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A/N: Discalimer...Sirius, James, Remus, Peter, Lily, Professor Flitwick, Dementors and Hogwarts are all of JKRs creation. Story inspired by Michael Morpurgo's 'Private Peaceful' and 'Tichborne's Elegy', obviously by Charles Tichborne.

Jess is my own charecter.

Thanks to Steve for beta-ing. Doesn't he rock?


Twenty minutes. That’s quite a long time, isn’t it? Most people can have a shower or eat a meal in that time. It’s not long enough for me, though. When you know you’re waiting to be kissed, time is everything. And time is what I don’t have. I don’t have time to be angry. I don’t have time to be afraid. I can’t even joke about this one. I need to remember, to relive, because it’s the last time I will. My life in twenty minutes, now that’s pathetic.

It’s funny, that in all my time in Hogwarts, in my glory days, I never entered this room. I knew it was here, I knew how to enter, but I never needed to. Professor Flitwick always had a liking for me; I never seemed to get into trouble with him. Although that’s probably because I sat with charms genius Lily.

Oh God. Lily. I’m going to forget her. I’m going to forget them all.

That beautiful girl was the first person I met at Hogwarts; we got on fairly well too. Together we spent the first ride on the Hogwarts Express, she telling me about Muggles, and I told her about wizards. We stuck together that evening, before we got separated into different dormitories. That first day at school was probably the only time Lily spoke to me without an insult buried in her conversation. I like to think about Lily, it makes me smile.

The first time I saw Hogwarts was an experience I thought I would never forget. I can feel the tingles running through me as I think of that day, one last time. It is almost funny how the place that gave me so much pleasure is going to be the place that I - no. I mustn’t think about it, I have to remember.

I lost Lily that night in the dormitory, she found another girl, Jess. I found the three friends who would come to rule my life at Hogwarts, in some ways the three friends that would come to rule what happened to my future. At our height, we called ourselves the Marauders, and yet I’m stuck in this mess. The name mocks me now. I’m alone. Those boys cannot save me now, they are lost. And to think but half an hour ago I saw all three of them.

The Peter I once knew is lost. He wouldn’t save me. It feels good to know I won’t remember him, the scumbag he has turned into doesn‘t deserve my thoughts.

Remus also can’t help me - he is lost to his other side, the furry problem had taken over. I smile again, it was honourable what he did for me tonight, he is a real friend. The only old friend I still have, I won’t be able to say goodbye, like I couldn’t say goodbye to the others.

James. He is the only one who can help me; he was always the one who helped me. But he is gone too, he’s been gone for twelve years. He went before Lily. I thought I saw him tonight, I thought he had come back for me. Of course, I was wrong. He can’t save me either.

Not even I can save myself now. I have to let my soul go.

Sirius, stop. You cannot escape. Your friends are gone. Death is the only way out, death would be bliss right now, but you have no wand. Think. Remember who your friends were, the good memories are all you have left.

The four Marauders, yes, that’s who we were. The whole school had heard of us. The infamous Marauders, that’s what they called us. The four of us were inseparable after that first night; James and I became best friends. Brothers. And those first few years were fantastic. Nothing could get between us. We were even working to helping Remus with his transformation. It was fifth year before we managed to transform too, but even with just those last three years, we had fun.

I smile as I remember our nicknames - Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. It’s amazing how our school day fun came to overrule our lives. I am sad again, it is over. The Dark Age is coming and you won’t be able to help, Sirius. Do not think about now, remember.

Fifth year was also when James saw Lily, in the new light - as he liked to call it. To begin with they hated each other; apparently there was something wrong with how he treated Snape. As if. I’ll bet she can see me now, sitting here awaiting the worst and she’s changed her mind. She knows now, she wishes she could help. Slowly James saw her differently, by March he was infatuated - or so I thought. It turns out he actually loved her, like I loved Jess. But I can’t think of her now, it’ll only make it more difficult. I was best man at the wedding, she only just got to serve maid of honour.

They’re lucky to be together, Lily and James. I won’t get to experience the next adventure; I’ll be the Marauder who was left behind. I won’t see them again, James, Lily, Jess. Now, I’m alone, and all I can think about is how no one can save me.

Sirius, why can’t you do it? Let yourself remember. You can worry, Sirius, you can hope, but that won’t change what’s going to happen. If the window was open I would let you jump, but it’s not, so you can’t. Remember her, Sirius, let yourself, for the last time. Remember her.

I can’t. I can’t think about her now, knowing I won’t again. Don’t make me.

Sirius, remember. You need too.

Jess and I were worse than Lily and James, but our hate for each other was more envy. She was a girl and she was better than me at everything. Every prank and every argument ended with the ’You two have far too much in common’ line, from almost every teacher. She was the only girl I couldn’t understand. We ended up together. Apparently it was just like everyone said it would be.

But no one told me she would go; no one told me I would be alone.

I stand up and look out of the window. Macnair, the ministry wizard walks the grounds, he’s gone to fetch them. I don’t have long now. I slump back down in the corner, it is getting colder. Goose-pimples erupt on my arms, I‘m shivering. Think, Sirius, what do you want your last thoughts to be?

My friends have left me. The brilliant past I thought I had feels different now that I remember it one last time. I can feel them coming closer; it wasn’t this cold ten minutes ago. They’ve all left me. Jess, Remus, Peter, Lily and even James. He’s left me too. I know they would want to help, but I have no hope.

They’ll be here soon, two minutes at the most. It’s cold.

Smile, Sirius. Smile again; it’ll make you feel better.

There’s nothing to smile about. The only thing that kept me going through Azkaban was the my innocence; another word that mocks me. That truth can’t save me now. I’m alone. I have no hope. I cannot die. I’m going to forget. They are going to take my soul. I’m going to be empty.

There’s a tap at the window. I look up. I smile.


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