” Remus nodded. Sirius took a deep breath. “Are we cool?” Remus sighed, sitting tiredly down on the arm of the couch behind him. “It really has nothing to do with me.” He said noncommittally. “So we’re cool?” “I don’t know mate. You really messed up this time.” Sirius sighed again. So far this talking to people was harder that he thought. And Remus was the first person he had talked to. “I know, I know! I am a horrible person and I’m an idiot. Don’t hold it against me. This can’t be the worst thing I have done.” “Sirius you’re really not helping your case here. But yes you are a horrible person.” “Thanks a lot.” “Have you talk to James yet?” Sirius scrunched up his nose and scratched his head. “Ah no… not without him taking a swing at me.” “Can you blame him?” “No not really. I’d punch me too.” “You really are an idiot. “ “I know… So we cool?” “Yeah. But talk to him?” “I will. He's on my list. I have a lot of explaining to do.” “I do not envy your situation at all.” Sirius smiled. “Thanks a lot.” Remus smiled too and started out the door again. “Oh and Padfoot? I’d stay away tonight. James and rage and giant antlers might not be too good for you.” *** “Holly!” Sirius called down the corridor, “Holly, wait up!” Holly stopped and turned around to see Sirius running towards her, when he reached her he bent over to lean on his knees to catch his breath. “Holly, I want to talk to you.” “Alright, what is it?” “Look, I want to know what’s going on between us. I thought we had somethi – “ “What? Sirius, no I told you. It was just a bit of fun, that’s all.” “So you’re saying you felt nothing?” “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” “I’m sorry, I thought… I thought wrong. I’m sorry for everything.” Sirius started to walk off but Holly wanted to continue the conversation. “You should be Sirius, what you did was horrible.” “What I did? You’re the one that actually seemed to enjoy messing with my head! You are so fucking cruel!” he cried. “Me? What are you talking about? James is your best friend and after one stupid fight, you ruin the best thing that has ever happened to him and Lily.” “When did the subject change to them?” Sirius was getting confused. “It’s James you should be apologizing to Sirius, and Lily. You messed up royally on this one.” “So everyone keeps telling me. I know I have some people to talk to. I was getting there but in the meantime are we ok?” “Yeah, we’re ok but just as friends. Ok?” “That’s all I wanted to hear.” Sirius told her. “Talk to you later, I have some people to find and beg for forgiveness.” Holly laughed and began to walk away. “Good luck to you then!” She call over her shoulder leaving Sirius beaming in the hallway. If all the conversations went that well by the end of the day everything would be back to normal, he thought as he walked towards the next victim of his apologies. Next on his list was Lily. *** “Lily? May I talk to you?” Lily sighed, looking up quickly at Sirius Black before answering. “It all depends.” She told him, dipping her quill into her inkpot again as she spoke. “On what you have to say and whether I will like it or whether I will want to hex you into next week. If it’s the second reason, I’d leave now. I’m feeling particularly violent today.” She told him a in a calm voice, not looking at him. Sirius stared at her for a moment trying to comprehend what she was saying. Shaking his head he sat down opposite her. “I wanted to apologise.” He told her simply. Lily looked up and raised an eyebrow. Carefully she dropped her quill and leant back in her chair. “For what exactly?” “For ruining your relationship with James.” Lily snorted indignantly. “He didn’t need any help with that.” Sirius looked around the almost deserted library, searching for help. “Look, it still wasn’t fair what I did to you and James. I was mad and wanted to take it out on someone and he was there. I'm sorry you had to suffer as well. I wasn’t thinking.” He concluded lamely. “Well that was obvious. But I for some reason am going to say that I forgive you.” Sirius let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. “So does that mean you will give James another chance?” “Did he ask you to ask me that?” Sirius shook his head. “James won’t talk to me.” He said sadly as Lily scoffed. “I just wanted to know. Maybe it would counteract my karma or something...” Lily gave him a confused look before sighing. “Then my answer would be no. Maybe James and I