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Reading Reviews for New Kids on the Block
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by new kids on blo is best story i've read in hpff so far Hunted

27th February 2017:
WOW. This story is AMAZING. Please continue and update as fast as you can.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I was a little worried it was getting too convoluted and bit tedious. Maybe I've just been staring at the same chapter for too long :/. I'm glad to know that it's enjoyable for someone besides me.

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Review #2, by Dirigible_Plums Business as Usual

6th November 2015:
Hey,

I'm here with your requested review. I was intrigued by the summary you provided since a) I love Albus Potter so the mention of his name had me excited and b) there are so many secrets. Secrets make for a good plot.

The scene with the Weasley women plus Hannah Longbottom was really amusing. It's funny how these guys can act like they're not fazed by anything and are probably known to be some of the most powerful wizards in Britain, but are more or less terrified of their wives' wraths. It's obvious who wears the pants in the relationship.

Oh, and Al's introduced straight away! I thought he might've come in later, but he's already arrived on the scene and with a fantastic shout too. I wonder how you're going to characterise him since we didn't really get a clear picture in this chapter, other than that he shouts at strangers that run into him :P

I think that my biggest cc would be the amount of detail that goes into this fic. The lack of it left me a little confused as to what the purpose of this chapter is. I assume it's so that the boys and Al meet, but we don't see them interact much. If anything, Ginny seems to be the centre of this chapter. She is the first to rant at the men because of the 'battle'; she talks to the Cruzero boys and invites them to a Weasley gathering. Speaking of which, if she's only just met them, would she really invite them to a family meal? It seems a bit unusual to me.

I've also included a few examples of some errors within the chapter. Corrections are written in [these]. The ones that have similar mistakes will have an asterisk (*) next to them.

Sorry [m]umbled Albus.*

Its fine[,] the boy said[.] I'm sorry that we almost flattened you.* (Most of the dialogue tags don't have a full stop after them when they should and simply have it at the end of the speech which isn't grammatically correct.)

Well[,] then [,] where is this father of yours? I would like to meet him and compare notes on trying to keep pets like [yours] where they are supposed to be[,] Ginny said cheerfully.

I'm sorry that the review was delayed because of RL. It really does suck sometimes :( But I do hope that this review helps!

Plums xo

P.S. I'm not really fluent in Spanish. What does the first sentence mean? :P A lot of readers might be lost with this too - it's a good idea to include translations and little notes in an author's note section at the end to clarify some things.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the nice compliments and the great cc.

Honestly I hate writing dialogue because I've been told something different by every teacher I've ever had, so that's super helpful. Also, you're totally right about Ginny taking over the chapter, mostly because she was so fun to write. As for the family meal invite I feel like it seemed very "Weasley", but it is kind of weird.

I'm not really sure how Al's going to come out in the end. I just know that he and Rose are going to get into plenty of fights.

That first sentence means, "Get him, if we lose him again the Doninha(spelled it wrong in the chapter) will kill us.". It's actually in Portuguese, because they're from Brazil, and I thought I'd gone back and in put the translation. Oh and the Doninha is what the Cruzieros call their stepdad.

Thanks again for the great review and don't worry about the delay.


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Review #3, by Violet Potter 434 Introductions

14th June 2015:
hey
this story is soo great and I cant wait for more
from me x

ps. maybe can u have the translations I brackets next to foreign language (is it Spanish by the way) s it makes it easier for the reader (me )x

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was kind of worried that no one would like it.

I'll try that next time I have a translation, I was worried it would mess with the flow to much. The language is Portuguese because that is the primary language of Brazil where the Cruzeiro children are from. That's also were JoÃo and Dilma's names come from. JoÃo is the Portuguese version of Juan(John) and Dilma is the first name of the current president of Brazil.

That's probably more explanation than you wanted, sorry. Also something is wrong with the accents so that's why JoÃo is weird.


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