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Reading Reviews for Introducing...
  
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Introducing... Meghan Abrams

28th April 2017:
Rather plainlooking. Muggleborn.

GIRL, WHY! Come on girl, introduce yourself. Have some confidence. Plain looking? Don't doubt yourself i bet you're beautiful. Someone out there thinks you are beautiful. You are the bees knees! Not at all interesting? I beg to differ! Meghan is an interesting name. How many Meghans do you know? Especially with an 'H'. That's interesting right there. Girl, you Irish?

(I'd wish. The universe would be so much better if sarcasm worked.)

MEGGY, I can call you Meggy, can't I? I wish the universe worked like that too. Like, why can't I be antisocial and sarcastic when I want to be? Why does no one get my humor and jokes? Why am I so awkward and single. If we were the same age we'd totally get along. I think. Maybe. I hope. You might be cooler than me.

and I, as hater of pretty much the entire universe

What did the universe ever do to you? LOVE THE EARTH.

I think this is a fab chapter. I like Meghan. I do. She's self-deprecating. She's awkward. She's a cat lady. She's me but she can do magic. How unfair is that? I like that you left us here with suspense. What does this uncool person that doesn't have much of a life and is a social loner get James Potter to notice her? What is his problem? I want to know. I need more info. I mean if she can't keep a plant alive how is she going to help him out? I mean really.

She's super relatable because who isn't awakward at that age? I wasn't the coolest cat in the class I can tell you that. I would have loved if someone cooler than me confided in me and disrupted my world. Secretly of course because I had to keep up my air of 'I don't care about anything.' I think that's what's going to happen here unless he's in trouble with something entirely ridiculous then she could just ignore him but I don't think that'll be the situation here.

Anyway I thought this was a good chapter! Indeed I did. I think you might want to go back though and edit this out a bit. Everything was just jumbled closely together. Might want to format it a bit different because the story read as one big introduction. I know it was an introduction but sometimes spacing sentences out, especially on the internet, gives the story more life. If that makes sense.

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Review #2, by melian Introducing... Meghan Abrams

28th April 2017:
Hi Ineke!

I thought you'd been doing such an amazing job reviewing everyone that you deserved some of the love yourself. :)

This is a great start. You've established your OC very well - in fact, I feel like I know her already. She's very relatable with her self-deprecating attitude and conviction she has talent at nothing ... though we all know that cant' be the case if she's in Ravenclaw. She's got to be good at something, which is most likely using her brain, even if she can't seem to manage to engage it in the activity of keeping plants alive. I think we've all known - or been - someone like Meghan Abrams. Well done!

And you've also set the scene up brilliantly. We've established how nice and quiet her life is, and how nothing interesting ever seems to happen to her (aside from missing her favourite band play when they tour the UK). And then what happens? James Sirius Potter. I admit I find it amusing that a Ravenclaw who's never had much to do with him knows his middle name, but then I figured that (a) everyone knows it because hey, he's James Sirius Potter and he embodies both people he's named after, or (b) you wanted to establish this is next-gen and not Marauder era, or (c) both. Either way, it did the trick.

My only comment is that a lot of the words in this seem to have been lumped together, missing the space in between. I understand this is very likely a formatting problem but if you've not looked at the published version for a while you may not have realised.

Other than that, a sterling first chapter. Great job!

cheers Mel

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Review #3, by Val Introducing... James to the concept of Dyslexia

23rd February 2017:
Hey! I'm loving the story so far and can't wait for next update. :)

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Review #4, by Dirigible_Plums Introducing... Meghan Abrams

20th February 2017:
Hey, Ineke!

So I've been meaning to read this for a while now but wanted to wait until there were more chapters up. But, me being the impatient thing that I am, decided to just go for it so here I am 😄

Meghan is such an overdramatic little Claw and I love her. Maybe it's because she reminds me of me. Awful at sport? Check. Obsessed with books and tv shows? Check. Would die without technology? Check. Possibly a pessimist? ... Check.

(Basically, she is me.)

(I mean, I could probably make cress die.)

(And it's cress.)

