I usually don't go for OC-centric fics but Kimberly, Valerie, and Jake have quickly grown on me! There are so many ways you can take the story so I hope you stick with it!
I may have misunderstood but doesn't Kimberly have her own owl? I thought her parents said something about it being costly..? or naw. Anyways, love the banner!!
Also, are you to take this all the way through the HP series or just to the end of their fourth (?) year?
Either way, I would geuss that the situation would take a more dire tone as the story progresses in contrast with your current levity. Ahhh! I really want to know why Jake's repeating third year!! Gah!
Excited to read more!
Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for your lovely review!
Yes, Kimberly has her own owl! She uses Jake's owl whenever Blodeuwedd is on a hunting trip, in need of rest, etc. I should have explained that more clearly so thank you for pointing it out!
I am indeed planning to carry it on all the way to their seventh year!
Interesting view we're getting into Valerie's school life. Is she a Hufflepuff?! (was that mentioned before?) I had thought she was a Slytherin (especially because of her behaviour in this chapter), but then she went to the Hufflepuff CR. It's interesting, as she seems a bit prickly and standoffish, but once I reached the end of chapter and realised that most of her resentment stems from the idea that Jake is replacing her as Kimberly's best friend, I can see how that would make any thirteen year old angry. Lol, I do love her angry snark though :p
Also - Professor McGonagall is written perfectly in that scene - even though she says only one line, it is so wonderfully McGonagall that I could really hear her saying that in my head. It's like she's right off the pages of the book! So yeah, well done.
not sure if you mind CC, but I did happen to notice a couple of tiny things that I think could use clearing up of pronouns: here - while Fowler appeared to have not even noticed the shift in atmosphere. It felt much like the sickeningly embarrassing scenes in those trashy romance novels her sister read. -- I think it'd be clearer to say "To Valerie, it felt much like..." because as is, most of the rest of the paragraph is about other people's reactions, the last of whom didn't notice anything.
And here: She made to follow, but was halted by Fowler -- maybe say 'Valerie made to follow'
I continue to love your characters in this story. and I think one of your greatest strengths in writing is your dialogue. Your characters feel very real because of it, and realistic characters are what make a story for me.
Awesome work! :)
Author's Response: Pleased to see you reviewing again! (:
Haha, yes, Valerie is a Hufflepuff! It was never explicitly stated, so I can understand you thinking she was a Slytherin. Personally, I believe she was a near Hatstall and that the Sorting Hat wavered between those two houses.
I have no issue with constructive criticism at all! I like to know these things because what makes sense to me may not be clear to others, so thank you!
Aaahh, thank you so much for saying that! It's so nice to hear things like that!
Hello! First of all, I see you're somewhat new to HPFF so welcome! Also, I am so glad I clicked on this fic today because it's really wonderful and should totally have more reviews.
My favourite era of fic is the Hogwarts era, and I love how you're weaving this sort of behind-the-scenes story that fits in with the events of PoA - like I recognize all the things happening in the background, such as Harry living in Diagon Alley and the train stopping for Dementors, and as such it's easy to visualize the setting of the story in time and place. It's also cool to see some more of the students in Harry's year and how different their priorities and lives are different from the Chosen One's.
So far your characters seem really well-developed and unique, which is the key to writing a good story. I appreciate the diverse cast, as well! I am really looking forward to seeing where things go from here - you've got an excellent start to this story. Keep writing! :)
Author's Response: Thank you for your warm welcome!
It's good you have an easy visualization of when and where they are. I love details and being consistent with canon, so I'm glad it's beneficial!
I'm pleased you consider my characters to be well-developed and unique! (: It's crucial to me that they can all stand alone as their own character and person, despite the bonds they have or may forge with others.
Thank you once more! (:
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