Chapter 35: Fighting and Flirting

Professor Binns was talking. Droning on in the same monotonous tone he always used when lecturing classes. But only three students out of the eighteen that were in his class were actually paying attention. Remus Lupin, Cassandra Wilson, and Severus Snape, commonly called "Snivellus" by
the Marauders.

Holly Anderson was zoned out completely. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even realize the person she was staring at blankly was Sirius Black. Or rather, the back of Sirius Black's head. She was staring at his black hair and marveling at the fact that no matter how many times he ruffled it or pushed it out of his eyes, it always fell into exactly the same position as before.

Probably somewhere in her mind she knew she was staring at him, because she was thinking about handsome men and how few there were in the world, but she wasn't consciously thinking, "Oh, I better look away from Black because he'll probably translate this blank stare into something it's not."

No, she was too busy wondering why all the good looks had to go to complete idiots. Sure, there are good looking guys who aren't morons, but they're not usually so devastatingly handsome that just thinking about them makes you want to kiss them.

As hard as she may wrack her brains, Holly could only come up with four men like that. Lucius Malfoy, Evan Rosier, Sirius Black, and some guy who used to be her neighbor but then moved away.

Holly tilted her head away from Sirius' back to look sideways at Evan Rosier. The Gryffindors and Slytherins shared History of Magic this year, but it seemed there was some unwritten law that during this class, they forget their differences and just play their own individual games of tic-tac-toe on the corner of their blank parchments.

Evan looked mostly the same as Sirius, except his eyes were narrower and a misty grey color instead of Sirius' chocolate brown. His hair was also shorter and not as silky looking, but it still always fell in the same position.

Holly heaved a great sigh and looked back at Sirius. He had turned in his desk to poke James (the two had been playing hangman on Sirius' parchment and James, it seemed, had just lost) and Holly took the moment to frown at the sight of his face. His beautiful face. His angelic face.

It really wasn't fair at all.

At a later date, she would probably reflect on how unfair it was that Sirius chose that moment to glance around the room and catch her staring at him. And, him being Sirius, he obviously translated the stare to mean something it wasn't, as mentioned earlier.

When Sirius' back faced her once more, Holly took that moment to scowl at her stupidity. What girl in their right mind allows Sirius Black to catch them staring at him if they're not in his fan club? Stupid ones.

A note flew on to her desk. Holly, dreading what it may say, opened it and squinted to decipher Sirius' messy scribble.

See anything you like? Call 1-800-SIRIUSLY-LOVESTRUCK

Not even bothering to wonder where he learned about telephones, Holly angrily ripped a large piece of parchment from the roll that was supposed to be her notes and wrote so that her message filled the whole paper.


She threw it so hard at his head that it bounced right off and rolled under James' desk. Sirius turned, smirked at her (an adorable smirk, by the way...), and then retrieved the note. Within seconds a reply was on Holly's desk.

If memory serves me correctly, that saying goes differently.

I thought you got the message? (if you didn't, the message was SHUT UP!!!)

Someone's getting angry...

Leave me alone, Black! I, unlike you, have brains, so I, unlike you, need to pay attention in class!

Want to go out with me?
P.S.--I used to be open-minded, but my brains kept falling out.
P.S.S.--Since when does anyone except Remus, Wilson, and Snivellus pay attention in HoM?

Holly didn't answer the last note. She was at a loss for words. First off, she was astonished that Black just asked her out. Did he really want to go out with her, or was she just a toy? Either way, she wouldn't accept.

Also, she thought that brain quote was pretty good, but she didn't want to tell him so.


As soon as the bell signaling the end of classes rang, everyone piled out of the classroom, most of them not waiting to hear the homework assignment from Professor Binns.

After waiting for Cassandra to get the assignment, the four girls wandered out together, headed for the dungeons, where they had Potions next. Holly was blabbering on to her friends about how inconsiderate Sirius Black was and how she felt like chopping off his head and feeding it to Fang, Hagrid's dog.

"He asked me out!" she hissed. "I mean, why would he do that if not to annoy me?!"

Amber nodded in agreement, but Lily and Cassandra exchanged a glance.

"Holly," Lily tried cautiously. "Did you think that perhaps he's asking you out because...he actually likes you?"

Holly stopped in her tracks, staring at Lily as though she were a poisonous plant. Then she burst out laughing.

