Whoops! I found a chapter that I somehow forgot to review and I want to make sure you get one for each and every chapter of this story. I struggle a lot with my weight. I didn't have problems with a kid because I was fairly athletic, but now as an adult, it's a different story. I have a lot of insecurity about it, as I'm sure most people do. Maybe that's why my heart goes out so much to Lee. All I want to do is remind him that he's a wonderful person and that THAT'S what matters. And that's really something I should tell myself, but I often forget. In regards to you writing an epilogue to this story, I certainly don't want to discourage you from doing it because you write so beautifully, and I assure you that I would just eat it up. And cry and cry and cry again. But, I would advise to go with your writing instinct. If you feel like it's done, be done. If you feel like there's more to say, then go for it. I'll be happy and satisfied either way. You're a beautiful writer. Thank you again for this story. I'll keep it in my heart for a very long time.
Author's Response: Kira! I'm so undecided about an epilogue. It may turn up at some point but I'm not sure for now. Thank you for such a lovely review. I'm so glad that Lee resonates with you. I hope he speaks for lots of people. Lots of love xx
No please you can't end it like this! This is too causal for an ending. Can you please write an epilogue! One displaying lee after the battle of hogwarts. I expected from chapter one to cry at the end of this story, please write an epilogue!!
Author's Response: Haha I'm very torn about whether to write an epilogue or not, so keep an eye on it because it definitely might happen! I just haven't figured out a way to fit it in that doesn't feel gratuitous. Thanks for reviewing :) xx
And, I'm complete.
I know I've gushed your ear off about this story, but I absolutely loved it, all the way down to my core. I usually don't like romantic-type stories very much (probably due to my cynical nature), but this one was...different. It's just so genuine and special and written so well. It's all the little things; a beautiful, honest relationship built over little moments, touches, words and actions. It's perfect. You did perfect. I don't want this to be over, but I knew it had to end some time.
Author's Response: Thank you Kira! I've loved all your reviews. I'm so glad that you've enjoyed reading. I hadn't quite decided whether or not to leave this here or have an epilogue, but your comments made me think the story should be complete. Thanks for taking the time to leave so much lovely feedback xx
I don't know how you do it. Well, I suppose if I knew how you did it, I'd be able to do it myself. Yes, it's still me, I'm still here. And I think this story is remarkable. You have this wonderful ability to capture the small life moments (and certainly not our most graceful ones) that truly build love and a relationship. I know it just sounds like I'm gushing, but this really is one of the best love stories I've ever read. It's so believable and sweet and smartly written. I will be shipping Fred and Lee forever now. You are an incredible talent. Please keep writing.
Author's Response: Thank you for saying such lovely things. I feel quite attached to this story and it really means a lot to know that you're enjoying it. I think I've said it before but I read some of your stories years ago, before I had an account, and they were truly wonderful so the positive feedback means a lot coming from you. Lots of love x
Here for the Review Tag and also because I've been meaning to get back to reading Nine Years.
Again, I just love Lee. Everything about his character and your descriptions works so well for me. Hmm, I've never seen Lee as anyone other than Luke Youngblood. Your take on his physique is refreshing to me and a real great add to the character, I think. It adds conflict in the story that has nothing to do with the war, but more on how Lee sees himself and conducts himself growing up. I really liked that.
I've already voiced my love for your inclusion of him in Fred and George's antics, but I was truly captured by this line in regards to the Marauder's Map, "Obviously it’s yours too. Use it whenever you want." It always bothered me that the twins just gave it up to Harry so easily and Lee really wasn't there. I still really think that he was present in their lives, like more of a triplet than three friends.
I found it funny that the Marauders immediately start talking when Snape's name is mentioned. Which reminds me, Snape's truly a mean sallow man. I keep forgetting that and I just loved how subtly not subtle his preference was for his house. He's so evil in so many little ways. *shakes head* It's a hoot reading the exchanges between the Marauders and the resident pranksters.
I'm truly in love with the friendship you've created in Nine Years and look forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: June! I'm so glad you liked Lee. I'd never thought much about him until seeing the plus size challenge but now I'm stuck with my version.
And I think Fred and George will obviously always have a more special connection than they have with Lee (or at least a different kind of connection), but I agree that he's very present in their lives.
