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Honestly, I haven't seen a story this unique in a while, and it's really refreshing! I love the humour, I love the writing style - can't wait for the next chapter!

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CTF Jailbreak Review

Hi there! I don't think I've read any of your writing properly before and now I'm finding myself questioning why that is. As far as the opening chapter of a story goes, this managed to tick all the right boxes and has already got me wanting to read more of the story. 

The opening line here was fantastic - it really grabbed me and got me to read on further into the chapter to find out what was actually happening and what the character had done. Actually, I think that very line here seemed carefully crafted and it felt like you'd put a lot of thought into the effect it would have.

I really like the way that you drew out the story of what had happened in this chapter - it didn't feel like you were dragging it out, but you teased the reader with just enough details all the time that it ensured they continued to read. 

The only tiny criticism I have here is that I think it would be good to have your protagonist's name placed more prominently - I know that she (?) is a Zabini but I think we could have heard her name more than once just so we're really sure of who she is.

I love the premise of this though, the way that they got caught driving a Muggle car (no wonder her mum was so mad) and put in prison for it. It's a great explanation of how she ended up in the boot camp, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest of it goes!

Sian :)

Author Response

Capture the Flag


So, I really like the build up within the chapter.  how she's describing the issue for a bit without saying what it is. I think her inner monologue is rather good, it flows really and quite humorous. I was hooked by wanting to know what was going on, why was she there? I like how throughout the chapter you were able to drop in pieces of information to the narrative e.g. she's in slytherin, her friends name, her surname. 

I'm rather scared that she's so flippant about nearly killing someone that's such crazy thing to happen! Poor Jack! however it did amuse me to think of them in prison trying to explain why they had no phones to call them on. underage magic too, she's building up quite the wrap sheet isn't she? it is understandable that her mum is angry! I'm surprised the other parents aren't more mad if they're from old school pureblood families.

So, I'm wondering - how is quidditch camp a punishment though? as other 'troubled' kids are also send here. what's so bad about quidditch? she mentioned always wanting to go? I guess in the future chapters then all will become obvious! As I see this is a James/OC i assume James is also going to quidditch camp of dooom! I think this story is shaping up to be a lot of of fun! xo

Author Response

Aw you nominated this chapter to me! :D This makes me so happy and I'm sorry it took me a while to get here. Your story definitely deserved to be nominated, it's so amazing. 

Oh no! That's not a good beginning. It's scary!

They have to share a tent? They're just getting more and more punished as the story goes on. Have they all got to share the one tent?

That's alright then, can you imagine it if was just this tiny two person tent? Hahaha That's a funny image of them all huddled up with one tiny blanket and one pillow :D


I'm going to decide with not a friend, but most defnitely not a foe... a foend... froe?

I reckon that they're going to have this morning routine everyday :D Just like a couple.

This is the best game ever! I can't wait for so many secrets to come out, I would ask questions just so they would have to tell them. Mwahahaha

Ouch! That is not a good ending! This hasn't gone well for her at all!

Another wonderful chapter, hun! I can't wait for more. This story just brings so much happiness to me and I can't stop smiling everytime I read it. :D

Author Response

I am back! Because this story is amazing and I love it! :D

Oh my god! PPLEASE PLEASE PLEAAASE TELL ME THAT THEY'RE PLAYING TWISTER OR SOME FORM OF IT?!

AHHH THIS IS EVEN BETTER! THIS IS AMAZING AND FUNNY AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THEM GET OUT OF THIS ONE!

I'm glad that they managed to work together to get out of it though. Look at that team work! They can achieve it :D

To be fair, I would have lunged at James too. 

oh! Who is this boy in yellow? I gots ta know!

I love yellows name :D IT's brilliant! hahahah I would be uneasy about him as well :S

Okay all of those names are brilliant! They're so hilarious and I love it!

Author Response

Hi there! I'm leaving reviews for everyone that was online in the forums a few minutes ago for funsies and you happened to be online! 

