Disclaimer:: I Dont own Harry Potter and You all know it, 
I also do not own the poem, It was given to me, Not sure who the writer was Sorry

 Hey Everyone!! As you can see I have finaly gotten around to editing this story, and giving it some space :p 
This was the first story I ever wrote for fan fic and I don’t know how the hell it was going to go, but I did it anyways. and it was BAD!!! Ok not BAD, However the spelling and spacing was shocking, { Spellings still off :p }

Anyways I have keeped this story for a number of reasons, 1 because I love it. 
& 2 Because I was my first.

Just so you know this story is dedicated to my Dad, who I lost in April '05', 

I love and miss you dad 




~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
 My name is Sirius Black 
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ 


Grey clouds rolled across the moon lit sky as a sense of sadness lingered in the still air. 

for one boy at least. 

Harry Potter sat at his open window of 4 privet drive, watching as the thick grey clouds close around the beautiful full moon. 

Harry sighed to himself as his thoughts turned to Lupin. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what Remus had to go through every month, and nor did he want to. 

‘I have enough things deal with as it is’ 

Although, Harry had heard all the stories about how his father, Sirius and Peter had snuck out of hogwarts with Remus every full moon. 

Harry had always listened eagerly and intently to the story. 

Listening with a child like innocence, about how the boys would run wild through the forbidden forest, having their fun and cursing all kinds havoc. All Whilst the luminescent full moon hung above them, frowning down upon them disapprovingly. 

He had also been told about the late mornings they’d have because of it, but Remus was strong and would be on his feet with in the day or two. 

Harry didn’t see himself as strong as Remus. 

‘How does Remus handle it every month’ Harry sighed to himself yet again. He was alone in this world. An as his thoughts kept looking deeper inside the shell that he was, he felt the hole, the hole that had seem to grow over the years. 

His parents were not there, Sirius was taken away from him and then he was striped of Dumbledore, 

‘Who will He take from me next Ron, Hermione, Remus, Hagrid………’ 

”NOOOO!!!!!!!!” Harry voice echoed through the small room, along with a loud bang as he slammed his fist onto the table that sat under the window. 

Harry spun his head around to make sure he hadn’t awakened anyone. He stretching to hear any sign of abnormal movement but the sounds that Harry’s ears were met with was the battle to be louder in snoring …. 

Uncle Vernon…… 


Uncle Vernon….. 


Uncle Vernon…… 


Uncle Vernon….. 


And so it continued. 

Harry turned his attention back to the window. He had not awoken anyone, he was safe. Turning his thoughts back to the hole that lived inside him, a crack of lighting lit up the dark gloomy sky, and Harry had a sudden stroke of panic run through him.
Whipping his head around to inspected his room, Harry saw.. 

Bed, a mess. ‘Couldn’t sleep’ 

Cupboard, door open cloths everywhere, 

Trunk, Cloak and map, parchment and quills and spell books everywhere 

Floor, just as bad at the trunk and cupboard, 

Hedwig’s cage, Empty………. 

Harry snapped his head back around and looked out into the vast black gloomy sky; Hedwig was no where is sight. 

”She’ll come back in time, no worries” Harry said softly to himself. 

Leaning against the window frame, Harry’s thoughts drifted off again, faces flashed in his minds eye….. 

Hagrid’s face as he handed Harry his birthday cake and Hogwarts letter nearly 7 years ago 

Ron and his older brothers, Fred and George, smiling at him from that flying blue car nearly 6 years ago. 

Hermione’s young twelve year old face twisting in annoyance. 

Ron’s face after Harry had just kissed Ginny, not even a year ago. 

Hermione’s bright smile as she walk into the Yule ball. 

Cedric’s pail ghost like face saying
“take my body back to my parents would you Harry”
Harry shook his head and tried to push the unwanted emotions back down and move on. 

His parents smiling and talking to him, ………… 

Harry had to close his eyes to stop the tears from falling, but it was no use now,
What Flashed in Harry’s minds eye next cursed more pain than all of them together. 

Sirius’ smiling face just after Harry said he wanted to live with him. 

Sirius’ laughing face, twisted into shock as he was hit with a spell and sent through the veil of no return

Harry’s gut twisted, and he felt like he was going to be sick. Harry had thought he’d gotten over his loss of Sirius, however losing Dumbledore had brought all his emotions back to the surface. 

