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Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list.

A/N: Guys, thanks so much for reviewing. As I said before, this is one of my favorite chapters. Enjoy it!


Chapter 7 - Quidditch, Marauder Style

"The game is quidditch, kids...strip quidditch. The rules are simple: four on four, the team that is scored on has to take off an article of clothing until...there isn't anything else to take off." Sirius grinned briefly and winked at Lily, Raven, and Jordan as they stood on the quidditch pitch in their pajamas with their hands on their hips. "There's no snitch or seeker, no bludgers or beaters. One person from each team has to be the keeper unless you want your ass kicked."

Raven leaned over and spoke out of the corner of her mouth to Jordan and Lily, "I picked a bad night not to wear a bra to bed."

Lily's eyes darted around her for any sign of a teacher. "I'm more worried about getting caught outside."

Sirius continued, "We'll play four goals wins. Four goals, four articles of clothing. For guys, it's robes, shirts, pajama pants and boxers. For girls, it's shirts, bras, pajama pants, and knickers."

Raven made a sound and raised her hand.

Sirius stopped. "Yes, Ms. Ashe?" he played the role of teacher.

"What if we don't...have..." she couldn't find the words, but Sirius knew what she meant. His eyes darted to her chest and she quickly crossed her arms in front of her. "Maybe you should have planned this a little better."

"You sleep in a sweatshirt?" he asked her.

"No," Raven gritted her teeth. "I have a tank top under this, but it's white and it's about to rain."

A smile slowly crept along Sirius' face. "So then for girls, it's shirts, skivvies, pants, and underwear."

"Boxers," she corrected him.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Ashe, you take all the fun out of life. Aren't you girls supposed to wear some cute little bra with matching underwear to bed?"

"All the girls you've dated must have been secretly hookers," snapped Raven.

"The point is," said James, before Sirius could answer Raven, "everyone has to be wearing only four pieces of clothing. So if you’re not then take something off or put something on to equal four things. There are three of us who play on the house team, so we need to split up."

Lily immediately clung to James' arm, knowing that since he actually played a chaser, she would have a better chance of staying clothed if she was on his team.

Remus decided he'd be keeper for Raven, Mundungus, and Peter while Lily was forced to be keeper for Sirius, Jordan, and James.

Mundungus started out with the quaffle and threw it to Peter, who dropped it. Dung turned to roll his eyes at Remus while Sirius scooped it up and threw it to James. James expertly dodged through the air as if there were bludgers coming at him and threw the quaffle towards the goal. Remus caught it before it went through the hoops and threw it to Raven. Raven caught it and sped off toward Lily. Jordan sped after her, but Mundungus grabbed onto the back of her, Jordan's, broomstick.

Sirius cut Raven off halfway down the field and flew backwards, facing her. Raven moved to the left and Sirius moved to his right. As she moved to her right, he blocked her moving to his left. She moved to the left again and just as Sirius followed she went into a deep dive underneath him. She came back up from the dive so fast that Lily wasn't ready and the quaffle went through the middle hoop.

"Yow!" yelled Remus from the other end of the field. Peter and Raven joined Remus and Dung, clapping their hands.

Sirius shook his head and shrugged off his robe. James did the same, and then he turned to watch Lily. She lifted her sweatshirt over her head only to reveal a dark blue t-shirt. James sighed. Jordan did the same, thanking Merlin that she had decided to wear a blank tank top underneath.

There was a crack of thunder and the six of them jumped. "Um...should we be playing in this weather?" asked Peter.


Albus Dumbledore leaned forward on his fists and spoke quietly and calmly, "And how exactly does one play strip quidditch?"

The eight of them immediately looked at the ground. It was obvious what they had been doing when he had met them in the entrance hall. They were all in folding chairs scattered in a circle around the headmaster's desk and soaking wet. James, on the far right, was grasping Lily's hand. Lily sat next to him shivering from her damp clothes and shaking nervously. Peter sat next to Lily, clutching his cloak around his naked upper body and blowing his nose into it. Sirius came next, wearing a mischievous smirk that was directed towards Raven Ashe. Raven wore only purple boxer shorts and a white, sodden tank top, but Sirius had taken his sopping wet cloak and draped it around her shoulders. Jordan was at least fully dressed, but was still shivering under her cloak. Remus gave her a sympathetic look as he sat, bare-chested with his own cloak drawn around him. Mundungus, on the far left, was also only half dressed, but seemed wide awake and was constantly looking from Raven to Sirius and winking at the latter.

Sirius decided to break the silence. "Well, Professor, it's played exactly the same as regular quidditch strip when the other team scores a goal," he supplied bluntly.

"Ah," said the headmaster, nodding his head. "And can it only be played at two o'clock in the morning in the middle of a thunderstorm?"

", it can be played anytime," responded Sirius, conversationally.

"Sirius, just shut up!" said Lily, glancing nervously at Dumbledore. He was only making things worse.

"Look, Professor," tried Remus, "it was a dare. Sirius dared James, but they needed more players, and then they spotted Raven and Jordan asleep by the fire in the common room, and...and then..." he trailed off as he noticed Dumbledore looking intently at him, as if he were reading his mind.

Dumbledore directed his gaze now to James and Lily. "And what do our Head Girl and Boy have to say about this?"

