(Jailbreak - CTF: Gryffindor)
This is so nice! I usually don't read rare pairings. In fact, I can't really say I've read rare pairings. Anyways, this one is memorable (if I had read rare-pairings before). I would never have given Dean/Lavender much thought, but I'm glad I came across this. We don't know much about these two, but I'll accept this as something that could have potentially happened after the book series.
It's great how you tell us how Dean and her even became friends, for two people with contrasting personalities. I'm glad that they found each other in time of need, as I know the aftermath must have been hard on both of them. So it's lovely that a tradition started between them. You did amazing with describing Dean's nervousness and Lavender's easy-going personality. I'm sure Dean is too, but he's taking the step to admit his feelings, which I know is not easy for anyone really. I'm glad that she really likes him too. Very happy that they ended up kissing! The kissing scene was nicely detailed! Yay! In fact, now since reading this, I feel like they'll become a part of my HP pairing list. I may consider reading more with them as a pairing and maybe writing a story of my own about them.
Great job with writing this! Awesome job indeed. I enjoyed reading this! Adding this to one of my favorites list!
Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I am glad you liked this and liked the rare pairing and found it believable. Thank you for the favourite too!
Aw. This was so sweet and fluffy I feel like I 'm going to sink right into it. I really like the idea of Dean and Lavender, probably because they both felt a little under-developed in the main canon. I'm not blaming JKR for this as I know she had backstories for everyone, but they just didn't get a lot of page time, notwithstanding Lavender's fling with Ron in sixth year. This is a really nice exploration of them both, though, a few years after the battle. That makes them both that little bit more mature, that little bit more sure of who they are and what they want out of life, and don't you think that just makes all the difference?
That being said, though, you never really grow out of the nervousness and apprehension that comes with trying out a new relationship. Especially when you're friends first, because you risk losing that friendship. And you've captured that to a T I think - Dean stumbling over his words, misunderstanding Lavender's reaction - you've got the whole thing down pat. That's not as easy to do as some would think so well done on that.
All in all this was a really nice little one-shot and one that I'm glad to have stumbled across.
Author's Response: Yes, I know what you mean - they were kinda under-developed and I had so much fun building upon their personalities here, so am happy you liked it! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.
Hi Angie! I am (finally) here for that review you requested ages ago, and so very sorry about the mega delay. Anyway, I finally had a chance to read this and am now here to tell you how much I loved it! I am terrible at writing fluff so I'm always impressed when I read a good fluff piece, which this is.
You asked about plot, and while there's not a huge amount going on plot-wise, that's kind of to be expected in a romance/fluff story. The plot feels appropriate to the genre, and I think you built it up well, such that Dean's nervousness was increasing up until after Lavender explains herself. You did really well conveying that feeling and - while I could predict that Lavender felt the same way - I could feel Dean's panic there as he worries he's about to mess up such an important friendship.
Characterisation - this in particular was really well done, because Dean and Lavender are in canon such opposing personalities, and here you explain that in a way that fits with canon - of course they'd both be very changed by the war. I can see Lavender becoming less silly in the wake of that kind of thing - and I really like how you showed that here. She's more mature, but has flashes of silliness like her old self, maybe because she feels comfortable enough with Dean to be able to be in that mindset again, or because part of her is still the same - whatever the case, I like that you showed she's different but also the same person . It was subtle and well done.
lastly dialogue, this was all seamless. Just the right amount of awkwardness for a couple who are still trying to figure out where they stand with one another. It was great.
Again I'm so sorry for taking this much time to get to your review, but I really enjoyed the story! Great writing. :)
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.
Hey there Angie,
I did originally want to review this because of the enticing summary. I just didn’t know Dean well enough. I haven’t read a Dean-focused fic before. Already, I apologize for the length of this review. I wanted to give you as much as I could.
I like how clear Dean has feelings beyond friendship with Lavender right at the moment you introduced their relationship with the use of details like “cute little dimple” and “lovely”. It reminds me of how he was with Ginny for a short period of his life. What I like about Post-Hogwarts is that the student grew into different, but better versions of themselves. And you get pleasant surprises like Neville and Hannah getting married. I get the same feeling with the pair-up you’ve created. There is something charming about the way we see Dean’s point of view also.
