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Reading Reviews for Under False Pretenses
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BBHP Plans In Action

10th April 2017:
This story is weird. What are you doing?
Just kidding, I'm a sucker for fake-date stories! I'm really enjoying this so far.

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Review #2, by SilverMoonFairy Plans In Action

22nd July 2016:
Oh, Mallory! It's Liz for a BvB Review! *salute*

I missed this story so much! I'm so glad I get to hit you back in the battle. Now, can I just ask a question real quick? Because, I like how you did the flower names things and I've thought about doing so myself, but here's my question (with more prologue explanation)- we know that muggleborns come about because they have a magical ancestor who was a squib and joined the muggle community. So, since the flower names thing is a family thing, I've always wondered and I want your thoughts on it- Do you think that Lily Evans is distantly related to Pansy Parkinson?

Anyway. Awkward James and Lilly are adorable. Some very chilly reception from Petunia there and I had to go back to the previous chapter because I was sure that was in contradiction to what had already happened. Maybe it's Vernon's presence that makes her so mean. Mean begets mean, I suppose.

THE COUSINS ARE ADORABLE! I wanna scoop up little Laurel and squish her and twirl with her and James is so adorable for dancing like an idiot with her, even if he had ulterior motives, it was still the most squishable scene I ever did see!

And then James and Lily dancing, aww! And dancing and dancing until Vernon's big fat ugly face interrupted them... Jerk. He kind of reminds me of Vork from The Guild, if you've ever seen that. And if not, you should, it's adorable.

WHY DID HE BREAK THE SPELL! HE COULD HAVE KISSED HER! It's heartbreaking that she has to make herself pretend that it's real and all James wants is for it to be actually real.

Tell me right now, Mallory, is this going to break my heart? IS IT?!

Nope, nope, I don't want to know. Maybe a little, but sh.

Overall, this chapter was delectable and I want to read it again and snuggle Laurel and her little bunny- I love how you characterized the kids! I really do, they're so believable especially since I've known kids like that. Dawww...

Okay, SUPER SHORT LIST OF TECHNICALS GO!

“Tuney’s got you two at a different table,
Tables?

She let go of his neck and back away,
Backed?

And that's all I got! Have a great day!
-Liz

Author's Response: Hi again, Liz!

I love flower names because they are SO cheesy! And I've actually never thought about Lily potentially being related to Pansy Parkinson, but I think you could definitely explore that possibility!

Haha, they're SO awkward! Yeah, Petunia has kind of changed, and you're right--it's because Vernon is there and he hates Lily (and people like James, who are more handsome and successful than he is). So she's feeding off of his Jabba-the-Hut-esque personality.

The cousins are totally ridiculous, and I love them for it. I'm so not good at writing about children, so I'm glad that you liked them, at least!

Vernon is the worst, everyone knows that you don't interrupt people in the middle it their dancing! Yucky.

JAMES COULD HAVE KISSED HER but he didn't. There's a lot of "coulda woulda shoulda" in this fic lol.

It...might not break your heart? Idk, all I wanted was to write a fluffy thing, but if there are notes of heartbreak, I guess I have to claim responsibility.

Thanks for spotting those things!

Table should be singular because even though Tuney won't let Lily and James sit at the adult table, she has enough humanity to at least sit them together lol.

Yeah, that's a mistake! I'll fix it one day!

Thanks again!
♥Mallory


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Review #3, by Dirigible_Plums Change of Plans

18th June 2016:
Hey!

It's Plums here. I don't know if you remember because it was admittedly ages ago, but this was entered into my AU Challenge, so I'm here to review it :) I'm actually really excited to read this since it-s Jily and it's a modern!Muggle au and it's Jily.

Fair warning: this review will probably be a little all over the place since I'm going to comment on things from each chapter as I read them.

First thing's first, I love this line: "and when Lily Evans called, James Potter always answered." Can he be any more perfect for her? Instantly, my Jily senses are tingling and I just know that James fancies her. Oh, and what do we know - "He laughed weakly, trying not to think about how much he actually wanted to hold her hand." Aw, that's so sweet! I can't wait to read about the awkward, sexual tension-filled moments that I just know are going to crop up soon and his reactions to them.

THE CHEDDAR MEISTER.

I'M CRYING.

