(A/N- This song inspired me for this chapter, I strongly suggest you listen to the song!) Chapter eight: Boys Don’t Cry Boys Don’t Cry – The Cure I would say I'm sorry If I thought that it would change your mind But I know that this time I have said too much Been too unkind I try to laugh about it Cover it all up with lies I try and Laugh about it Hiding the tears in my eyes 'cause boys don't cry Boys don't cry I would break down at your feet And beg forgiveness Plead with you But I know that It's too late And now there's nothing I can do So I try to laugh about it Cover it all up with lies I try to laugh about it Hiding the tears in my eyes 'cause boys don't cry Boys don’t cry I would tell you That I loved you If I thought that you would stay But I know that it's no use That you've already Gone away Misjudged your limits Pushed you too far Took you for granted I thought that you needed me more Now I would do most anything To get you back by my side But I just Keep on laughing Hiding the tears in my eyes 'cause boys don't cry Boys don't cry Boys don't cry A cool breeze cradled her body, like an angel’s kiss on her cold skin. A warm glow from the setting sun haloed her face, her hair licking the tips of the wind, dancing in its playful gust. Her eyes squinted into the face of the golden liquid sun, as it rolled over the gentle hills of the horizon. Wet sand massaged her legs, into its molding hands. The lake in front of her shown as a glassy field of still mirrors, her thoughts were rambling, everything seemed so different. Strange faces were constantly trying to pry her mind open. It was like she was a different person, and her old life seemed like it wasn’t hers. It was another girl’s life that she had stolen. That’s what it felt like. ****** James was walking silently along the shores of the glossy lake, occasionally stopping to pick up a stone and hurl it at the still waters. He had watched in the past week as Willow and Remus and all Lily’s old friends tried to remind her of her past. He watched as she was reintroduced to Remus, her boyfriend, and he watched how just as before she took in the fact with joy and pleasure. He stood aside, the last he had spoken to her was at the hospital wing when he had discovered of her injury. James hurled an extra large stone at the rippling waters, angry and sad, thrusting it out like it was a contagious disease. Why did life have to be so cruel? Why did everything bad always happen to him? Maybe it was bad karma, maybe it was just life giving him a hard kick in his side, or maybe he was just destined to be like that forever… ****** Silver ripples met her cold feet. Lily looked up to see a young boy walking along its cold shores, wondering who it might be. His form was growing closer and she recognized him. It was the boy who had first welcomed her into the strange world. He must have fallen asleep waiting for her to wake, for his head had been face down on her bed when she first woke. He seemed out of all the people she had met, to be the only one who really had looked out for her welfare. A somber expression crossed her face. Her first few days were so strange and though everyone had been very kind her, none of them had really walked her through any of it. All they did was ask her if she could remember them, which was always replied with the same “No, I can’t remember anything” reply. But each time she said it, it was as if no one was really listening. The boy was only a couple hundred feet away now. Lily’s stomach squirmed a bit. Had he been a past boyfriend? An old friend? What ever he was, he certainly was selfless and caring. ******** James hadn’t been paying attention when he was walking along the shores, throwing stones angrily into the lake as his mind played with him. At first James thought he could change everything, he could be kind and good like he should have been. But with in the first few days, Lily ended up ignoring him as always, and even a bit of the old bitter resentment hid in her tone. He had even gone back to the nurse to ask her about it only hearing the terrible reply that even though she had lost her memory her instinct was still there. And that unconsciously she would act the same way and would immediately recognize who were her enemies and who weren’t. So for all the effort he had put in to being kind he still received the same reactions from her. So it was pointless and it was now that James was finally starting to give up. Tears were blurring his vision but he hastily wiped them away. Why was he crying over something as stupid as this? James gave a small nervous laugh, trying to brighten himself up again. But all he was doing was performing the same routine that he always had been doing. On the outside it appeared that he just laughed at the world around him when things got tough. Just brush it off with a good laugh and that was it. But inside…inside insecurity was all he felt. It was an endless game, an addicting habit he couldn’t stop. He had been acting for so long he had forgotten about the real him. The world was just a stage in which in his automatic response was to act along with it. Tears were streaming down his face, he was growing so angry that his teeth were clenched and at every chance he threw a rock crazily into the lake, wiping it with all his might across those calm waters, releasing his rage. How he hated the still peaceful waters of lake, how they could be so calm and quiet while inside him a storm seemed to be busting through the seams of him, unraveling him to insanity. Why am I crying? This is ridiculous! I am a man! Men don’t cry over such foolish things! Boys don’t cry… James was furiously rubbing his eyes, his eyebrows were deeply furrowed together, the crease between his eyes quivering. But through these days he had been just hiding the tears in his eyes. ‘Cause boys didn’t cry…Boys don’t cry… James collapsed at this, relieving bitter sobs that emitted from his shivering body. He would give almost anything just to have the old Lily back. As impossible as it seemed, things had gotten worse. Lily no longer even talked him. Why should she? She didn’t remember anything, so why should she feel bad for forgetting him? It was as if he had never existed in her life. Like he was wiped away off the slate. He was gone…and so was she…. ******** Lily wished she could talk to the boy, but it seemed every chance she got, someone just dragged her away to try and remember other things. And things were looking bad too. Sometimes people never remembered anything for the rest of their life and in the past week, nothing had struck her as familiar. Lily’s face turned curious, the boy had first called her Evans. But the odd thing was, was that he was the only one who had called her that. Why though? Obviously they