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Chapter 9-Grinning Prats

Lily Evans, scarlet woman extraordinaire. I am young, gorgeous (alright, I won’t get carried away here. A girl can dream though), carefree (again, an exaggeration), and awaiting another excellent snog from a Mr. Remus Lupin. Yet, for some reason, he hasn’t really shown any inclination to lead me into a romantic, secluded broom closet.

Boys, odd creatures if you ask me. I mean, how do you just kiss a girl one day and not the next? Kissing is an addiction that merely needs to be fed every couple of hours. It’s been a week and well, he still hasn’t carried me away for a proper make-out fest.

Good gosh, I sound like Black, the womanator himself. He’s obsessed with snogging and that, my friend, is not an exaggeration. I always pitied him for that incurable disease he seemed to develop, but now I’m suffering from the love bug as well.

I mean, before he kissed me, I guess I never really looked at Remus any differently than any other male at this school. He wasn’t ugly, by any means, but I was never really attracted to him. Yet, he’s shown me the light. I’ve been having to occupy my time waiting for him in odd ways.

Conventional Activities Used To Avoid Desperation Blame Lupin

1) Knitting--I’ve developed quite a knack if I do say so myself. Yarn isn’t hard to come by these days and it’s extremely practical. I made Jules a lovely sweater, but well, she tore it to shreds. Had myself a good cry over that.

2) Gymnastics--Yes, I’m sure I do look fairly odd attempting to do a cartwheel down on the grounds, but see what boys do to your brain? I know for a fact that I’m a lousy athlete and am not flexible in the least. But, I still go out and try. If I had any sense at all, I would stick to the knitting.

3) Quidditch--I tried flying and well, the end result was not darling. I fell on my head. Madam Pomfrey nearly slapped me across the face. She said, in her exact words,
You of all people should know not to fly’. What she really meant to say was, ‘Merlin, Evans, why do you have to be so bloody uncoordinated?’ She was a bit peeved that I interrupted her daily soap opera.

4) Straightening My Hair--Didn’t work. At all. But I did manage to receive a large burn on my neck, which in turn led people to start hickey rumors about me and Snape. Apparently, we like it rough.

However, as much as I try, it all leads back to me wanting a boyfriend. A snog. A friend. Someone to complain to. I want someone who will find pleasure in my small idiosyncrasies, my irritating quirks. Is that so much to ask?

In detention with Potter and Snape. Lovely company, let me tell you. Potter keeps trying to read this diary. I think he might have seen some of what I wrote before. It’s a bit odd, him seeing my personal thoughts. I hardly imagine anyone would even understand what I was rambling about if they did read it. Now that I think about it, I’m a bit whiney. Oh, that bastard. He’s smirking a bit. Why is he smirking? What should he be happy about? Maybe he’s got gas.

After detention, Potter and me headed back to the Gryffindor Tower and he was still grinning like a madman. It was irritating and a bit creepy. I mean, he was just smiling. Smiling for no apparent reason.

Finally, after a few minutes of silence and incessant grinning, I asked him in my most irritated tone, “What?!”

He just chuckled a bit, putting his hands into the pockets of his robes. What a skinny jackass. Yes, that’s what I said. I’m Lily and this is my diary. I can swear my blasted head off if I want.

“I saw what you wrote,” he told me coyly.


I could feel my face literally heating up, not really in anger, but in embarrassment. This diary is a place for my thoughts and my thoughts alone. It’s not meant for prying eyes. I write some fairly demented stuff, if you ask me.

Plus, this was Remus Lupin we’re talking about. Remus Lupin, as in Potter’s best friend.

“And what did you think about it?” I inquired, somewhat curious and a bit afraid of why he was reacting so shockingly.

“Well, I’m just kind of glad that you’re lightening up,” he confessed. “And well, I know Sirius told you about--well, me liking you.”

With a wink, he strode off, and if mine eyes did not deceive me, skipping in the air a bit.

And then it hit me. He thought I liked him. He thought I actually was interested in him. I must say, I’ve never had a better laugh in my life. Me and Potter? Least compatible people in the entire world. Plus, his head is heavier than Hagrid.