I did find though that sometimes, you restricted yourself also for the same reason. For example in the paragraph “After all, if two years ago…” you repeated the word “had” quite a few times which made the paragraph a bit awkward. It would be beneficial if you reworded that part or omitted one or two “had”s. Maybe somewhere along the lines of, “While the two had been in the same year at Hogwarts, they barely had any decent interaction”, which got rid of one “had”. And also, “He used to find her a little too ‘girly’ for his taste”. You still get that past tense, but without using “had”. And you can do the same for a few other sentences. I think, you will also notice how often you use the word.
In your paragraph, “Feeling lonely and lost,” I would suggest for the last line or two to be rewritten along the lines of: It began with polite conversation that led one thing to another, and ended with the entire night talking to each other. Or possibly beginning with a conjunction: And that was the beginning to their friendship. The first part of that paragraph was brilliant. I like how you delivered it. So, when I reached the end of the scene, it felt a bit lackluster.
Your Lavender is definitely a more matured version of Lavender during the Hogwarts-Era. Even though there are signs of that bubbliness even in the smallest of her gestures, it’s easy to see the growth. Great job!
Also nice job on the rambling. It really did feel like he was. Even I wanted him to just stop and let her answer. Definitely, I think, after the confession, your writing got looser and more natural. Makes me wonder if it was a bit difficult to write the beginning?
The part with “Yeah… yeah it was,” reminds me of a boyish Harry- so replace Harry with Dean. Adorable.
I also really like “magnitude of the moment”. Quite poetic. Love alliteration. And also the last dialogue from Lavender was amusing. I can understand why it was honorably mentioned. That kiss was well described. I enjoyed the story a lot and I think you carried your plot out nicely. And the reader was clear on it from the start. So, overall great job!! Just edit out those “had”s and the story can be read much smoother on those parts.
Hope this helped!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.
Hey there, here for the December review exchange!
I enjoyed this story a lot. Like, really a lot. This pairing was just so different (I've never seen it before anyway, perhaps it is really popular?!) and the way you wrote their friendship to romantic relationship transition was amazing. It wasn't over the top, but it didn't need any more description either.
Grammar and spelling was excellent, I didn't notice any errors at all.
I think this was an amazing story, and I'd love to see more about them from you!
Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! I'll be returning the favour very soon =)
I am pleased you enjoyed this story. The pairing is different, this is the first time I wrote it, and it's for a challenge. But it's growing on me!
I am pleased you liked the descriptions and all =) Thanks!
Happy Belated Birthday, Round 2!! :D
I really like this one, too, Angie! I think this might be the first Dean/Lavender I've read, and I really enjoyed it!
I like how they didn't just automatically jump into a romantic relationship - especially considering all they went through with the war, I think it makes sense that it would take them some time and they'd be friends first.
I was getting really worried for Dean when she called him a moron, but I laughed when I saw she was just saying that because he hadn't said something before :P
You're very talented at writing fluff! I'd love to see a continuation of this! :D Great job!
Author's Response: Have I told you how much I love you? You're awesome. Thanks a ton! I am pleased you liked things worked out between them, and that you think I'm talented at fluff. Thank you!
It's Plums here with your requested review. I've never read a Dean/Lavender fic before and I look forward to exploring the new ship.
OH MY GOD, THEY'RE SO CUTE. Well, Dean is. Dean's adorable with his constant fretting about how to confess his feelings. It's just so - cute. In fact, it's so sweet that it's apparently left me incoherent. All that's coming to mind is: "so cute, so cute, so cute". Usually, I like my reviews to have more substance than random spurts of fangirling, but wow.
It's definitely a very sweet one shot. After the war, they deserve to have some pure happiness and it's great that Dean and Lavender can find that in each other. It's really innocent which I like since they lost such a huge part of their youth during the war. The fact that they can find genuine solace in each other is great.
I also really liked the fact that he thinks she's beautiful. Since she got attacked by Greyback in the Battle of Hogwarts, the truth in his thoughts is just lovely.
There were a couple of minor mistakes in dialogue tags and elsewhere. I've listed them below with the appropriate corrections if you're interested. All corrections are written in [these]. :)
- "...Tell me what’s going on[.]” [S]he patted the spot next to her on the couch and he braced himself before taking it.
- "Dean nights?” [h]e asked, smiling slightly.
- “Is it serious? It’s something bad, isn’t it? Tell me what’s going on[.]” Lavender bit her lip, worried.
- “You wouldn’t dare!” [h]e replied, watching her laugh and enjoying their easy conversation.