All of the blood rushed to Lily's face and she squeezed James' hand. James answered for her. "It wasn't Lily's fault, sir. I won't happen again, Professor."

"I see. Well I would imagine you'll all want to get into some dry pajamas after your hot cocoa." He waved his wand and eight steaming cups of hot chocolate materialized before them. "You may report back here tomorrow night for your detention."

One by one, the eight of them took a mug and filed wordlessly out of his office.

For the second time, Sirius broke the silence on their way back up to Gryffindor Tower. "So we're taking a rain check then?" he nudged Raven playfully in the ribs.

"You're not funny, Black," she responded coldly.

"I wasn't trying to be funny, Ashe. You really don't like me, huh?"

Raven smiled fakely at him. "What's not to like?"

"So, why have we never gone out?" he asked, slipping his arm around her.

Raven rolled her eyes and quickened her pace to catch up with Remus. "Is he always like this?"

"Pretty much," he answered, shooting a look behind him at Sirius and grinning. "I suppose you get used to it."

"And what if we don't want to get used to it?" teased Jordan, trotting along next to Remus.

"Sorry you two got sucked into this tonight," Remus said, looking from Raven to Jordan.

"Don't be sorry, Remus," said Raven.

"Yeah, it was fun until it started to rain," added Jordan.

They entered the common room and Lily headed straight up to her dorm saying goodnight to James on the way. He turned to the rest of them.

"So...whose turn is it?"

"You do know it's after two in the morning, right?" asked Remus.

"It's Friday, Moony. We can sleep in tomorrow," said Peter as he slumped down in a chair by the fire.

Jordan and Raven had gone to gather their things from a table in the corner where they had fallen asleep before the game.

"So, studying for O.W.L.s?" asked Remus and he helped Jordan gather her History of Magic notes.

"Trying to, anyway," she answered.

Sirius sat next to Raven who was pulling rolls of parchment from around her and stacking them neatly into a pile. "Did it hurt?"

"Raven turned to look questioningly at him. "Did what hurt?"

"When you fell from heaven," he replied, giving her a sexy smile

Raven rolled her eyes. "Yeah, like a bitch," she responded automatically.

"Where?" he asked. "I could kiss it and make it all better for you."

Raven scoffed. "You're offering to kiss my arse then?"

Remus and Jordan snickered.

Sirius ignored them. "If need be. Whatever you like," he winked.

"Can you stop that, please?" asked Raven.

"Stop what?"

"Hitting on me. It's not getting you anywhere, okay?

After handing her a stack of notes he had gathered up for her, Sirius pulled his own parchment from his robes and sat at the table. "Mind if I borrow this quill for a second?" he asked.

Raven stared at him. "Did you hear anything I just said?"

Sirius completely ignored her and started to scribble furiously on his parchment:


30 - The staffroom (which is guarded by gargoyles) is not filled with yummy candy and it is wrong to tell first years that it is.

31 - 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys' is a bad long-term goal to give at career advice.

32 - Any device that can crawl across the table on medium should not be brought into the Great Hall.

33 - Not allowed to play strip Quidditch.


"So, how come you hate my cousin?" asked Sirius as he returned the parchment to a pocket in his robes.

Raven looked at him. "Bellatrix? Why, you got a problem with that?"

"Actually no," said Sirius, "I think that's my favorite thing about you so far."

Raven said nothing.

Sirius continued, "So, what are the chances of the two of us engaging in more than just conversation tonight?"

Raven rolled her eyes again, shrugged off Sirius' wet robe, and handed it to him. "Slim to none."

Sirius perked up. "So you're tellin’ me there's a chance?"

"Why don't you go on up. I'll be there in a few minutes," she replied.

As Sirius sprinted up to his seventh year dorm, Raven gathered up all her notes and books. "Night, Remus, I'm going to bed."


Jordan followed behind Raven. "Goodnight, Remus."

"See you."

Remus, Peter, James, and Mundungus continued up the stairs to their dorm.

As they entered, Sirius called from his four poster bed, "Dammit, Moony! Did you hafta call the game right at that second? One more goal and Ashe would have been down to her skivvies!"

"Yes, Padfoot, I had to. The storm was getting worse. Besides, that would have left Wormtail, Dung, and I in our boxers!" he shivered at the thought. "And can you imagine what a little electroshock therapy would have done for your libido?" Remus responded, smirking along with James, Dung and Peter.

Sirius snorted. "Hot to trot!"

"Yeah, the next girl that took him on would light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars!" laughed Dung.

"Maybe that's why Raven never showed," said Sirius, gloomily.

The five of them laughed loudly as they changed into dry pajamas and fell onto their beds.


A/N: That was just a fun little chapter. Hope you liked it. There may be a few mistakes, but I was in a hurry, so I'll proofread later. I just thought I'd update quick because I’m going to a concert tonight and I’m waiting for my best friend to pick me up. Besides, you guys are such good reviewers. Maybe I'll come home to some wonderful reviews, what do you say? Hope you liked this chapter's additions to the list. I'm saving the best for last, so stick with me and keep up the great reviews. The next chapter’s all ready to go and it’s entitled: “Diarrhea of the Mouth.” Reviews will let me know that you’re ready to read it. Luv, Liveley.

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