Why hello! I am finally here to read and review this! I'm so glad that you entered my challenge and I'm very excited about what I'm about to read!
Wow! I am floored by the way that you have used your descriptions in this, it flowed so elegantly and wonderfully and was such a pleasure to read each and every line! *in love*
I love all of the different stories in this, each paragraph telling it's own wonderful tale, and I've been hooked from the beginning!
Wow!!! This was just. wow! I honestly loved this so much! I can't wait to see more like this!
This was such an interesting take on the challenge! You challenged me to open my mind while reading the story, which is fantastic!
I liked how your OC was so torn throughout her life. I think what was happening in the story was she was with someone who was also a werewolf and there were multiple flashbacks and then the occasional though process from Hugo. (I'm just guessing- it might be easier to make the flow a little better just so we know exactly what is going on) but she falls for guys and gets her heart broken and she kills people? Because she is a werewolf. I find this very interesting.
I'm curious what you think the last thing is? Her life as a full human. Hugo's life as a full human or a actually death. Either way, im do intrigued by the story you wrote. Well done.
Good luck in the challenge!
Hi there, I’m here with your review.
I’ll be honest with you, I had a little bit of trouble following the storyline of the story but I managed to figure out what had happened by the end of it.
I thought the flow of the story was great, you went from scene to scene really well, and even though there wasn’t a smooth transition from scene to scene, the abruptness worked really well with the story. You placed the switch from one scene to another perfectly so that it felt natural for the story to switch between two different stories. I liked how each part built up to the situation that the main character is in at the beginning.
Your wording and sentence structure I thought were really good, this read like something that I would probably read in an English class of mine and then have some sort of discussion on it afterwards.
One thing that I did want to point out however, was one sentence in the first paragraph of the story, “the drapes he has so meticulously and thoroughly sealed,” I just wanted to say that meticulous and thorough mean the same thing, and to me it just sounded like the character was saying the same thing twice. I also noticed a typo in the same paragraph, “shining beckon” which I’m pretty sure is supposed to be beacon, not beckon. But other than those minor things, I think this was a good story.
Hello! I'm here with your review. I don't think I had read anything by you before today, so I'm glad you requested! :)
You didn't ask about description in your areas of concern but I just want to gush about your descriptions for a second because they were wonderfully vivid and intense. Especially the transformations - wow. Beautiful job on that.
So to your areas of concern. Grammar - I think you did well at this in general - there are a couple of places missing a punctuation mark (like in the section where Hugo asks to be turned, there should be full stops at the end of the sentences) but otherwise, I think your grammar was good.
And sentence construction - also great. Nothing stood out as awkward and I liked the balance of the sentence structure in different sentences.
The plot/flow are interesting with this one - I must admit, I had trouble following it the first time I read it just because it jumps around in time as well as POV's, but when I read it through a second time, it was a lot clearer. I think the main reason I had trouble with it at first was because I didn't have a frame of reference for the timing/ order of things or how old she was at any point except the snippet where she was 16 and walking with Edward out of church. And as I said, it did make sense on a second read-through, but I think that it could maybe be beneficial to give more clues in the text so it's clear for readers who only read it once. And it can be really subtly done - having seen your very artful wielding of the English language with your descriptions, I am positive you'd be able to find a way to put some sort of timing related clue into a few of the sections. (If you wanted to. :P ) I do like the fact that it isn't linear, though. :)
You really kept the scary/horror atmosphere during the whole thing and I thought it was handled really well - there was this constant feeling of foreboding and tension running under the whole thing so I loved what you did with the tone of the piece.
I realise I just rambled a lot :P but I hope this is a helpful review! Excellent work on this fic and thanks for requesting!
Author's Response: Ramble away, that's all right :hug:
I thought about including the time frames but thought I'd first see if it's absolutely necessary. Judging by all the reviews, I think it is now. I'll fix that :D Thank you for pointing that out the way you did. Now I know exactly where I need to make the changes :hug:
If you were tensed during the whole thing, then my work is well paid off :D
Awww you say such nice things :hug: I was afraid of grammar. Even though the language in practice is English, it's my second language, so the way we use it is a bit different, even though we use British English. I wanted to really know if there are any irregularities and I'm so glad you think it's fine :D
Thank you so much for this review. It really cleared my doubts and helped me a lot in planning ahead. Thank you!