were just not meant to be.” “But if-” “No. If you hadn’t said something, something else would have happened. It just wasn’t meant to be.” She repeated firmly. “Lily you have to understand it was a joke. Made a long time ago before anything happened between you two.” “Oh yeah?” Lily retorted. “It wasn’t so funny from my point of view.” “I understand that but-” “No you don’t understand!” Lily cried a little louder than she intended. “How stupid do you think I felt standing there while everyone found out that our relationship was a joke to him? When for so long I questioned what he saw in me and just when I was actually starting to think I was special it blows up in my face?” Sirius stared at her, shaking his head slightly. “May I say you are scary when you are angry? But you really need to stop interrupting me. What I was actually going to say was that you should be mad at me not him. You can't sacrifice what you had over this! And before you interrupt again” He continued as she opened her mouth to argue. “James never saw you as a joke. You were anything but a joke to him.” “Can I speak now?” Lily asked when he leaned back in his chair with a satisfied look on his face. He nodded. “Right. I just wanted to say, one,” She started then stopped. “I wanted to say one…oh I don’t know! I just don’t want to go there again!” “Why not? It was just a misunderstanding. If you clear it up now things can go back to normal.” “Normal? You think things were normal? Things are normal now. With me hating him. That is the way it is supposed to be.” “No its not. You two are meant to be.” “Stop saying that!” she hissed in frustration “Fine, but you should give him a second chance.” “A second chance? I gave him a first one and look where I ended up!” She cried standing up dramatically. Around her people started to look up to see what was going on. Quickly she sat down again. “I don’t know what you are trying to do but trust me, we are both better off. It would have only ended in an even worse disaster. We are just too different. It wouldn’t have worked.” “See that’s where I think you are wrong. Because from the last ten minutes I have sat here talking to you I can tell you are in denial and I know for a fact, even if you haven’t realised it he is crazy about you. To him it was a never a game. He was completely serious about you.” “Why are you doing this?” Lily asked in bewilderment, her eyes beginning to water. Sirius didn’t answer for a moment. “Because I did a horrible thing and can't stand to see the both of you so miserable. Please talk to him Lily.” She shook her head sadly, the tears sliding silently down her face. “I just can't do that Sirius. I'm sorry.” She whispered before exiting the room quickly, leaving Sirius to bang his head on the table in frustration. It was late and he still had to find James. The person he was most dreading talking to, but the person he most needed to. With a regretful sigh Sirius stood up, deciding maybe tomorrow was the best time to approach James. *** “Prongs!” Sirius called early the next morning, running down the hallway to catch James. James kept walking, pretended he didn’t hear Sirius calling his name. “James! Wait up. I need to talk to you.” Hearing this James finally spun around. “There’s nothing you could say that could fix this, so don’t waste your breath. Just fucking leave me alone.” He told him tiredly before leaving Sirius in the hallway, with the urge to bang his head against the wall. Obviously just talking wasn’t going to solve that one he thought dejectedly as he searched for the one person he so far hadn’t talked to. *** Ruby was sitting in the library when Sirius joined her. She looked up wearily, not knowing what to expect. “Hey Ruby. What’s up?” Ruby raised her eyebrows. “OK fine, we shall skip the polite greetings. Right to the point. I need to talk to you. Outside if possible?” He added. She sighed but still got to her feet. Sirius dragged her into the empty hallway and looked around uneasily before he spoke. “Firstly I wanted to apologize about the way I have acted toward you and secondly I wanted to talk to you about Remus.” She nodded. Knowing what he was going to say. “It was full moon last night.” He said watching her carefully for a reaction. She bit her lip, looking down at the ground. “I know. I couldn’t sleep. I kept hearing things.” “So you do care?” Ruby looked up sharply. “Of course I care. Its just complicated... ” “Good. I want to