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Reading Reviews for Remember
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DossyVilja I'm Not Penelope

16th May 2017:
I will have to start with two 'sorry's. (1) I really, really am sorry for taking so long to come here with you requested review (nothing to excuse me...), and (2) I'm sorry I did not leave separate reviews for the two chapters, but the way you ended the first chapter made me so much want to read the second, that I was unable to stop myself to gather my thoughts, I had to read on.

So very well done for that, those few seconds while the next chapter was loading I was truly wondering who might have cast that Obliviate spell - and honestly my first idea was that it would be Audrey, that this is how she wanted to help Percy ease the pain.

I was so happy to see this twist, because until this point I was thinking that the story did not have much in it (I mean compared to your other stories, you know I'm a big fan of your work, so my expectations were high ;-)). You do have some good text in there, I like very much how Audrey thinks through what to say about the loss of Fred. I also think it is a great idea that you made Audrey be Penelope's sister, it's funny that you say that's just because you couldn't come up with a family name you liked (yes I tend to read the reviews and answers to a story as well... :)), but for me that was one of the best ideas in there, and as I'm nor aware of the maiden name of Percy's wife, I can totally accept that.

The fact that Audrey and Percy had known each other before the battle (so that they got together during the time when Percy was not talking to his family) is something I've never given a thought, but it sounds reasonable. And it is a nice touch that Percy had been talking to Audrey about his family (so much that she recognized Bill).

I did not think that this was much of a romance piece, it is about the relationship between Audrey and Percy, but it has a lot of action and it certainly has a lot of depth apart from the blind love of Audrey, so better for me :). Actually I can see why you are not happy with this, but why you still published it. The idea of the story is great, but somehow as written now it is just too much like a fairy tale (that Audrey will wait no matter how long, that she didn't mind, that it was worth it...). I don't think I can offer any specific advice here, but probably if you let the story rest and re-read it after some time you will find a way to improve it.

In general the pace is good, the conversation feels real, so this is a decent story, I'm glad I've read it! (and I hope I did not sound too harsh - I do think that this is a good story)

Author's Response: Vilja! You don't need to apologise, I'm fine with any review ;)

Hmm...Audrey could have cast the spell, now that I think about it. I suppose it's nice to leave the reader hanging every now and then? (By that, I really mean all the time :P)

Aw, thank you for your lovely comment about my works, I'm so touched :3 I know this isn't exactly my BEST work, but I'm still glad you liked the twist and Audrey being Penelope's sister. It works for some people, it doesn't for others, but I think it's nice if we have some sense of what family Audrey is from, and Clearwater is a reasonably well known name in the series :)

Yep, better for you, definitely! It's interesting how you described it as blind love, because as far as I know, no one else has thought of it that way. I like to think she could see past his obnoxiousness and bring out the good in him, but I agree that it could easily be interpreted as blind love- especially since he's all she seems to be thinking about! :P As for the ending, I might just leave it for now. I honestly tried to improve it and it ended with Audrey losing her will to live and dying in the Battle...and I'd rather not make this story even more depressing- for now ;)

Don't worry, you weren't harsh at all! Your review was very helpful, thank you :D


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Review #2, by Felpata Lupin The Battle

12th May 2017:
Hi! Here with your requested review! (Sorry for the long wait...)

Wait... who obliviated who? I hate cliffhangers, why do you all keep doing that?

But I did enjoy this chapter. :) I found your characterization of Audrey very interesting so far. I liked that she was there for Percy and that she helped him seeing past his pride and ambition and going back to his family and the bright side. Also, she is a Clearwater? Interesting :)

Ah, the ending... Fred... :'( There are no right words to say in these situations, I'm just glad she was there for him in that moment. Poor Percy... :(

I think you did a nice job with this chapter. The pace was good, the dialogue felt natural and there was just the right balance between dialogue and description. I did find this a bit too short and the end a bit too rushed... but you left me wonder, which is always a good thing ;)

Nice work so far!
Much love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Hehe...because it's the only way I can end things decently? ;)

I'm glad you liked her characterisation! The Clearwater thing was a spontaneous idea which popped into my mind because I couldn't think of any other surnames that weren't rubbish, but it's not canon :)

Originally, this was a one shot, and then I split it partly because it was a bit long and partly because I had too many ideas for chapter names :P I agree that the ending was a bit sudden but...yeah. I guess that's what surprises are for lol.

Thanks for the review! :D



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