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CWM 5

Hermione clutched onto the letters for an entire week, not knowing what to do with them. Every time she tried to open the first letter, she backed away and stuffed them into her bag. It was hard to concentrate on her schoolwork because every time she sat down for class, her mind was racing to the contents of the letters.

“Hermione?” Called a voice in the middle of class.

Hermione snapped back into reality and darted her eyes around the classroom to see everyone staring at her. She slowly met the eyes of Professor Lupin, who was standing at the front of the class, looking at her with a frowned expression.

“Do you know the answer?” He said, with a calm voice.

“I―uh” Hermione stuttered out as her face went hot.

“Do you know the question?” Lupin said, in that same calmness of his voice.

Hermione said nothing, but her head shook abruptly and turned her attention to the markings on the desk.

“10 points from Gryffindor…class dismissed.” Lupin said, before turning back to his desk.

Hermione waited until the classroom was empty before breaking the silence.

“Why did you give these to me?” Her voice trembled as silent tears fell onto the desk.

She listened as Lupins footsteps come closer as he sat down in the chair in front of her and turned to face her.

“Trust me Hermione, I contemplated day and night on whether I should give you these. I take it you haven’t read them yet?”

“No. I can’t bring myself to.” Hermione said, before stand up abruptly.

Professor Lupin stood up and placed his hand on her shoulder, looking at her with a concerned face. He shed a small smile before turning back to his desk, clearly unsure of what to say.

*

Hours passed and Hermione sat in the corner of the common room staring at one envelope with her fingers itching to open it. For some reason Rafe and Ron were nowhere to be seen, but she didn’t mind the least. After giving up on the idea of the common room being quiet, she walked up to the dormitory and closed the curtains around her bed to make her feel secluded. After a deep breath she began to open up one of the letters…

Dear Hermione,

You’ve only been gone for less then 24 hours and I already miss you like crazy. I can’t believe I have to wait until seventh year to see you again. James says not to get my hopes up, but I have a feeling you’ll return. I mean, you can’t be away from me for that long right?


Hermione’s lips formed a small smile; all while her eyes were full of tears. She missed hearing his voice and the feeling of being loved.

Rem convinced me to keep a journal so you’d know what you missed. I’ll make sure to tell you everything that happens. I’m writing this letter in Potions class right now. I’m sure Professor Cortalle misses you already. I think he knows I’m writing a letter because he keeps giving me evil looks. I should pack away my quill before he reads this to the entire class.

Love you, miss you and all that mushy stuff,

Sirius


Hermione’s face was blotchy and the front of her shirt was drenched with tears. She imagined the reading of the letters going more smoothly. She rifled through the letters, eventually making to his summer vacation.

Hermione,

Finally its summer vacation. I thought Potions would get the best of me. Unlike most who are going home to their parents, I’m going to the Potter’s where I’m actually loved. I think my Mum has gone as far as disowning me. To say the least…I don’t care.

Every second of the day I find myself thinking of you. What are you doing at this very moment? Are you happy? Do you have a boyfriend yet? I hope not…but I don’t want you to be miserable either. Speaking of miserable, I don’t think I had too much social interaction with any of my friends for the rest of the school year. Every time I see them happy, it makes me feel worse. I spent a lot of time in the dormitory thinking about my future…hopefully with you.

On a lighter note, Remus and Jenna are still together. They are so much in love it makes me sick. I wouldn’t be surprised if they get married. He’s coming to stay with us for a few weeks in the summer. I guess I’ll have to share my new room with him. If he snores I’m moving home!

Well I need to unpack, so I’ll write you tomorrow. Only a few more months until I see you. I don’t think I can wait that long.

Love you,

Sirius


A sudden pang hit her stomach like she was hit by a train. Bile was rising in her throat and she wasn’t sure if she could keep down her lunch. She laid back in her bed and closed her eyes, causing tears to slide past her temples and into her hair. An hour went by and she didn’t move a muscle. Her tear ducts must have went dry, but the side of her face felt stiff with dry tears. She eventually pulled her body out of bed and grabbed the one letter that she was dreading to read the most. She made her way down to the common room and collided with a tall blonde figure who suppressed a laugh.

“You know Hermione, you better watch where you’re going.” Rafe said with a small laugh.

“I-I’m sorry. I just wasn’t looking.” Hermione squeaked out, clearly missing his sarcasm.

He stopped and looked at her with a strange look then quickly looked down at her hands to see her clutching a letter so tight that her knuckles were turning white. He gently placed his hand over hers and guided her out of the common room, where she silently followed. He eventually led her into the library and made his way back to a secluded corner where two squashy black armchairs where placed. She sat down apprehensively as he smiled kindly and sat down beside her.

“Why are you still nice to me? I was so rude to you before.” Hermione choked out after some time.

His brown eyes softened and he looked down at his hands.

“I know what you are going through must be hard. I’m not blaming you for acting out because I’m sure you were just upset. And besides, I can take it.” He said, turning to her and smiling.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you Rafe.” She said quietly.

“No worries. You need help getting through this letter?” He asked, pointing to the paper in her hand.

Hermione slowly passed over the letter and watched as he opened it up to reveal a parchment full of words. He looked at her and then back down at the page before clearing his throat and quietly speaking.

“Okay, here goes nothing. Dear Hermione, I don’t even know if you’ll ever get this letter or not. This might end up being a useless piece of parchment. Just as useless as my life. After the longest few months of my life and so many sleepless nights, I waited for you for 24 hours in Dumbledore’s office. I then searched the grounds just in case you popped up in a strange spot. I even tried to sneak up to the girls dormitory to see if you snuck up there without saying ‘hi’ to me. I felt like half of me died when the clock struck 12 and you still weren’t here. Or maybe I just built up the idea of you coming back so much, that I actually believed you were going to come. Little did I know that all these months, my dreams have been only that…just dreams

Hermione’s cries cut Rafe off. She could feel the way she hurt him in his letter. Rafe looked at her and began to tuck away the letter.

“N-no, p-please continue.” Hermione sobbed.

Rafe reached over and held her hand gently in his, stroking it with his thumb and began reading again.

I don’t even know where my life is going to go from here. I can’t see myself ever loving again. I know I’m young and have hopefully many more years ahead of me, but I don’t think this pain will ever go away. I’m really trying to comprehend reasons why you didn’t return. Maybe you found someone special or maybe your family didn’t want you to come, which I understand completely. Or, maybe it’s because you fear that if you come back, one day I will die like you knew before. I can only hope that day comes before I see you enter Hogwarts in years to come. I don’t think I can stand to see you grow up, get married and have kids…unless I’m by your side. I know I must be sounding selfish in so many ways. James and Remus have been trying to convince me it’s for the best, but it’s hard to do so when I know they don’t believe it themselves. I guess this is the time where I must part from this journal, as it serves no purpose anymore. I do wish you well and maybe I’ll see you in the not so distant future. Just remember you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I thank you for entering my life.

Hermione sobbed and looked at him through her bloodshot eyes.

“Is that all?”

Signed, Sirius. Now that’s all.”

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