Anyhoo, you know when you describe Professor Blackburn's oh so charming disposition and tendency to spit during a rant? I actually burst out laughing because I instantly pictured Mr Lawler from That's So Raven and now I can't get the image out of my head. Poor student. 😜

Speaking of students: oh my god, it's James Sirius Potter. We have a Potter! Can't wait to see what he's going to add to the mix. Especially since he doesn't talk to Meghan at all.

(I sense a romance a-coming.)

Plums xo
♡♡♡

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Review #5, by maraudertimes Introducing... Meghan Abrams

18th September 2016:
Hello! (hehe, get it? because I'm Lo?... I'll stop now...)

This is great! I kind of like the whole 'moody, I'm too good for this, I hate the universe' type character you have going on for Meghan. Possibly because that's almost exactly like me, possibly because that kind of character just intrigues me! And I like how she's very critical of herself (hey, look! it's me!), while reveling in her small victories, such as having a talent for making plants die. I'm not sure why, but I find that type of self-deprecating humor hilarious!

I love how for each little fact about Meghan you also have a quote from her, kind of proof of her sarcastic wit or her inability to keep in contact with people from her primary school. It really emphasizes her personality in little tidbits, which, although leaves me wanting more, is a really simple way to establish her character early on!

Oh, what a beautiful young soul, enjoying the torment of others! And I have to add, that Professor Blackburn seems like a handful! Someone should spit in his direction! But alas, not everything is perfect in Meghan's little 'I hate everything' world because who else but JAMES POTTER (the second)! It's really cool how you've kind of given the reader just a bit to go off on in this first chapter while also giving them a hook - the entrance of a mysterious boy with a mysterious problem!

I'm excited for when I have time to come back and continue because this promises to be a drama filled and exceptionally interesting story and I am nothing if not a sucker for those! Thanks!
Lo :)

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Review #6, by alicia and anne Introducing... James Potter

23rd May 2016:
I love these introductions, they're so much fun and it's a brilliant way to learn more about the characters. :D I love how you're written James, so boisterous, so full of himself, so entertaining and it's what makes him so appealing! And of course... he's so humble :P

Oooh I wonder what problem he's having?

I knew it had to involve a girl or something!

Oh he wants help to impress a girl? Cheeky! I can't wait to see how she helps him out! :D I can't wait to see how this develops either. :D I'm excited!

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Review #7, by alicia and anne Introducing... Meghan Abrams

22nd May 2016:
I would definitely count knowing unimportant details about books and tv shows as being a talent! A talent that I myself have. :D

I think that's what I would miss about being at Hogwarts... there's no tv.

This is a brilliant opening! I am loving it already, Meghan is amazing and my kind of character! She's witty, sarcastic and just all round hilarious! I am going to love reading more of this!

Oooh I wonder what problem James has and why he needs Meghan for it! :D

So much excitment for the next chapter!

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Review #8, by adluvshp Introducing... Lexa Starr

20th May 2016:
Hey! Here to shower you with some review fairy sparkle. I was initially just going to R&R the first chapter, but I couldn't stop reading, so I decided to leave you a review on this last one =)

So, I really like the premise of this story! The way you're introducing all the characters in each of the chapters, and building up a plot at the same time, is super cool. I really enjoyed reading all of them!

Lexa sounds like a great character, and I like her already. I also enjoyed the portrayal of James! The interaction between Meghan and Lexa in this chapter was quite sweet. Oh, and I liked the inclusion of Professor Longbottom, nice touch xD

All in all, I think this is a great story. Do keep writing! I hope it receives more recognition and reviews. Cheers!

Love
Angie
(Lost Muse from the forums)

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Review #9, by PaulaTheProkaryote Introducing... Lexa Starr

31st March 2016:
I really love the structure of this chapter. It flows super easily.

UGH! I actually kinda like her which makes it terrible. She's an adorable little herbology nerd. Nope, I don't like her again. Soaps and garbage shows? I understand Meghan's dislike of her completely.

She was too pleasant and I'm glad you wrote her that way so I can properly dislike her.

Also, Sir Meows-A-Lot is a total ham/traitor.

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Review #10, by PaulaTheProkaryote Introducing... Sir Meows-A-Lot

31st March 2016:
Best perspective yet. He's funny, adorable, and definitely the coolest cat. Smoother than smooth, if you will.

I bet in some ways it would be remarkably stressful to be a cat at a boarding school. If he doesn't like all the bangs, he's pretty lucky he wasn't there for Fred and George!

