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Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do own the plot for this fic. However, I based this idea on Skippy’s List of Things Not to Do in the U.S. Army and will be changing some of those items to fit into Harry Potter terms. Song lyrics in this chapter are “Dancing Queen” by ABBA… It’s a very long story. Just read.

A/N: You’ll need to read the Author’s Note at the end of this if you have concerns about a certain cat that appears in this chapter. I don’t want to give anything away. Enjoy this fic and can’t wait to read more? There’s something you can do to ensure that I update sooner: REVIEW! Thanks to all those who reviewed Chapter 2.
~Ever Changing Anthem


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Chapter 3 - Midnight Serenade

"But Professor, couldn't I just sleep in another dormitory? They're out to get me!" Sirius Black, barefoot, wearing red pajama pants and a white t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, clung to Professor McGonagall like a five year old frightened of the dark.

"Mr. Black, for the last time, there are no evil clowns living under your bed! Now stop waking me up!" exclaimed Professor McGonagall, in a lime-green housecoat, slippers, and cap. She gave Sirius a quick shove out of her office and slammed the door in his face with a sigh.


"But Mum! Couldn't I just sleep in the girls dorms?" whined Sirius, hopefully. "I'm deathly afraid of clowns, especially evil ones!"

"Goodnight, Mr. Black!" screeched McGonagall through the door.

Sirius smiled widely as he threw an Invisibility Cloak around his shoulders and made his way back to his dorm. He heard a menacing meow behind him and turned to see Mrs. Norris, the ancient half-Kneazle, running towards him. She could not see him, but he knew she could sense his presence.

While still under the cloak, he transformed into a large black dog and waited for her to swat at the cloak, snagging it off of him. Not daring to growl and alert her master and the current caretaker, Apollyon Pringle, he merely barred his teeth threateningly. Mrs. Norris froze and drew herself up to full height. Padfoot raised a paw and struck Mrs. Norris rather gently in the belly, sending her sliding a few feet backwards. She spit at him and then retreated quickly down the hall to fetch her master.

Transforming only to pick up the cloak and throw it around himself again, he muttered under his breath, "Merlin, that felt good," and then returned to dog form to climb the stairs in case she came back for a rematch.

James and Peter were waiting for Sirius anxiously. He entered the room in dog form with the cloak still around him and then as he let it slip off, he transformed into himself again.

"Why were you in Animagus form?" asked James, freezing as he saw the door open.

"Had to head off Mrs. Norris," answered Sirius. "I rather enjoyed it."

"Well?" asked James, galloping excitedly around the room.

"Did you get detention?" asked Peter, equally excited.

"Nope," Sirius shrugged. "But at least I got another thing to add to my list!" He happily bounded over to his bedside table and scribbled on the piece of parchment that was there. "Whose turn is it?"

"Mine," said James bravely. "Was she really P.O.ed?"

Sirius laughed. "Don't know what she was so upset about, myself. It's a Saturday! She doesn't have to get up early to teach or anything."

"Teachers are always up at the crack of dawn, Padfoot, no matter what day it is," reminded James. "We found that out in our fourth year, remember?"

"Okay, Prongs, I got one," said Sirius, ignoring James' comment.

Peter and James leaned forward as though hanging on Sirius' every word.

"Go down to the hospital wing and serenade our favorite furry friend."

"What?" protested James. "What do I have to sing this time?"

"Your choice. But it better be good, or it'll be Professor Pitstain next time," warned Sirius with a smirk.

"It's Professor Pintaine, Sirius," corrected Peter.

"Isn't that what I said?" asked Sirius innocently. "Oh, that reminds me..." He again began to scribble on his piece of parchment.

"Alright," said James, getting up and taking his Invisibility Cloak from the floor where Sirius had dropped it.

They snuck down to the Hospital Wing quietly, without running into problems. Once inside the ward, Sirius quickly popped his head into Madam Pomfrey's office, found it empty, and gave James a silent thumbs up. He crept along the empty beds until he came to Remus' usual spot.

