A/N: Hey everyone! This is the penultimate chapter of Hogwarts Idol *gasp* I’d just like to thank every single one of my reviewers, you guys are the best! Also this chapter will be relatively short but hopefully quickly followed by the finale! ~SDC xx
Disclaimer: As you may have already figured out, I do not own Harry Potter, any songs used, any movies or TV shows referred to, or Idol. All song lyrics were found on www.lyrics.astraweb.com, but may have been altered slighly to fit the purpose of this story.And I don’t own those either. Thank you.
The lights lit up the stage of Hogwarts Idol to reveal a huge Jamaican flag plastered across the backdrop. The crowd cheered raucously as SDC and Erin came onstage to the sound of the steel drums in the corner. They were both wearing colourful Jamaican garments and Rastafarian hats. “Ello everyone welcum to Hogwarts Idol mon!” SDC had cast a “Rastafarian” spell on herself to make it sound more authentic. “Reespek to da Hermione gyal who we had to say ”jah guide” to las’ show mon! But everythink is all the fruits ripe coz we got tree more bwoys and gyals ready to sing tonite,” SDC continued. Erin began to frantically conjure magical subtitles as her co-host rambled on in a language only she understood. The subtitles scrolled across the stage: Hello everyone and welcome to Hogwarts Idol. Respect to Hermione, who we had to say goodbye to last show. But it’s all good because we have three more boys and girls ready to sing tonight. The school sighed in understanding. “So that’s what she was on about!”
SDC continued to blabber on. Eventually Erin gave up trying to make sense of it and cast a silencing charm on SDC so that she could get on with the show.
SDC continued to talk for a few minutes, before realising that no sound was coming from her mouth. So she shrugged, smiled at the *coughlegal immigrants cough* steel drum band and began to dance the runner man as Erin talked.
Erin summoned a spotlight to herself and began: “Welcome to Hogwarts Idol! Our final three contestants tonight are ready and rearing to go, so let’s start with M.C. Gonagall!” Erin levitated the still-dancing SDC towards the side of the stage to get her out of M.C. Gonagall’s way. She decided it was safe to remove the silencing charm, as SDC appeared to be off in her own world (Mon).
M.C. Gonagall opened her cloak to reveal her “Legalise it!” tee shirt, and began to sing the old reggae classic, ‘Kingston Town’:-
“The night seems to fade,
But the moonlight lingers on
There are wonders for everyone
The stars shine so bright,
But they’re fading after dawn
There is magic in Kingston Town…”
As she sang, her voice became higher and higher. Unbeknownst to her, Draco had placed a helium curse on her, so that her voice soon rose out of the range of human hearing. Although she was singing loudly, only the bats that haunted the Hogwarts belfry could hear her. To the students and judges it looked like a bizarre mime act as M.C danced around, her mouth gaping like a goldfish, holding her throat in dismay.
Soon the bats began to fill the hall, hanging from the rafters; they were loving this – heck, after the constant ringing of bells in the belfry, anything was good - and began to sway and dance to the high-pitched reggae beat. The bats clapped their wings in pleasure as M.C. Gonagall finished. Everyone else looked around, bemused. SDC continued to dance, and Erin was glancing anxiously between her wand and M.C. Gonagall, afraid that her silencing charm might have back-fired.
Seizing control of the situation, Dumbledore rose to his feet and holding his score cards in his hand addressed M.C Gonagall – “Minerva, my dear I’m so sorry – we couldn’t hear a word, I’m afraid we have to give you …..No points”. The school were shocked; Emerald Eyes sprinted down from the audience. “Noooooooo it can’t be true!” she cried as she threw herself at MC Gonagall’s feet, sobbing hysterically. Security trolls discretely cleared MC and Emerald Eyes from the stage, as SDC continued to dance in a funky rasta way, to the *cough legal immigrants*cough* steel band in her head.
“Oh my goodness gracious me” Erin said as she stepped back into centre stage. “I can’t understand what could have happened to poor M.C’s voice”. She giggled nervously and pushed her wand further up her sleeve. Suddenly, she noticed Draco in the wings. His evil smirk told her that her silencing spell had nothing to do with M.C’s sudden mime performance………”Why you rotten little Slyth-!!!!!” she exploded, then realized that the producer was signalling for her to get on with the show. “Ahem, yes thanks M.C, perhaps we’ll be doing Marcel Marseau next round”.