Harry’s sobs echoed quietly through the room, his gut still twisting as the sadness consumed him. 

A feeling of hatred flowed over Harry. His skin burned and itched as his mind and heart screamed in anger. 

Why did you do this to me, do you see. Do you see what I have become, do you see how this is killing me!!!!!!!!!!! Harry’s mind screamed out, wanting attention. 

But Harry said nothing. He was silent in is grief, apart form his sobbing that grew slightly louder every time his gut twisted. 

Harry shut his eyes tighter, drew his legs up to his chest and hugged them. He didn’t care how stupid he looked, or how week someone might think he was, he was grieving, he was letting it all out. In his own way, hidden from the world. 

”Why?” Harry’s deep and shaken voice whispered 

“Why did they take you away……” He pursed his face changed as if a realization had hit him. 

”Why did SHE take you away from me” Harry whispered even softer as he shoved his head in his knees. 

Harry stayed like that sobbing for quite sometime, till a loud roar of thunder called through the sky, and his head shot up. 

Not of fear for Hedwig, but yet again, a look of realization came over his young raw pink tear stained face. 

“Why did you have to be so dame cocky, and tease her” Harry said through locked jaw, anger filling him once more.
It was like a fire running through him. Not the happy fire you feel when you kiss your crush, It a fire that burns within you that you cant really explain, and no one understands it. 

'If only you were alive!…..I Would give you a peace of my mind ' Harry thought to himself. 

Looking off into the distance, a lighting crack lit up the sky miles away, still Harry saw it. 

Sitting there Harry watched the sky, his eyes skimmed the dark clouded surface, and then he saw something else, something out of place, that he couldn’t make out. 

It was a white blur that seemed to grow. And with every passing second the dot did grow bigger and bigger. 

Harry whipped the tears out of his eye’s so he could see better. He then sat up strait, stretched his legs out in front of him, hanging one leg out the window the other safe inside. 

Leaning out the window, he tried to get a better look. 

'Is that Hedwig coming back form her hunt?'

'Maybe its another owl coming to bring me a letter form Ron or Hermione?'Harry held his breath, his gut had stopped twisting now with this new distraction, and he didn’t feel like being sick anymore. 

But it seemed that someone had let butterflies loose in his stomach, and he felt very nerves, 

'Why am I nerves?'

The blurry dot took more form and Harry could make out Hedwig’s wing span and graceful flying. 

Relaxing himself a little with the relief that Hedwig would make it home unhurt Harry took a deep breath in and out, but his new pet butterflies were having a field day in the lower pit of his stomach. He tried to shake the feeling but couldn’t. 

'Why the hell am I so nerves?'

Harry jumped off the window ledge and over the table. He walked over to her cage, and upon looking into it he saw that her food tray was full, but her water tray was half empty. 

Harry went to the loss floor board under his bed and pulled out a bottle of water, walked over and filled up her water tray then put the bottle back. 

Harry then flopped himself onto his bed. 

The butterflies were still fluttering around inside of him, but he tried to ignore it as much as he could. He lay there watching the lights from down on the quiet street, cast shadows with the trees on his ceiling, dancing to a made up rhythm. 

Harry’s head swam in the memory of the Yule ball, only 2 and half year ago. 

The girls looked beautiful in their colorful dresses as they glided across the elegant Hall. 

The graceful dancing of his fellow students as the music played. 

Harry could see her smile as Diggory lead her out to the dance floor, a cold breeze came over Harry, as he watched her twirl around her long black hair flowing so beautifully……….. 
WOOOOOOOOOOO STOP!!!!!!!!! Harry shook his head against the thoughts that had been filling his head, 

He had been thinking about Cho, 

'BAD, VERY, VERY BAD, what the bloody hell has gotten into me…'

A loud hoot echoed through Harry’s ears, cursing the butterflies inside of him to flutter around more fiercely. 

Harry shot up in a flash 

“Hedwig quiet, you might wake them and then they’ll go bananas” Harry spat irritably, then lay back down in a huff. 

As Harry’s head hi the pillow something grabbed his attention, a blue/silvery thing attached to Hedwig’s leg. Harry shot back up and leaped over to the window in a mad rush to get the letter. 