Oh, can I just say that I like how you've proposed this fake dating situation? I've read a couple before and most of them tend to have the guy proposing the arrangement, so I liked how it was Lily who did it. Not only that, but I liked the light heartedness to it too and her jokey demeanour when she got down on one knee. It was lovely.

Ah yes, James' smirk always makes an appearance soon enough - I'm surprised it wasn't in the first chapter!

Oh, God and the awful pet names have been brought out haha. Lily-Pad and Jamie-Bear are positively dreadful :P

Vernon really is a fat, sexist walrus.

Alright, so let's get a little bit more serious now: I really like how you've portrayed their friendship. In the previous fake dating fics I've read, most of the characters initially have some form of dislike for one another. The easy friendship between the two here, therefore, is a welcome change and much more plausible. I love reading their banter and how good a relationship they truly have. It'll be really interesting to see how they transition from such a strong friendship into a relationship.

Speaking of which: JAMES POTTER, JUST TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. Seriously, both of them need to just admit their feelings for each other. Clearly, they're attracted as shown by their reactions to the other person dressing up in Chapter 3, so why must they torture me by not being together??

Chapter 4 was full of lots of pleasant surprises. I don't think I've ever read a fic where Lily is bisexual before which was a nice change although her parent's reactions to her sexuality was far from that. And James is ace! That was even more unexpected! I liked his simple explanation behind it (“That’s not how I love people. I’m perfectly content with other expressions of affection.”) because it just summarised it so perfectly. It sounds pretty sweet.

As you can see, I have enjoyed reading this a lot. Your take on a popular cliche has been fresh throughout the entire fic and is extremely engaging. James and Lily are so adorable already - can't wait for them to get together!

Thank you for the entry.

Plums xo

(By the way, is there any chance that Wolfstar will lowkey happen in the background at some point? Because I would pay to read that :P )

Author's Response: Hi Plums!

Thanks for hosting that AU challenge and thanks so much for this amazing review!

Ah yes, the Jily senses! James is SO into her and she hardly notices, how sad. :D But they'll make up for it later. :)

THE CHEDDAR MEISTER, THAT CHEESY RAT!! I think that's my favorite thing to come out of this fic (except almost everything else is also my favorite, so idk. I just really enjoyed writing this story and all of its weird humor.)

Oh yeah, I love turning tropes on their heads, even in subtle ways. Lily proposing the arrangement was always my intention, and I'm so glad that it worked for you!

Hahaha, of course the Infamous Smirk (TM) must appear! I tried to hold off on it for a little while though. Tried.

Pet names are always terrible, especially those!

Vernon is the worst, pass it on to your friends!

I'm so glad you like their friendship! I think that the hate-to-love trope has a lot of cool possibilities, but I didn't want to write them sniping so hatefully at one another. I wanted this fic to be a soft, fluffy thing, with some darker stuff thrown in a little bit. The transition still won't be easy, but it'll be worth it!

THEY NEED TO DO THE FEELINGS TALK SOON. But they're both stubborn, awkward children. :)

Yes! I headcanon bi!Lily so much, and I've seen other people do it, so I had to give it a try! Yeah, her parents are not the most supportive, but that's just the reality of her situation, I guess. :/ Of course James is ace! In my writing last year, I always HAD to include an ace character because I really couldn't stop myself. (lllolll @me) He's got a good explanation, I think, speaking from experience.

Thanks again so much for your effervescent review!!

(WolfStar might appear at the end of the story, but they definitely deserve at least a spinoff set in this same universe lol.)

♥Mallory


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Review #4, by Unicorn_Charm Plans Go Awry

28th May 2016:
Mallory!! Gah I loved everything about this chapter!!

Oh my goodness that scene in the lobby was too funny. I loved Lily just panicking and babbling about not being married and how he's not her husband and then James butting in with his comment. I literally laughed out loud. If she freaked out that much just with a lobby clerk, how on earth will she handle her family? I'm really digging this neurotic Lily and the cool headed James. They're such a good balance for one another. Can they real date now? Please?? I love them!

Oh jeez. Petunia seems just as horrible in this AU as she does in canon. What an uppity snob. No wonder Lily lied and said she had a boyfriend. Petunia definitely seems like one of those people who brags so unbearably that you probably would snap and lie just to shut her up. And what fashion sense she has... Yikes. James is a better person than I am. I probably would have laughed in her face.

