The Puzzling Prattlings of a Pulchritudinous Potions Professor by JuicyJuice
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The Mad, Harry Beginning
Harry Potter comes to Hogwarts. And unfortunately there seems to be no way to stop him.
First Lesson and Ferreting
While unburdening the particulars of his first lesson with the Gryffindor First Years, Snape reminisces about, well, ferreting. . .
The Painters Are In
Something shameful happens, and Snape learns the facts of life.
Shoe Shoppin' Snape
Everyone needs shoes. Severus Snape is no exception.
Quidditch, Quirrel, and Quarrels
Potter gets onto the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and other catastrophes.
The Fluffy Halloween Fiasco
A troll gets into the dungeons. Snape runs after some socks. Naturally, it is all Harry Potter's fault.
This Snape is Bananas
A professor must have some educational way to amuse himself...
Composure, Curses, and, of course, Conniptions
Snape saves Harry's life. But will he forgive himself? He also has an important conversation with Dumbledore...and catches McGonagall at something mildly shocking...
Love, Hormones, and Other Household Pests
"Death I can face, pain I can handle, but teenage romance—that and bubblegum flavored ice cream—can put me off food for days. And I'm not much for Filch's singing voice either. Or smiling."
Holiday Havoc and Christmas Cavorting
Severus basks in the Christmas spirit.
Quirrel v. Grease Lightning
Our feminist hero fails to expell Harry Potter, and then takes a long, solitary walk...with Quirrel.
Middle Aged Women
What does Trelawney See? Why is Severus required to write poetry and learn how to ride a broomstick? And why, for Goodness' sake, why is McGonagall's hat fireproof?
Love Letters, Poetry, Well-Timed Insults, and Other Literature
Our Great Narrator sees a little too much of Harry Potter. And then has some writing to do.
Snape the Ref
Severus has a bit of trouble referreeing the game, and makes himself feel better with a bit of good old Quirrel-intimidation. Unfortunately, that doesn't end very well either.
The Mirror of Erised
Severus and Dumbledore transport the Mirror, and Severus discovers something very interesting about the Philosopher's Stone...
The Love Doctor is In...Trouble
Our leading man dabbles in student love lives. And makes an interesting discovery about McGonagall.
The Hogwarts Zoo
One eventful day, filled with love animals, real animals, and, of course, a mooing McGonagall. Also, our pulchritudinous narrator reveals a bit more about the undying romance between Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris. It is not actually that funny. More like a horror film.
End With A Snape
The year comes to a close.
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