I wanted to give a bit of a reminder of Snape's more negative comments. He bullies students he sees as week, like Neville, and I think Lee would fit into that category.
Thanks for a lovely review! E x
Hello E, my lovely ♥
Aw man, poor Lee! The bullying is so awful! That Montague is a nasty piece of work. I'd like to knock him out with a club if you know what I mean. But yay for Fred and George sticking up for their friend! ♥
I like the little mention of Lee coming out of his shell a bit more, growing into the person he'll eventually be. It's nice to see, to watch characters grow :)
Aw the Marauders Map! ♥ It's such a Harry thing now that I forget the twins had it first! OMG and they were talking to them! That's so incredible! These chapters just keep getting better and better! It's like a nicer, less-creepy, funnier version of Tom Riddle's diary!
Love love love this, you write the twins so well, honestly. And I love seeing their friendship with Lee, even if it's development is broken up in the chapter order.
And, of course, you are so amazing, and you always put a smile on my face, whether I read your reviews or read something you've written, so thank you very much ♥ ♥ ♥
Love B x
Author's Response: Yay thank you for liking the Marauders Map! People haven't really commented on it but I enjoyed writing it so hopefully it works haha.
Lots of love xx
Hello my darling ♥
AW YAYAYAYAY we're in their first year of Hogwarts!
Aw Lee, those first day nerves are so real, I can just imagine the uncomfortable feeling he had after seeing no one else was in their robes yet.
Little Lee is so sweet and cute, wanting to make his parents happy, that's lovely ♥
TONKS! One of my favourites, hooray! Already I love the lighthearted feel of this chapter - refreshing and welcome after the last one! (I'll probably say this a lot, but I love how you've written this, all random moments through time)
OMG YES TONKS AND CHARLIE!!!
(... sorry I'm a little over excited, but there are so many amazing details in this chapter)
Oh, a little Lorenzo mention, isn't he the one that dies later? :(
And Percy is perfect ♥
Argh I can get more Tonks and Charlie? I am SO there! Love love love you, and I'll be back soon!
Author's Response: Yay thank you! I"m so glad you enjoyed it. I need to come back to this story because I love writing Lee.
And yes, Lorenzo dies later and I feel guilty because he's not even a real character and I've killed him...
Lots of love xx
You gorgeous, wonderful lady, you.
After becoming addicted to your writing though Flight (love love love) I've been meaning to check out what other amazing pieces you can offer me, and I'm finally here, yay!
Okay so this is amazing straight up. I love this point of view of Potterwatch, almost like a missing moment, and I'm a sucker for missing moments. I like how we get a first hand view of what went behind the radio show.
And OLIVER ♥
AND FRED! ♥
Oh my Merlin I love the way you write Fred! He is amazing!!! (Don't think about the battle, don't think about the battle...)
Ha ha! Fred the dragon!
omgomgomgomgomg - yes I just read that bit. Be still, my heart!
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG - yes I just read that bit!
Oh, the coin, and the-the-the battle :'( nooo!
Man this is amazing. Again, I just love the way you write! See you at the next chapter!
Author's Response: Hey B! I'm so glad you liked this story. It's my first try writing Hogwarts era and I'm finding it a bit stressful trying to make sure everyone's in character! It's a huge relief to hear you liked Fred.
Thanks lovely! Emma xx
Yes, it’s me. I’m still here and I’m still loving this story. So much. I checked obsessively for updates because, really, this story has grabbed a piece of my heart and I don’t think I’ll feel satisfied until it’s complete. You write beautifully; I really hope you know that. You pack so much genuine feeling into the tiniest descriptions and snatches of dialogue, it’s staggering to me. I also really admire how you also address the relationship between Lee and George and how they’re best friends too. Even though the focus is on Lee and Fred (and rightly so) it’s just admirable how you don’t ignore other details. The fact that Fred was truly and honestly prepared to walk away from his dream for Lee makes my heart ache. Ah, I also just noticed that THERE IS ANOTHER NEW CHAPTER. Best day ever. I know it’s going to break my heart in the end, but those are the best types of stories because it means I’m really invested. Thank you for writing this. I think you’re extremely talented.