Hahaha! Of course there's one bed! XD Too freaking funny! Again Lily goes mental while James is the voice of reason and gets her to calm down. I really don't see the big deal about sharing a bed. They're just sleeping. I think that's how James looks at it, too. But I have a feeling he'll take the couch.

I LOVE that flashback of their first encounter! I love how she tells him off and how he gets her name wrong and how he thinks she's pretty and just ah! It was so cute I was totally in love with every second of that!

Mallory!! You had her in a relationship with Mary?!? I have a Lily/Mary novella and that just made me so happy to read!

So Lily is one of those people who doesn't deal well with being touchy feely. Well she'll have to get over that if she wants to convince everyone that she and James are together and in love. It's cute that James is using this as a way to hold her and touch her. He really does love her and I want her to love him back right now! They're totally perfect for one another!

I am so, so loving this story! It's cute and it's really funny, too. I can't wait to see how this develops and to see if/when she falls for James, too. I just want them together and to live happily ever after already!

Awesome chapter my dear! I'll see you for the next chapter! ♥

Love and hugs,
Meg

Author's Response: Hahaha, Lily was definitely not as prepared for this fake-dating scenario as she thought she was. And James is also not prepared, and they're both just a big mess. THANKFULLY, they (sort of) get it together just in time to meet Petunia, but that initial moment of "we have to actually use our ACTING SKILLS" is very jarring for them both.

Petunia is bad. What a yucky lady. She reminds me of a relative of mine, actually, which might be why I wrote her as such a pink-clad monster, idk. James is definitely a champ here. :D

OF COURSE THERE'S ONLY ONE BED!! I live for that trope, even though personally, I would be like, "umm okay so you're going to sleep way over there on that side and I'll sleep way over here because I need my personal space, bro." Hahaha, it's kind of funny that Lily is the one having a cow about this, but you'll see kind of why in later chapters.

The flashback was quite fun! It's the ur-moment of their wacky relationship. :)

YAAASSS for Lily/Mary!! I headcanon bi!Lily so hard, it's not even funny. (And just wait until you see what I've done with James, mwahaha.)

Yeah, Lily doesn't deal well with the touching or the feeling. It's weird, because she's an English major, but she's always been more cerebral than physical. (But of course, the outside world's expectation IS physical contact and affection, so she's a little stuck there.) James is so head-over-heels, and even though he's right, they DO need practice, he's still clearly longing for a Lily-hug there. :D

I'm so glad you love it! Thanks again!

♥Mallory


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Review #5, by Unicorn_Charm Half-Conceived Plans

27th May 2016:
Mallory!!

I'm such a sucker for your Jily AU's. They're just so good! So I totally had to stop here, especially when I saw it was 3 chapters. I thought, perfect!

Anyhooo. Onto the review!

This was so adorable, I don't even know where to begin! It so apparent that James is puddy in Lily's hands, and would obviously do anything she asked. Even if he tries to say no at first. Plus, Lily was kind of relentless.

I like how they're actually friends here and she doesn't seem to hate him. In AU's or canon complient stories, we usually see Lily hating James (I'm guilty of writing it that way also at times). But here you get the sense that they're really close, and that she asks him to do weird favors often haha.

I LOVED the little nod to WolfStar! XD

I can totally see Petunia getting Lily so worked up, by bragging about Vernon (sexist walrus, by the way lol!), and causing Lily to make up a boyfriend. A part of me wonders if Lily is harboring feelings for James, and that was why she thought of him first. Especially when she started listing all the reasons why he was a good candidate for fake boyfriend.

The end of this chapter was so cute! Of course James would want to carry her things, and of course Lily would want to do it herself haha. And then she took his hand! Eep! The "Shut up, Potter." made my day! :)

Adorable chapter, my dear! Can't wait to continue on and read the others!! ♥

Love and hugs,
Meg

Author's Response: Hi Meg!

Thanks for writing this review on my Jily AU almost a year ago! I too love Jily AUs (it's a love that won't die, honestly).

James is so into Lily that it isn't even funny. He would follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked him to. Also, she can be persuasive when she wants to!

Yeah, I like them as friends! Of course, it took them a little while to get there, but in Snape's absence, it was a bit easier.

WolfStar is also a fave of mine--I need to write them at some point!

