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La la la la la…. I, James E. Potter, am going on a date with the Lily Evans. As in, the Lily Evans who swore she would go out with the giant squid before she would go out with me! As in Lily leave-me-alone-Potter Evans! As in Lily I’m-going-to-seriously-report-you-as-a-stalker-Potter Evans!

It is a beautiful day in the world.

IT IS FIVE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING, JAMES! GO BACK TO SLEEP!

OW! He just chucked the journal at me!

You deserve it. Go back to sleep.

How can I sleep when in less than 6 hours, twenty-three minutes, and seventeen seconds I’m going to be on a date with Lily Evans!?!?

Punch him. I’m too tired right now.

But I did it last time! And besides, your bed is closer.


I’m right here, you know. Wait, why am I writing now? I should be getting ready for my DATE WITH LILY EVANS!

*sighs* It’s going to be a loooong day…

Peter just farted. Now we have to get up.

DAMN IT ALL! I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!


~*~

I hate James. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I am NOT supposed to be up before the sun. I’m not even supposed to be up before 10!

It’s 6:30 in the morning.

I should reveal his middle name, just for the sake of it.

Now WOULD actually be a good time for that. James is in such a good mood that he wouldn’t care.

Grahgdflk;gah, that ruins the point! Bahhhhhhhh… time passes a lot slower when it’s 6:34.

James is singing. In the shower.

Let’s shoot him. And Peter. Man, that fart REALLY stinks! And he did it an hour ago!

It’s a conspiracy against us.


~*~

Four hours and thirty-seven minutes [56-55-54 seconds!] left until my date with Lily Evans! Okay, I’ve got: comb [hah – as if I’ll actually be able to use it anyway], breath mints, handkerchief, wand, and All-Purpose Stain Remover.

I’m ready.

Seriously, why is time passing so slowly? Do you think Lily’s as nervous as I am? Or… or… what if… she’s just doing this to say “I dated you once, hated it, so now I have proof that we shouldn’t be together for ever and ever and ever.”?!

Er. Not that-oh, why do I even bother? It’s not like anyone doesn’t know, anyway. [Thirty-five minutes!]

~*~

Ready? Shoot him!

I can’t. It’s against the rules.

That’s never stopped you before!

Yes, but real people are probably actually starting to get up now. There may be witnesses. Casual bystanders caught in the action.

It’s a risk I’m willing to take.


~*~

Two hours. Oh god, what did I get myself into? She’s probably up in her dorm right now, laughing with all of her little, evil, sadistic friends on how she’s playing James Potter and making him go positively mad right now. Damn it all! Oh god, oh god, oh god…

This seems oddly familiar…

Should we remind him on how his other “date” with Lily went?


SHUT UP. THE GODS WERE CONSPIRING AGAINST ME THAT TIME!

Seriously! [no pun intended] That was just a total catastrophe, with no fault on me! Or, not all of the blame on me anyway. Oh god. 115 minutes. Oh god. I can’t do this. Bloody hell, I can’t do this! Remind me again why I’m in love with her?

No reason?

Oh yeah. Huh. Works for me!

Simpletons. I thought you *liked* her because she’s “beautiful, smart, wonderful, funny, witty, clever, and all around fantastic”.

… Moony? Are you in lurve with Lily?

James, he’s trying to steal your girl! Shoot him!

NO SHOOTING ANYONE! And James, you know I’d never to steal Lily from you! I like Lily Just. As. A. friend. I’m not even going to *try* as far as “lurve” goes.


110 minutes! Argh! [way to change the subject, Prongs]

I can’t do this. CANNOT! WHY WON’T MY EFFING HAIR LIE DOWN?!?!

James, I’m taking away The Journal! You’re wasting pages just writing about how nervous you are! No buts! [hah – butts!]

~*~

It’s Padfoot and Moony here, coming to you live from James and Lily’s date!

This is WRONG! WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

Hmm, I hear a buzz. Stupid flies – anyway, we’re here on operation SNITCH! [Spy oN Infatuated Teenagers Crushing Hippogriffs]

Crushing hippogriffs? I *told* you I should have been the one to name the operations!

Oh, come on. You *know* operation Lost-Journal-That-We-Got-Back-Easily was a great name! It’s jealousable.

JEALOUSABLE ISN’T A WORD!

Shush, Moony, we’re going to miss all the action! Here they come!

How did you get James’ invisibility cloak? He was more hyper than a child on Christmas today!

I had to use it last week and “forgot” to return it. SHUSH.

He didn’t notice? Poke, poke, poke – come on, Padfoot, read my message…

MOONY! I’M TRYING TO INVADE JAMES’ PRIVACY HERE! CAN WE PLEASE STOP WITH THE TALKIN- WRING?!?!?!

… bother.

Deep breaths, that’s what I need… In…out… You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?

Noo, of course not! I truly want to keep this conversation flowing!