Remus had kicked off the covers and was sleeping in a rather odd position. With his right leg lying straight and his left leg crossed over his right knee, Remus’s legs formed a sort of “4.” His arms were around his head, gripping his pillow at the top. He looked as though he were about ready to put on his pink ballet slippers and do a few pirouettes.

James was struck with a sudden inspiration, seeing Remus in his ballerina pose. He began to sing, "’You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen. Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah.’"

Remus' eyes suddenly fluttered open and, though he looked sickly and pale, he broke into a smile, beginning to laugh. Sirius and Peter began to dance across the ward as James' continued singing.

"’You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life. See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen.’" James trailed off abruptly. "...I don't know the rest of the words."

"That's okay, man, really," said Remus, sitting up stiffly and digging in his ear.

Realizing the music was over, Sirius brought Peter up from their dip and wandered over to the bed next to Remus'. He plopped down on it, crossed his feet, and placed his hands behind his head.

"So, feeling better?" asked Sirius.

"Just thought we'd cheer you up," explained James.

"Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let us in this morning," Peter added.

"Well, I would have been mortally offended if you guys had actually let me get a good night sleep to recover," teased Remus. "Whose turn is it now?"

"Mine," said Peter, shifting nervously at the foot of Remus' bed.

"Any detentions yet?"

"We're not doing it for detentions this time," said Sirius, "we're doing it for research."

"Research?" asked Remus.

"Yes, for my Hogwarts essay."

"Oooh, right," said Remus. "How's it coming?"

"Well, I got a few more," said Sirius. He fished in a back pocket of his robes and handed Remus the parchment.

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13 - Not allowed to fall in love with Madam Pomfrey.

14 - Not allowed to send anonymous love letters or fan mail to Professors.

15 - There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

16 - Not allowed to ask Professor Pintaine if he's been smoking crack.

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Remus read the new additions silently, with a grin plastered on his face. "By the way, I think Pomfrey has the hots for you, Sirius."

"Nah, she just thinks I'm funny," said Sirius, waving a hand in the air and then running it through his hair as he laid back on the hospital bed.

"Yeah? Well she asked me if you were keeping out of trouble. You know that's disgusting, don't you?"

"What's disgusting? She's only like twenty-five."

"And you're seventeen!" reasoned Remus.

"Lupin, relax!" shouted James. "He's kidding."

"No, I'm not; she's twenty-five! I asked her!" justified Sirius.

"Just for the record, Sirius. There's nothing going on, right? I honestly wouldn't put it past you," said Remus, half joking.

Sirius put on his faultless face. "Hey, I may be easy, but I am not sleazy!" Then his expression turned solemn. "Seriously, no, guys. If I wanted an older woman I'd go for McGonagall."

Remus rolled his eyes and chucked a pillow weakly at Sirius. His reflexes quick, Sirius brought his foot up and kicked the pillow into the air. He, James, and Remus followed it up and back down as it landed on top of Peter's head.

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A/N: Sure, why can’t Mrs. Norris have been there? She’s obviously at least part Kneazle, making her live longer, and I think it’s entirely possible that Dumbledore sought her out, specifically intending her to help the current caretaker at the school because she wouldn’t be biased. Anyway, you can disagree if you wish, but there’s nothing in the books that says Mrs. Norris can’t be in Marauder-Era. There is concerning Filch, though. Apollyon Pringle was the caretaker when Ron’s parents were at Hogwarts, so it’s very likely that he was still there when the Marauders came through a few years after that. Hope you liked this chapter and the new additions to the list. Next chap: “Slytherin Skirmish.” Stay tuned, and please don’t forget to review. The only way I know to continue posting is from the reviews I get. The more I get, the sooner I post. That’s just how it goes. Thanks for reading!
~Ever Changing Anthem

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