Loved this one shot! U should write more on the marauders! I'd love to read about their first date now.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!
Happy holidays, my love!!!
I just realized (okay, that's a lie, I've known for a while but never managed to come here sooner...) that I never officially reviewed this story... (I guess I sort of did on Google docs, but that doesn't really count...) so I'm here to remedy (and to thank you of your wonderful gift with a little gift on my own...)
So, first of all... I don't know why on earth you'd ever thought you couldn't write the Marauders... You write them amazingly! I want more! I'm Sirius!
Ahahah! I loved the first segment! Poor James... his friends aren't being very helpful, are they? :P All three of them were perfect, I so loved Sirius' comments and Remus' snorts. Eheheh! Also, I'm so honoured that you named one of the characters after me, even if it's only a quick snippet! I'm sure Kiara's baby owl was super cute...
Ah, James... will you ever grow up? *shakes head* I so loved his reaction when he realized it was Lily's bag. And Lily's thoughts when he left "he's never been this easy to get rid of before". Ahahah, so hilarious!
The exchange with Severus made me sad... and it really highlights the differences between the two boys. Because, as much as James is a bully and a total idiot, the things Severus is involved in are pure evil, and it's so sad that he doesn't realize until much later. I still feel sorry for him...
At risk of being repetitive, James is the world's biggest idiot! Ahahah! But I must confess that I love him that way. :P Once again, I loved how you wrote all of them. Especially Peter's comment and James' reply. Perfect. (Poor little Petey... :P)
Aww... Jily love... such a cute ending... James can be so sweet when he wants to... you know how much I adore them as a couple, they are just perfect. And this little story is perfect, I love it so much!
Thanks to you for writing this and happy holidays again!
Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much, little Chi! To have you love the way I write Marauders means so much! ♥
HELO! (I'm cross posting)
I'm just going to crawl into this story and live there. Okay? Great.
First and foremost, Jily gives me life and this might very well be one of my favorites I've read it's absolutely wonderfully perfect and has every aspect I'm looking for with a good jily. Let's discuss this a moment though. This is only a one shot and I think you should consider making this a 300 chapter story. Seriously. Just think it over.
Can I just say that your marauders are all absolutely perfect? You've really nailed the characterization of each and every one of them. I can't decided which one is my favorite right now. Probably Sirius. My favorite line from Sirius must be “Look at how much you’ve changed since you asked her out last – been at least a week now, I think? You wear your hair parted on the left instead of the right, your glasses are about a millimetre further down your nose…”
The friendship between the boys is so well characterized too. All of your dialogue flows so easily. I know I've told you half a million times before that you are exceptionally skilled at dialogue, but this story just exemplifies that! Everything is so quotable!
I like the ending with Severus. It was less shock and awe and heated anger and more cutting toxic people out of your life. I think that message is one that a lot of people really need in their lives. Sometimes you can still love and care for someone but realize that they can't be part of your world anymore. When that happens it's okay to remove them from your life. You aren't being mean, you are standing up for yourself and in this case others as well. Severus had a choice to make and at that point he picked the wrong one.
I like to see the personal growth of James (even if it's motivated by wanting a date). He swallowed his pride (and insufferable ego) and went ahead and apologized. Not to mention how thoughtful the sandwich thing was. AND he's staying in studying with her. That's so adorable. I NEED MORE OF IT PLEASE.
Author's Response: Aw this review was such a surprise!
I can't believe how much you love this, you're so amazing and you make me feel amazing.
I've been meaning to write another Jily soon, and I think you've just given me the push I needed to get started!
And *squee* over your dialogue comment! Thank you SO much!
Much love ♥ ♥ ♥
I've never written a Marauders story before, so I know exactly how you feel. I would say, though, you definitely did the fandom proud! This was a great, straight-forward, piece with no over-the-top characterizations and wonderful dialogue. Have I mentioned how much I love your dialogue, yet? I know, I know, I've been focusing mostly on your descriptive abilities in my reviews, but I've been meaning to tell you how well-written your dialogue is. It's appropriate for each of the characters, smart, clean and expressive. And good dialogue means a lot of good “showing” versus “telling”. If I had never read a Marauders fic in my life, I think this story would give me a very good idea of their history and Lily's relationship with James and Severus. And can I just say that I appreciate how you presented us with James's not so nice side (he attacks Snape for no reason) along with his ability to change as a person due to Lily's influence. I really liked the fact that in this story, he's obviously trying to be a “good boy” for Lily, although he's definitely still, well, James.
Again, I think you did the Marauders justice. You're a very versatile writer and I've been thoroughly enjoying your work. :)
Author's Response: Hello!
Aw thank you so much, I'm so glad you think I did them justice!
Argh you are too kind! Your reviews have been absolutely amazing, and I've been thoroughly enjoying reading them!!
Thanks so much again,
:O James swallows his pride? Well, I never! I can't wait to see this happening!
Hahahaha I love that James is using Sirius as a practice person to asking Lily out. :D Sirius would make a good Lily stand in I think.
Hahaha James has changed a lot since then if he's parting his hair differently. He must be an entirely different person!
Nope, James hasn't changed at all. :P
Although, if he's going to apologise then I think he might have changed.
Aw the ending to this was adorable, and I'm so glad that she agreed to have him study with her. Look at them being all cute!
Loved this!! :D
Author's Response: Yes, well, I did say it was my first Marauder attempt :P
Thank you Tammi! ♥
Hello dear! I'm here with your requested review and I have to ask, why on earth did you think you couldn't write Marauders?? I thought this was wonderful and SO cute omg!!! JILLY FOREVER. Please never stop writing ♥
You asked specifically about characterization, so I'll focus on that. I think Remus is *spot on* and I love the details you sneak in about him. Although Peter's appearance is super brief, I'm glad you included him, and I think you capture him impressively well in so very few words.