You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you? Tell you what: if you can successfully order me a firewhiskey from the bar, then we’ll leave.

We’re under an INVISIBILITY CLOAK. Steal your own alcohol.

They’re speaking! They’re laughing! What is this?! WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!? Oh, wait, this is good. YES! And NO, you may NOT have The Journal! We’re wasting paper as it is! C’mon Moony, let’s just sit back and watch the show! Operation SNITCH is under-way!


~*~

Good news or bad news first? Good news? OKAY!

JAMES E. POTTER HAS KISSED AND BEEN KISSED BY THE LILY EVANS! BOW DOWN, PEASANTS! BOW DOWN!!!

Yes, that’s right! Complete opposite of the Unmentionable Incident, this date was perfect. She was perfect! I was close to perfect! It was all perfect! God loves me. He really, truly does.

I’d give a play-by-play, word-for-word, but I think that’d ruin the experience. Oh, it was wonderful! Just take my word for it!

Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming! OW! [hehe] I didn’t mean it! ANYWAY, I must stay on my toes! CONSTANT VIGILANCE, as that one guy on the street said. Life isn’t meant to be this good. It’s unheard of. Uh-oh… I think I’m going to die. There’s no other way to explain it! If I wasn’t going to die, then Peter would have farted again and Lily would still hate me! [Not that I’m complaining or anything, especially about the Peter-farting thing.]

So what’s the bad news again?

Oh, that? Well, hmm, I don’t feel like being in a sad mood right now, so I’ll tell you later. Like, say, five.

Five what?

You’ll see! Oooh, this day is going well! I have a successful date with Lily Evans, Peter is either not around or not farting, and I know something they don’t know! I love taunting people and building dramatic effect. Could you tell?

~*~

Five WHAT?!?!?! Oh come on, James! You can’t DO this to me! You KNOW me! The only stupid long thing I have patience for is writing in The Journal!

Blasphemy against The Journal!

ARGH! JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FIVE MEANS! FIVE DAYS? FIVE HOURS? FIVE LUNCHES?! FIVE VICTIMS!? FIVE PIECES OF GODDAMN LETTUCE?!?!?!?!

CALM DOWN, SIRIUS! Knowing James, it’s probably five essays he’s left ‘til the last minute.

This is post-gentleman lessons James, Moony! He doesn’t do that anymore, remember?!?!

I’m sure it can’t be anything THAT important, or he’d tell us. Here, have some chocolate.

…how many pieces of chocolate?

Not five.

DAMN IT!


~*~

Oh, how I love to torment Sirius. I swear, it must be my purpose in life or something. He’s just so much fun to bother! [DAMN YOU!!!!] And he swears like a sailor, which is always amusing around first years.

So, moving on to the “life” part of the entry: Lily is happy and therefore, I am happy. [Psychology classes my arse – I’m a genius already anyway.] I’m not quite sure if she’s just finally realizing I’m not a jerk, or if the gentleman lessons paid off, or if I was actually a jerk but then I had gentleman lessons and so NOW she likes me, but I don’t think I particularly care. Whatever works, right?

Whatever you need to tell yourself, right?

Shut up. I never liked you anyway. MOONY IS MY BEST FRIEND!

Nuh uh! He pledged his undying loyalty to ME yesterday!

I never pledged my loyalty to anyone!

GASP! Did you hear that, best-friend James? Remus didn’t pledge his loyalty to The Journal!


I bet Operation Lost Journal That We Got Back Easily only occurred because he was on Lily’s side! HANG THE SCURVY DOG BY HIS SKINNY LITTLE ANKLES!

I DON’T HAVE SKINNY ANKLES!

LILY’S HERE! IN THE ROOM! NOW! NO MORE JOURNAL TIME!

~*~

I think James is losing himself and his sanity to Lily!

He lost his sanity to you years ago. As far as losing himself goes, I think he’s just a little… enthusiastic… about finally having Lily liking him. He has stalked her for the last seven years, you know.

You count all seven years? I only count the last four years, since he first got REJECTED in our third year. He started “liking” her in fourth, and then became obsessive in fifth.

Sounds like you’ve been thinking this over a lot.

I have. How much do you want to be they get married?

Fourteen sickles and a sugar quill, though you have to pay me if they have a kid named Harry.

Harry? That name’s for old men who play chess in the park with their pigeon-feeding wives!


~*~

Just for that, Sirius, I’m not going to tell you what the five means! [NOOOO!!!!!] And Harry is a much better name than REMUS.

No, no taking The Journal! You shouldn’t read over people’s shoulders anyway – it’s rude. YOU’RE DOING IT NOW! I CAN TELL BECAUSE ONLY YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE CHOCOLATE.

Yes! They’re gone!

Someone go punch the teachers. I think 98% of the people in my life have to hate me in order for the world to be in balance. Since Lily LIKES me now, that means the teachers have to hate me. See? Perfect sense. Or it could just be DJFTAGHAJAC day again. [Remus and Sirius stole The Journal earlier today, as seen above, so that’s the “give him a journal as compensation” part. I’m telling you – I never not make sense. Even my double negatives make sense!]

