2015-01-30 20:44:04
Hi there! Here for the Blue vs Bronze review tag.

I love Rose and Scorpius! One of my very first OTPs along with Ron and Hermione, and I can't believe I haven't read any in so long! So when I saw this on your author page, I automatically went for it! But upon reading, I realised that you could almost fit anyone into this scene, and it would still work.

I really like the vagueness of it - 500 words doesn't really allow you to develop much backstory or real character development, but I like that this one-shot seems like a snapshot, just a little snippet of Scorpius' life. It's very subtle.

I love your descriptions as well! You manage to expertly illustrate the scene despite being limited on words. This is a genuinely really sad piece - I assume Rose told him that she was dying? - and you manage to execute Scorpius' feelings, as well as his surroundings, really well.

Beautiful! Well done!


Author's Response: Hi. Thanks for your review. What I like about this review is how you read it from Scorpius' point of view, while many others read it from Rose's point of view. It works in with the vagueness of the piece that everyone reads it a different way. I'm really glad you liked, even though it is quite a sad tale.

2015-01-30 20:44:04
Hello there!

I find the best tell of good writing is whether or not the story leaves the reader feeling emotional - and you did just that. I actually have tears in my eyes. The amount of emotion you managed to pack into 500 words is amazing.

I'm a bit torn about whether or not I enjoyed the fact that you did not identify the characters within the story itself. On one hand, I like the fact that this story can apply to many pairings, but on the other side I feel like you could have developed the characters/story a little more with identifying features.

Overall though, I enjoyed this story; and I look forward to reading through more of your stories. If you can write this beautiful and tragic story in only 500 words, I can't wait to see what you can do with more!

Happy Holidays!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm so happy you liked it and that I could make you feel emotional, though knowing the content of the story, I probably left you feeling a bit sad.

I decided to keep the characters unidentified and also some specifics unspecified as it means that each reader can relate to this story in their own way. As it was coming together, I decided that this was the way I wanted to take, especially when I only have 500 words to play with. But I do understand what you mean.

I hope you do come back to read more. Thanks again :)

2015-01-30 20:44:04
His, NaNo-rebel, you've been bitten!

Ohh so sssad, depressing really. Though you tagged Scorose characters in the story, this could have been any two characters and would still carry so much emotion. I'm sorry they didn't work out, and I'm curious what the words were that ruined Rose's life. Poor girl, blinded by "forever" - I doubt opening up her emotions would change the end predicament, unlesss I missed something, but still. Lots of sadness and emotion conveyed in 500 words, kudosss to you!

-The Basilisk

Author's Response: Yay...I've been bitten by the basilisk. Thanks for the review. It's a pretty sad and depressing piece, but unfortunately, there are not always happy endings. I wanted to keep things rather vague, that way everyone can put their own personal spin on it.

Now off to tend to my basilisk wound.
2015-01-30 20:44:04
Hello! I'm here for BvB!

This was a really interesting story! I so admire anyone who can write anything so impactful in only 500 words. Microfiction is one of my favourite things. When it's well done, it's marvelous and this was really great.

I like how you've not specified in the story who the couple in question are. It says in the summary that this is Rose and Scorpius, but without seeing that, I wouldn't have known. I think that definitely allows you to project your own feelings into this more. It definitely made me very invested in the tale.

This was such a heartbreaking short story. The imagery is beautifully done too. With the calming lake and all those neutral colours around. A very serene scene, but filled with so much heartbreak.

Thanks for sharing this!


Author's Response: Hi Stefanie. Thanks for your review.

This was my first attempt at a 500 word piece. It actually started as 150 words for a short short story contest, but then I extended it for the 500 word challenge.

I wondered for a while who to make this story about. In my head, it's Rose and Scorpius, but in some ways, it can be who ever you want it to be. Like you said, it allows the reader to project their own feelings into the story and this is what I wanted to achieve.

While it is a heartbreaking tale. I'm happy that you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for reading.


2015-01-30 20:44:04
Hey there, Mikaela! :) Dropping by for the BvB battle - I hope you don't mind I stopped by on this, I just love reading the shorter stories because it's always so cool to see what people do with 500 words! :)

I love how you use the word limit so well in this to give us so much of a sense of what happened, without actually saying what Scorpius said to Rose, or telling us outright what happened. There's something so gorgeous about it, with the subtlety of the events, and the emotions just being let to keep going :)

I really like how you've characterised Rose, and developed her and Scorpius' friendship and relationship as the story went along. I like how she was so devastated by the end of their friendship and realising that she'd wanted so much more from him than just friendship, but she realised too late. It was so lovely how their friendship sort of ended, and Rose was left to be so alone, and regret so much that she hadn't said anything beforehand.

Your writing in this was so gorgeous, too - you do so so well to get so much emotion out of this, with the way you describe Rose's emotions and the scenery around with the lake and the cold and the water - the image of the ripples coming up to the shore was so lovely! I liked how you made the whole thing with the weather and everything feel so bleak and really emphasise the loneliness and the sadness Rose was feeling - it was so good! :)

I'm sorry this review is a bit shorter than normal, but this was so so lovely, I just ran out of ways to say it again :P

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Mikaela. Thanks for readng this story. I'm quite fond of it. And I agree, that it's quite coold to see what people do with 500 words.

I kept the story quite ambiguous, the event didn't matter as much as the emotions that it led to it. Its a hard place to be, between friend and something more, but Rose never really imagined the possibility that he wouldn't be there at all.

