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Planet Gazing – Looking at Uranus
By the Drunk Elves


Dobby: We’re just playing with an idea here…
Winky: We’re not abiding strictly to canon…
Dobby: Cause Lily and James are enemies and are in fifth year…
Winky: Just to make it more interesting, so…
Dobby: Read and review!

Disclaimer:

Winky: We is not owning Mr. Harry Potter sir…
Dobby: We works for sir!

Chapter One – Hitler and the Swamp Monster

---------Lily’s POV----------

Laughter.

Loud laughter.

Green. Green. Green

All over.

Green hair. Green skin. Green eyes – well, they were green before, but still. She looked like a bloody swamp monster!!

“POTTER!!!!” screamed Lily. “YOU TURNED ME FREAKING GREEN ALL OVER!!!! TELL ME THE COUNTER-CURSE NOW!!”

The boy in question yelled right back. “I WILL WHEN YOU TAKE OFF THIS BLOODY SPELL!! I LOOK LIKE A DEMENTIFIED MERLIN OR SOMETHING!!” He pointed to the Hitler-like moustache and hairstyle he was wearing.

All of the students who were Muggle-borns or took Muggle Studies burst out laughing.

Lily permitted herself a smirk. “That’s a Hitler moustache, Einstein!”

“Stop calling me names I don’t understand!!” he whined.

Lily laughed. “That’s the whole point, Potter.” Then she remembered that she was mad at him for turning her green. “Oh yeah…POTTER, WHY THE HELL DID YOU TURN ME GREEN??? EVEN MY FINGERNAILS ARE GREEN!!!!”

It was James Potter’s – or Hitler’s – turn to laugh. “I thought it would be nice to immortalize your best feature.”

‘Best feature?’ Lily mentally asked herself. She voiced her question out loud. “Best feature?” She raised one eyebrow.

For a split second, James seemed flustered, then his cocky grin was back in place. “Yes, Evans, best feature. We all have them. Some more than others.” Lily, seeing where this was leading, rolled her eyes.

“Personally, I reckon my best feature is either my gorgeously well-toned body, my adorable hair or it could even be my extremely cute butt-”

Lily looked heavenward and sighed in exasperation. “Potter, you have an ego the size of your butt!”

James smirked. “Is my ego cute?”

Lily rolled her eyes and said wearily, “No, Potter, it’s not cute!”

James pouted. “Is it hot then?”

Lily smirked and said in her best ‘fangirl’ voice, “Oh, of course it is, Jamesie! I love your butt! I love you!” Potter grinned at this, but she laughed sarcastically and went on, “Sorry to break it to you, Potter, but your butt is not hot!”

James’ face fell; he’d probably never had a girl not fall at his feet and gush about how gorgeous he was. He said in a slightly disgruntled voice, “Then what is it?”

‘Um…huge.’ Out loud Lily decided to say the same; after all, it was only Potter. It wasn’t like she cared whether or not she offended him. “Um…cu- I mean, huge,” Lily said quickly to cover up her slip.

However, it was too late. James Potter smirked.

---------James’ POV---------

James Potter laughed. He laughed because that was what he did when he was happy.

He laughed because that was what he did when he pulled a prank on an enemy.

And nothing made James Potter laugh more than a prank pulled on his worst enemy, the Liliana Aimee Evans.

“POTTER!!!!” screamed the aforementioned Liliana Aimee Evans. “YOU TURNED ME FREAKING GREEN ALL OVER!!!! TELL ME THE COUNTER-CURSE NOW!!”

Now James thought that was just plain hypocritical of her. He had only retaliated for her giving him a stupid toothbrush moustache that wouldn’t come off no matter what he tried and also a stupid hairstyle to go with it. Granted, she might have done it to retaliate for the time he had put beetles in her soup…but that was besides the point!

So James yelled right back at her, “I WILL WHEN YOU TAKE OFF THIS BLOODY SPELL!! I LOOK LIKE A DEMENTIFIED MERLIN OR SOMETHING!!” He pointed to the idiotic hair and moustache she had conjured up on him.

Many students burst out laughing. They were most certainly on something. Nobody laughed at him, the James Potter! Well, except for a certain redhead by the name of Lily Evans.

Evans smirked. “That’s a Hitler moustache, Einstein!”

‘Huh? Who the hell is Hitler? And who’s Einstein?’ “Stop calling me names I don’t understand!!” James said, thoroughly peeved that he couldn’t even make a witty comeback as he didn’t even know what he was being called.

However, the insufferable Evans just laughed at him. Laughed. At him. James POTTER! “That’s the whole point, Potter.” Then, as if remembering something, she continued, “Oh yeah…POTTER, WHY THE HELL DID YOU TURN ME GREEN??? EVEN MY FINGERNAILS ARE GREEN!!!!”

It was James’ turn to laugh. “I thought it would be nice to immortalize your best feature.”

“Best feature?” There was a ripple of ‘oooh’s around the general vicinity and some whispering among the students watching the spectacle. Evans raised an eyebrow.

‘Why the hell did I say that?’ thought James feeling flustered. ‘Now everyone’s gonna think I FANCY Evans or something!’ An uncomfortable heat was rising up his neck and his ears were burning, but James ignored it.

“Yes, Evans, best feature. We all have them. Some more than others.” Lily rolled her eyes and James felt the blush in his neck and ears subsiding.

‘Hmm…where to begin? I have so many best features it’s hard to choose just one…’ “Personally, I reckon my best feature is either my gorgeously well-toned body, my adorable hair or it could even be my extremely cute butt-”

Lily looked to the ceiling and sighed; she probably liked him and had just realized it. Though he didn’t fancy her – at all – he had to admit – though grudgingly – that she was quite a looker. “Potter, you have an ego the size of your butt!”

James smirked. “Is my ego cute?”

Lily rolled her eyes and said wearily, “No, Potter, it’s not cute!”

James pouted. “Is it hot then?” ‘Come on…if not cute it has to be hot! Right?’

Lily smirked and said in a dreamy, high voice, “Oh, of course it is, Jamesie! I love your butt! I love you!” He grinned. ‘I knew it! I knew she fancied me and couldn’t resist my butt and my hair and-’

Then she laughed sarcastically and said, “Sorry to break it to you, Potter, but your butt is not hot!”

James’ face fell, then he perked up; he wouldn’t have gone out with Evans anyway, he hated her too much for that. Though James had to admit, it was quite a blow to have a pretty girl not fall and his feet and worship the ground he walked on.

He felt distinctly annoyed, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. It wasn’t as if he fancied Evans, so her rejecting him was not as hard as it could have been. ‘Anyway,’ James wondered, ‘what else could my butt be if not cute or hot?’ “Then what is it?”

Lily didn’t seem to even have to think before giving her answer. “Um…cu- I mean, huge,” she finished hastily. James noticed her cheeks turning a yellowish brown. (A/N: When you mix green and red, you get a yellowish brown.)

However, it was too late for Evans. James Potter smirked.

-----

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