Hedwig thinking she was going to be attacked jumped out the window taking flight again and flying onto the roof, Harry sighed. 

“I’m sorry Hedwig please come back down, I have fresh water for you, come on please” he pleaded with her. 

She stuck her head over the edge of the roof and gave a mocking hook, and them pulled her head back out of site, 

”Find be like that then I’ll remember that next time you want to be let out, or should I say let in” and with that said, in a very aggressive tone, he closed the window locking her out. 

Harry stomped to his bed sitting down in a huff. He let his anger over take him to much and he knew it, but there was something about that letter he knew he had to read. 

The butterflies in the pit of his stomach had move, they were now under his skin, filling up his heart, his head swam with them, 

~ Let her in boy! you know you have to
said a sweet distant voice, barely above a whisper. 

Harry sighed, stood up and opened the window. Within seconds Hedwig flew in and landed on top of her cage, not looking at Harry she stuck out her leg in a huff. 

Harry left the window and went to untie the letter from Hedwig. Once he had taken it off Hedwig leaped to the window ledge, and without a second look at Harry took flight again.
Harry dropped the letter that had been in his hands and rushed to the window to see where she had gone. The only thing Harry could see was her beautiful white wings gliding through the air, as they becoming smaller and smaller, another loud crack echoed through the night and the grey/black sky was lit up.
Harry looked away for a split second shielding his eyes. When Harry looked back, Hedwig was completely gone. 

Harry stood there for a few minutes scanning the sky, trying his hardest to catch a glimpse of her lunar glow in the grey/black abyss that was the sky that night. 

Although Harry did so in vein, as she was out of sight, and soon would be out of mind.
Harry came back to his thoughts and realized that he had dropped the letter on the floor, he walked over and looked down at it, the butterflies had consumed his very body an a warm fire spread over his skin. Harry may have been afraid if it wasn’t for the fact he new that this letter was important. 

Harry bend down and picked the letter up, There was no address on the front or back, and the seal was unfamiliar to him. He walked back over to the desk and looked out his window, taking a deep breath he opened the letter up and gasped. 

“No! its not possible” Harry said with his voice laced with doubt, and a twinge of hope.
Harry had memorized this hand writing in is fourth and fifth yeah after receiving so many letter. An now, right here in front of him, staring him right in the face was the same hand writing. 

The hand writing was alike to Sirius’, no doubt about it, but the question was, was it really his? 

An as Harry Read the first line, it conform his thoughts - hope’s 

~ My name is Sirius Black and I’ll be there………Seriously 

Harry’s hands started to shake as he tore his eyes away from the paper and looked outside. The storm was growing stronger in the distance and soon would be upon them, but there where no thoughts of how Hedwig was, or if she would make it home in time. 

Harry slowly became aware that his whole body was shaking, he climbed over the table and placed himself on the window ledge. Propping himself up, he made sure he was secure with his right side hanging out the window.
Harry turned his head to look at the letter he held in his left hand. 

With a burst of excitement Harry opened the letter and began to read. 

My name is Sirius Black and I’ll be there………Seriously

Dearest Harry 

If you’re reading this then that means I have left your side, I want you to know that I haven’t really left, remember that I will always be with you. The one’s that love us never really leave us, there in your heart Harry, remember that. 

There is so many things I want to say to you, However I know words wont make this better. 

I leave you with a poem, that I found many years ago with your mother actually, not to long after James’ parents, your grandparents passed away. I always think about it, when ever I think of your parents. An now I want you to read it and think of me and them Harry and know that I love you and that I know they love you too. 

Harry pulled his eyes away from the letter. Taking a minute to compose himself before he read the poem. 

As he looked back at the letter, the sharp messy writing of Sirius’ drew his attention again. 

~ And if I go while you’re still here…. 

Know that I live on, 

vibrating to a different measure 

-behind a thin veil you cannot see through….. 
Harry took a sharp intake of breath

‘Had he known?’
Harry wondered 

Had Sirius known that he would fall through the veil? 

Harry shook his head, 

‘No he could not have known that’ Harry turned his attention back to the letter, when all of a sudden thunder roared through the sky. Harry snapped his head up, and within seconds rain fell from the sky like a miracle. 