Petunia is the worst and her "bragging rights" about Vernon are more like "bragging wrongs," in that she shouldn't brag at all. Lily definitely felt the pressure, and she's not too awesome when acting under pressure. The James-is-my-boyfriend thing might be due to some subconscious longing mwahahaha

Thank you! I really enjoyed writing this first chapter because it was so filled with possibility. And the "Shut up, Potter" is honestly my favorite part. :)

Thanks again!

♥Mallory


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Review #6, by SilverMoonFairy Plans Go Awry

24th May 2016:
BvB Bronze for the Gold Liz, reporting for reviewing! *salutes*

I so, so loved the first chapter and this one doesn't disappoint! Lily is so adorably awkward and I can't help but picture her as Juliet from Grim, which makes James Nick, but that's okay. The hug was my favorite part! "This is how people hug." LOVE!

I forgot momentarily that this was a modern story and I completely blanked when the desk clerk got on his Apple and Lily had a key card...

James' unrequited love is so endearing. He's like... Actually dating her and she's just pretending. It's as heartbreaking as it is amusing. Their little interaction about their English class is just awesome and, again, I love how you transferred the wizarding things into the Muggle world. Quirrell is the perfect candidate for a Muggle English teacher and I like that the Potter's have a wing. (They have enough money, they should have a wing...)

Petunia is... Well... What can I say about Petunia? She has definitely got to be friends with Dolores Umbridge. All that pink. Are there kittens on plates? Please tell me there are kittens on plates. I can't wait to see the sexist walrus and how he takes James. Petunia seemed to like him well enough.

I am also VERY excited to see Mr. and Mrs. Evans. You don't get to learn too much about them in the books except that Petunia was bitter that they were so proud of Lily. I'm very interested to see what you do with them and how they act. Perhaps they like Petunia more now that Lily doesn't stand out as much?

(I am also sort of wondering if Snape is going to make some sort of appearance?)

I only saw one technical and that was:

And you’re an absolutely delight.

Other than that, amusing and wonderful as always!

Author's Response: Hey Liz!

I'm still so ecstatic that you were so enthusiastic about this goofy AU back when I wrote it last year. This review still puts a smile on my face!

Lol yeah, Lily and James really need to get their act together, but they're SO cute when they're awkward that it's almost difficult to write them being NOT awkward lol.

Hahaha, I live for the modern AU because I don't have to do as much research. Is that bad/lazy? Probably!

James is such a puppy dog, I can't even. He's trying to be respectful and not a creep, but he's just so happy to be along for the ride that he hasn't even considered how truly weird it's going to be eventually. Yeah lol Quirrel is TOTALLY an obnoxious English prof in the Muggle world. And the Potters totally need a wing, because they can afford it.

Petunia would (if she had a job) work in an office in which Umbridge was the boss. And they would get along, because Petunia would brown-nose. Yucky. Haha, there WOULD be kittens on the plates, but they already spent too much on the venue, so obnoxious flower-patterned china will have to do. Yeah, Petunia likes James for now, but she's about to NOT like him lololol.

Haha, I hope that the Evanses live up to your expectations. They're kind of...tricky...for me to write. Idk.

Snape...might show up. Maybe.

AHHH! Thanks for catching that! And thanks for reviewing!

♥Mallory


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Review #7, by SilverMoonFairy Half-Conceived Plans

14th May 2016:
Tag! BvB Review!

A Muggle-version story. Interesting. Very interesting. I've never heard of this before. I'm very intrigued.

Let me get right down to it and say... I don't know what to say. It's a rather adorable first chapter and I love the interactions between the characters. I like how they transmute from the Wizarding World to the Muggle one, each character still remaining true to what you would expect. Lily having to *literally* get on her knees to "beg" James to fake date her is just a stroke of genius. I love it.

Your writing style is very concise- it moves well, you add in just enough detail to show me what's going on without it bogging down the story, which is good since this seems like a very light and fast-paced one.

Overall, I very much enjoyed it. I don't even have any structure complaints/suggestions. Hope to read more when I get a minute! (Or another review op!)

Have a wonderful day!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Muggle AUs are really more common on other sites, but I enjoy bringing things to HPFF to see if other people like them. I'm glad you're intrigued!

In my Jily AUs, I like to keep common threads from the HP universe, but adapt them heavily to fit in the Muggle world. I also like goofy scenes, which is why Lily got into the "proposal stance" for that. :D

Thanks so much! The other chapters do get longer because the story really couldn't survive on such short chapters throughout, but I really liked writing this one as a quick glimpse into the world of Muggle Jily.