Finally, with so much on my mind and so many confusions, I dragged Remus Lupin out onto the grounds for a walk. He didn’t seem all too surprised or irritated about it at all. He merely walked with me, as a friend would.

“So, what’s this all about, Lily?” he inquired quietly.

Boys are so dumb. Do you they honestly go around serial snogging? If they do, let me say that’s sick and I’m a bit worried about mono.

“Remus, why did you do--what you did--last week?” I asked him, not really wanting to spell it out, although I seem to have no problem writing it all down here.

“You mean when I kissed you?” he responded casually.

No, when you walked around in your underwear and dove into the lake screaming, “Beard of Merlin!” Of course when you kissed me, you blasted fool.

Instead of that simply oh-so-witty remark, I merely nodded. Didn’t want to scare the poor fool off, now did I? I wanted some answers!

“Well, you seemed sad,” he told me. “And I thought that maybe I could cheer you up. You’re a good friend, Lily, and you don’t deserve to be treated unfairly. It just seemed like a good moment.”

If that was the answer I was expecting, well I must not have shown it.

“Did you think I had a ‘thing’ for you?” he asked politely. Again, I nodded in embarrassment. “Sorry, Lily, but well, you’re just a friend and I don’t really feel that way about you. I’m sure that somewhere out there, a boy’s just dying to go out with you. Don’t give up all your hope on me.”

Of course he was probably talking about Potter.

“Don’t mention this to James,” he told me, knowing that if he asked, I’d keep any secret he had. I think I liked the fact that only he and I would know who my first kiss was. “He probably wouldn’t understand.”

“As if I talk to Potter about anything more than necessary,” I insisted bitterly, his wicked smile still flashing in and out of my mind.

My red hair was flowing in the breeze, becoming more frizzy than ever before. I sighed. Honestly, what was the point of all that hair anyways? Why couldn’t I have been born bald? Then, maybe perhaps I wouldn’t boy problems or hair problems.

“Yes, I know, he can be a bit of a prat,” Remus said, laughing and scratching his head warily.

“Then why’re you friends with him?” I asked, probably a bit more nosily than I had intended. Could he really blame me for wondering? Potter is seemingly the least likeable person in the entire school and well, he was popular. It was ironic, really.

“Because,” he told me. “He’s the only person who has truly shown me loyalty.”

Gah! Remus Lupin and his vague, mysterious answers. He didn’t elaborate at all. Can you believe that? Leaving me hanging. Psh, lunatic. My snogs must have sent him out of his mind. What a great thing to know. ‘Lily, you kiss so horrible, boys would rather lose all mentality whatsoever if it meant forgetting’

I want my Mummy.

Well, after telling Holly all about the James Potter and Remus Lupin situation (which she found extremely fascinating), she gave me the best advice she can.

“Move on.”

Thanks so much, Miss I-Think-All-Gryffindor-Boys-Are-Charming.

But, surprisingly, I’ve decided to act somewhat along those lines. I’m going to make people think I’ve moved on. Maybe, eventually, the boy I choose could become Mr. Right. But who to pick? Who to pick?

Well, let me start with who NOT to pick.

Not It

James Potter---Prat and a half.
Sirius Black--A walking disease.
Severus Snape--Lord of the Hiss (still a bit confused about that)
Jules--She’s my cat. Inappropriate on several levels.
Remus Lupin--Platonic, sadly.
Hagrid--Illegal and just WRONG.
Rabastan Lestrange--Avada Kedavra doesn’t make me swoon.

Who’s Left?

Peter Pettigrew--Hasn’t ever given me a problem. Not really a believable choice, seeing as he has this sort of twitch that bothers me.
Amos Diggory--Holly would absolutely kill me. She’s been in love with him since second year.
Frank Longbottom--Hm, I don’t think I even know him.
Logan Johnson--Perfect. We have a winner.

So, now if I’m going to be obsessed with this boy, I’ve got to write about him day and night. Please forgive me if I start incessantly babbling on about Logan’s socks or something. It probably means I’m in the public eye.

Oh, damn, he’s leaving the common room. I better go follow him. Be stealth, Lily, stealth.

New to the stalker scene,

Lily Evans

A/N: Please review.

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