"Sirius Black?!" she gasped between giggles. "Like me?! Ha! You're funny, Lily!"

Lily pouted. "Well why not? You're easily likeable, you know."

Amber considered the option, and Cassandra was 100% on Lily's side. Holly stared at them desperately.

"Come on," she laughed, convinced they were joking. "I mean, he's Sirius Black! Get that through your heads! He only likes the most beautiful women!"

"How do you know what I want, Pixie?"

With a gasp of horror, the four girls spun around to face the Marauders, all of whom were smirking. Sirius was standing in the front, his arms crossed against his chest, looking as if he didn't have a care in the world. His robes were unbuttoned, he wasn't wearing his uniform vest, his tie hung loosely around his neck, and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone.

"Because I do, that's all," snapped Holly, trying to slow down her racing heartbeat

"Well, you happen to be right," drawled Sirius. "I do only choose the best women. Which is why I chose you." He winked at her. James, Remus, and Peter sniggered at his flirting.

Apart from being mildly flattered, Holly was getting annoyed. "And how do you know I don't already have a boyfriend, Black?" This time it was Lily, Amber, and Cassandra's turn to smirk.

"I think I'd know it if you did," said Sirius.

"Why, are you stalking me?" The other three girls burst out laughing at this.

Sirius was still smirking, but Holly could see he was getting annoyed. "I'm not that desperate, Pixie."

Holly put her hands on her hips. "Then why are you here?"

The six person audience "oooohed" at this comment. James held up a finger and made a dinging noise. "Point one for Team Pixie!"

Sirius' eyes narrowed. "I was making a friendly offer, Anderson. Do you know how many girls would love to be you right now?"

Not so astonished by now at how arrogant he could be, Holly took a step forward and poked a finger into his chest. "Get one thing straight, Black," she hissed. "I'm not most girls." And, pleased at having the last word, she stalked off, followed by her giggling friends.


Sirius was royally pissed off. Holly Anderson was really starting to get on his nerves. What was it about him that annoyed her so much? As far as he could tell, they pretty much had the same personality. Her only problem was that she couldn't take a joke if it was directed at her.

Sirius hated people like that.

"I hate people like that!" he fumed at his friends. "Can't they just take a joke?"

"I know there are people who don't love their fellow man," said Remus, sounding like a sage quoting from the Bible, "and I hate people like that!"

James and Peter chuckled, and even Sirius cracked a smile. "You suck, Remmy, you know that, right?"

"I try," said Remus. "And if you call me that again, I shall have to call you the forbidden nickname." He smirked evilly. "And you wouldn't want that, now would you?"

"That's blackmail."

Remus smiled angelically. "Yes, it is."

Sirius pouted. "You suck double."

They walked on for a moment in silence, until someone passed that made both Sirus and James sprout identical smirks.

Severus Snape.

Now, the hallway was filled with students, most of then running to get to their next class, but the two ringleaders of the Marauder group seemed to have developed a Snape radar. Sirius said you could find him wherever he went because he left a trail of grease. James said it was because he smelled so bad. Either one is a good theory.

"Oy, Snape!" James called. "Having a good day?"

Apparently Snape was not having a good day, for when he spun around, he had a massive scowl on his face. "Leave me alone, Potter!" he hissed, and James was extremely disappointed to hear that even Snape's voice had matured before his. Nearly fourteen and he still sounded like a girl with a cold.

"Now why would we want to do that, Snivellus?" Sirius spoke up, grinning and twirling his wand between his fingers. Students began to circle around the five boys, waiting to see the outcome of the fight.

"Don't call me that!" Snape nearly yelled, throwing a hex at Sirius. The other boy merely flicked his wand and the hex bounced away to hit an unfortunate first year. The poor girl immediately sprouted octopus-like tentacles all over her body. A sympathetic fifth year escorted the crying girl to the Hospital Wing.

"Oh, sorry!" called Sirius. "Would you prefer we call you Snivvy?"

Before Snape could hurl a jinx at any of the Marauders, Remus, who usually stayed out of these fights, yelled "Expelliarmus!" Snape's wand zoomed across the room and straight into the werewolf's hand.

Snape, seeing no other choice, hurled himself at Remus in order to get his wand back. James, Peter, and Sirius could have hexed him, but fistfighting was much more fun.