Thanks for the review!
Mallory


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Review #8, by Gale North Half-Conceived Plans

13th April 2016:
I really like this story! One thing though... ITS NOT DONE!!!
Please finish, because This is amazing!

Author's Response: Ahaha, thank you! I'm glad you like it, and I'm sorry it's not finished yet. But maybe one day?

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Review #9, by BellaLestrange87 Half-Conceived Plans

18th February 2016:
This is for the Blue vs Bronze review battle!

I knew this sounded familiar and then I read the AN. I'm really happy you're continuing this, as I really wanted to know what happened after when I read the chapter (the first time :p)

I really love the bickering/bantering between James and Lily. It was really entertaining to read and now I'm even more excited for the rest of these chapters, so I can read more. (Sentence construction fail. *facepalm*) And the fact that she got down on one knee to ask him to fake-date her for the weekend... That would be a wonderful way to end the story *wink wink*

I love the fact that you've nicknamed Peter the Cheddar Meister and casually slipped in Wolfstar. I love Wolfstar and find "Cheddar Meister" hilarious (especially considering the whole mice-cheese thing, although I don't know if that's the same for rats but...).

I'll be back to review the next chapters, once I dig myself out from my pile of unfinished work that I'm ignoring right now *stares nervously at lab report*

~Olivia

Author's Response: Hey Olivia!

Yeah, I expanded this thing a little bit. Thanks for rereading!!!

Jily's sick bantz give me life. I love writing them. I also loved writing Lily getting down on one knee because it's such a sarcastic, weird thing to do.

CHEDDAR MEISTER! Peter is that friend who got a nickname because of ONE SINGLE INCIDENT that his friends won't ever let him forget, lol. And yaass, WolfStar is also my fave.

Thanks for the sweet review, lovely!
Mallory


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Review #10, by princesslily_36 Plans Go Awry

13th February 2016:
HOW DO I STOP FANGIRLING ABOUT THIS STORY? I mean, HOW?

It picks up exactly where the last chapter left off, and I was so interested to know what the hand holding would lead to. I like that you're playing hot and cold with them, not focusing too much on how smitten James is, and letting him have his own attitude and individuality, but give those subtle hints that betray his feelings for her. I especially loved the line about him not wanting to be jerked around - I know he was refering to his hand, but it did show a deeper insight into him - that he was his own person despite everything, and he would never let anyone else run his life for him, not even the girl he was in love with. That dimention to James Potter is exactly what I'm trying to achieve in my WIP (Oh, if you like Jily, I would love for you to check it out and let me know what you think. In your own time of course, no pressure :)

Lily flailing like an idiot, and feeling like everyone was watching her because she was so uncomfortable about lying, and clearly not good at it, seems so in character for her! She sounds exactly like a plausable version of ourselves, which is what makes it so awesome to read since I am able to identify with her on some level.

I also loved the conversation where they wanted to get their story straight. 'But if I fell first, you spilled ice cream all over yourself on our first date' - This line, adorable!

There's a suggestion I'd like to make here, I'd love more descriptions you know. I love the dialogue and the banter - but more descriptions or insights into James or Lily's head would make the whole picture come alive for me. A good balance between the two would ease the flow, and probably make the chapter seem less smaller, because this was twice as long as the last chapter but it didn't feel that way because most of it was dialogue and read very quickly. Your dialogues, like I mentioned in the previous review, are bang on.

Also, I didn't quite understand why Lily didn't know how to hug. I mean she did come across as a warm and comfortable person to me, so her aloofness about hugging seemed strange. Maybe a lot more descriptions or insight would help clear that up :)

Oh, and I almost forgot! The flashback - Loved every tiny bit of it. Just everything about it screamed Jily. As did the closing line of the chapter.

Great job so far, Would love to see more from you and hopefully soon,

XOXO
~Ysh

Author's Response: Hi again!

There's a bunch of stuff going on underneath the surface--I feel like that's usually the case with Jily or any other slow-burn/skinny love type of ship. And yeah, there are moments where Lily realizes that she kind of likes playing fake relationship with James, and moments when James lets his practiced facade of "Oh Lily Evans? She definitely isn't my type" slip.