Author's Response: Kira! I just looked at your AP and realised you wrote The Quiet Outcast! It's one of the first stories I discovered here before I had an account and started writing. I must come back and leave you a review at some point because it's one of my favourites :)
Thank you so so much for all your kind words. I'm genuinely so pleased to hear that this story means something to you. I'm loving these characters so much more than I expected to and hope that I'm doing them justice.
Lots of love, Emma xx
Girl! Where has this story been my entire life and why haven't you stuffed this into my review thread?!
*Insert heavy breathing cat meme here*
I saw on the forums that you needed a review or two and I thought that I would stop by. I love your work and I wasn't sure what I would end up reading but I'm so happy that I decided to read this! It's so unique on so many levels and just perfection.
Okay, let me calm down for a minute.
So, you tackled so many things with this story and I'm not even sure where to start. First, you've shown an interracial relationship, discussed body image AND created a couple that I never would have imagined together!
I could go on for days about that aspect of this story but I'll focus on the rest. I think that you have such a lovely, lovely way of luring the reader in. I was hooked on the very first sentence and think that dumping us all in the middle of the War, in such a grim setting was a bold choice.
Lee as a main character is funny, compassionate and honest. I hardly ever see him featured in stories much but I love what you've done with him. He seems like a real, fleshed out young man and the pressures he's going through just seem so real.
I always wondered what it was like for Lee and the others while they were on teh run and you've filled in that gap wonderfully. Oliver and Katie were great introductions as well and we had a twin moment! My Katie and Oliver wind up married in my story (This is Angelina) and end up having a daughter named Leanne, whom they named after Lee! Hahaha.
Anyway, I wasn't sure where the story was going for a minute because I was so absorbed in their sorrow. I was really happy to see Fred make an appearance and you've written him so perfectly! He's got this great sass and wit to him that I've never been able to capture, you're magic!
When it comes down to the two of them, Lee and Fred, I was just blown away. It felt natural, sweet and just downright adorable. Their banter was layered with humor and friendship, which is always nice to see and although that ending just kind of stepped on my heart--you wrote that entire thing with so much darn skill that I'm blown away.
I'll be back! >:)
Author's Response: Gabbie! Thank you so much for such a lovely lovely review. And thanks for the shout out on the forums! I feel very attached to this story and am so glad you enjoyed reading.
I've never read a story that focussed on Lee so it was quite nice to have pretty much a blank slate to work with. I hope I've done him justice.
And yes to Oliver and Katie! I always have them ending up together. One day I might get around to writing their story because I love them.
Thank you for liking Fred! I find him quite tricky to write because he's got such a consistent, developed voice in the HP books, but I'm glad you liked him here.
Thanks again for such a kind review! Emma xx
Hey! Lost Muse here for your very delayed requested review from the forums.
So, instead of reviewing Chapter1 , I whooshed through this story and decided to review this one =) And I don't regret my decision.
Your characterisation of Fred and Lee is lovely. I really like how you write them. And of course, George too. The way you've shown the canon events unfold through their eyes is very interesting. Knowing their thoughts and actions behind those scenes is great and you've done justice to it.
I like how Lee was there for Fred in this chapter, and the way he comforted him. The awkwardness he felt was also natural and you wrote everything realistically. The descriptions were great. I felt really sad for Fred, and his reaction to the Ginny ordeal was understandable. The narrative was perfect.
The characters are definitely likeable and events are pretty much in line with canon. You've a good hold on the plot and I'm intrigued as to how things proceed. Great job and keep writing!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
I like writing in canon-era but about different events. It takes some of the pressure off plot and means I can focus on the characters instead.
And I'm so glad you think the characters are likeable!
Howdy Emma! I think it's been awhile since I read anything of yours, but this was a very pleasant return to your writing. Balancing description with dialogue is a delicate art and I'm always impressed with how you manage to make it seem effortlessly intertwined rather than more segmented like I feel mine often is.
ANYWAY - the story. I think the characterizations you've done here are pretty spot on. I'm awful at writing Fred and George (hence my eventual abandonment of every attempt at doing so), but I thought you captured him well - the way he didn't constantly chase a laugh, but allowed his excitement over the news to manifest nonetheless. The way you wrote Lee and Fred's...OTHER reunion, was also well-handled. While it's not my own headcanon, I thought you did an exceptional job of portraying the passion they have for one another - and even more importantly the passion that often accompanies a reunion of lovers who've been apart.