This broke the tension that had filled the hall; the audience laughed nervously, and then gradually began to applaud. The noise scared the bats who swooped around the hall like a dark cloud, before flying silently off after their new hero, M.C Gonagall ‘Queen of the bats!’ And still SDC danced in a funky rasta styleee at the side of the stage.
“Moving right along,” boomed Erin, “everyone’s favourite Weasley. Yes let’s have a warm Hogwarts welcome for the very talented, and hopefully audible, Ginny!” Erin whooped as the *cough legal immigrants cough* steel band bounced into the introduction to the wonderful Bob Marley classic ‘I Shot the Sheriff’ and Ginny, looking like a cross between a western gun slinger and Jamaican Rasta queen, began to sing some subtly different words ;-
I shot the SpongeBob
But I didn’t shoot no Pat-r-ick, oh no! oh!
Yes, I shot the SpongeBob
But I didn’t shoot Pat-r-ick, no, ooh, ooh, oo-ooh.)
Yeah! all around in my home town,
They’re tryin’ to track me down;
They say they want to bring me in guilty
For the killing of a Pat-r-ick,
For the life of a Pat-r-ick.
But I say:
Oh, now, now. oh!
(I shot the SpongeBob.) - the SpongeBob.
(but I swear it was in self defence.)
Oh, no! (ooh, ooh, oo-oh) yeah!
I say: I shot the SpongeBob - oh, lord! -
(and they say it is a capital offence.)
Yeah! (ooh, ooh, oo-oh) yeah!
SpongeBob square pants always drove me mad,
Just why, you all know:
Every time I turned on T.V,
He was there, right under the sea -
He was there, right under the sea.
Read it in the news:
(I shot the SpongeBob.) oh, lord!
(but I swear it was in self-defence.)
Where was the Patrick? (oo-oo-oh)
I say: I shot the SpongeBob,
But I swear it was in self defence. (oo-oh) yeah!
Freedom came my way one day
And I started out of town, yeah!
Then, all of a sudden I saw SpongeBob
He was aiming to shoot Pineapple at me,
So I shot - I shot - I shot him down,
and I say:
If I am guilty I will pay.
Ginny ended by blasting a SpongeBob toy with a firebolt from her wand. Draco hid behind the *coughlegal immigrants cough* steel drum band. The non-SpongeBob loving part of the audience (Everyone, except Draco) filled the Great Hall with cheering and clapping, as little fragments of sponge rained down on them. They couldn’t care less if Ginny was guilty; shooting SpongeBob was no crime in their eyes. The sound was so loud that the house elves from the kitchen below cowered in the cooking pots in case they were somehow to blame for all the fuss, and the school ghosts raced in to the hall to see if someone famous had arrived. Draco looked on fuming at this insult to his beloved SpongeBob. The anger flared in his eyes as Ginny took bow after bow, and the judges waved their 10 points cards above their heads!
Throughout all this, SDC continued to dance in that funky rasta style to the music in her head. Erin glanced worriedly at her co-host, before stepping up to centre stage once again.
“Well that was a fantastic performance Gin-“ The lights suddenly all went out. “What happened?!” Erin yelled. Several members of the audience (including Crabbe and Goyle) screamed loudly. A spotlight appeared high up in the rafters. Standing there, wobbling precariously on a rather unsteady looking beam was Snape. He was wearing a long black cloak and a mask that covered half of his face. He began to drone the words of ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ sounding truly tone-deaf. The crowd began to boo spiritedly, while Charmed Ravenclaw tirelessly aimed pineapples at Snape. Unfortunately, she wasn’t a very good thrower and all the pineapples landed 20 feet short and fell on SDC’s head. Instead of screaming at Charmed Ravenclaw, she continued to dance, moving quickly out of the way.
Meanwhile, Erin stood glaring at Snape. “If you try to sabotage this competition again, we’ll…we’ll…um…steal your teddy bear!” she cried. Everyone looked at her. “Oh come on, like you could have done better!” she shrieked, rounding on the audience. Dumbledore quickly stood up. “Enough!” he said. The hall immediately fell silent, except for Snape, who was still wailing tunelessly. Dumbledore pointed his wand at Snape, and, shaking it to make sure it wasn’t going to turn into a rubber chicken, yelled “Petrificus Totalus!” Before Snape even realised what was happening, he was crashing to the floor, his whole body stiff and rigid. “Right,” Dumbledore said, dusting off his hands. “Let’s get on with the show, shall we?” Erin stood and stared at Snape, who lay on top of the pile of pineapples that had not-so-mysteriously accumulated beneath the rafters.