- 'Wow, had he just transported back into [being a teenager]?' OR 'Wow, had he just [gone] back [to feeling like a teenager]?' OR since there's a fair few rhetorical questions throughout his internal monologue, perhaps even something different like 'Somehow, Lavender always made him feel like he was a teenager again.'
I hope this helps!
Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for your kind review.
I am glad you found them cute, and enjoyed reading this. It's great to hear you found them genuine and liked Dean here. Thank you for pointing out those mistakes. Really help me improve!
Happy birthday, Angie!!! :D
Erm... Actually I'm not sure if I'm still in time or not (it is still your birthday in my time zone... if I'm late forgive me...)
Aww... this was so cute!!! Dean was just so adorable, with his fear of ruining their friendship. And Lavender's reaction was just so... aww... excited fangirl here!!! :D
I really enjoyed reading this! Everything was just so cute! I loved the story of their friendship, how the war changed them and how they found comfort and support in each other. It's really sweet.
And you wrote everything so beautifully! It was lighthearted, but really well done (I say that as if lighthearted was a bad thing... It definitely isn't! I ADORE lighthearted!!!)
Anyway, I really loved this! Great job!
Hope you had a wonderful birthday!
Many hugs, love and kisses!
Author's Response: Hey Chiara! Thank you so much!
I am so glad you liked this, and found Dean/Lavender adorable. I dont normally do very well with "cute" but good to know you found it so. Thank you so much for the sweet review!
Happy birthday Angie!!! Hope it’s smashing :) Here for a bday review for you!
First, love your character selection on this. As you know I write Lav fics sometimes, and have dabbled in Dean before, and while I’ve never paired them together before, I’m happy you have. I want them both to be happy post-war. I also enjoyed how you build things up and explained the pairing, so that was got to believe and buy into a bit more. Since these two never were together in much capacity in the books, you provided enough background to make it believable.
Really glad Dean expressed his feelings in some capacity, but the conversation they had hit very close to home to me (and the convo went in the opposite way where I had to turn my “friend” down), so maybe I need to read this when it’s not so fresh of a memory in my head, because I was squirming in pain reading this –not because of your writing, but because of what Lav could say! Guess I felt like how Dean must’ve felt, which is a good thing too :P
Anwho, nuff about me, short and sweet one-shot. Hope you explore fluff and romance more, as this was pretty solid!
Some light CC:
‘Wow, had he just transported back into teenage?’ – being a teenager or his teenage years. Something, seems like an incomplete sentence?
“Dean! Where’re you lost?” – just where, not ‘re needed ;)
Enjoy your special day!
Author's Response: Aw Ellie! You're too sweet. This was such a surprise review, so thanks a ton!
I am pleased you liked my character selection, and found the pairing believable with the background and stuff.
Ooh sorry to hear it hit a bad memory! *hugs*
I am glad you liked this overall. Thank you for the sweet comments. I'll fix the mistakes =)
Happy Birthday Angie... And may you have many more. :) I am doing this as a part of the review swap but you can consider this a little birthday present from me as well.
So first coming onto the pairing. Dean and Lavender! I admit I haven't been a fan of her ever since the Won Won phase but you have actually managed to reinvent her character quite well. Her being mature takes some digesting to but its well written. I am just curious if in your universe she was attacked by Fenrir Greyback in the Battle for Hogwarts. If so, some addition about the scar would have been fitting (I am nit-picking here. :P ) Making her a Healer was a nice touch. Dean Thomas has always been one of me favourite side characters and his portrayal seems extremely loyal to the originals.
The pacing never seemed rushed nor for a moment did the story seem dull. It story ticked ahead like a well-oiled clock. The hesitancy of the Dean as well the attempts upon Lavender's part to lighten the mood. I especially liked the little recap you gave about the antics of the earlier Lav (bracelet for Parvati). It gave me a little reminder that this was the same girl who gave Ron a necklace saying 'My Sweetheart' but also further reaffirmed the change that she had undergone.
The ending was pretty cool. The kiss kept both characters true once more, Dean shy and Lavender slightly adventurous.
I ain't a fan of one-shots but this one was really really nice.
Happy Birthday once more Angie and hope the review brought a smile on your face. :)
Author's Response: Hey Kshitij!
Thank you for the sweet review and the wishes.
I am glad you liked the way I reinvented Lavender's character. In my universe, she was attacked by Fenrir but made it out alive. Now that you mention it, I should make a reference to the scar! I'll go back and edit soon =) Thank you!