The thread that intrigued me throughout was Lee's self-consciousness that you wove into that moment when you took one of the brief dives into inner thought in this chapter. I wondered what it could be over the entire time until you mentioned the challenge in the Author's Note and I thought that not being as overt about it was a unique choice that could play out really well as the story develops.
If I had any CC, it would be that the commentary by Oliver about the safeguarding measures DOES seem a bit too revealing (at least to me), but it wasn't that big a deal.
Thanks for sharing and good luck as you continue the piece!
Author's Response: Hi Kevin! Thank you so much for the review. I'm really glad you liked Fred. I was a bit worried about writing him - he's such a strong canon character that it feels hard to do him justice. Lee and Fred were never my headcanon until I started writing this but now I love them.
I'm trying to make Lee's self-consciousness kind of a side-theme of the story, because it's a big feature of his life but he's not defined by his weight. Hopefully that's working.
Ahhh a few people have said that about Oliver's bit. I might have a think about editing that.
Thanks for taking the time to review! Emma xx
This story continues to be absolutely wonderful. I love how Lee and Fred's interactions and contact are so simple, yet they mean the world. The best love stories are told that way, in my opinion. This is a great love story. And more than than, it's a great friendship as well. This is one of my favorite stories I've ever read here. You do a truly beautiful job with these characters. Truly and honestly, congratulations.
Author's Response: Hi Kira, thanks again for taking the time to review and leave your lovely comments. I'm so so glad that you're enjoying reading. Emma xx
Loving this so far. I'd never really thought about a Lee/Fred pairing before but I really like the idea. And the way you write them both make it just fit. I also really liked your Percy in the second chapter, it's nice to see him as someone who is slightly separate from the family but still enjoys their pranks, not stuck up as everyone else portrays him. And Tonks and Charlie were hilarious, loved them. Have just realised you've done a one-shot with them so am off to check that out. And I'm loving all the other cannon characters through out. I really can't wait to read the other five years. Brilliant writing as always.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm really pleased that you liked Lee and Fred, and especially that you liked Percy. I was kind of surprised by how much I enjoyed writing him.
Hello my dear!
I'm back for number two of our swaps! I'm sorry again for the delay. Work has been keeping me insane the past few weeks. It's especially frustrating considering how much I love this story and just want to continue reading it!
Be warned that this review will contain shouty words and capslock text and may be slightly incoherent. Starting in 3...2.1
OMG! I HATE MONTAGUE SO MUCH! HOW CAN ANYONE BE SUCH AN AWFUL PERSON! SERIOUSLY, I WANT TO JUDO CHOP HIM IN THE THROAT FOR MAKING FUN OF LEE LIKE THAT!
AND THEN SNAPE WAS A COMPLETE JERK! AS A TEACHER HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE ABOVE THAT, BUT HE OBVIOUSLY HAS NO IDEA HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE! IT ALL MADE ME SO MAD!
*takes a deep breath*
Ugh. Okay. So obviously you've written the bullying aspect of this story well to illicit that type of reaction from me. I'm not normally a capslock type of gal. :D I thought you painted a very clear, horrifying picture of the bullying that Lee faces and also a stark picture of how it affects Lee in his daily life. It's just so awful to think of such a nice guy going through that.
As always, you do a beautiful job of keeping cannon characters very compliant with who they are in cannon. Snape, the Slytherins, Fred, Geroge, Tonks, etc. I'm really particular about that, so I really liked what you did with it.
I also love the bond between Lee, Fred, and George. At this point, we have no real hint of romance between Fred and Lee, but just seeing the wonderful friendship they have with each other is heart warming. I'm curious to see how you will slowly transition it into romance.
One little detail that I appreciated was the way Lee understands that sometimes Fred and George will do things without him because they're twins and that's just how they are. He doesn't take it as a personal slight or get offended or feel left out. It's great that they all have that understanding.
I've really enjoyed reading this so far and will definitely be back for more when the world slows down a bit. Keep up the amazing work and pretty please, try not to kill my heart with making Fred's death even more tragic. Thanks. :D
Author's Response: Hi Kaitlin! Thank you thank you for such a thoughtful review. I always love reading your comments.
