Hi Frankie! I'm here to review your entry for the Microfiction Challenge. :D
You've really gotten into the Marauders' (and Snape's and Lily's) heads. I already shipped WolfStar, but you've sold me on it even more. *nods*
Your version of Peter is especially intriguing. He's just a young man trying to figure out where he can belong, and in the end he puts the belonging over doing the right thing. But you manage to show him as a person I can picture the other boys being friends with, while also making his betrayal believable. That's always a tough element of Marauders pieces, so great job!
The first time I read the entries, I made a note with my main impression of each one, and for your story I wrote, "sexy & poignant" - I think that just about sums it up!
Thank you for your entry - I really enjoyed it!
Author's Response: Renee!
Thank you for the challenge! I really enjoyed the difficulty of the challenge and the openness to take it where we wanted it! Thank you for the opportunity to write and for the extremely kind review :)
Hi there Frankie!
I thought I’d stop by and drop of a Happy Thanksgiving review. I wasn’t sure what to pick, but when I saw this story on your author’s page, I thought I’d give it a go. I wrote a microfiction story too and I always love to see how other authors approach it.
But I was not prepared for the ride you brought me on. You found a way to capture it all. I don’t know how you did it, but you got all of the emotions and highs and lows into such a few words! I’m normally not a WolfStar shipper, but this was so intense, it really was believable and passionate and just so sweet. The James/Lily dynamic was fabulous as well. I really liked that she was just as into him as he was into her. Most stories seem to have her finally agreeing to go out with him and then her love for him develops slowly. But I like this much better. It makes sense that she’s also full of passion and implusiveness.
The Severus and Peter sections were so sad. I do agree that Peter never fully felt part of the group, but the fact that he turns to the Death Eaters as a result of a simple misunderstanding is heartbreaking and it totally seems to fit into a teenagers mind. The group isn’t keeping any horrible secrets from him, they’re all just sorting themselves out. And Peter totally misreads everything, but needs to feel like he belongs, so he seeks out another path. :(
The loneliness you captured for Snape was almost cruel (in a good, rip my heart out sort of way). I agree that he felt like Hogwarts was his only home and even then, it felt so empty for him.
Author's Response: Beth,
This was so unexpected and so kind! Thank you thank you!
This was a completely different story than I expected to write and I'm so grateful people are taking to it the way they are. I love the marauder generation but they terrify me to write, so I hope I did them justice!
Thank you for such a kind thought out review. It truly made my thanksgiving!
Lots of hugs!
I love this so much. Inspiring for my own fanfic. Thanks!
Author's Response: This review made me cry. Thank you so much for your kind words!!
Hey Frankie! I’m here for the Gryffie Review Exchange in the CR! (Also, the House of Horrors is REAL!)
First of all, anyone who manages to write for the microfiction challenge are incredible. It’s so HARD to do!
Secondly, this story is awesome. I don’t really ship Wolfstar, but I definitely did in this story! Wow, they’re so cute! Lily and James too!
The parallels between Sirius and Remus’ relationship and James and Lily’s are such a great part of this story. I LOVE that they’re sort of going through this world of teen romance in such a similar way and nearly at the same time. It’s those sorts of connections that really make the Marauders such good friends.
And then there’s Peter. There’s a stark contrast between what he’s thinking about and what James, Lily, Sirius and Remus are thinking about - which really begins to explain why he betrayed them, yet felt incredibly conflicted and remorseful about it. The moments he feels appreciated and loved by him are great, but he still feels a little left out, if that makes any sense. And that feeling is what Lucius and co. took advantage of.
I think Snape is an interesting character to say the least, and the way you’ve written him here seems really true to his character. And it explains why he wanted to teach at Hogwarts - because he loved the castle, and it was his home.
That’s heartbreaking. :(
All in all, this is a FANTASTIC story, Frankie! Good luck with the microfiction challenge- I really wouldn’t be surprised if this placed!
