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Disclaimer: Owning nothing, wanting everything. Hm, but if I would have everything, where would I put it? Hm…


YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER


TICK TACK TICK TACK ...

The constant ticking of the clock had become kind of a chant for him. It filled the emptiness within him. The emptiness that had arrived after he had truly realized what he had done. Sirius Black sat in a corner of the nearly empty Gryffindor common room. He sat in the coldest corner. He didn’t deserve the warmth of a fire. Hell, he didn’t even deserve the clammy cold of this corner.

He had nearly killed another person. He had betrayed one of his best friends, his only true family. He had given his secret away and it was his fault that Remus had nearly committed murder. He had told Snape how to get through the Whomping Willow. Why had he done this? Why? Why couldn’t he just keep his filthy mouth shut?

James had saved Snape, while he had done nothing. He had just stood there and watched – without any movement. He had made matters worse. Why hadn’t he moved? Why the bloody hell hadn’t he gotten out of his rigidity?

Of course Snape had told Dumbledore. There had been a telling off. Dumbledore had told them about the consequences. He hadn’t really listened. He wouldn’t have to leave Hogwarts. That was all that mattered. He had no doubt that he would have deserved to get expelled, but he just couldn’t have lived with that.

Now he sat here in this corner, alone and frightened. Frightened of his friends – or the boys who once had been his friends. He didn’t deserve friends anymore if he treated them like that. And they deserved better than him. Surely they wouldn’t want his friendship anymore. Who wanted the friendship of a betrayer?

Would they eventually forgive him - some day?

Suddenly the portrait hole opened.


James Potter stormed into the common room. He had spent the last half an hour walking through the castle and trying to calm down.

What the hell had been up with Sirius? How could he do this to Remus? To the Marauders? Even to Snape? Of course he had hated him, as he himself did, too, but KILLING him? Maybe Sirius wasn’t who he seemed to be. He had thought they meant something to him. Obviously they didn’t.

He had abandoned their friendship for nothing but a silly joke. A silly joke that had nearly ruined three lives. Sirius could have gotten expelled. Snape could have gotten killed. And Remus – could have been sent to Askaban for an act he couldn’t control in his werewolf state.

Moony was still in the Shrieking Shack, alone and probably wondering why Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail were not with him, frustrated about being locked alone in the old house – probably frustrated enough to hurt himself badly. And in the morning Remus would wake up in the hospital wing, confused and unknowing – maybe with a short snapshot of a human in the Shack when he was about to transform as a memory, feeling guilty for being what fate had chosen for him to be and what he couldn’t help being, but hated just the more.

A silly joke… no, not just a joke…

Suddenly James saw a movement in the corner at his left side.


Lily Evans looked up from he potions essay to find out who had entered the common room. It was Potter. He seemed to be very angry. In fact, she had never seen him so furious before. There was such an aggressive look on his face – it almost frightened her.

But what did she care about Potter anyways? She had nearly finished her essay. She was about to pack her things together, when she noticed somebody move from the dark right corner of the room.

It was Black. But he looked miserable as he walked towards Potter. And what was this expression? Fear? Impossible, was it?

“James-“

“Piss off.”

Piss off? What was Potter on about?

“Prongs, please-“


Without any warning James punched Sirius in his face. His head snapped back with the force of the blow. Sirius didn’t flinch. He wasn’t surprised. He had seen James` fist coming. And he had noticed that he had opened the fist in the last moment and just hit him with the flat hand. He didn’t protect himself, though. Of course it had hurt, but he already had had to deal with more - back at Grimmauld Place.

Nevertheless, he stood unmoving. He felt like he had been running against a wall – something within him had just been broken. And a nasty voice in his head constantly reminded him, that it was his own fault.


Lily was shocked. How could Potter do something like that? And why didn’t Black do anything to defend himself?


James breathed heavy. He knew it wasn’t right what he was doing, but he couldn’t help it – he was so… furious.

“Don’t you dare to ever use that name again! Don’t you dare to EVER use any of these names again! DAMNIT, LOOK AT ME WHEN I´M TALKING TO YOU!”

Sirius` glance snapped back to his friend’s face as James pushed him against the wall.

