12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Magicabounds Into the Weeds

5th May 2017:
Really missing the magical aspect of all this. Integrating into the muggle world is great, but this is way to much. You're getting way to much into explanation of what's going on. The reader should not have to have this much detail to understand where you want to go with your ideas. You need to be in the magical world more with less importance on the muggle world and laws. Your writing is very good, but I was hoping for more in depth of their lives and less of their work. I guess just more of the original characters writhe the addition of the new people

Author's Response: Magicabounds,

Thank you for taking the time to review "Grand Trine." I appreciate your advice and will keep it in mind as I move forward. To some extent, it is what one reviewer called "chewing the scenery" that is my natural style. I quite like imagining their responses to the Muggle world and how the personalities and talents they bring from magic play out as they create their Muggle identities.

But, I'm sure I sometimes write as much for the fun of the writing as for the story, so thanks for your review. It's early for me to see what is too much, I'll need another pass, but the rest of the story isn't posted or final. I'll keep my eyes open.

Bill


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Review #2, by PendleWizard Breakfast at Hermione's

18th April 2017:
I'm very much enjoying this story and am waiting to see where you go with it!

I'd probably put WC rather than W.C, but I think it's just preference. And toilet is probably the commonest euphemism, but there's nothing wrong with WC.

Just one plea: Please tell Harry and Ron not to keep their real ale in the fridge - it is stored and drunk at room temperature. Actually, I think most twenty-somethings in the early noughties would have drunk lager, although I realise they are not typical twenty-somethings!

Author's Response: PendleWizard,

Thanks! There's so much I don't know about your customs. Glad you enjoyed the story so far, I'll fix the anomalous beverage bits. I hope you enjoy where the story goes. Thanks so much for your review.

Bill


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Review #3, by dumbledore_wannabe The Grand Trine

23rd March 2017:
Well, the plot thickens!! Interesting idea, can't wait to see what you do with it. :)

Author's Response: Hi dumbledore-wannabe, nice to see your pen name again, I hope all is well.

Well, I won't say what will happen but everything is in place for the resolution, just not for a while. I need to "chew the scenery" for a time.

Bill


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Review #4, by hgstories A Lovers' Morning

14th February 2017:
Welcome back! Chinese book was one of my favorite stories and I am very much looking forward to this one! One thing that has confused me so far has been the acronyms. I assume WC is walk-in closet? I'm not sure what the acronym for Harry's work means. Maybe I missed something where you explained them, but just something to keep in mind.

Author's Response: hgstories,

Thanks, i hope you will continue to enjoy the story.

WC I meant as "water closet" a room with, or the flush toilet itself. Maybe it should be punctuated: W.C. I'm a native American speaker, I may have this wrong.

ACS is "Affordable Computer Services," what Harry created to help out the not-for-profits.

Thanks, your review is the second to note somethings I should have done better earlier in the story. I'll go back and do that.

As always, HPFF readers are helpful. I appreciate knowing things like this.

Bill


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Review #5, by kayt Day-to-Day

6th February 2017:
There aren't many well written stories covering this period of time for Harry et al, so I'm really enjoying your take on what happens to them. I had several chapters saved to read - I like a big chunk of story so as to get immersed in all the lovely detail you provide. I think that as with the CB it will be great to reread as a whole when its finished. I have to admit I'm finding it slightly hard to imagine Harry as a computer genius, but I'm working on it! Its just one of the many details that give your story originality.

Author's Response: kayt,

I hope that by the end it will finish satisfyingly.

But, thanks so much for drawing my attention to you difficulty with Harry the computer genius. I'll need to find a place to add some dialog.

Even today, mastering a computer skill is one of the ways for entrepreneurial, shy, and people with just poor social skills can earn a nice life. In Harry's case I'm thinking this is one of the ways to merge into Muggle culture without doing what Hermione does in this story. I thought it fit well and will look to explain more when I think of where to do it in the text.

Also, I need to work on the portrayal of what he actually does, I mean it more as a smart aggregator than a computer genius. He knows how to apply the work of genius.

Thanks for the stimulus kayt.

Bill


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Review #6, by dumbledore_wannabe Ministerial Magic

13th January 2017:
Love the way you thought about redesigning the whole Ministry and the details of accomplishing it. Very imaginative and original!

Author's Response: Dumbledore_Wannabe,

Thank you, I appreciate your feedback. I'm playing with the mind-side of magic, thinking what would "real" magic be, and proposing it would be effected by mind and wand.

Bill


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Review #7, by dumbledore_wannabe A Sense of Relief

30th December 2016:
I'm always happy whenever you post, and I'm interested to see where this story is going! Hope everyone in your family is okay now. :)

Author's Response: Thanks Dumbledor_wannabe,

We're as good as can be expected, thank you. Getting old takes some work.

I'm honestly not sure about the pace for revealing the mystery. Hopefully, it is not too slow. The reveal is a few chapters down the road and the resolution won't come until the end.

Bill


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Review #8, by ppn1958 A Lovers' Morning

3rd August 2016:
I am loving this story! Please hurry up and update!😀😀😀

Author's Response: ppn1958,

I should have a new chapter posted by this weekend, thank you for your kind review!

Bill


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Review #9, by Michael Bell Pizza and Bunny Slippers

13th June 2016:
First, welcome back. It is wonderful to have your vision in another story. I am enjoying the start. A little more opening exposition that I might expect, but you do have to write backwards and forwards for a bit and I recognize that. What appealed to me most in the Chinese Book was your skill with dialogue. You have the voices down and that is a great thing. Cannot wait for more. Well I can and will, but thanks for taking on another story line.

Author's Response: Michael,

Thank you for taking the time to write. You're right, of course, I do need to wander about the scenery before I can get going. In the case of “Grand Trine,” where I am trying to bring a story out of the day-to-day mundane, Grimmauld Place seemed like another character. As that it let me play with ideas like “magical space," the magic of transforming it.

There'll be lots of dialog starting with Touch & Talk the chapter I just posted. I've paid a lot of attention to the phrases introducing dialog as chances to shade the emotional content.

Thank you,all the chapters are written, I'll post them as I get the proofing a bit better. I hope not to disappoint.

Bill


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Review #10, by dumbledore_wannabe Pizza and Bunny Slippers

3rd June 2016:
Oh, how wonderful, you are back with a new story!! Can't wait to see where it goes. :)

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm a bit behind in posting, hope to get there this weekend. It is planting time where I live and the garden is getting all the attention.

Bill


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Review #11, by annimal16 Prologue: Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

28th April 2016:
Im so exited you finaly posted this story.
Loved the last story. Amd im stoked for this one!

Author's Response: annimal16,

This is more mystery and character-based than "Chinese Book," so I hope it doesn't move too slow. More detail of Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione's day-to-day magical lives, less action.

Bill



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Review #12, by kayt Prologue: Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

28th April 2016:
Glad to see s new story from you as I loved the Chinese Book. Look forward to more.

Author's Response: kayt,

I'll say the same as I did to annimal16, there's more mystery and detail of Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione's day-to-day magical lives, less action than "Chinese Book."

Bill


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