Dumbledore coughed impatiently, snapping Erin out of her amused daze. As she turned around to face the audience again, the security trolls swept Snape and all the pineapples offstage using a huge broom. In a sombre voice she said “Once again, we would like to apologize for Professor Snape’s behaviour tonight. We believe that he may be mentally unstable, but that’s nothing to do with us. Please don’t sue us, we’re scared of lawyers. Thank you.” She once again became bubbly and enthusiastic “Moving on, our final contestant tonight, Draco!” After the hectic events of the night, the crowd couldn’t even muster the strength to pretend that this was going to be enjoyable.
Draco walked up scowling at Ginny. He was wearing a Rasta hat with fake dreadlocks with his SpongeBob ensemble. The *cough legal immigrants cough* steel drum band played a fantastic reggae intro while Draco busted some moves that almost rivalled SDC’s. (Ok, no they didn’t, I’m just being nice). The crowd actually started to get into it, but quickly stopped when Draco started singing:
Who live in a pineapple unda da sea?
SpongeBob Squarepants mon!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is this bwoy!
(SpongeBob SquarePants mon!)
If nautical nonsense be somethink ya wish...
(SpongeBob SquarePants mon!)
Then drop on da deck and flop like a fish mon!
(SpongeBob SquarePants mon!)
SpongeBob SquarePants mon! SpongeBob SquarePants mon!
SpongeBob SquarePants mon!
Grudgingly, the judges awarded Draco 1 point each. At least he could be heard by the human population of the audience. The school, meanwhile, began to boo and chuck mangoes at Draco. “Git outta here ya’s jus a loser mon!” shouted Lee Jordan “an’ stop al dis reggae stylee, I and I is de cool rasta character ina de HP books, Mon!”. On the stage SDC once again danced around the flying fruit, oblivious to what was going on. As Draco sprinted offstage, Erin came back on, dodging the mangoes. “Well, unfortunately, that means that Draco is through to the final with Ginny, as M.C. Gonagall scored no points. I’m so, so sorry, guys.” Three quarters of the audience stared, not daring to believe their ears. Draco? In the final of a singing competition? What was the world coming to? The Slytherins couldn’t believe that the talent less Draco had made it this far but, “Hey! He is still Slytherin!!!! P.A.R.T.A.Y!!!”
The only other sounds that could be heard in the hall, almost drowned by the rowdy Slytherins, were Emerald Eyes’ faint wailing and SDC humming “I Shot the SpongeBob” as she danced. The curtain began to close as Erin frantically yelled “But don’t forget to tune in tomorrow night for the contestants’ choice Hogwarts Idol grand finale!” The audience filed quietly out of the hall, the Slytherins jeering at the other students.
SDC finally snapped out of her daze. “What’s up?” she asked. Erin spun around, fuming. “The show’s over, you lunatic! You made me do the whole thing by myself! What were you thi-” SDC calmly interrupted “So, did you guys kick Draco out?” Erin glanced nervously around. “Well, um…not…not exactly…” she stammered. “What?” SDC rounded on the judges. “You let HIM through to the final?!” she cried, stabbing a finger at Draco, who was trying to sneak away quickly to avoid getting kicked by Ginny, who was not happy. Ginny’s pursuit of the ‘Slytherin Idiot’, was made easier because Draco couldn’t get past the *cough* legal immigrant *cough* band who were nervously scrabbling out of the hall before the Aurors from the Ministry of Magic could find them.
Emerald Eyes rushed up to SDC. “M.C. Gonagall’s out!” she wailed, her eyes filled with tears. The horrible truth suddenly dawned on SDC. “Nooooooooooo!” she screamed. So shrill was her cry that the bats were again startled from the Belfry. SDC and Emerald Eyes sank, sobbing and gasping, to the ground, where they sat and cried. Erin stood around uncertainly, wondering what to do. Eventually she pried the two apart and dragged SDC off to tell her about what had happened on the show, and tried to calm her down so they could start working on the script for the finale.
A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed it! I’m sorry I didn’t mention any new reviewers, who asked to be put in this chapter, but I’m doing a big thing with everyone who’s featured in or has wanted to feature in the series for the finale, so hang in there, you will be mentioned! =) Please keep reviewing guys! =) ~SDC xx
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