OKAY, THAT’S IT! That’s THREE whole things!

Three whole whats?

Three whole *things* - references to stuff you said before!

You remember every single word I say? Wow, taking stalking to a new level, I see…

THREE THINGS FROM STUFF YOU’VE SAID IN HERE! IN THE JOURNAL! STOP TRYING TO MESS WITH ME AND TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON!

Sirius, calm down! Ask me again after four. No, you know what “four” means! Back off – I’ll push you out the window, you know I will!

There. Gone. Okay, sorry for that, folks. [Folks being all the people who don’t know what “privacy” means and read my journal.] ANYWAY, the teachers are already preparing us for our NEWT’s! And it’s only almost-December! Who even cares-

Tell them what the “E” stands for.

[ink blotch] W-what?! Why!?

Are you not telling them the “E” because it’d be four, or because it’s utterly humiliating?

It’s a win-win situation for me!


It’s-er-gah! Both reasons! MY MIDDLE NAME IS TOO VILE TO BE PUT DOWN ONTO PAPER!

IT’S EZEKIEL!

[~* The following was only able to be recorded thanks to a Quick-Quotes quill*~]

... I think James just had an aneurism… poke him.

He’s… er… not moving. Maybe I- OH MY GOD!

JAMES, DON’T!

It’s-not-THAT-bad-OW! HE KICKED ME!

ACCIO JAMES POTTER!


SIRIUS VLADIMIR BLACK IS DEAD! ARE YOU WITH OR AGAINST ME, REMUS?

LILY’S COMING!

~*~

I’m James, and I’m calm. Woah, seriously, Remus should go into therapy and anger management professionally!

… am I dead yet?

No. NEWT’s aren’t for another couple of months!

…he’s just waiting for the perfect time to strike, but I know better… STAY AWAY!

You know what’s funny? There actually was a Grud the Crud! And Binns said that he’s always mentioned on the tests, so I’m at least going to get one question right!

Just get it over with, already!

They should make an edible type of tree. I would so eat one.

JAMES!

Okay, this is number five. Five entries. This is the fifth, since the one I mentioned “five” in.

But what about it?

Well… you guys hadn’t realized it? There’s only one more page left.




...James, isn't that your sock?

~*~*~

Edit as of 2006: Just so you all know... the sequel is nonexistant and the epilogue is PROBABLYNEVER coming...*shuffles away* I love you all, I swear, and One Sock Left is definitely my HP fanfiction legacy. But, my theory is that we each only get one really spectacular legacy... because I'm not all that into HP fanfiction any more. T-T It's sad but true.

Thank you, thank you, thank you ALL for reviewing. Honestly, I wish I could meet you all and shake your hands, or give you a cookie or SOMETHING! One Sock Left was meant to be a nothing, just an idea that popped into my head. Like you all probably know from the oldddddd days of when I responded to my reviews, this started just from the title. [I just wanted to use the title, heh]

ANYWAY, enough rambling. Dude, One Sock Left is the NUMBER THREE top favorited story. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE, I ASK YOU?!?! It shouldn't be allowed; I'm only 14! [turning 15 next month] Just goes to show how anything is possible, I suppose!


A/N: Aaaaaaand, that's it! I hope you guys thought it was funny! And good! And I REALLY hope I surprised you at the end! Yes, there's just one thing left now. An Epilogue. Aren't you guys sad? There won't be any more random-but-not-random insanity in here! There won't be any more Update-now-or-I'll-send-a-giant-marshmellow-to-go-eat-you threats! It's gonna be a sad moment for me!

I'm seriously really sorry I hadn't updated when I promised I would, but that's me for you. I really hadn't expected high school to have THIS MUCH work involved!

Anyway, thanks to all of you who finally got me to remember that somewhere else, maybe a mile, maybe a hundred miles, people are starting to hate me because I'm so slow at updating.

Just two last things, I swear: One, contest! Whoever can tell me all the past references I made in this chapter gets... er, something special! I'll probably just throw a little picture or something together. Or I'll email you a cookie! OR, ooh, that works! Okay, I've got a GREAT prize planned! Seriously, all of you will WISH you had participated in the contest if you knew the prize! So go! [I'll probably see who gets the closest overall, since my mind works in weird ways so you might get too many or too few references]

The second thing is, there's a surprise! At the end! Of the *sniffs* Epilogue! So go and rifle through here, and may the best bare-footed person win!

Author's note as of 9/22: Hehe, OPL = One Page Left! I remember that I was *going* to put that in my author's note, but fergot. =P Silly me.

And, since some of you are confused: Past references means past references in the story! Like, okay, the most obvious one: edible trees. But it's not just the ones at the end! I sort of snuck some things in there, so good luck to all! =D

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