2016-01-28 21:23:17
Hi there!

I’d like to welcome you to HPFF. It looks like this is your first story on the archives! Congratulation in taking that first scary step of posting your fanfic. Sometimes that can feel so intimidating, particularly when you ask for feedback. But don’t worry, I’ll be gentle. :p

You have an interesting premise for your story starting with Anne being at a Norwegian school. It’s great to see schools other than Hogwarts, even if it’s just a glimpse. The other aspect I found promising was that Anne was of the Sami people. I don’t think I’ve ever run across a fanfic like this. I can well imagine there is a wealth of culture you can include from perhaps Anne’s favorite foods to perhaps mentions of living in siida groups for part of the year as she grew up.

I do want to point out a few things, though, that I think might help improve your story. The odd brackets at the start may throw a reader off. Are they indicators of flashback? Also having Anne being able to cast a charm like Expecto Patronus so young feels slightly unrealistic. Perhaps if you either made her older or explain that the students were taught the spell earlier than at other schools due to the patrolling Dementors it would be easier for the reader to accept.

But really, I feel like you’ve done quite well with your initial foray into writing.

If you’d ever like to connect with other people who enjoy writing for the archives, I suggest you head over to our forums. We discuss writing, help each other, and even play games. My name there is Alexis Black and I’m a proud member of Slytherin. Currently some of us are participating in Operation Green with Envy, a competition in which we spread forum love. Anyways, I hope you consider joining the forums.

~ABlack/Alexis Black
Operation Green with Envy
"Then end is only the beginning"


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