Author's Response: Lizzie,
I wrote out your review today and then didn't post it, and when I went to finish/ post it, it went away! So it's definitely coming!
But thank you for the kind words. I tried my best on this story and I think I did pretty well :) it's extremely generous of you to compliment it so highly.
They are quickly becoming a favorite to read, and maybe try my hand at writing. You are so kind and have breathed some encouragement into my bones!
thanks again :)
It has been awhile since I've stopped by and read or reviewed a story of yours, so here I am! :)
I loved getting the chance to see into each of their minds and how they viewed what there final years at Hogwarts were like. I adored how you paired Remus and Sirius together. I am slowly starting to appreciate this ship more each time I read them.
I liked how each of them had these internal struggles with love, acceptance and just being them. If they would have just opened their eyes to see how identical they were then they would probably have been able to communicate more towards one another.
I loved the format and I loved how each of them had really developed mind sets that really didn't feel like you were getting to little from them or too much. It was perfect!
Keep up the great job! I am adding this and you to my favorites list!!
Author's Response: Jenn, how often do I have to tell you your words bring so much life to my writing! Seriously, I think about you when I write and you are such a wonderful encourager, I am so thankful!
This story was definitely fun to write, I had a bunch of thoughts, small ones, so the microfiction challenge worked out perfectly!
Sometimes I ship Remus and Sirius and sometimes I don't. In this story, I guess I was feeling it!
I wish I could hug you, thank you!
Hi, Frankie! Happy birthday!
THIS WAS SO GOOD!
I absolutely adored this. Each section felt like a whole story in itself, you managed to say so much in so few words and I am in awe.
I love that the relationship you created between Sirius and Remus, it felt so completely normal and I was glad the others felt the same when they finally found out.
My favourite thing about this was Peter. You really included him in the group, but gave him that sense of inferiority and self-doubt. And the way you had Lucius approaching him felt so real it could be canon. I love that he didn't give in immediately, that he thought of his friends who he loves. I imagine that beyond your story Lucius would have kept at him until he finally caved. New headcanon fully accepted :p
Wonderful job. Good luck in the challenge and I hope you have had a wonderful birthday :)
Author's Response: Dee!!
This was so kind, it made my birthday! Peter has gotten a lot of recognition and I wasn't expecting it. It has given me spurts of confidence, and I am so grateful for this community! thank you thank you thank you!
Happy Birthday!! ♥
Frankie! I absolutely loved this! It was truly brilliant! So, so well written! Your characterizations were on point and for such short little glimpses at the characters, you did an extraordinary job showing exactly what each character was feeling and going through. This was fantastic!
Sirius was great. I loved that even under the uncertainty, he still came off as confident and sure of himself. The way that he approached Remus and just placed his hand on his leg like that, gesturing to a dark corner was so amazing. That could have completely backfired on him, but he didn't care. And that summer he described! How they weren't able to go without touching and that he loved him! Gah! Love!
Oh Lily haha. It only took James showing interest (even though we learn it wasn't genuine) in someone else to get her to realize her true feelings. That part about 16 year old hormones cracked me up. :D I was all squee-like when she took him aside and kissed him! She was so adorable and I adored reading her falling for James. Loved loved loved her sections!
Of course Sirius would suggest that James should go with another girl to get over Lily. Silly Sirius. But at least it turned out to be good advice! Not in the way that he intended it, but it worked out for James in the end. He finally got Lily! You could truly feel how much he loved her. I so loved how you wrote James. It was perfect!
I have all sorts of mixed Peter feels. I don't exactly hate him as much as the rest of the fandom does. That's a whole other conversation though haha. But it's why I appreciated your version of him here. You could tell that he still did care for his friends a lot. That he just felt inadequate and wasn't as strong as the rest of the boys. I honestly think that James and Sirius created the problem they ended up having with Peter. That memory in OotP shows that they kind of disregarded Peter and treated him as an inferior, not really an equal. And it seemed that he felt the same way here. I thought having Lucius as his cousin was a really interesting twist. I liked that a lot.