For starters, this story has been on my ever growing reading list forever because the premise is amazing. I'm secretly kicking myself for not thinking of it! Also, I'm obsessed with next gen! 

I can kinda see how she might have tainted the honorable name of Zabini. Just a bit. I think I'm getting old that I think her mother was perfectly reasonable in shipping her off to quidditch boot camp! 

It's the first day of summer, for Merlin's sake! You think she could hold it off at least a day or two! She definitely honors the Slytherin name though! I love all of the strategy and planning that must have gone into it! Driving a car while intoxicated probably wasn't the best idea. She's lucky that no one got seriously hurt. If you don't count Jack. We aren't counting Jack. At least at the muggle jail no one sucks out your soul. 

I think Mic is a very interesting character and I'm really excited to see more of him! He's an expert at it so he will be a very good source for her to survive what I'm sure will be a major challenge!

Overall, I think this story has a very great start and I love your character. She's going to be awesome for sure. She's funny, witty, and not as remorseful as she should be. I can already tell this story will be amazing!

Author Response

Oh no, I hope she's okay! If she got a concussion or something she's going to be snapping at James for a long time. And Grant as well, because she doesn't seem to like him either. So I hope for her sake, and for the sake of the team unity, that she's okay :P

That flashback in the beginning was scary! I wonder who the man was and how she got out of that situation, or if it was a nightmare, or what. And who she was running with. The only next gen character I know for sure has bright green eyes would be Albus, but I can't really see that person being him. (Well, other people do have green eyes too I guess :P )

That tent sounds amazing. My life would be so much easier if I lived in a tent like that rather than the kind that gets blown down in strong wind while you're in it. Wizards know how to camp in style! I mean, a kitchenette. And a FIREPLACE. In the tent. Legit. Their tent is basically a house, but it's bigger on the inside! :P Does the fireplace ever catch the canvas on fire? I suppose they've found ways around that too because magic.

Have I mentioned that I love their team name? I think it's second only to the team "Black Like Our Hearts" hahahaha.

I'm really looking forward to seeing how the team moves past all these interpersonal struggles and bickering and learns how to successfully work together.

Loving this story! Great writing, as always :D

Author Response

Leigh! This story is awesome so far - I love the idea of it. Mic's narrative voice is super enjoyable, and I just love seeing things through her lens.

Oh man, the whole thing about having to choose a team name and then drawing a team flag - this is so great to read about because I used to work at a place that did summer trips/camps and we had all the participants do the exact same thing. (I guess this makes me the Weasel in the situation?) but I just loved watching Mic and co. go through this process and here you showed like all the reactions I always saw from teenagers doing this in real life. At first they'd be really quiet and no one would volunteer anything, because it's like, sooo uncool :P and then they'd start to get silly and get really into it. So that whole bit just rings really true with me and I adore it!

I wonder what James did to end up there - I assume that's something I'll find out as I read on. I'm curious to know everyone's stories.

Anyway, I can totally see why this was nominated for story of the month and I'm glad that gave me the impetus to read it. I love this so far and I'll definitely be reading on! :)

Author Response

i love you 
I actually love you 
this is hilarious 
utter, utter complete hilar 

and I love you for it 
so please, please, please write more because this is so funny 


okay ive got to go because people are wondering why i'm breathing funny ( i'm trying to hide laughter and it isn't working to say the least- I sound like a dying hamster)

anyways I loved this 

from me xx

Author Response

I can sense things developing, even if I'm not exactly sure where they're going yet!  I feel like this chapter was good in that it gave a few hints into Mic's background and developed her personality further.  Her banter with James was as fun to read as always, as well as the team-building exercise they attempted at the end.  Hopefully Mic isn't too mad when the next chapter picks up!

