It's Plums, here at last to review your entry for the AU Challenge. It was such an interesting read to see how far Percy could've strayed. The fact that you managed to couple the allure of working for Voldemort with his loyalty to the Ministry was impressive. Though neither of them were friends to Harry Potter and the Order, the Ministry and Voldemort were still on opposite sides essentially.
So you have the many aspects of the personality of Percy Weasley down pretty well. We see that he has a healthy love for the rules whatever they might be and more than your average dose of ambition. The way you've translated this is truly one of the strongest points of the fic because of how drastic the change in events is. By staying faithful to his characterisation throughout, you have managed to convincingly have him turn sides. What I like most about it is that none of it seems to be about his bad relations with his family, not really. It is simply about ambition and what he has to do to survive now that he is such a sticky situation.
I actually have conflicted feelings about Voldemort's presence. It makes sense to have him there to welcome new recruits, but at the same time, part of me feels as if it is too soon, perhaps? Of course, it's extremely important to have him there so that his turn of phrase persuades Percy to join his side. In Chapter Two, Voldemort's presence is essential to both entice and intimidate Percy with his offer. However, it seems a little strange to me personally that he would welcome this potential/new recruits himself; as The Dark Lord, I would've imagined him to use one of his Death Eaters, perhaps someone in his inner circle?
Speaking of Death Eaters, reading about Wormtail made me recoil. Poor Percy! He has no idea that Wormtail was his rat for nearly ten years! I did like reading about little details like that.
Ultimately, this was a very strong fic. I'm actually surprised that you managed to show the transition of Percy changing sides without inciting hatred. Usually, I'm extremely protective over the bulk of the Weasleys and the fact that Percy is going to betray them... Well, that thought annoys me, but I can oddly sympathise with him. Like so many before him, Voldemort played to his weaknesses and trapped him so he has no way out.
Thank you for entering the challenge!
You still have time to run Percy! The order will protect you from this monster! DON'T DO IT!!
Er. excuse you Voldemort! He is a Weasley! That means he is talented!
Oooh Voldemort had his eye on him? Must be for his connection to Harry.
Percy he's manipulating you! He's boosting your ego! Don't hurt him Voldie :(
I don't think that he's going to give it to you Percy.
He's going to kill Percy eventually isn't he? I wish that Percy was stronger. This is exactly like how I imagine it happened with Peter back in the day!
You've done a wonderful job at showing Voldemort's manipulative nature. It just happens so smoothly and naturally that you don't realise he's doing it until BAM you have the tattoo!
Don't do it Percy! You're betraying your family and those you love!
I'm going to cry :( Why are you doing this Percy? *sobs*
What made you come up with this fabulous idea? It's so original! It's brilliant!
I feel a little for Scrimgeour, I don't think that he was ever going to get control of the ministry. I also feel for Percy as well, he just wanted to do well for himself, but unfortunately it didn't work out for him at all.
:O Oh my! I was not expecting him to be taken to a Death Eater meeting! What?! HOW IS HE GOING TO GET OUT OF THAT ONE? No! Don't believe it Percy! Don't fall into the trap! DON'T GO TO THE DARK SIDE!
PLease don't do it Percy.
PLease don't do it!
Oh no, The dark lord wants to talk to him :(
No you can't end it there! I hope that in the next chapter it's Percy killing Voldemort! I will cry if he joins the death eaters! :(
Why must you hurt me in this way? :P haha
YAY, first review!! ♥
You already know a lot about what I think about this chapter, but I'm going to leave a review anyway because YES.
First off, I can't remember if I said this in the review of the first chapter or not, but I'm really happy that you chose to take Percy's story and make a spin-off about it - it definitely provides some insight into WHY he is the way he is in LNW. And I think you've shown a really logical progression in him so far - you're definitely making it easy to see how he wound up that way in your story!
I LOVE the playing around you did with Percy and Wormtail - Peter knows who he is, but Percy can't seem to place him - it's hilarious. I can't help but wonder what will happen if and when Percy does find out and/or realize!
