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Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list. There is also a song in this chapter. It's from West Side Story.

A/N: Enjoy the chapter; I got this idea from a particularly good RP session that I had once.


Chapter 9 - Dumbledore Dare

In his admirable haste to lead his fellow marauders to the mischief that awaited them, Sirius took the dorm steps two at a time to get down to the common room. He stopped dead on the last step as his eyes darted to the opposite corner of the room; Lily and Liva were sitting at the table - actually it was more like lying over it. The two of them were red in the face from laughing at Jenelope, who was standing on the table, doing the hokey pokey and singing loudly. The three girls also froze as the boys came to an abrupt halt at the bottom of the stairs. Sirius had stopped so suddenly that James knocked into him, sending him to the floor. Remus ran into James, pushing James to the floor, and as Peter let out a shriek, the four of them were inevitably sprawled at the foot of the boys' stairway.

With no one on top of him, Peter was the first to stand up and start fixing his hair. When they had recovered, Sirius led the way to the corner, smirking at Jenelope, who had frantically jumped from the table as he entered the room.

"All right, hand over your drugs," Sirius teased.

"Oh shut up, Sirius," said Lily, waving her hand dismissively at him. Jenelope was staring him down, while Liva looked around the room dreamily. "We were just playing a friendly game of truth or dare. What exactly were you doing?"

Sirius crossed his arms in front of him. "I don't have to answer to you, Evans. Direct your questions to my associate, Prongs."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I will not call him by a name no one will tell me the meaning of. James, what were you up to?"

James smiled sweetly at Lily. "Inspecting the halls?" he tried.

"Prefects inspect the halls, mate," said Peter intelligently.

"You're not helping, Wormtail," said James out of the corner of his mouth.

Peter sat at the table opposite Liva. "How do you play truth or dare?"

"If you pick truth you have to answer a question and if you pick dare you have to do a dare, duh Pettigrew," said Liva.

"Well I've never played it before," he replied defensively.

"Dude, we play it all the time," said Sirius, taking the seat opposite Jenelope, "only there's no truth; we just make each other do stupid stuff."

"What do you think you're doing, Black?" shot Jenelope. "You guys aren't playing."

"Oh come on, Nel, you know you wanna play with me," Sirius replied suggestively.

Jenelope cringed at the innuendo. Her words were drowned out by Remus' warning: "Sirius, cool it."

He and James also sat across from the girls.

"So...let's play," said Sirius.

"Fine, but it's my turn," said Jenelope quickly. "I did the last one." Lily and Liva nodded in agreement.

"Okay, go ahead, Jenel," said Remus.

"Sirius, truth or dare?"

Sirius gave Jenelope a sexy smile. "You just wanna dare me to snog you."

"We'll see," she answered him.

"Dare me."

Jenelope grinned maliciously.


"Toothflossing stringmints."

The stone gargoyle suddenly came to life, winding slowly upward to reveal a set of stone steps that led up to Headmaster Dumbledore's office. Sirius stepped onto the first step as it moved up with a smug look on his face. James, Remus, Peter, Lily, Liva, and Jenelope stood watching him ascend.

Jenelope had a very satisfied look on her face. "Make us proud, Maria," she called as James muttered, "Engorgio!" and slipped his invisibility cloak easily over the six of them.

Sirius put on a fake smile and flicked her off. "Here goes," he said to himself as he rolled his eyes.

Then he began to sing: "I feel pretty... Oh, so pretty... I feel pretty and witty and..." he choked out the next word, "gaaaaaay... And I pity… any girl who isn't me today."

The gargoyle steps had reached the top and were now spinning in the opposite direction taking Sirius down again as he started to get into it. "I feel charming... Oh, so charming... It's alarming how charming a feel... And so pretty...that I hardly can believe I'm real."

As the steps reached the bottom where they started, since there was still someone standing on them, they wound upward once again. "See that pretty girl in that mirror there? Who could that attractive girl beeee? Such a pretty face! Such a pretty dress! Such a pretty smile! Such a pretty meeeeee--"


Professor Dumbledore had opened his office door just as the gargoyle steps returned to the top again and stopped moving. He was wearing a bright blue onesie with footies and spackled with flecks of silver. His beard was braided and then tied in a knot. Sirius just smiled almost lovingly at the Headmaster.

"Please come in, Mr. Black."

Sirius reluctantly went into Dumbledore's office and made himself comfortable. He knew the office too well by now. Dumbledore sat across from him and looked into his gray eyes expectantly. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows.

"Yes, Professor?"

"Well, first of all, thank you for the lullaby, Sirius."

"Uh, you're welcome, Headmaster," said Sirius, fighting the urge to smirk.

"Was there some other reason you came to my office?"

"No, Professor."

"Good then. You may go back to bed now," Dumbledore stood from his chair, "...I double dare you..."

The Headmaster gave a curt nod to Sirius, turned, and shut the door. Sirius could hear him whistling the next verse of "I Feel Pretty" to himself as the lock clicked.

He smiled inwardly and returned to the common room with everyone. Jenelope seemed to be upset that he had not gotten a week's worth of detentions. While everyone was still laughing at the dare he'd just done, Sirius pulled out his essay and scribbled a few more items:


38 - Not allowed to anonymously offer a dating service to Slytherins and then set them up with their brothers/sisters.

39 - Not allowed into the girls' dormitories.

40 - Not allowed within 20 feet of the girls' dormitories.

41 - Not allowed to even set foot on the entire left half of the common room (which leads to the girls' dormitories).

42 - Not allowed to turn Severus Snape's clothes pink and expect to get out of detention by arguing that “pink is definitely his color” or that “men love pastels on a woman.”

43 - Not allowed to bang my head against a desk until I become disoriented and wander into the girls' bathrooms.

44 - Not allowed to put a charm on certain Slytherins so that rainbow colored foam comes out of their mouths every time they try to speak.

45 - Not allowed to ride Dumbledore's gargoyle stairway up and down singing "I Feel Pretty" until he comes out of his office and asks me to stop.


A/N: I can’t tell you how much I luv it when guys sing that song. You want to watch Anger Management right now, don't you? Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson singing that is just priceless. Sorry, I couldn't resist. I used to do marauder RP's where we'd either play truth or dare or strip quidditch! Haha. That's how I get most of my ideas. Hope you liked the chapter. Should I do some more truth or dare for the next chapter??? Please let me know what you thought. Sorry this chapter was so short. I gave you extra list items to make up for it. The next update will come soon I think. Please leave me a review or I will have to resort to threats! …I think I just did, actually, lol. Luv, Liveley.

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