Best quote of the chapter:
I did not know him, so I did not know if he was a person to engage in feline-unfriendly activities, and thus caution was needed.

I swear I died laughing. I don't know if you've seen the "dear kitten" commercials (if not, it's online and you have to watch one for like ten seconds), but that's exactly the cat I'm imagining as Sir Meows-a-lot and all I can hear is his voice.

"I don't like cats." That's fine, James. Cats apparently don't like you much either!

DOCTOR WHO! Excellent choice!

Lexa Starr. Sounds like a snob. Am I going to hate her? Probably if she rivals Meghan.

Lovely chapter as always!

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Review #11, by PaulaTheProkaryote Introducing... James Potter

29th March 2016:
Yes, James. You have to introduce yourself. The ego on this boy! I'm starting to pick up on the idea that James thinks he's awesome.

Meghan is so sassy. Yes, it's probably a ghost or family member.

"I know, I know, don't get your hopes up, it isn't you." The ego just doesn't stop with this boy!

I can't wait to read on!

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Review #12, by PaulaTheProkaryote Introducing... Meghan Abrams

29th March 2016:
WOW!

This is such a cool concept. I'm 100% behind the way that you use the character introducing herself to not only give us an abundance of background information, but also to further the plot!

I'm already fond of Meghan. I'm a black-thumbed pessimist myself. She's a very likable and flawed character!

I really love the concept and I can't wait to read the next chapter and find out what happens!

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Review #13, by Claire Evergreen Introducing... Meghan Abrams

5th March 2016:
Hey, Ineke! I'm here (rather late) for our review swap!

This was a shorter chapter, but I like how it introduced us to most of the major characters and conflict that are going to be in this story. Meghan sounds like an interesting person. I like that paragraph at the beginning where she went through and explained who she was to the readers. Normally, I would say that it was kind of overkill and the traits should be shown throughout the descriptions, but for the voice that you've established, it works really well. We're able to get the initial view of who our main character is from her own perspective instead of relying on others to show us.

Speaking of the narration style, I really like the tone you've set up for this. It's a really unique voice, but you pull it off really well. It almost feels like we're reading an entry in a journal or something while still dramatizing all of the events that happen. I really liked that little bit about the Transfiguration class that she was listening to. Not only did it give us a glimpse into Meghan's thought process, but it was also a really nice but of world building for this particular fic.

The only bit of advice I'd give would be to just give this a quick read through for spelling and mechanics. There were a few misspelled words and a few places there were missing spaces between words and paragraphs.

Really nice start to the story! I'll have to come back to see how the rest of the story progresses :) Thanks again for the swap!

Claire

[For the HPFF Review-a-thon]

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Review #14, by Veritaserum27 Introducing... James Potter

18th February 2016:
Hi hi!

Stopping by from the common room for a BvB review!

And - I'm on to chapter 2!

Wow - you really know how to set a tone. Since I've read a few of your other stories, I know how gifted you are at setting a scene and drawing the reader in with your descriptions - but this level of characterization is really something. Haha - James is SO full of himself. I mean, it's obvious that no one has EVER turned him down or put him in his place. He is a pretty awesome guy (in terms of quiddtich and probably looks), but he definitely knows it. He's even fairly confident that Meghan will help him out. If I remember correctly from the last chapter, Meghan was sort of caught off guard by his entrance and asking for help - and her role continued nicely into this scene as well. She was definitely taken aback by his request.

And I like how he hadn't even considered ANY other option for the girl of his fancy. I also like that he's already got the plan all set in his head - and he's so confident it's going to work, he doesn't even ask Meghan her opinion. In my own mind, I think his plan is a little half-baked and there are about one hundred ways he could go about this that would be better, faster and more respectful than his "get a good grade in Muggle Studies" idea, but I think I'll just enjoy watching him fall on his face for a bit :D

My only cc with this chapter is the lack of spacing between the paragraphs. The words and rhythm you've created are fabulous and I feel like I'm drawn right into James's hyper-active mind, but because the paragraphs are all sort of stuck together, I found myself losing my place a few times while reading. Most authors put one whole blank line in between their paragraphs for easy reading (the equivalent of hitting enter twice at the end of a paragraph or line of dialogue). I just recently switched over to a double space in between my paragraphs (which means, I hit enter three times) because I've noticed that in stories that do that, it's even easier to read. It wold really look great in a chapter like this one because your eyes wouldn't stop moving - like James's lips - haha!