And Remus! The poor thing was already insecure enough about his furry little problem. Then add his feelings for Sirius into the mix. But it turned out to be a non issue. Yay! Sirius returned his feelings for him and his friends were more than accepting of their relationship. I so loved when they told everyone! He and Sirius were siriusly ;) adorable!
I love Severus, but I wanted to slap him. He takes no responsibility for his actions. But I suppose that is what makes him him. Even if it makes me want to scream at him. It seemed like he was replacing his infatuation with Lily with an obsession for power. I can absolutely see that happening. Something to try to take his mind off of everything. It was really sad reading everyone else's sections and seeing their love shared with other people, then coming to Severus'. His love was between him and the castle. It made me feel extremely lonely just reading it. I bounced between wanting to smack him and hug him. Bah!
Frankie this was honestly one of my favorite Marauders stories I have ever read. It was perfect! Such an amazing job on this! I cannot tell you enough just how much I loved every single word of it!! Good luck on the challenge!!
Happy Birthday, love! I hope you have a fantastic day!!! ♥
Love and hugs,
Author's Response: Meg,
This was the nicest and sweetest and made me cry review. I feel like it was such high praise to say that this is a favorite Marauder fic, I was crying all over the place. I remember reading it on my birthday and it was such a happy surprise.
The kind words you've said really made me want to continue writing, it made me not so afraid to try and write the Marauders. So thank you for that!
But I want to hug Severus too. He's the one I am always so conflicted about!
Thanks for this, it really did make my day fantastic!
Happy Birthday! I saw it was your birthday on the forums so wanted to stop and give you a review!
Marauders, how can I refuse? I adore them so much and this was such a great read.
Remus and Sirius, gah they're so cute. The way they're both that little bit unsure but give in so easily. I thought it was right that Sirus made the first move in the library... to me that's exactly how it would play out. Of course the other Marauders and Lily accepted it straight away, they wouldn't do anything else. I loved Peter's response haha!
Speaking of Peter. Damn. His sections are so conflicted. I like how here he's still not gone completely over to the Death Eaters but it's sad to see them approach him and see he's not strong enough to say no completely. The glimmers of friendship with the Marauders are still here I was glad to see you didn't ignore them completely... I hate it when people treat Peter like he wasn't part of the group when he had to be.
And then James and Lily gah. How can you not adore them too completely. My heart completely melted in those sections. James still loving her but trying to move on and Lily realising she's completely besotted with him. ♥
Severus, well. I thought you captured his personality completely. The one thing I really appreciated in this too is that he doesn't blame anyone else for using Mudblood. That's the most redemption I can kind of give him.
I thought the format of this and how each time you went through the characters sections they linked was fantastic. So like the last time around it was all about love. It connected them more and it was really lovely to read.
Great job on this, I think you've done a wonderful job. Good luck in the challenge!
Hope you have a great birthday!
Author's Response: Lauren,
Hi! thank you so much for the extremely kind review. I remember reading it on my birthday and smiling and feeling so loved :)
I was actually nervous to write the Marauders. Still am. In my head they are so huge and deserve so much Justice and I hope I did it well.
Thanks for all the kind words - it was actually really fun to write!
Happy birthday Frankie!!!
Aww, this! This was so wonderful!!!
I love the Marauders, and your portrayal of them all here is just perfect!
And I loved the tone of it, so sweet and heartwarming. But at the same time I couldn't help but feel melanchonic, because we know none of this will last... And it is so sad... :'( Oh, I so wish Peter's percentages were reversed...
I loved the Jily sections, the way she realizes how much she actually likes him in the moment she risks to lose him. And James' adoration is just adorable! I just love them both so much!!!