must have had some sort of interesting relationship. But no matter how hard she tried, nothing came to mind. Observing the boy carefully, she now realized that he was curled over in the sand. Hands in his face as if he was…. crying? Her eyes widened, should she go over there and talk to him? Something in her, told her that this was unlike him. The image in her head did not registered that this had happened before. Franticly standing up, she briskly walked over to him; maybe there was something she could do to help? ****** Still bitterly sobbing, James looked up through his hands. A girl was running towards him…a girl…it was Lily. Oh shit. ******* Lily was running towards him, but the boy had seen her. He was standing up, a frantic look in his eyes. Not knowing what else to do, he got up and ran away. “Bloody hell!” she cried tiredly. Searching her mind she tried to recall the name he told her at the hospital wing but she couldn’t remember. “Wait! J-!” It started with a ‘J’ she was sure. Jimmy, Jeremy, John, Jorge, Jesse, Julian…bloody hell what was it!! Lily’s pupils were bulging; they were running around the lake at top speed. Joshua, Justin, Johnny, Jayden… It was starting to become pointless… Jason, Jamison, Jamie, James… Something clicked in her mind, “James…” It sounded so familiar it had to be… “James!” she called earnestly, she wasn’t going to lose him. Immediately the boy’s pace started to slow, obviously he recognized it. When he had come to a full stop he stood with his back to Lily. Lily approached him slowly and tapped him on the shoulder, whispering gently in his ear, “James?” James turned around, looking her full in the eyes, those starling eyes shaking her from her ground. “Why were you…what’s the matter?” she asked softly. James sat down on the cold sand, taking a moment to respond as she sat down beside him. “Nothing” he answered numbly. Lily waited a moment, “Then why were you crying?” “I wasn’t crying!” he barked automatically, “And besides…” he continued calmly, “Boys don’t cry” Lily gave skeptic laugh of amusement, “Oh stop trying to be so macho all the time and for once just tell me why!” James gave her a bemused look of hilarity, “I suppose no matter what, memory or no memory you’ve just engraved your impression of me into your mind for all eternity” Lily gave a wry smile, “Hm…funny…” “What?” “It’s just…I’ve tried so hard to recognize things that should seem familiar but nothing ever comes to mind. Yet here I am with you and I’m constantly finding moments where I have familiar thoughts” “I guess I just bring out the best in you!” he gave a nervous laugh and a distant look crossed his face. “Why were you crying?” She inquired timidly, backing up to the topic. “ I told you! It was nothing!” he cried bitterly. “Ok, I just…wanted to know…” “Well you should get your nose out of other people’s business!” “ I didn’t mean to offend…” “Yeah I know.” James muttered, sounding resentful rather than sympathetic. “So tell me what you have discovered about your previous life” “Why do you want to know?” “Eh…sentimental reasons…” James could have slapped himself in the forehead, but instead blushed vigorously at his rash answer. It was the only time he actually wished he could have thought before he spoke. “Oh…” Lily said smiling; she could tell he hadn’t meant to say that. “Look I didn’t mean it that way!” he tried. “Sure…Well nothing much though if you must know. But the one thing I have found are these letters.” “Indeed?” he said raising an eyebrow at this comment. “They’re from some secret pen pal that everyone says is supposed to be Remus.” “Supposed to be?” “Yeah…that’s just it, I reread them all and it doesn’t make sense and as much as he is a nice guy, I just don’t like him like…that…” James smiled secretly to himself. “I mean you seem more like my pen pal than Remus!” she stated casually, though the thought had been playing in her mind for some time now. “Really? How so?” “First of all my pen pal is totally insecure!” “And you’re saying that I am?” Lily gave a reflective look of thought, “Well…you act like the world is a joke, but I think it’s just a defense mechanism. See I’ve been watching you and…” “You’ve been watching me?” he said surprised. Now it was Lily’s turn to blush, “What I mean is, that I’ve noticed you and well I think you laugh outwardly to show that nothing can bother you, when in reality you are crumbling on the inside. Like the more you laugh the more terrible things are getting. And people mistake your way of expressing sadness for happiness!” James had no idea how to respond to this, it was as if she was reading his thoughts. “It’s funny, cause now that I’ve lost my memory, everything has become illuminated and clear. Like friendship and rivalry and old memories aren’t there to influence my answer. I get a new chance, an outsiders view.” She paused for a moment, “I was right wasn’t I?” James nodded his head. “So you and Remus…” he said quietly, wanting to change the subject to his curious issue. “Me and Remus?” James looked surprised, “Yeah, didn’t he tell you that you two were…” he trailed off looking at her steadily. “Remus never said he was my boyfriend” she said bemused. James bit his lip and his stomach did a few involuntary flips. “Hey, did we know each other before?” she asked casually, looking out across the lake. This was his chance. He could tell her that he was her boy friend this was it! Don’t you even think about it A little voice inside his head interrupted. She will eventually get her memory back and when she does she will not be too happy Who cares? Once she realizes how much she loves me it won’t matter! What if she doesn’t James shuddered inside. Don’t say that Well it could be true! Just don’t… When she finds out what you’ve done she’s going to be so pissed! I don’t care! It’s my last chance! I’m warning you that if you do… FUCK YOU! Anger burned his skin as he turned to Lily, fiercely glaring at her and she shuddered, “Yeah, we did know each other!” he exclaimed vigorously. Liily looked as if someone had slapped her, “We did? Then why didn’t you approach me in the past week if we were?” James’s mind raced, he had to think fast. “See I could never get you alone to talk to you because no one knew we knew each other.” Lily looked confused. “I was you’re boyfriend” (Geez, I had a tough time ending this chapter. I always love to leave you with a cliffy, but this was hard. So the boyfriend…hm….this is going to be interesting. But yes, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I like to switch between points of views, see the problem with only one point of view is the biased opinion of the character. But anyways, I don’t know…good? Hope so, always do…well then, yes…tata!)
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