It was a fun piece to write and I loved the imagery of it. Thanks so much for your review.

Well isn't this just a happy little tale.

Hi there I'm here for the February BvB and the first story on your list was a Rose/Scorpius one so 'goody,' I thought, 'I'll dive straight into that.' The reason being, of course that Rose/Scorpius is the ONE TRUE PARING.

I really should have paid more attention to the 'Angst' warning, shouldn't I.

It packs a powerful punch that far outweighs it's meager word count. That you fit everything in that you need to and still have a cohesive and understandable story is testament to your ability as a writer.

It's just ...

... did it have to be so bleak?

I'm sad now, but I have to keep writing through the tears.

I like very much that you have left it so vague as to which one of the pair is our protagonist. It serves to allow the reader, no matter their gender/proclivities/etc to immerse themselves more fully into the story. It is left completely up to our imaginations which one is left and what they will now do.

I also like how you make us do the heavy lifting, make us work out what is going on. In such a short exercise of a story you have to make us do some of the work as you don't have the space to mollycoddle us. I originally thought that the news, the uttered words, were ones of rejection. That our protagonist was here to kill themselves or something as drastic. Even right till the end there is enough ambiguity in your choice of words that it could have been rejection. Under that faulty premise I thought that "This was your last wish to me, to bring you to this spot" was an odd turn of phrase, but it could be rationalised away. I'm afraid this niave individual was still thinking it was a matter of mere rejection till our protagonist opened the urn.

How harrowing and final. I had to re-read the story straight away under this new light. Any bitterness, not that there was much, was washed away and replaced by sadness and despair.

I liked the story for one simple reason: this is the what if. This is the end of the bell curve of Rose/Scorpius romance, the statistical speck that has to occur so that all the other ones can have happier endings. Otherwise of course, I hated it and everything it stood for - I want Rose and Scorpius to live happily ever after please. Please.

... please?


Author's Response: Oh my gosh. I just realise I never replied to this review (that is terrible of me.now I know why you thought you may have upset me). February was just a terribly busy month, and then I went oversees and I'm only just sitting down to clear my pile of reviews I haven't replied to(hides shamefully in a corner).

I'm actually quite a happy person so I'm not quite sure where this bleak tale came from. The first phrase 'what would life have been, if I chose you and you chose me' came to me one day and it kind of just evolved into this sad little number.

When writing it, I wanted to keep it rather ambiguous, as I think this means each person can put their own personal twist on it. I also tried to keep the final outcome pretty discrete right to the end. Some would probably guess, but others would be hopeful for a happier ending.

Thanks so much for your review. I don't meant to make anyone upset, but it is a sad tale, so to know that I have evoked this sort of emotion makes me feel more confident in my writing ability. And I'm so sorry again for not responding sooner.

This is for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle!

This was so sad and bittersweet and I don't know how you managed to fit so much emotion into 500 words. I really enjoyed reading this and I'm glad that we have BvB because I don't really read a lot of fics outside of my favourite authors, which I'm trying to change.

So I like how we couldn't tell if it was Rose or Scorpius narrating. It adds a sense of mystery to this tragic tale. And this 'news' that they gave the other was presumably that they had a terminal disease and that they were about to die, but I'm curious as to exactly what it was. I've seen a lot of fics where somebody dies of a Muggle disease and then I've seen fics where somebody has a wizarding disease and you could take it either way.

You might want to edit this:

Would I still be standing here on the lake shore, all alone with you beside me, or would we be somewhere else, together, inseparable. I think there should be a question mark at the end instead of a period.

Even though this was really short I got really into it, which is a testament to your writing. And how you were able to stuff so much backstory - how Rose and Scorpius, while they had a stormy friendship/relationship, were still fast friends, how they would hang out by the lake, hiding away from everybody else - into a one-shot as short as this I don't know.

I think this is shorter than a lot of my other reviews and I'm sorry for that, but I really did like this and I think you did a wonderful job!


Author's Response: Hi Olivia. This may be shorter than other reviews but its still got heaps in it...and it was only 500 word story after all :)

I love BvB for the same reason. Its a god way to see what else is out there.

I intentionally left the narration vague so each reader could create their own read for the story. Thats why I also left the 'news' he told her vague. It was also a way of transporting the story beyond the two characters and their situation and a little into real life as its a situation than anyone could find themselves in one day. So as to what it was that ended their life...I'l leave it up to you :)

Thanks for the correction (goes off to edit now)

I'm glad you enjoyed this little piece. I wrote it ages ago for a 150 word story contest and then edited it for the 500 word challenge.

2015-01-30 20:44:04
I knew it. I knew it! I could sense it would end like this.
So heartbreaking, and yet so powerful - and all with 500 words. You're amazing! I fully enjoyed reading this, and it was so moving, how deep their love for each other was. I actually don't know if it's Scorpius or Rose who's alive? Who died? Or maybe it was hinted somewhere, and I was too blind to see.

But other than that, it was an incredible story. And so sad that it had to end like this. But then again, I also have a weakness for tragic stories, so I loved it.

Thank you for the read, and for wanting to review swap with me!

- Avi

Author's Response: Thanks for your wonderful review. It is a pretty sad tale. I left it intentionally vague of who it was speaking as I wanted each reader to immerse themselves into the situation in their own unique way. In the same way, it could relate to any character pairing, or maybe into real life.

Thanks for the review swap. It was good fun.



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