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE? YOU BETRAYED US! YOU HAVE LOST EVERY RIGHT TO BE OUR FRIEND – TO EVEN TALK TO ANY OF US! YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER! YOU ARE A BLACK!

Sirius felt a world of glass scatter into pieces around him, burying him, taking his breath, his warmth, his heart away, leaving nothing but an empty cover.

He barely felt the salty tears running down his cold, pale cheeks as he watched his friend turning his back on him.

“I’m sorry.”

The words were hardly more than a whisper when they came out, but they seemed to float through the room and hung in the air.

Sirius knew it was senseless. He couldn’t change anything. He couldn’t turn back time. But he would do his one last duty towards Remus and tell him what he had done, when he woke up.

He didn’t wait for a response from James. Slowly he left for the hospital wing.


Back in the common room Lily still stood in shock as Sirius left. He reminded her of a mistreated dog – the way he walked and held his head.
She still couldn’t believe James had beaten him. She couldn’t believe he had shouted the way he had. This wasn’t the James Potter she knew. The James Potter everybody knew and loved.
And whatever Sirius had done, he surely didn’t deserve to be treated like that. And she would tell him that right now.

“Potter! There was no need to shout like that, or to hit him! Didn’t you see that he was sorry?”

“WHAT DO YOU KNOW EVANS? AND WHAT DO YOU CARE ANYWAYS? THAT´S NONE OF YOUR BLOODY BUSINESS!”

James left a confused and angry Lily behind in the common room as he climbed up the stairs to the boys dormitories, thinking: “You just yelled at Lily. You just yelled at Lily. She’ll hate you. … Damned Sirius!”



Sirius looked out of the window he passed. The sun was rising. It’s bright rays framed the horizon with gold. Madame Pompfrey would go and fetch Remus any moment now.

“Still one hour till I can talk to him.” he thought.

He sat down next to the hospital wing doors and leaned his had back against the cool wall. He didn’t think. He didn’t feel. There was nothing left except coldness and emptiness. Every now and then he would silently repeat James last words. “You are not a Marauder. You are a Black.” A new chant that kept him numb.

He watched Madame Pompfrey pass, levitating something that looked like a lifeless body.

The sight of the unconscious Remus painfully brought some feelings back. Guilt before all others. How could he have done this? To Remus? The one thing he had ever asked from his friends. He already hated himself enough for what he was. And thanks to him, Sirius, he would do even more so.

When he thought it was time, he quietly entered the hospital wing.


Remus Lupin lay unmoving, but awake in his usual bed. He felt worse than ever. He could just remember a glimpse of Snape, standing in the Shrieking Shack before the werewolf had taken over. Of course Madame Pompfrey had already assured him, that Snape was okay.

But still. He was a danger. He was a danger for everyone around him – a monster as some people would put it. A werewolf. Cursed for his whole life.

Maybe it was best if he left school. He nearly had killed someone. Surely that was reason enough for Dumbledore to expel him? But why had Snape been there anyways?

Suddenly he noticed the door opening. He watched as Sirius entered – a very guilty looking Sirius with the beginning of a black eye – and immediately he knew something was up.

He listened to the whole story. How Sirius had tricked Snape into following him, how James had rescued Snape. But somehow he just wasn’t angry.

He listened to Sirius` excuses and didn’t say a word. All he could feel was disappointment. Disappointment in his friend. He knew, Sirius couldn’t help being who he was and reacting how he did, but nevertheless he couldn’t really accept it. He didn’t say a word, but closed his eyes in pain. He didn’t want to hear any more of Sirius` false promises. No more lies. He turned his head away from him.

And Sirius understood. He stopped dead in mid-sentence.

Slowly he walked out of the room, but stopped when he was about to close the door. He turned around.

“Can you forgive me – one day?”

Again it was barely more than a whisper, but the words seemed to fill the whole room.

“I don’t know.”, Remus whispered back. A single tear trickled down his hot and tired face and was finally absorbed by the white, fluffy cotton of his pillow. More followed as he finally heard the door snap shut.


Up in he 4th years boys dormitories, a small boy lay in his bed and starred at the ceiling. He couldn’t help but think one sentence over and over again: “Friendship really isn’t that powerful.” The boy’s name was Peter Pettigrew.

- FIN -


So, what do you think? Anything you disagree with? Something you liked in particularr? Any advices? Enlighten me please!

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