Anyway - great second chapter, I'm really enjoying this story!

♥ Beth

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Review #15, by Veritaserum27 Introducing... Meghan Abrams

15th February 2016:
Hi there!

I'm here to leave a review for the BvB review battle.

This is a great opening chapter. I really like the tone you set with the main character. You gave us a lot of details about how she feels about herself (very insecure), but she has a BIG personality (and I'm a huge fan of sarcasm done well). Meghan seems like she's using her bitter comments and self-deprecation to cover up the fact that she feels socially inadequate, so I love that you've already given us some conflict to consider.

I also think you made a wise choice in keeping the first chapter relatively short. You gave us just enough information to feel like we know a bit about your main character, plus, the last paragraph was enticing enough to make me want to read on. James Sirius Potter seems like he isn't the type of person who would know Meghan's name, so that is intriguing.

My only cc would be to give this story a quick edit. There are a lot of spaces between paragraphs - and that's an easy fix if you switch to the "simple editor" on the "edit story" page. Other than a few typos, there weren't any egregious grammar errors.

Meghan seems like the kind of person I'm going to really like getting to know. Great job with her!

♥ Beth

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Review #16, by Rumpelstiltskin Introducing... James Potter

14th February 2016:
Hello, again! I'm here with prize review 2:2!

Ooooh I LOVE James' immediate arrogance! He's cool and cocky and reminds me a lot of what my head-cannon is for his two namesakes (James Potter I and Sirius Black). And why *wouldn't* he be awesomely amazing and fabulous at Quiddich d life in general! As he's (you've) said, he's the son of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley! I adore his characterization.

I was really excited to find out what this problem would be, and I love how it's extended just a little longer so that the readers don't immediately know what the problem is. I also find it quite interesting that James doesn't like to talk to his friends and family about his problems, but rather, complete strangers. It's a great little quirk to his personality.

See? Meghan only *thinks* she's not good at anything! She's a good listener :). I think the huge, clashing characteristic differences is a fantastic piece of the story. It creates a highly humorous contrast.

I find it even more funny that James Potter, as awesome as he is, is having a problem impressing a girl that he likes. James' response to the ghost bit was particularly hysterical, might I add.

The fact that he wants to impress the girl by trying to raise his Muggle Studies grade is priceless, but I'm sure that Meghan can help him out with that.

I sense so many troublesome shenanigans ahead! This is going to be a riot.

Another lovely chapter! Great job!

-Rumpel

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Review #17, by Rumpelstiltskin Introducing... Meghan Abrams

14th February 2016:
Hello! I'm here with your two reviews that you've won during the "Guess the Present" game on the Forums! (1:2)

First of all, I love how absolutely ordinary the main character Meghan, is. There's something special about an ordinary character that makes the story a little more extraordinary. It also makes it a lot easier for readers to connect with the character, which is a special feat. For me, it especially happened with the talent for plant killing -- I have that "wonderful" talent, too ;).

I also really enjoyed the bit of sarcastic edge that is emanating through your character and into the narration. It really brings her personality to life. It also adds this special brand of humor, and I absolutely love that you broke through that fourth wall for just a moment. It's a personal favorite technique.

I thought her reaction to the panicking, help-seeking James was perfect! It was an amazing end to this introductory chapter and a very nice hook into the next chapter. I can't wait to see what it is that James urgently needs help with, and from somebody who has been described as someone who is not particularly exceptional in any way!

Brilliant job!
-Rumpel

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Review #18, by Laura x Introducing... Meghan Abrams

13th February 2016:
I really liked this! And you also managed to do the very difficult task of making me laugh! Seriously this was really entertaining and I'm interested in what you have for next chapter. This was really good espically for an introduction paragraph, I know how tricky they can be trying to make sure that the reader doesn't feel drowned in all this information being thrown there way. But you did it perfectly, it was the right level of informative, intresting and humorous! Anyway this was really good so I'll try and keep look out for the next chapter, which hopefully is soon!

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