2016-12-09 11:40:03
I think it was overall good. However, I think that when you wrote "the list of forbidden stuff that is written the blackboard" should be "the list of forbidden stuff that is written on the blackboard". I thought it was an interesting twist to sort Albus in Slytherin and Scorpius in Ravenclaw. Also, the students are usually sorted in alphaberical order.

Author's Response: Thank you very much :)
2016-11-11 11:43:43
I think it is nice that Rose and Scorpius are friends.

Author's Response: It's nice that you like the idea. Thank you :)
2016-11-06 13:17:46
I don't think there are many mistakes. Your story is very good.

Author's Response: Thank you very much :)
Great chapter! I LOVE that Scorp was sorted into Ravenclaw :)

Author's Response: Thank you :) I thought that he could break through the Malfoy tradition!
2016-11-06 13:17:46
This is funny! I laughed when Ginny broke Dudley's car.

Author's Response: I took that as a compliment! Thanks :)
2016-11-06 13:17:46
Really quick I have to praise you on your expert use of quotations! You have perfect grammar when someone is talking. You also used a lot of advanced words… even I wouldn’t have thought to use “enamoured”! Also “—” is an advanced thing to learn, yet you seem to have mastered it!

Here’s ten quick tips:

1.When you’re making a list, there should be a comma before the “and”.

For example,
“The house was large, dark, and cold.”
“Gert enjoys riding his bike, reading, talking with his friends, and going to school.”

2) Instead of using the phrase “in previous times” you should say “in the past”.

For example:
“In the past, Carla had been kind to her friends, but now she is rude to them.”
“In the past, people believed that Axel would become a doctor, but instead he became a lawyer.”

3) This one is a bit confusing and I hope I explained it clearly. When concerning love, sadness, surprise, and other feelings, it’s almost always best to use the verb “feel” rather than “think”. The best way to decide between “feel” and “think” is to ask yourself if what you are trying to say is an emotion. If it is, you should use “feel”. If the phrase has to do with an opinion, use “think”.

For example:
“Lydia thinks that Dan is lying to her.” (since this is an opinion of Lydia, use “think”).
“Louise feels joyful.” (since joy is an emotion, use “feel”)

4) I’m no teacher, so you should search online or ask your English teacher for this one. Basically, work on learning the difference between “am”, “are”, “is”, “was”, “were”, and “being”.

For example:
“Lars is sad.”
“I am happy.”
“Leni was a nice woman.”
“You are being mean.”
“They were concerned.”

The difference between the verb “to be” and “to feel” aren’t always very clear in English, but if you are unsure between the two it’s safest to go with “to be” (am/are/is/being/was).

5) When you are talking about the location of a person or people, it’s best to put the person before the place.

For example:
You should say “My entire family was in the house.” instead of “In the house was my entire family.”.
You should say “Josef was in the mall.” instead of “In the mall was Josef.”

6) “I’m” should only be used if there are words after it in the sentence.

For example:
Say “I am.” instead of “I’m.” if there is nothing after it.
If you want to say “I am ready to go to the store.” you could shorten it to “I’m ready to go to the store.”
Say “Like the good student I am.” instead of “Like the good student I’m.”
If you want to say “I am prepared for the task.” you could shorten it to “I’m prepared for the task”.

7) Use “shook” not “shacked”

For example:
“My hands shook.”
“He stomped his foot and the entire room shook.”

8) If you are using ellipses (...) the next letter should not be capitalized unless it’s “I”.

For example:
“Well...I’d like to go to the party, mum.”
“Well...she said she wanted a puppy.”
“I was just thinking….maybe we could go to the beach.”
“Perhaps it’s not the best idea, I mean… it sounds dangerous.”
“Hmm...I’d like to go to the park.”

9) Don’t start your sentences with “And”! Instead, make the sentences into one sentence. You should NEVER start a sentence with “and” or “but”.

For example:
Say “You stole my wallet and my car!” instead of “You stole my wallet! And my car!”
Say "I like the dog, but I don't know his name." instead of, "I like the dog. But I don't know his name."

10) “Aunt” and “Uncle" are capitalized if you are using them as a title.

For example:

“Evanna is my aunt.”
“Aunt Evanna has a dog.”
“I have an uncle named Doug in Germany.”
“Uncle Doug lives in Germany.”

I’d really like to help you as this story progresses, but I’ll need a way to message you. I’ve already fixed all the grammar issues in this chapter in a document on my computer but I need a way to give it to you, and Harry Potter Fanfiction limits the number of words I can post in a review. Remember that website “The Dark Arts” that I mentioned in my last review? If you make an account on there I’ll probably be able to help you with English and answer any questions you have. If you wanted me to help you revise your chapters, you can make an account there and reply to this review with your username so I can send you messages.

Author's Response: Wow.
I'm really amazed. I didn't think that you would help me that much. This is so great. Thank you very much.
The funny thing is that we heard about the comma before the and today at school :)
I made an account at "The Dark Arts" and my username is NiniLuna. I cannot thank you enough. Your help is unique, amazing, fanastic,...
I only want to say that you really don't have to do that. It is absolutely fine when you have no time or when you don't want to read the story. I feel a bit guilty because of wasting your time.

Thanks :)
This is pretty great if English is your second language! English is such a hard language to learn. There are some grammatical and sentence structure errors here and there but your meaning comes across just fine. The only thing that stands out a lot is that it's spelled "prologue" not "prolog". I hope people aren't discouraged by the fact that it's not grammatically perfect. If you don't get many reads or reviews it's only because people weren't willing to give the story a shot.

Have you considered ordering a banner for your story? You can do that through a site called "The Dark Arts" all you need to do is sign up and you should be able to find some instructions there on how to ask for a banner for your story. More people tend to read when there is a banner for your fanfiction.

Good job so far! Keep it up! :)

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you very much! I'm so happy that there is an answer.
It is great to hear what other people think about my story and my English. Thank you for your tips, they are really helpful. Prolog is the German word :) I forgot to change it.
Are there many problems with grammar? Could you maybe show me the worst ones?

Thank you again :)
Have a nice weekend.


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