I am happy you liked Dean's portrayal and that the pacing seemed alright. Haha yes I figured Dean would make some reference to the old Lavender because he's known her for a while and they're close enough to have those conversations. Pleased you liked it.
Thank you so much! Your comments made me happy!
princesslily32 from the forums here.
Dean's confusion about muggle robes vs wizard robes was so typical! I Would expect a muggle born to worry about that :D
The dialogue between them flowed effortlessly. I like how you described her change in personality from girly to serious post-war. Dean's nervousness after his admission of liking her was also really natural :D
I like how the dialogues gave an insight into their friendship and told a whole story without actually saying it. Dean and Lavender seemed an unlikely ship, but not the way you wrote it. I have always been a fan of friendships that turn into love. I liked how there was no fanfare about him admitting his feelings, no long italics about confusion in his head. He just needed a little prodding and he confessed. That was the most natural confession I have read in fanfics in a long time. Really well done!
Thank you for a great read and Thank you so much for entering the First Kiss Challenge :)
Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am glad you liked this, and of course, thanks for the honourable mention!
I am pleased you found dean's character and enjoyed the dialogue. Haha I hate the whole italics in the head when confessing feelings etc so I am happy you liked the way I wrote this!
Thanks so much!
I'm here for our swap but I've been looking forward to reading this ever since you've mentioned on the forums having written a fluff piece! ♥
Oooh, Dean and Lavender, I seldom read about those, that's a cool pairing!
First off, it's adorable that Dean is so nervous about what he's to wear, Muggle suit or wizard robes. It's quite a "normal" worry for Muggleborns going out with Purebloods :p
And he's so anxious to see her he opens the door before she evens rings the doorbell, after he heard her apparating - so cute! It's like he's preparing for a first date :)
I always like stories where Lavender survived the Battle instead of dying because of Fenrir. I never really liked her as a human being but as a story character, she's always been interesting if not fun. Rowling explained her personal feelings so it's kind of understandable why she couldn't resist killing her off :p
Funnily enough, I personally don't think real friends could ever find attraction in each other. I don't think it's a good idea and in some cases, I think it's just plain laziness (though my thoughts on "friends with benefits" are quite different in a very hypocritical kind of way, haha) :p
But in this case, it's not like they're actual best buds or anything and it's really cute how they both liked each other already before Dean confessed.
I know Dean seems to consider her as his best friend, but since he's been interested in her romantically since he saw her at the bar and they started chatting, their relationship has never truly been that of a friendship. Seriously, though, that's my own personal opinion about love in friendships :D
A bit of CC
- Small typo here: "Lavendar, hi"
- Since he's super into her, you could definitely add a few more descriptions about tiny details a guy interested in a girl would notice. You know, those little things like the way the corner of her lips quiver when she giggles or the way her hair falls in front of her eyes when she laughs, etc.
I really liked how the two are so close they can mock each other like true friends (the bit about the bracelets, for example) and take it with humour.
It's kind of cute that Lavender calls Dean a moron (oh, the dread he felt! Haha) even though a part of me wanted to say "I'm rubber and you're glue", haha xD
It's super adorable how confident Lavender comes off until she asks if he's going to officially ask her out - she's become quite the outgoing, strong-willed gal even though she's still her fragile, insecure past self deep down. It's really cute and I love that she's found someone with whom she can be both insecure and confident. It's like they're a perfect match ♥
This was a very cute read, Angie!
Author's Response: Hey Gee! Thank you for the review!
I'm glad you liked the little details here, such as Dean being nervous about his clothing. I tried to make it as plausible as I could.
As for the love in friendship bit, I'm afraid we disagree there xP I based this story loosely on a past relationship I experience. We were close friends, almost like best friends, for almost 2 years before he told me one day that he liked me as more than a friend. His speech was similar to Dean's, along the lines of "I dont know how long I've liked you, maybe from the first day but I didn't realise it then etc." I had developed feelings for him over the course of our friendship too; had liked him for almost 6-7 months before he'd confessed. Come to think of it, most of my relationships have stemmed from friendships - don't think it's laziness, it just happens when you spend a lot of time with someone and have that kind of bond. Of course, I have guy friends I have completely platonic feelings for too, but I believe the best relationships are built on strong friendships =)
Of course, that's just my opinion based on my own experiences as well as those around me!
I have gone back and edited it a little to abide by your CC. thanks.
I am happy you find them a perfect match and liked this little one-shot! Thank you!