This is a really interesting story, I'm happy to see Alicia as a main character since we only see bits of her in the books :)
Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy to hear you liked my choice of MC - I love exploring the unexplored in HP. :D
Thanks again for the lovely, unexpected review!
hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!
what a great opening line! I'm a big fan of stories that immediately start with action and draw the reader in opposed to long, boring, description-y ones. I'm also a massive fan of colloquial voices in fic and honestly "bloke" just does it for me ya know? I feel sold on this character's voice already. your world building is really something else in this: it's such a short chapter but you input so many little details into life and the surroundings that it feels real, like jk rowling has written these words for me and I am lapping them up. as it's only the introduction I'm not totally sure where things are going yet but the set up is very very amazing I am floored.
alicia, how on earth does she survive?! nothing much is known about her in canon but I always got the feeling she was a snarky sassy girl and this is exactly how you portrayed her haha it's like you took her right out of my head. I love how independant she is and even though she personally doesn't think she's got her life together I think she's doing pretty well for herself. I mean, her job sounds HARD! why would she struggle to find anything else, I wonder? is it because her job is so widespread and not really in one area? anyway, yes, alicia... I'm looking forward to where this story takes her ♥
I mean, this is a novel laand this is only the first chapter, so there's not much touched upon yet. I might presume that alicia is a poc based on the film casting but I don't think you confirm anything here. middle age same-sex couple is a nice touch though. I think it's always important to remember that sexuality isn't a 'young trendy' thing and is actually a part of people's identities no matter their age.
this line just really made me laugh "the last time anyone here has seen a multi-layered napkin was in 1973, when one accidentally flew in through the open window during a halloween street fair."
- jess, xo
Hi there! Nope, I'm not finished with you yet! :P Other than the prize reviews for the rescue mission, I also owe you reviews from the Hot Seat at Christmas, so I'm killing two birds with one stone! :P
I think this is a great introductory chapter, and I can't wait to see where things go from here. I know everything seems sort of gloomy and foreboding, but I can just imagine someone coming up with a brilliant idea to save the Hopping Pot, and everything turning into a frown upside down! :P
I think you did a wonderful job of introducing us to the characters and the situation, just with this first chapter you've got me intrigued to find out what's going to happen next!
A truly great chapter, dear, and I can't wait to see where things go from here! Well done!
Author's Response: Jayde, I have a confession to make, a revelation that might shake your world - the thing is, I didn't sign up for the Hot Seat! *gasp* Yes, I received more undeserved reviews! I just hope these weren't meant for someone else, yikes!
BUT. I am very very grateful for the reviews anyway, because you said a lot of lovely and exciting things about my stories, and they made me happy. :D
I'm thrilled you liked how I introduced the characters and the plot, and that you can see a brighter future for everyone in the story! It's always great to hear that someone enjoyed reading your work, so thank you once again!
First of all - thank you so so much for your incredible and lovely reviews! You are the best! ♥ They've absolutely made my morning, thank you! I'm sorry its taken me forever to get round to reviewing in return.
This chapter was really awesome and works so well as a kick starter for this fic. I love the tone you've adopted here, it's one I can totally relate to! Early twenties with no clue what to do with life :P Alicia is hilarious and I love how witty she is. You're so good at writing sarcastic and sort of observational comedy. It's such a joy to read, honestly! I suck so bad at being funny so this is somewhat inspirational for me! :D Like, this bit cracked me up soo much:
'That's so great. I'm really happy for you,' I repeat, smiling so widely my cheeks hurt.
It's all lies, of course. I'm not happy, I'm miserable. And also a bit envious.'
- because as I was reading the whole 'yay congrats Joan!' bit I was thinking to myself, 'damn, I wish I could win the lottery', and then seeing Alicia be happy for her I was like, 'jeez am I an awful person for being jealous of Joan?' - so when Alicia was just outright like, I'm totally NOT happy, it was sort of a relief for me! I think I like it best when characters are equally as grumpy and jealous as me, haha! It makes me feel like we can all just be awful people together hahaha. Love it.