It's Katie here from the forums for our swap! :)
I'm very impressed that you've managed to write story to fit to all of this challenges, thats a really great achievement and I hope you do well in them! :) (I know I definitely wouldn't be able to do that).
Okay so now onto the story itself; I thought it was a very interesting pieces and I've never really read anything like it before. I was trying to pieces things together throughout the whole thing and struggled a little, but in a weird way it worked. You created a dream like environment, which fits in well to the theme of dreams you have in this story. Though I do wonder if possibly some dates of events would make it a little clearer for each section?
I am definitely intrigued by this story though, andI loved the idea of having a person so in love with a werewolf that they want to be one as well to help them. I would love to read some more on this story if you ever write some in the future! :)
You also have some really beautiful descriptions that are so rich and raw and detailed, it was really nice to read with those in there :) and they added to the overall dark feeling of the story! :)
I did notice a few Capital letters that weren't needed but that nothing a quick proof read won't fix :)
Thank you for the swap and I will definitely be back for more if you decided to do some more! :)
Author's Response: Hello Katie :D
Yes I've been told about the dates issue. I'll be editing this today to make it clearer. Thank you for pointing that out :hug:
I'm planning on writing a sequel, but the idea hasn't properly formed yet. Once I get going on my novel, I'll definitely get to this :D
Oh Capitals... I didn't notice that before. Thank you :hug:
I'm sorry I haven't reviewed yours yet. Got tied up with work all day yesterday. I'll definitely do it in this hour itself.
Thank you so much for the review love :hug:
So here I am for a review swap. I was reading the description and I see that you have been able to shoehorn this story in as an entry for no less than four different challenges. It is a particularly good feat to accomplish, a good feeling that one story meets so many requirements.
Straight away we are treated to a language densely rich with description. I was confused at first about your description when your protagonist reached the window, surely the light creeping through the drapes wouldn't make her skin look rough, but then I slowly started to realise your intent when I read on further. The light wasn't just making her skin look like that it was actually changing her skin. It made me go back and re-read all of the first scene, in that new understanding.
The transformation scene is very evocative. We do not know if the pain she feels comes more from the transformation or her mental anguish. Thankfully her lover is there to help her through it.
All the little asides in italics build up into quite the harrowing tale. First off it's the drunken and possibly abusive father. Then you tell of the tragic love and abandonment with Shane.
We come back to the present and see Hugo is the one who was comforting her and so we must assume that he is a werewolf as well. Interesting. He wonders what she is dreaming of and we fall down into her dreams and thence into her past and more horrors.
The fragments of the past, of the various moments in the past all blur into one another. If I may make a constructive criticism, the shards of the past are a little to fragmentary. We are presented with Skyler Wood and Hugo, but I am left wondering what happened to Shane and Edward. As well the horrors that occurred with her dad, we do not know exactly what happened but I think most of us can assume where they led.
Then I am surprised to see that Hugo is not a werewolf. He had the courage, and presumably the love to be with her while she changed, but wasn't one himself. He asks her to turn him as basically a supreme act of his love for her. Wow.
This was an intriguing tale and your rich descriptions add to it.
I’m here for our review swap. Sorry it took me so long, but it seems my computer just didn’t want to connect to the site. Anyway, here I am now.
When I saw how many challenges this was written for, I was sort of blown away. I wondered how you would handle so much within the short amount of words allowed for the Microfiction challenge. I thought perhaps each of the 100 word snippets would be for a different challenge, but you’ve done something completely different from that. You have some longer pieces in the beginning and then towards the end you start going into the shorter segments for the Microfiction challenge. It’s an interesting sort of blend.
I thought the whole concept of werewolves being in love was a cool idea. No one ever really shows werewolves with a mate during their moon cycle and the idea of a guy taking a bite for a girl he’s interested was a nice twist. It’s sweet to think that he’d be willing to share her suffering in that way. It’s an awful lot to sacrifice for someone.
I do have to admit that I was a little bit lost/confused with the way the story jumped around. I understand that you were trying to meet the microfiction requirements by breaking it up, but somehow I just didn’t really understand parts of it. I thought that not giving most of the characters names made it hard to track who was who in the different segments. It would be one thing to do that in one section with two characters, but with so many characters, it really makes it hard to distinguish who is who.
That being said, I really loved the poetic descriptions that you used in this. It gave a very haunting quality to your story.