I loved the Wolfstar sections, too. I'm not the greatest shipper, but I adored the way you wrote their romance here. Sirius' denial, Remus' fears of his friends' judgement (so Remus...), the final surrender to their feelings and, obviously, their friends' acceptance! Just wwonderful!!!
I loved even more Peter's sections. Oh, if only... If only he'd realized how much they really care for him. If only he'd been a tiny bit braver, stronger, more confident. I loved how you showed his doubts, his insecurities, his confusion. But how he chose to believe in his friends' love in the end. If only it lasted... :'(
And I loved Severus' sections. I loved the way you showed his bond with Lily. I loved how you wrote his loneliness, his pain, his guilt. It made me so sad, but I loved it just the same, that his only feelings now (being it love or hate) are not for people but for places, for those walls that are the only place he ever felt welcomed and happy and at home in.
And I loved how you closed every group of sections with an expression of love. It was so touching and poetic and beautiful!
This was a really wonderful piece, and I'm definitely going to put it among my favourites! Absolutely stunning job! Really hope you'll have a great day!!! :)
Love ya (it's a quote),
Author's Response: Chiara,
Thank you so much for this kind review and the birthday wishes. You don't know how much that brightened my day and made me feel special and loved. This story has been one of my favorites to write and I'm so glad for the feedback it's getting.
I'm not a very good shipper either, but I wanted to branch out and try something new :)
Your review seriously is so genuinely sweet. Thank you for taking the time out for it!
I'm just going start off by saying that I have organised this review into characters to make it easier. And now onto the important stuff.
1. I loved this. One little note: pinned to >the< wall.
2. Sirius makes his move. Decisive and smooth, just like him.
3. Aww, my feelings. I they seem to have run away. I guess I'll just have to make do without them for the rest of this review.
1. Oh my dear, you should have changed your mind earlier... but oh well. I think you have done an excellent job here Frankie!
2. Lily, makes her move as well. Gosh, this is riveting stuff. It's like a really good TV show that you can't tear your eyes off.
3. Happy endings!!? Yay, yay YAY. But seriously, these things are wonderfully written and I truly love them.
1. I liked this section because it showed Peter as a person. Although perhaps adding of the time after 'The other twenty percent' would make the bit flow better.
2.*THEY'RE COUSINS!!!* Plot twist much. This was a wonderful snippet on how conniving Malfoy really was/is.
3. The fourth sentence of this doesn't make sense at the start. Poor Peter, though his ending was sort of happy I guess?
1. Ahh poor Remus. This line just killed me: 'Werewolf and gay?' I loved his character.
2. A small error: whoever should be another word, I'm nt sure what you were aiming for but this one doesn't make sense. Other than that I think this section is good.
3. These guys are so accepting. That is the mark of true friendship. I love Remus' sections, they really show character development.
1. Pine, pine, pine. Good ol' James. Nice characterisation, not too over the top but perfectly done, I applaud you!
2. Exquisite Perfection. The only words available.
3. This was sweet and subtle. You got the message across but you didn't explicitly tell us what happened between them.
1. Severus realises what an idiot has been - I like it.
2. Yes, and Severus suffers. You'd think he would be more sorry for what he did. But no, he is just bitter and resigned.
3. I think this was a fitting ending for Sev's sections.
Overall, I think you have done an incredibly wonderful job. At no time did you stray from each character's personality, keepng it consistent despite the changing POV.
I am so happy that I read this because I can honestly say that it was one of the best things that I have ever read, on this site or elsewhere.
Author's Response: Lea. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I posted the errors I saw so thank you for pointing that out. This was difficult to write but so much fun :) I thoroughly enjoyed it and I am glad you did too. This review made my day :)
I love Peter's parts; whenever I try to write about him, my fingers boil with anger and I'm incapable of typing... :-) Would be interesting to read a story describing his spiral into the dark.
Author's Response: Thank you :)
I am sure there are some out there, if you look hard enough :)