Lily's a bad liar, which is funny because she's an English major and a theatre geek. She needs to revisit her acting class lessons. :D

Description is my biggest weakness! I always feel like I'm putting in TOO MUCH description when really, I'm making my characters have TOO MUCH DIALOGUE. Definitely definitely need to improve in that area.

Yeah, I need to revisit the "Lily Evans level of comfort with physical affection" thing. There's some back story involved, but I probably should introduce it a little sooner if I want her character to be cohesive.

Thank you so much for your feedback! It means a lot to me, because I always KNOW something's slightly off, but I never can pinpoint exactly what until after I've posted the chapter. Lol.

Thanks again!
Mallory


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Review #11, by princesslily_36 Half-Conceived Plans

13th February 2016:
Okay, I'm going to so fangirl!!

OMG JAMES AND LILY FAKE DATING WITH THE WHOLE WEDDING SCENARIO OMG!!!

Okay, I've caught my breath now. Here for our swap, and I should say it was my lucky day when I saw your status! I got super excited when I finished this chapter and had to get that reaction out. I'm trash for Jily - bring on anything and I'm game. When you add a muggle AU with fake dating, WOOT! I simply LOVE fake-dating scenarios! And at Petunia's wedding, the perfect scenario!!

I haven't read many AU, and I love how you've drawn the string of connection between HP world and your AU. The dialogue banter between James and Lily at the beginning was so easy, and just in character. I love the way they both understand each other, and yet are able to get over the fact that he so obviously likes her while she doesn't, and remain friends.

I LOVE that you didn't make Lily hate him, or keep yelling at him for no reason. She asked him to be her fake-date because she's proud of him, and she even admits that she wants to show him off, and he isn't a big headed moron who makes her feel small for admiting that. Damn, I'm in love with your version of Jily.

This Line - 'James could feel himself giving in, just as he always did when Lily begged him for help on one of his[her] schemes.' - Easily my favorite one in this chapter, because it shows how sweet our dear James is, and subtly talks about how smitten he is, and also tells us Lily often has crazy schemes which he probably finds endearing!

Cheddar Meister - Lol :D

And when her hand slid into his - the small gesture that the chapter ended with. I can only imagine all that's going through James head when he tried to remain casual and cocky about the whole thing.

The Only CC I would have is that this chapter is kinda short. But then, that's only because it's so awesome and I can't wait to read more of it :D Fake dating, so much potential! Can't wait to read the next chapter :D

I've got a suggestion - I think you should try and enter this for the "AU challenge" and the "Guilty Pleasure Challenge" on the forums. I love this story!

I'm definitely heading over to the next chapter! Thank you so much for the swap! You gave me a new awesome story to follow!

XOXO
~Ysh

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm SO SORRY that it's been almost a year since you wrote this review, and I'm only just now replying. But I must complete this task, if only for my satisfaction!

Yes, I am TRASH for Jily and also for fake dating AUs. So I really enjoy writing this thing. I'm so glad that you're also a fan of this concept!

AUs are my life and I highly recommend them. Basically you can do anything you want, even if the universe is only connected to HP canon by a single thread. I take too many liberties in my AUs, but hey, it's darn fun.

I like writing a Lily/James duo that are less antagonistic and more friendly/sick bantz. They still can shoot off one-liners that sting, but this Jily is much more chill than I actually anticipated. But what they lack in antagonism, they make up for in awkwardness, that's for sure!

Yeah, James is DEFINITELY freaking out on the inside there. But he's a good actor (sometimes).

Yeah, this one is short&sweet, but the others do get a little longer. I actually originally wrote this one as a stand-alone and decided to continue it on a whim about a year after I first got the iea.

Thanks again!
Mallory


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Review #12, by RavenclawFTW Plans Go Awry

12th February 2016:
MALLORY I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW SNEAKY YOU ARE

MS. "I THINK I'M TOO BUSY TO WRITE FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR"

OMG

YOU CONTINUED THIS

AND YOU DEDICATED THIS CHAPTER TO ME

LIterally I have the biggest grin on my face because this is PERFECT and I am SUCH TRASH for this ship and this scenario and it's THE BEST and you have EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS OMG

Okay, calm and coherent. Calm and coherent. *deep breath*

I love how unnatural they are in this chapter, and how they ease into it over time. Like in the last chapter, you've established how interconnected their worlds are, and how well they know each other (by highlighting how out of character their behaviors now are), but here it's all wonky. They haven't exactly clicked yet, and their reactions at the desk is perfect. They're panicking, and maybe Lily is realizing how much she actually likes James (let me believeee), and that's exactly what you would do! I've written kinda fake dating things like this, and I always default into letting them click instantly because then they realize they're perfect for each other, but this is a way better interpretation.