I was worried people wouldn't find Snape convincing here, but I think we definitely get this bullying side of him quite often in canon (esp with neville), and I think lee would be one of his targets.
And Montague's awful, but as Lee grows up he can deal with it better. And we know that Fred and George eventually push him through a vanishing cabinet so I wanted to make that slightly more justifiable.
Thanks for the swap! Emma xx
I'm here for our terribly late review swap. Forgive me for my tardiness. That being said, I'm so excited that there's more to this fantastic story! I love Lee so much and I'm just thrilled that you're writing about him.
It was lovely getting to see some interaction between Lee and his mother. She seems like such a caring, warm person. I love how even when Lee doesn't verbalize his worries, she can still seem to sense them and gives him good comfort.
Lee's introduction to Tonks and Charlie was great as well. I had some good chuckles over Charlie licking Tonks and the way you described Tonks' appearance. It was made better by Percy's rigid behavior. I do have to say that personally I have a hard time imagining Charlie in any sort of long term relationship. He always struck me as the bachelor type, but that's really only my head cannon.
My favorite part of this chapter was the way the twins told Montague to beat it after he made fun of Lee. That seems exactly the sort of thing they'd do. And of course they make friends with Lee after. I'm sort of reminded of Harry and Ron's initial meeting and the way Harry tells Draco to shove off.
I also thought you did a very delicate job of handling Lee 'a anxieties and worries. As someone who suffers from high anxiety, I felt that if rang very authentic. He tries to push them down, but they manage to creep into his thoughts. It's very insidious.
Now onto a tiny touch of concrit...
I'm not sure if this was purposeful or maybe it's because of where I'm from, but the way you've written Mrs. Jordan's dialogue makes her sound like a person from the Southern U.S. states like Georgia or South Carolina. I've never been to the UK and have only known a handful of Brits in real life, but I can't recall any of them using the word ain't. Does that word exist in British English? Sorry to nitpick or if I'm completely wrong in my assumptions about British speech. It just really stood out to me, so I thought I'd mention it.
All in all, I'm loving where this story is headed. I live that you started at the end and then switched back to the beginning. Your version of Lee is so interesting and I think you've nailed all of the cannon elements. Good job!
Oh! And I like your version of Lee's father much better than JKR's version. :)
Author's Response: Kaitlin! Thanks for such a kind review! Please don't apologise for being late...I literally only just wrote your review because I'm useless, so you're basically early compared to me.
I'm really glad you liked Charlie and Tonks. I loved writing them. I actually don't picture them together, they're just good friends, but maybe I need to make that a bit clearer if you thought they were in a relationship? In my head canon, Charlie's very in love with Tonks but too preoccupied with quidditch and dragons to realise until it's much too late.
I hadn't actually meant Fred and George's rejection of Montague to reflect Harry's rejection of Draco, but I can absolutely see how it does so I was probably subconsciously influenced by it.
It's such a relief that you found Lee's worries authentic.
You know, when I was writing Lee's mother I was hearing her as if she was from Southern U.S - it's definitely not a British voice and I liked the idea that his mother's not from the UK. But maybe I should change that or specify that she's American. Thanks for pointing it out!
Thanks for a lovely review,
This story is fantastic, and one of the best ones I've read in awhile. The Lee/Fred (are we calling them Free?!) ship is not one I've ever heard about or really even thought about before, but I think it's great and you've written it so naturally so far. I think your writing has a remarkable ease to it; I get wrapped up and invested with every chapter.
As someone who as always had problems with weight, size, and, especially, confidence, I feel for Lee a lot in this chapter. And it makes his friendships with the Weasleys and the other Gryffindors so poignant and appreciated.
Just from the these first few chapters I can already see that Lee is going to arc and grown beautifully throughout this story. I can also tell that this is going to make me sob and cry bitter tears all over my computer by the end. (note: should not read at work.)
I think this is really great, and I'll be with you to the end on this one.
Author's Response: Kira! Thanks so much - this is pretty much the dream review.
I'm so so glad you're enjoying reading. I love Free, let's call them that, and it's great that you like them too. I'd never thought about them before I started writing but I'm enjoying it so much.
Writing about Lee's weight is difficult because it's a very big part of who he is, and has a big influence on him, but I don't want to define him by the way he looks. I'm glad you found it believable here.
