Chapter 8-Goodbye Cruel World
I, Lily Evans, have decided that this page is my last will and testament. There is no longer justice in this institution many refer to as Hogwarts. There is no longer peace. There is no longer innocence. I have come to these conclusions on my own and trust me, this decision is NOT entirely based upon the acquirement of recent information.
Alright, it is.
James ruddy Potter. If there was ever a more confusing boy, he’d probably like me too. I have the worst luck in the world. And that is why I have to decided to run away.
Vanish. Let everyone believe me dead. I am going to travel the world with nothing but dirty fingernails and a ragged rucksack to carry. Because, well, a girl can always use clean socks. That is, if I even decide to wear socks. It would be entirely acceptable if I didn’t seeing as I plan on living the life of a bum. Lily Evans, bum extraordinaire. Not a bad ring, if you ask me.
Holly probably won’t understand and that is why, you, diary are going to be left in her possession. She will have to read every cryptic word I’ve written within your fragile binding. And Holly, if you’re reading this, please disregard all the nasty things I wrote about you when we were fighting. And when we weren’t fighting. I’m just a brute. And that is why, I must leave this existence I’ve so comfortably become fond of.
I don’t own many valuables, but I figure that this is only a will if there is an according property distribution.
From the ugly duckling herself
1) To Holly--
a) It is in my last hope that you can come to live with my ‘death’. And it was death, I tell you, even if no one is able to find a body. The ‘killer’ has cleverly hidden my remains. And no, I’m not going to tell you who the killer is. Wait--yes, I am! It was Filch. I bloody hate that man. He was jealous that his cat had two eyes, while mine is special and has one. There’s your motive. Anyways, in order for you to properly understand the events preceding my death, you can have my precious diary.
Blast! I can’t give her the diary if I want her to believe me dead and gone. I already wrote myself that I’m running away.
b) When I said I was running away, the killer (Filch) was placing the Imperius curse upon me. Awful, I know. I died a hero’s death.
c) Don’t worry, I won’t be leaving Jules with you. I know how much you hate her (even though I also know how much you secretly harbor feelings of deep love for the cat you claim is ‘out of it’s nearly non-existent mind’) Jules will be given to safe (dare I say) hands.
2) James Potter--
a) Yes, you’re included in my will. Don’t get your g-string in a bunch. I am only including you in my will because I know you have a strong fetish for my cat. Therefore, as much as it pains me to say this, Jules is all yours. I won’t be able to properly care for her now that I’m a lady on the run. Er, I mean, now that I’m dead.
b) Actually, truth is, the reason I’m leaving (yes, I know, shocking that I’m not actually dead) is because your so-called mate fed me the truth. And now that I can no longer yell at you, I feel it is my duty to say this: Are you out of your mind?!? You liking me? Disgusting. Horrible. We have no chemistry, whatsoever. I don’t even find you attractive. You’re despicable and I hate you.
Suck on that.
Probably not the best approach. Ah, well, at least he can hate me in peace.
Now, darling, you’re not getting a thing merely because I’m afraid you’d tear whatever it is I give you to shreds. So, I’m writing you this farewell note in hopes you can forgive me.
I want you to forget about me, Jules. Forget you ever clawed up my entire left shin. Forget that you ever slept in my extremely frizzy hair. Forget that I ever swore at you about your quite disturbing nightmares. Just forget about me.
James, your new master, will take good care of you. He likes cats, especially you. He’s the one that you sit with in the common room, despite my many wishes that you wouldn’t. So, go off and have mixed-specie babies. I’m sure they’ll be---cute.
Oh, and really, give Holly hell. I mean, it’s not your fault you only have one eye.
Now that all this official business is taken care of, I’m going to go and take a roam around the castle for the last time. I’m sure it won’t be too hard to leave.
I can’t do it, diary! I just can’t. The castle is too beautiful. Too magical. It’s too much of a home for me to leave.
Sorry, fellow bums. Sorry, cruel world. I’m staying. I just can’t bare to leave. It’s too hard. What would I do without my daily classes? Without the view of the Great Lake? Without the house elves’ delicious cooking? I think I would actually die.
Why is it that I’m talking about death an awful lot today? Really, it’s bizarre.
Oh, wait, I remember. Potter.
Now that I’ve decided to live, I can further examine the mystery I have entitled..
How and why did this happen?
Who: According to witness #1, Sirius ‘I Don’t Know His Middle Name’ Black, James ‘I Couldn’t Give Two Crumpets About’ Potter has a so-called crush on me, Lily ‘I Wish I Really Was A Bum’ Evans.
What: This has been classified as a tragedy.
Where: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, an institution for learning. I don’t remember hearing ANYTHING about inter-gender relations. None, whatsoever. So, clearly, it would be absolutely appalling for anyone on the administration for find out about this newfound infatuation. Interesting indeed.
When: 1974, a year from hell.
Why: I’d really like to know. Why couldn’t it have been Holly or someone else who can at least tolerate him? But no, Potter’s difficult and chooses the one person at this school besides Snape who is absolutely repulsed at the mere thought of him.
And to make things even better, I’ve got to go to detention. My life is so swell. And yes, there was immense sarcasm attached to that statement. But, on the bright side, I’m not running away.
Some bright side, if you ask me.
Well, diary, after returning from detention, I now know that life was indeed worth sticking around for. Hogwarts, glorious Hogwarts, sing me your praises! I love my life! I love it, I love it, I ABSOLUTELY love it.
This world is so beautiful, so compassionate, that I can hardly ponder as to why I wished to leave. So, I know you’re wondering, why the change of heart?
I’ll tell you; Remus Lupin.
After detention, I was so frustrated at Potter, who coincidentally stared at me the entire time, I ran into Remus in the halls. He’s always been a good friend, has always been someone to talk to. So, the two of us went walking around the lake. He must have sensed that something was bothering me. I was distraught. Upset. On the verge of tears. Plus, well, I was extremely confused as to whether I should keep the will or not. When I explained the mess (well, part of it. I kept the Potter bit out), he gave me this goofy sort of smile. And you know what he did? He kissed me.
I, Lily Evans, have been kissed. And no, it was no by my cat. Or a blind person.
And you know what? It was incredible. Filled with as much cliché as any girl should hope for. Thank you Merlin for the air I breathe, the ground I walk on, and the experienced lips I now adorn.
I never even knew Remus Lupin thought of me that way. James Potter who? Yes, that’s right, Potter no longer bothers me. I’ve had something happen to me that was good. A surprising, but pleasant change for once.
Wait until I tell Holly about this. Oh, she will be so jealous.
The snog queen herself,
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