Percy's characterization is, again, spot-on! You have this amazing way of getting in to your character's heads, and we can see that even more clearly here - his thirst for recognition, his uncertainty, his shame of being on the wrong side, and, although he doesn't like to admit it, his hesitance for betraying his family.
And speaking of characterization... Voldemort. I mean, he's just perfect. Again, you really get into his head and show us that, while he's evil, he's also very manipulative, and that's how he's managed to get so many followers, get so much information - he definitely takes on many more characteristics in your stories that make him a much more round character, and it's amazing. And you've just got the perfect combination of manipulation and evil here!!
I'm really interested to see what happens next, and how/if Percy manages to get this information! Let me know when you've got it ready to go! :D
Great job!! ♥ *squish*
SLYTHERIN REVIEW TAG.
Ooh. I am excited about this Percy Weasley AU! He's such an interesting character who's rarely written about, so I'm excited to see where you take him and this story. Is he going to become a spy for the Order of the Phoenix? In the first few paragraphs I've read so far, I think this is unlikely, so I'm guessing he's going to become a Death Eater. Death Eater Percy Weasley is a character I can get behind!
I like how you've really emphasised just how loyal Percy is. For me, that's his defining Gryffindor trait, and I'm glad to see it playing such a strong role so far in the story, even if it is for someone whom I don't particularly like.
Describing Percy's ego as "delicate" is just so perfect. Yes, that's exactly what it is. Another defining Gryffindor trait, I think.
Yesss! I called it! DEATH EATER PERCY WEASLEY YAAASSS!
And omg he's already meeting Voldemort? Well, wasn't that fast?
This is an incredibly intriguing first chapter with an even more intriguing premise. Well done!
Hi there Deana,
I want to quickly say, I am in awe of this gripping chapter. Even though I was excited to read this as it was about Percy, I didn't think I'd be captivated so easily.
As the story progressed the more my thoughts, on what the ultimate betrayal would be, were confirmed. I honestly loved this and was bummed that it only had one chapter up.
I think your Percy felt canon to me, especially as you gave reasons to his actions. Percy has always been a stickler for the rules and I can definitely see him easily persuaded if the right words or appeal were said to him. Often, those who believe undyingly on the rules set for them are the most naive. (And this said by a person who used to also follow the rules to a T.) Percy is a thinker, very true, but you also showed how vulnerable he was.
Looking at our societies today, especially that of the American, imo, I think this kind of situation is most definitely plausible. It's scary to think that it is, but it's very true. Given the right circumstance, the right speech, the right inflections, and the right environment, people like Percy can be turned against the truer good.
I loved the subtly of the dark element in this first chapter. It's very true that there's a bit of darkness in everyone, because how do we understand light if we don't know the dark? And you do such a great job with Percy's character change.
If this had happened in the series, I wouldn't be surprised. For a long time, I had been mad at Percy. A part of me had always blamed him for Fred's death. I just thought, if he'd trusted his family more than the rules, more than the corrupt ministry, things would've been different, small it may be. He put his trust on what seemed like concrete words, ideas, and selfish people in the beginning. What was keeping him from not doing so in the end?
Great beginning! I'm curious now about for your Love, Not War novel. I'll be checking that out as well. :)
Firstly, wow! I really loved this and I'm so eager to see where you take this.
What really stood out was your characterisation of Percy; it really is believable that he could have 'stumbled' his way to being a Death Eater through his eagerness to follow the rules.
I also really like the way this chapter read, it flowed well and your word choice and sentence structure made this an easy engaging read.
As for constructive criticism, I don't have much per se, it's more just personal preference. I would have liked to have seen more descriptive elements, just a line or two here and there to elaborate on the setting or something that sets the scene would have been lovely. But, as I said, this is all my own preference.
I really did enjoy this, I can't wait to read more. It's such an interesting concept and I would love to see where you go with it.
- Lexa :)
This is Gabbie stopping by for our review swap and it's so good to be back! I really missed you and your writing. :)
I was really curious after reading the summary what this story was about and I am not disappointed. This was such a unique and interesting take on Percy, who really gets sidelined quite a bit in fanfiction. I love this idea that his own ambitions have taken him down a very dark path.