Thanks again for such a kind review. Next chapter will probably go up tomorrow :)
Sorry, I am late, I am here for the review swap. You wrote a review for my story a week ago. Sorry it took so long to get back.
Thanks by the way, your feedback was wonderful.
Firstly, I think I should say I love the way you have done this non-sequentially.
I really liked the dynamic between Lee Jordan and his mother, it felt very authentic, as did his own reflections and apprehensions about going to school. It must have been so daunting.
I think you overused the word "baby" but aside from that the dialogue is really on point.
I particularly enjoyed this observation:
“I’m a third year,” Percy says, puffing out his chest as if this is something to be proud of. “So I’m starting to study some of my elective subjects this year. I’ve chosen Divination, because it’s always good to have an idea of what’s coming, and then Arithmancy and the study of Ancient Runes, which I think will be fascinating.”
“Mm,” Lee hums, unsure how to respond. The study of Ancient Runes doesn’t really sound fascinating at all.
I found your characterisation of Tonks very easy to buy into - I had no idea she as sixth year at the time of this story so it was intriguing to me.
I would also add I was just rather charmed by the interplay between Jordan and the various Weasley members.
I also found the Utilitarian nature of a lot of your prose really effective, it was unfussy but interesting at the same time, which is hard. I overwrite to oblivion so I respect that a lot.
My only criticism, if it can be called that , is that currently it reads like a very emotional but fragmented collection of memories. Of course, my memories are often like that, but it would cool to have some flow between the memories of each year, and to refer perhaps to different bits from each memory and see how they change.
I really like this though, and definitely keep doing it.
Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for such a thoughtful review.
I'm glad you enjoyed lots of the characters. I really enjoyed writing Tonks and Charlie, and was surprised by how much fun it was to include Percy here.
Hmm, I hope that later on it will seem less fragmented. The memories should all link up to put together a very clear picture of Lee and Fred's lives, and there are links and themes that come up as we add chapters. Thanks for the feedback though - I'll definitely have a think about it.
Thanks again! Emma x
Here’s your requested review!
Definitely, I'm in love with your portrayal of Lee. I always say this to my sister; I wish there had been more Lee in the series. So many of the twins antics were comprised with him, I'm sure, being their best friend outside of each other. I’m really glad I’m reading this!
Your story flows well, just like the first. I’m not sure what to say. I really love this chapter. It flows well. It definitely has a different tone from the first chapter, which is good! It’s like how JK had done with HP, but for yours, the readers and I know that there’s this looming future.
I really commend you for capturing canon characters well. I’m talking about Percy and Nymphadora mostly. I know that was one of things you worried about (likeability), but there really isn’t anything to worry. You do a great job also in creating more depth into characters that we didn’t get to meet much, so I look forward to more Charlie and Montague. I also look forward to Dora and Charlie’s interactions, if that’s something you’ll be inserting in once in a while. I truly enjoyed the small bit that they were in.
I think someone mentioned this in your last chapter, but in this chapter, again, you ended with a powerful line/moment.
Again, I can’t stop it. Fred is dead is like a mantra that I don’t want to say. Why must you create such a relationship! I just know that you’ll rip my heart out at the end of this. Great writing!
I wish I had more to say.
But maybe I said everything I needed to say in the first?
Author's Response: And again, thank you so so much for all your thoughtful comments. I'm really glad you liked this chapter.
I loved writing Percy and Tonks! My initial plan for this chapter didn't include them, and was just going to have Lee with his mother on the platform and then meeting the twins, but halfway through writing it I realised that him and Tonks would have overlapped at Hogwarts and I couldn't resist writing her. Because of the jumps in time, Tonks doesn't get to feature much after this but it's definitely made me want to write lots more of her in future.
Thanks again for a lovely review and for putting so much thought into your feedback :)
I'm leaving a review here before I go and leave one on the second chapter for you request.
I'll start off by saying, I was most excited about a story focused on Lee Jordan. Putting aside, Fred, this is my first Lee Jordan-centric fic. I was impressed at how canon he felt to me. Fred, not so much. I think his 'bounciness' didn't seem real to me. I can understand some excitement; I totally would think that Fred is one of the few to be completely in awe of the Trio escaping with a dragon. I just felt it was too much. But the personality contrast between your mains was well done. I liked the almost drastif difference between Lee and Fred.