Snape pushed Remus onto the floor, reaching for his wand, which was held tight in the tall boy's hand. Remus socked Snape in the stomach, and in retaliation, Snape punched the other boy in the jaw. Remus hadn't noticed the thick silver ring sparkling on Snape's finger until that moment, when it slashed his chin and sent a spasm of pain through his body.

Screaming, Remus dropped both the wands he held, and Snape grabbed his triumphantly. The other Marauders were furious, for they had realized why Snape's punch had caused Remus so much pain.

"You'll pay for that, scum!" James yelled, and shouted an incantation.

Snape immediately dropped the wand he had just recovered, and covered his face as his nose, eyes, ears, and mouth all rearranged their position. His ears were where his eyes should be, and his eyes each took up the position of his mouth and nose, which were where his ears should be.

The mouth on the side of Snape's head opened and let out a bloodcurdling yell. His eyebrows, which were now on his cheeks, slanted in anger.

"What did you do to me, Potter?!" he yelled. But the Marauders could not speak for laughing. Only Remus didn't crack a smile, for he was still lying on the floor, groaning in pain and covered in blood.

As Snape rushed through the crowd to the Infirmary, Peter, James, and Sirius knelt down by Remus. Now that the main action was over, most of the crowd had dissapated. Only a few people were left, mostly goggling first years.

"Are you alright, Remus?" asked Peter, prying the taller boy's hands away from his face. Nearly his whole face was covered in blood, and the three boys could see a deep gash where Snape's ring (why the heck was he wearing a ring?!) had hit him.

Remus tried to say no, he wasn't alright, but even moving his head to shake it was painful. His friends helped him to sit up, and he closed his eyes in pain. When he opened them again, the face of a round first year was staring back at him.

"Wow!" the small boy said. "What did he do to you?"

Sirius and James dragged the boy back. "Go away," they said.

"I bet I can heal you," said the boy, who looked as though he couldn't even cast a spell properly.

"No!" Remus managed to croak.

Peter pushed the blonde kid away. "Leave him alone," he said.

The Hufflepuff turned to James, instead. "What did you do to that guy? It was really cool! Can you teach me to do that?"

"Get away, kid!" James snarled, helping Remus to his feet, but the little brat wouldn't give up.

"I'm Gilderoy Lockhart," he said. "I'm in Hufflepuff."

"We don't care, prat!" yelled Sirius. "Now move before I hex you until your ears fall off!"

Gilderoy hung around as they dragged the slowly weakening Remus to the Hospital Wing. "I'm not scared of you. I could take you any day. If I could learn that hex that James did on that other guy no one would ever doubt me again!" His round face beamed in excitement.

Not even wanting to know how the little booger knew his name, James gripped Remus' arm tighter and quickened his pace, eager to get away from the freaky Gilderoy Lockhart.

Remus had no idea what was going on. All he knew was that James was going to fast for him. He felt as though Snape was punching him repeatedly in the jaw. He felt like he would pass out at any moment. He was loosing too much blood.

The other Marauders were loosing too, but they were loosing patience, not blood. Gilderoy was still tagging along, blabbing on about how he reckoned he could take on a mountain troll and win, and how what James did was really great. Peter was the first one to snap.

"Can you shut up?!" he bellowed at the first year. "Can't you see our friend is hurt and we need to take him to the Hospital Wing? If you want to do something useful then go to Professor Slughorn and tell him we won't be able to make his class today because there was an accident!"

Lockhart stopped in his tracks, astonishment written all over his pudgy face. Then he nodded without a word and dashed down the hall in the opposite direction. Sirius and James gave Peter looks of awe.

"Wow, Pete," said Sirius. "You've never done that before!"

"He was really getting on my nerves," Peter grumbled.

Remus suddenly went limp, and both Sirius and James nearly toppled over from the increased amount of weight. They looked down and saw that Remus had fainted from loss of blood. They also saw that he had been leaving behind a trail of blood that went all the way down the corridor and around the corner.

James slapped himself in the head. "We're such idiots!" he fumed. He then swished and flicked his wand, muttered, "Wingardium Leviosa!" and Remus' unconscious body floated into the air, hovering a few feet above the ground.

"You're a genius, James!" said Sirius. "Let's go!"


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