There's a really good balance in this chapter between character build up and also plot. I thought Alicia seeing Joan as a mum-like figure was really telling of how stranded she's feeling right now - and it was really interesting to have her suddenly check herself and think she was being pathetic for feeling like that. It's as though Alicia doesn't want to admit how terrified she is, but yet she's joking about it to try and make light of the situation. It just makes me want to see everything get resolved for her! She's already so likable and completely realistic. I really hope she has some luck headed her way soon! ♥
I also totally loved the rest of the employees at the Hopping Pot. They're all so original and have their own super weird quirks. As soon as we met Trevor I knew he'd be interesting - like, his office description alone in contrast to the rest of the pub gives such a vivid image. I think having this chapter from Alicia's POV is great - it makes the characters seem that much sharper and real, because it puts her slant on everything and makes the whole setting and all of the characters feel like they're all existing (and failing at running this place!) in time. I thought Felix was a real winner, crickey, haha! He made me laugh a lot. God, I can totally picture how absolutely annoying he is - especially when he's supposed to be tending to the bar and he's just sort of...floating about. And it's kind of like, can you just tell him off and tell him to get back to work? But I get the impression that kind of instruction to him is like water off a ducks back! So much of this fic is applicable to situations I've been in, it's great! I am so equally frustrated with everyone as Alicia is! But saying that, I feel so invested in her and this story already because you've really impressed in this chapter how vital she is to the pub.
Anyway, I think I've rambled a lot a lot a lot here. I thought this was a really awesome first chapter and I'm super excited to read more of it. I love the way Diagon Alley feels bigger, how you've considered more sort of mundane elements of the wizarding world not covered in the books like bills and rent (the kind of stuff I genuinely find interesting!). This was great to read, so thank you so so much for sharing! I'll be reading later chapter for sure :)
Laura ♥ xx
Hi, I really enjoyed this, the writing is excellent and your characters are great. It was funny and polished; everything, in fact, it should be. Two small things I noticed; although it has a very authentic English feel to it you use one word (which to be on the safe side I won't write here), which I have never heard an English person use. It starts with w and ends with s... and near the end you use the word arraigned when I think you mean arranged. But altogether, this story is a really quality bit of work!
Author's Response: Hello!
First off, I'm so sorry for not replying sooner, RL has been hectic. But thank you for reading and leaving this lovely surprise review. I'm so happy you enjoyed this chapter, and that you liked the characters. Your compliments regarding my writing are extremely flattering - thank you!! :)
As I'm not from UK, britpicking is very welcome! So thank you for the CC regarding that word! And you're right about arranged. :)
Although I very much enjoy writing this story, and will continue to do so, I'm not sure I'll be posting the rest. Four members of the cast are POC, and after reading about the concerns with writing diversity on the forums, I'm now terrified of unintentionally offending anyone, regardless of the amount of research I make. When stress starts to overshadow the fun of a hobby - you know it's time to quit. I wanted to let you know, in case you planned on reading the rest and found the story deleted. I'm so sorry if I wasted your time, but please don't think I don't appreciate this review. It was a really lovely surprise, so thank you again! :)
this is such a cool start! i was laughing out loud at a lot of it ngl, especially:
"Trevor insists on calling it a restaurant, as if that might make everyone forget about the cockroaches that keep returning to our bathroom or the fact that the last time anyone here has seen a multi-layered napkin was in 1973, when one accidentally flew in through the open window during a Halloween street fair."
"hiring one of the former Floom actors to stand near the pub’s entrance dressed as a member of the Department for Muggle Narcotics, popularly known as a Mark, or more often ‘bloody Mark!’. Fortunately, the desired effect was achieved before the bloke got arrested for posing as a Ministry official. "
"The fact that he is Trevor’s brother had nothing to do with his employment. Except that it had everything to do with it."
okay really i was just laughing at everything, but YEAH this is awesome so far. i can't wait to see what the way of saving the pub they come up with is!
Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy you found this funny and that you're curious about the rest. And baah, it made you laugh out loud! That is such a huge compliment! :D
Thanks again for this lovely surprise review!