Some of the small stuff the I loved:
1. You killed off a character that had a face, but not someone we were super close to. It's a hit, but not a devastating-can't-carry-on hit. (Unless we're Katie...)
2. Your description and solemn tone worked really well for me. It brought me to the other side of the story, to Lee's and Fred's story and I'm so very glad that I was.
Things I found strange?:
1. I'm not sure if anyone has ever said this about a story, but I found a lot of your paragraphs have the same length. They take up the same space every time. Aesthetically, that's probably not as a good a read. It's not something too important.
2. The Quidditch players. I love Oliver, but should we really be outing the leagues? The leagues aren't made out of the same quantity as a large country. If Potterwatch insists on using nicknames, we should also keep from using real league names.
3. Which brings me to the Trio and the dragon. I actually think, for that also, despite the excitement, nicknames should have been used. Harry is a name that brought hope at the time, but I would think the same applies to him. Just the same as they had done in the film, I suppose. But book-wise, I don't recall any nicknames for him since they didn't really know what he'd been doing.
Overall, I'm excited to continue. I'm devastated though as "Fred is dead" keeps flashing in my head.
Author's Response: Hi June! Thank you for such a thoughtful review :)
I'm so glad you like Lee. I actually thought people would find Fred more convincing than Lee in this story, because my Lee's maybe a bit more reserved than the way Harry sees him in canon. I put it down to Harry being a bit younger and looking up to Lee and the Weasley twins, so not recognising Lee's insecurities. So thank you for liking him!
I think the tone of this chapter always needed to be solemn. Even though there are happy moments here this is the darkest time either of them have lived through and the tone of the writing needed to reflect that. But there are happier moments to come :)
Ooo, will have a think about paragraph length. It's not something I ever really think about but I've just had a look at this chapter and you're right, so I'll keep an eye on it.
I think I disagree about the nicknames though. In the Potterwatch we hear about in Deathly Hallows they mention Hagrid by name, so I'm not sure why they wouldn't name Harry. I also wanted to give Terry Boot motivation for getting into trouble with the Carrows after shouting about the dragon in the Great Hall.
Thanks so much for all your thoughtful feedback and for a really helpful review! I really appreciate it.
I am so excited about seeing a story centered around Lee and Fred, not many people write about those two, most of the stories I've read seem to forget about Lee.
I'm also so glad that you're writing about Potterwatch and the guests on it. And that Lee is continuing even though he's on the run for it.
I was so worried at the beginning of this, that Lee and that were going to get hurt by Death Eaters, but it's only Fred and that makes me so happy!!
Fred just seems so happy to have found Lee. :D AH! I love that they've reported on Harry and that breaking out of Gringotts on a Dragon. Lee is right, it's going to bring such a morale boost to everyone hearing this news about Harry.
YES!I NEED THIS SHIP! I NEED MORE LEE AND FRED! THIS SHIP IS LOVE AND I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT UNTIL NOW! I NEED MORE OF THEM!
Ah, I need more of this! I can't wait to read the next chapter. Lee and Fred! LEE AND FRED! ONE OF MY NEW OTP!
Author's Response: Yay thank you for liking Lee and Fred! I never thought about them being a thing until this idea suddenly turned up in my head and now absolutely yes OTP yes.
Thanks so much for such a lovely review :)
Hey I'm back!
Since you had only two chapters up, i figured I'd review both.
I like what you're doing here about mixing the years up. It's a unique approach. I'm guessing youre going to do year 8 and 2 next? It's a wonderful idea :D
I love Lee's characterization in this chapter. We usually know him as an extension of Fred and George, and I like how you've brought out his emotions and vulnerability here.
That meeting with Fred and George was quite natural, and had me smiling. Montague reminded me of Draco Malfoy. Of course Fred and George would annoy him the way they did!
Lee meeting Tonks - best idea ever! Of course her chatter would put him at ease! She's such a dear, and you've captured a teenage Tonks wonderfully. I love her friendship with Charlie Weasley! This line "They’re such flibbertigibbets" made me crack up. It's definitely the kind of thing Tonks would say!
Quite a light hearted chapter, quite the opposite of the previous one. The drastic change of tone showed exactly how far things had come.