show you something.” He told her, taking her hand and leading her towards the infirmary in silence, Sirius figuring talking wasn’t going so well this morning. “Sirius? May I ask how you reacted?” Ruby asked suddenly. “For starters he never told us…we more figured it out and he confirmed it. I think you were the first person he actually told.” Ruby nodded, what Sirius was saying slowly sinking in. “You mean he's never told anyone before me?” Sirius nodded. “Oh god.” Sirius didn’t say anything. “How? I mean how did you figure it out?” Ruby asked again. Sirius shrugged “We lived with him for almost two years. Put two and two together.” “But that doesn’t tell me how you reacted.” Sirius laughed, “We thought it was awesome. Like an adventure but we didn’t really understand what he went through.” “And you do now?” “I don’t think I ever will fully, but I do know more. You have to understand that he's not dangerous to be around except at the full moon and he's responsible...he would never put you in danger on purpose. You need to let him know that you care.” Ruby nodded slowly. “Why are you being nice to me? I thought you hated me coz of how I treated him.” “Because he is one of my best mates and I have done some horrible things lately and I’m starting to think with all this bad karma I may be struck down by a lightning bolt or something.” Ruby stared at him. “What?” “Never mind. I really should stop mentioning karma… Do you want to see him?” “What? He’s in there?” She asked at he stopped outside the infirmary doors. Sirius rolled his eyes. “Haven’t you been listening. Full moon last night.” He repeated opening the doors. He strolled over to the usual bed the Remus occupied after the full moon. “Sirius how are you?” Sirius snorted. “Just like you to ask that while its you that’s in the hospital bed. I bought someone to see you.” Remus looked towards the door to see Ruby standing there. “Get her out of here now.” “Remus?” Ruby asked stepping forward. It was strange to see him in here, with scratches all over his face that was a shockingly pale. Yet he didn’t seem unhappy. Until, that is, he saw her. Remus grabbed Sirius’ shirt to drag him closer. “I do not want her to see me here. I never wanted her pity. Take her out.” He whispered. Sirius nodded, Doing as Remus said tried to lead Ruby back out but she pulled her arm away. “I’d like to talk to him.” Sirius looked warily back at Remus who sighed. Sirius took that as a sign of acceptance and left. He closed the door quietly leaving it open just enough for him to hear what was going on. “Sirius?” Lily asked coming around the corner to see him listening outside the door of the infirmary. Behind her was Holly looking equally disturbed. “What the hell are you doing?” Sirius put a finger to his lips. “Shhh. They’re talking. There's something there.” *** “I never wanted you to see this side of me.” Ruby shook her head, taking a seat beside him. “I’m sorry for everything I have done.” Remus laughed wryly. “Are you apologizing because you are actually sorry or because you pity me? Because if it is the second one, please leave now.” Ruby for a moment looked horrified. This wasn’t the Remus she knew but she could see him beneath the false façade. Hesitatingly she reached out to touch his arm. He looked at her curiously. (Adapted from “Something there” from Beauty and the beast.) Ruby: There's something sweet And always kind he's never mean and never coarse or unrefined And now he's here, and so unsure I wonder why I didn't see it there before Remus: She glanced this way I thought I saw And when we touched she didn't shudder at my ‘paw’ No it can't be, I'll just ignore But then she's never looked at me that way before Ruby: New and a bit alarming Who'd have ever thought that this could be? True, he's not always Prince Charming But there's something in him that I simply couldn’t see Lily: Well, who'd have thought? Holly: Well, bless my soul Sirius, looking smug: Well, who'd have known? Holly: Well, who indeed? Lily :And who'd have guessed they'd come together on their own? (Sirius rolls eyes.) Holly: It's so peculiar. Sirius: Wait and see Holly and Lily: We'll wait and see ALL: A few days more There may be something there that wasn't there before Sirius: yes, Perhaps there's something there That wasn't there before” *** A/N: Something There, from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast
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