And then! They start to play it off better! And your characterization of Petunia is so fun-- I'm excited to see more of the relationship between Lily and her, as well as Lily and the rest of her family, because they seem to get on much better (no doubt due to the absence of magic), but they're still not that close. You don't lie about your boyfriend to your sister unless there are major problems there, you know?

ALSO the way you're incorporating the Marauders and Peter is KILLING ME I can't wait to hear more about them (but also leaving the Cheddar Meister thing up in the air is equally exciting and mysteriously amusing)!!

(Can you tell how excited I am from the TERRIBLE syntax/grammar in this review? My thoughts are ALL OVER THE PLACE because I am SO EXCITED)

THEIR BACKSTORY omg THEIR BACKSTORY it's so wonderful!! I love that Lily stood up to him, and is so passionate, and he's so taken aback! It's a really great parallel to the books, and I feel like your characterization of Lily and James is really wonderful.

YES okay I'm going to expand on that because it's very important. Lily is so frazzled and I relate to her immensely. She seems like she's usually really in control of herself and her situation, and this whole scenario is making her rethink it all. She's also so smart and lowkey nice (like inviting James to the study group, even when he'd been rude before), but obviously passionate.

Then James! I'm in love with this James! He's so funny and IN LOVE WITH LILY and trying to do the right thing. And while Lily seems generally high strung, he's there to even things out, and they played off of each other really well with Petunia-- he could read Lily's anxiety really well, and he was so charming to Petunia, and it's wonderful. I can't wait for Lily to fall over herself as she tries to pretend not to like him.

Their banter is the best thing ever and I love their negotiating the relationship (“I’ll take it. I might be the embarrassing one, but you’re the one who’s so hopelessly in love that he can’t even look at anyone else.” is SO GREAT). And they're both funny in different ways, and I can just so totally see how these two will be SO GREAT when they get together because they really seem to balance out really well.

They're both complex, though-- James is sweet(ish) and charming, but clearly has an inner drive for justice or something, because law enforcement is pretty intense, and while Lily can be a bit frazzled, it's coming from her passions and her desire to make others happy (I think...but then again, we're only two chapters in, and maybe I'm misreading it, which would also be fun and exciting).

The scene at the end!!! I am such trash for this ship omg. I love James knowing how to navigate the relationship so much better than her, and understanding how to help her through it. There's such a clear, genuine friendship underlying the whole thing and I LOVE IT. (Also I love subtle bi Lily-- that's a great detail!)

Okay, I'm sorry this review was SUCH A MESS of CAPS and emotions but I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS I AM SO HAPPY

HAPPY GALENTINE'S DAY INDEED

THANK YOU FOR THE BEST GIFT EVER

I AM IN LOVE

I CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE OF THIS STORY AHHH

--J

Author's Response: J!

I can't believe this review is almost ONE YEAR OLD and I haven't replied to it yet. You are the best. I miss you.

Yeah, I really love writing awkward characters. Like, awkward to the max EXTREME! And it gets difficult because James likes to pretend that things are going well (which they aren't) and Lily can't stop herself from saying cringe-y stuff.

Petunia is the worst, and I can only promise that she gets worse as it goes along. I love writing her dressed in pastels because pastels are also the WORST.

LOL I need to revisit the Cheddar Meister concept. That's a line that people never stop loving, for some reason. I don't know what I did to deserve such praise for such a silly concept, but I'll roll with it. :D I'm finally writing chapter five of these shenanigans, so maybe I'll slip in a mention. :)

CHARACTERIZATION OF THESE PEOPLE!! Aggh, you are SO SWEET for saying all that because I feel like it's all over the place for James and Lily, all the time. Lily is frazzled, and then she's not. James is sweet, and then he's a giant dorkburger and you just want to slap him. Idk what to do with these babies, honestly. Glad you love them!

I'M TRASH FOR THEM TOO! And trust me, there's more bi!Lily where that came from (and also less-than-straight!James!).

Oh man, buddy, I need to holler at you on Twitter because I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU IN AGES AND I MISS YOU!


Mallory


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