Also, very interesting flashback to start the chapter - don't think I forgot about that!  I wonder who the green-eyed boy was at the beginning, and the creepy man at the end.  Guess I'll just have to read on :)

Author Response

Really really enjoying this story so far! I think Mic has such a fun and sarcastic personality that I'm looking forward to future chapters where we see different sides of her. I'm also very curious about what has gone down between James and her during their years at Hogwarts. I look forward to the next chapter!

Author Response

I really like the concept for your story.  Summer-camp stories are always fun, and the added Quidditch-rivalry-slash-juvenile-detention-slash-test-your-limits vibe seems like it will play out in an interesting manner :)  I like the MC so far, and I can't wait to see how the rest of this goes.  Keep up the excellent writing!

Author Response

As always, love your stories and enjoying this one so far!!

Author Response

Omg I love the second chapter even more!! 

Mic is awesome! I love her! And james is there! And something has clearly gone in between them, or will go on between them and I'm so excited about everything that is going to happen!!

What has James done though? Must have been big if he's here!

I love their team already and they all seem so life like and real abd you've captured their characters so well and I want to keep gushing about how amazing you are, but I need to go to work (I put off getting ready to read this amazing chapter) 

Sorry the review isn't longer,my lovely! 

Keep up the fantastic work!!

Author Response

i'm so excited to read more!! the characters are really interesting, they make me want to learn everything about them :D haha good job!! xo

Author Response

Hey there! This looks like a lot of fun. :) I think my favorite line was "People will think we abuse animals!" I don't know why...it just caught me off guard.

As for CC, I don't have much to say except that you misspelled a certain word that I cannot leave in the review. It starts with s. Now it rhymes with kite. And it really shouldn't. 

I wonder who drew that dragon she was thinking of? 

:) :) :)

Author Response

The summary for this jumped out at me and I just knew that I had to review it! 

Such a brilliant opening to the chapter! I'm already so excited! It's already the best opening. 

What happened?! Haha and why was Derek to blame? Although I would blame him too :P 

I love how it all came about, it seems like such an epic night that they were having, and those drinks really didn't help at all. :P 

:O Oh my god! I hope that Jack is okay! That's quite a big thing to happen! and they ended up in prison! 

That is a lot of trouble in one day! I would have been angry too haha. 

AHHH! It's a camp for troubled teams and I'm so excited about what's going to happen in future!

I CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE! I'm so excited!!! :D I love your writing, and you, so much! *big squishy hugs*

Author Response

Love it so far!! I can't wait to really get to know Mic and I'm looking forward to the next chapter x

Author Response

Hi Leigh!

I'm here from the forums :)

I really like where this is headed - I don't often read much fanfics involving Quidditch and I'm still quite in the mood for it :D The humour is sassy and dry, I love it. “Thanks, I got them because my mum told me not to.” made me snort in an inhuman fashion ^^

Using the present tense to narrate in the first person, it was a bit difficult for me to pinpoint the situation Mic is <i>currently</i> in. 
At first I thought Mic is repenting and suffering from the consequences of something that is, yes, quite stupid.
But then "Which is how I ended up at Quidditch Boot Camp for Troubled Teens." placed Mic already at the Camp or at least gave the knowledge of the punishement so Mic isn't actually suffering from the consequences but actually enjoying the situation.
The chapter starts with "it seems I've made a mistake" and end with "this is going to be fun" - there's a moment where Mic doesn't know what the punishement will be and another moment where Mic is looking forward to Quidditch Boot Camp.

"we were a group of Slytherins" Now as a Slytherin, I feel obligated to point out that not all Slytherins are against Muggle technology and that many other wizards from other House are, in fact, without phones themselves. :p

Oops, you left out Beauxbatons' "x" :) 

I don't know if this was intentional but you left this chapter at a cliffhanger! They are standing in line by the end - in line for what? :D
I'm looking forward to your next update (putting your story on my reading list)!

*Gee

Author Response

great start! Mic has a very refreshing personality, and Holden seems great too. Can't wait to read more!

Author Response

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