It washed over the earth that surrounded him, the smell of fresh rain filling his lungs. He looked up to goddess moon, she came through the clouds in her full glory and then hid being them again. 

Harry let out his breath and turned back to the letter, he needed to read it. 

~ And if I go while you’re still here…. 

Know that I live on, 

vibrating to a different measure 

-behind a thin veil you cannot see through….. 

You will not see me, 

so you must have faith. 

I wait for the time when we can soar together again, 

-both aware of each other. 

Until then live you life to the fullest. 

And when you need me, 

Just whisper my name in your heart, 

……..I will be there.


I want you to know I love you, and I’m proud of you, I also know that James and Lily would be proud of you as well. 

No matter how hard life gets you down, Smile Harry. Know that me, your father and your mother stand right beside you, and we will be guiding you and helping you.
However, you must know that no matter what happens Harry, it is NOT YOUR FALUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I can not stress this to you enough, I know what you are like Harry more than you may think I do. Like I said to you that night you and Hermione saved me, You are – truly your fathers son. 

Stand strong like your Dad Harry, use your mind like your beautiful mother, and like me don’t take any shit from THEM!!!!!. 

I love you Harry. 

I say it again, because its true, you are the son I never had, and I’m glad I had you at all, 

Blessed Be Harry 

Love your Uncle Padfoot 

OH and before I go just remember the poem, and look to the skies Harry,
I’ll Be There shinning down on you, just whisper my name in you heart Harry…………. 

……..I will be there. 


Bitter Sweet tears fell down Harry’s face as Sirius’s words sunk in. 

‘You know me to well Sirius’ He thought to himself. 

Harry looked out side, the fact that it had been raining had not fazed Harry in the sliest, He wasn’t even aware that his whole right side was soaked to the bone.
Rain cascaded down the window, as Harry held the letter in his left hand making sure it did not get wet. 

Sticking his head out the window the cool water hit Harry’s face sending new energy through him. The rain washed away his tears, and surprisingly it washed away Harry’s sadness. 

Harry let the letter fall out of his hands, he turned his head to watch it slowly fall to the floor. Harry then flung both legs out the window. 

Harry then stuck his head out the window yet again, letting the rain hit his once tear stained face. He drew a deep breath, drawing it into his very soul, heart and spirit.
His whole being was fill with a fresh and new feeling that Harry could not describe, he let his whole body fill with emotions, and in his very heart he screamed, not whispered, screamed ……………SIRIUSSSSS 

It was a release that Harry needed. He had bottled up his lost, masked it as nothing.
However, now it was free and it came with a NEW burst of energy. A warm tingle started on his shoulder, flowed through his arms and down his back and out to every part of his body. 

Harry could feel Sirius there standing behind him, with his comforting hand resting on Harry’s shoulder. 

Harry new that every thing was going to be alright, he would listen to Sirius, do what he said 

Stand strong like Dad, use my mind like Mum, and like Sirius don’t take any shit from THEM’ 

Those words echoed through Harry, and he listened. He would do it no matter what it took, he would do what he was meant to do, 

With these thoughts came another feeling. 

Harry felt the hole inside himself mend slowly, as though it started to fill with the energy and emotions that fill Harry. He didn’t feel empty as much anymore. 

‘I’m not alone they’re here with me’ 

He was right, they had never really left him. 

Harry sat on his window ledge coming to all these conclusions. Still with Sirius’s warm comforting hand placed on his shoulder. 

The rain slowly subsided and the sun slowly began to raise, an the same familiar butterflies started to fill the pit of Harry stomach again. 

An as they grew the hole inside Harry seemed to scream out for attention. It was not whole, Harry, himself was not whole. 

Harry shrugged it off for the moment 

I will be all I need is time’ and he watched as a beautiful white owl glided gracefully across the early morning sky and in the early sun light Harry could see something green attached to its leg……………………… 

Not another one Hedwig’ 

Harry thought to himself, trying to hide his anticipation he felt, but failing miserably………

A/N Review Please, I know that this story has been up for a long time, but I still would love to hear your thoughts, 

LoL Love you

p.s There wont be a second story to this, atleast not for a LONG while Sorry...

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