Sirius seems in character to me. I LOVE that he marks a tally of Lily's rejections of James! haha!
Snape is appropriately terse and the voice felt right, so nicely done there. Honestly, writing Snape kind of terrifies me! Kudos :D
You did a *wonderful* job with Lily. ♥ I've sometimes seen her written as a Mary Sue, but you've done brilliantly with her and avoided that trap. The only question I have with her is, I don't know that Lily as I understand her would forgive Severus for such a terrible thing, even if it is only because she's decided to end the friendship. I think I'd find it more believable if his crime were something milder or if she were more upset. However, that is certainly a matter of opinion :)
Last but not least: James! Aw, James, gotta love him!! And ohmigoodness you ROCKED him! He's wonderful. You're wonderful. It's all wonderful. ♥ ♥ One thing I'd like to see if you decide to revise, but which isn't absolutely necessary, is a bit of internal regret on James' part for jinxing Snape, or a brief thought that he shouldn't - something to connect with the idea that he's changed some, even if he still jinxes Snape anyway.
Overall, I am so impressed to know this is the first time you've written these characters, because you've done a fab job of it! I'm not surprised, because you are amazing, duh.
You also asked about pacing - I thought the pacing was well done, no comments on that.
I found two little errors with tense in the last section-
"Lily won't go out with him unless he apologized" - should be "apologizes"
"She knows she'd done the right thing with Severus" - should be "she's done"
Ok, so the whole time I was writing this review I was sort of desperate to get to the end because OH. MY. WORD. THE END IS SO CUTE! ♥ Beyond cute. I loved it!
Wonderful story, dear!! Thank you so very much for requesting a review - and for being my first ever requester!!
I'm working on improving my reviews, so if you have any feedback for me on that front, shoot me a PM ;)
Author's Response: RNENENENE!
Ohhh myyy Merlinnn this review put the biggest smile on my face! As I read I was slowly relaxing all my stress at a dodgy-character Marauder story, so thank you ♥
I will admit the scene between Snape and Lily felt a little off to me too, but (I shall be honest) I rushed this story and the challenge theme was forgiveness, so I squeezed it in. But this, along with your advice on a bit about James' regret, is something I'm considering changing, so thank you!
You are doing a top notch job of reviewing! I'm always here if you need to practice ;)
Thanks again ♥ x
Hey there! Here for our swap, finally! (Sorry about the delay, I had the nastiest cold)
So you honestly thought you couldn't write a Maruaders story? Because this is one of the best ones I think I've read. Your characters were so amazingly, perfectly, brilliantly in character! The Marauders are my favorite, by far and you captured them so, so well! Great job on this!
That opening was so super funny. I don't think I've ever read a fic that had me literally laugh out loud within the first few lines. When it was Sirius that James was practicing with! Haha! "No I don't think I will." XD way too funny! And then Remus quietly snorting behind his book. I mean, could you have written these three any more perfectly?!
Oh James... Why did you have to hex Severus? Especially when you're trying to prove to Lily that you've changed. How horribly that backfired for him.
I liked the exchange between Lily and Severus, because it shows that the end of their friendship was a building thing, and not just in response to the Mudblood incident. I'm sure they probably did have a few conversations about the direction he was headed in, and how uncomfortable it made Lily feel. It couldn't have been easy on her to see him cozying up to the future death eaters, being a Muggleborn.
And James truly thought it would be a good idea to blame Snape for what he did? Lily was right. He was an idiot haha. That's no way to show that you're trying to be different now.
I loved the comment he made to Peter. That cracked me up!
The ending of this was so sweet. I loved non-cocky, genuine James. See, that's all you needed to do all along, Potter! Him bringing her food was so, so super adorable and thoughtful. I could only imagine is face dropping when Lily said no to Hogsmeade (again) and then immediately perking up when she asked him to help her study. It was such an aw moment. And then the little kiss on the cheek! *squee* loved it!!
This was so, so wonderful and such a joy to read. I'd read your version of the Marauders every day for the rest of my life and be happy. :) Thank you for the swap! I'm so thrilled I had the chance to read this!! ♥
Author's Response: Meg!
I can't thank you enough for this amazing review! I was so nervous posting it but it's such a relief to know the characters are good! It's encouraging me to write more in future, because I really do love the era!
Thanks again you wonderful lady ♥
Well, you definitely can write a Marauder story.
Author's Response: This. This is all I needed to hear.
Thank you so much!! ♥
The opening line made me tear up a little! It was so sweet of you to write this and dedicate it to me *tears of joy*
Prepare for some ultimate gushing right here!
So, I LOVE Sirius' reactions to James' rehearsals! I'm guessing he'd be totally (un)helpful exactly this way! And his imitation of Lily... LOL! I could definitely picture him like that!
And poor James, he didn't mean to hit the curse on Lily's bag! But trust him to not be apologetic about it! I love that he's not sappy in love here - his pride *sighs* ah his pride!
And you sunk Snily *does a little dance*
It wasn't cool of James to lie to her like that, and blame Snape instead. But James is so the type to do that! And I LOVE that you've written him that way :O :O :O
Captain Observant .. HAHAHAHA!!!
YESSS... Lily's beginning to fall for him (sings)
This was such a cute, fluffy adorable one shot and I LOVED it :D :D :D
Thank you so much for writing this one for me, and honestly YOU ROCK AT WRITING THE MARAUDERS!!! I know you said you'd stick with Tom Riddle, but in case you're thinking of branching out - HINT!
Love you to bits, B!!
Author's Response: Yay Ysh I'm so glad you liked it! It would not be here without you - you inspire me to write, and not just a Marauder story!
Thank you for being such a wonderful, kind, supportive, beautiful friend.
Love you! ♥