I always felt that if he hadn't gone back to his family in the Deathly Hallows, he may have fallen into a trap like this. What I really, really appreciate about this story is that you don't go out of your way to say that, "Yes, Percy is this awful person because of this that and the other."
You really get an understanding for his character and while you may not like him, I think you did a great job of fleshing him out. I think he feels so real, I can picture him so vividly in my mind and the breakdown and eventual acceptance of his darker self was brilliant.
What's always been interesting to me is that Percy is drawn to people in power, no matter if they're good or not. He has some reservations of course about Pius and what the secret organization might be but there was also this childish trust too. He didn't want to believe that someone he admired could be a bad person and his need to have respect/power/change just gave me chills.
I have to say that I'm kinda disappointed in Percy but I think you wrote this realistically. It didn't seem exaggerated or unbelievable. I could picture this happening and the meeting with the Death Eaters...just give me the chills! It's too late for him to back out now and I'm so worried for him but I think that you let this chapter hang on a great little cliffhanger.
What's going to happen next and who will Percy be by the end of it?
Oh! I was torn with this because at the moment, I'm kind of in love with Percy. He's so different in my story, This is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste so reading this made my fan girl heart nearly stop. Hahahaha.
Thanks for the swap!
What an intriguing plot! I've always found Percy an interesting character whose motives and beliefs we only get a fleeting glance at in canon. He's incredibly loyal and tends to blindly follow authority, which would make him susceptible to Voldemort.
I really enjoyed the way you wrote Percy's thought process in this. I think you kept him very canon, despite the fact that this is AU. It was easy to believe that 'yes, this is Percy.' He wasn't out of character. I especially liked how you described his friendship with Thicknesse. It makes sense that Thicknesse would be the link between Percy and Voldemort.
In the second paragraph you used 'principal' when you should've used 'principle.' That was the only grammar/spelling issue that stood out to me.
What I would love to read would be a more drawn out story (perhaps a short story or novella) of Percy's thinking that led up to his going to the meeting with Thicknesse. Essentially, the first part of this one-shot drawn out into a short story. I think there's a lot there and you really could delve into it more if you wanted to. But I realize this itself is a novel, so you had to do some backstory to get to the actual novel part.
I also would've liked to hear exactly what Voldemort was saying that Percy thought made so much sense. Voldemort was such a fantastic manipulator. Him twisting his words and his beliefs for his new recruits would be fascinating.
I think this was a great chapter! You definitely laid the groundwork for something really interesting. I haven't read a lot of AU novels, let alone ones that take place during the seven books, but I like this so far! :)
I got beaten to the first review! :( Oh well, I'll get it next time! :D
This is SO GOOD!!! Your description is absolutely incredible, I could picture everything here as it was happening SO clearly in my mind!
And I think you did a FANTASTIC job of getting into Percy's head. We really only see him once he's turned in LNW, so this is definitely a wonderful opportunity to explore WHY that happened, and I think you did a great job with it! I LOVE that you included his love of order and rules, and recognition - that is SO TRUE of Percy and so very in-character! You've shown us the natural progression of how Percy from the books could have turned into Percy from LNW!
I also think you did a great job of portraying just how convincing Voldemort can be - he's basically using logic to convince people who have different beliefs that his way is the best - and he's doing an excellent job at it. If even Percy can be persuaded to join his side, that's really saying something!
I know you weren't planning on this being any longer, but I'm super-thrilled that this is going to be a short story! I can't wait to see what happens next!!
Really, really well done, lovely! ♥
Oh how I love Evil Percy, let me count the ways!
1. He is interesting
2. He has a personality
3. He is slightly less annoying when he's evil
4. Someone a girl might actually be interested in
5. The AU & OC possibilities are super awesome
Percy is flirting with evil and I love it! I think you do a great job of taking cannon Percy and molding him into a believable rebellious evil version of himself. I am excited to see the second chapter to read the Percy/Voldemort first meeting.
Thanks for letting me read this early and taking some of my advice. You are a great writer!
I love evil Percy and apparently I may be the only one!