Great work! Thank you so much for the swap :D Do let me know if you want to swap for the next chapter :D
Author's Response: And hello again :)
Thanks for taking the time to review both chapters - I really appreciate it.
You're so right - Lee in the HP books is always seen with Fred and George and it's hard to know what he's like without them, so writing Lee before he's met them was really interesting.
I hadn't thought of Montague being like Malfoy, but you're absolutely right. Now that you've mentioned it I can't stop seeing it :)
And I love writing Tonks. I got so excited when I realised her and Charlie overlap with Lee at Hogwarts.
Thanks again. I'll definitely swap with you when chapter three's up :)
Hello Emma! I'm here for our review swap!
I've never read either LGBTQA or Hogwarts era stories till now, and it definitely didn't disappoint. Fred and Lee are just so sweet! It was almost sad towards the end of this chapter, because we know whats going to happen :(
I loved the Potterwatch exchange in the beginning. I especially loved the idea of Quidditch teams pitching in and creating safe houses, I would love to use that in my own story (crediting you, of course). I've never really thought about the other side of the Second Wizarding War, and your story has definitely intrigued me. Fred's entry with the Gringotts news was just so... Fred! I loved his energy.
I also thought it was really interesting to see Lee insecure about his body. Most people just assume women are insecure, and choose to focus on that, and I liked how you explored a guys feelings in this aspect.
Your writing is amazing and flows so well. I love the tone you have set in this story, almost felt like I was reading an offshoot of Deathly Hallows.
In all, really well done, and off to read the second chapter now. Thank you so much for the swap :)
Author's Response: Hi Ysh, thanks for such a lovely review :)
Absolutely use the Quidditch teams idea!
I think women face a different kind of pressure to men about their looks, but obviously everyone has their own insecurities and I wanted to explore that through Lee.
I'm really glad you enjoyed reading. Thanks again!
Hi Emma! Here for our swap! Sorry it took me so long to get here, but I'm here now!
Oh my gosh, I absolutely love this. Fred/Lee (or George/Lee, tbh) is a pairing that I love but seriously haven't read enough of. There's so much about this that I enjoy and it's just really well done! The way the two of them come together in this is just fantastic and I can see this as something that would actually happen behind the scenes of the last book.
I loved your characterizations of Fred and Lee. I liked that we saw Lee's more serious side in his fear for the safety of Fred (as well as Katie, Oliver, the Quidditch players, etc). Almost on the flipside of that, I loved Fred's recklessness and his enthusiasm over the dragon.
Oh my goodness, I was so upset when I got to the end and realized what was going to happen in the near future. That this would be the last time they'd ever be together like this. That Fred was about to die. My heart honestly dropped into my stomach. I think that you ended it in a really powerful place.
Other things that I loved:
1) The Quidditch players helping out. Such a cool and wonderful idea that we didn't see in the books.
2) The whole situation with Lee being self-conscious about his body/looks, but not really feeling that way here with Fred. I think that's something a lot of us can relate to and I thought you handled it beautifully.
3) I thought your style/tone was great and very fitting for this piece. There was sort of a solemn and melancholy vibe about the whole thing that worked really, really well for me.
I'm definitely going to read and review chapter 2 asap! I love this, really great work :)
Author's Response: Hi Kayla!
I haven't read any Fred/Lee before so let me know if you have any recommendations!
I'm really glad you found Fred and Lee believable. Writing Fred's a bit scary because JK writes him so wonderfully and I obviously can't do him justice, so it's a relief that you liked him!
Thank you so much for such a lovely review :)
I love this. Absolutely love this. The emotions just crackle throughout this chapter and the well written dialogue and interactions make the characters sing. I've always liked Lee as a character and have been downright fascinated by the whole Potterwatch of his life. It's a challenge, but I think it's one that you've really risen to. You really do a great job of "showing" rather than "telling" throughout this whole chapter and I also commend you for being original in your plot and story focus. Really great start.
Author's Response: Thank you! It's so good to hear you enjoyed reading. I think Lee setting up Potterwatch is a really interesting aspect of the war that doesn't get looked into much, and i wanted to talk about it a bit. I'm glad you thought it was original :)
Thanks again for such a lovely review. Emma x