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Reading Reviews for Betrayal
  
87 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Abb Saying I Don't Love You

1st March 2017:
Please update adapt this story is too good

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Review #2, by quill2parchment A Day with Remus

8th January 2017:
This was such a good chapter. I really like the Remus you have created. I like the bit towards the end when he says "every man for himself." It's a reminder that while he's the kindhearted marauder, he also has that playful nature to him. I'm slowly catching up on chapters, but I've become a huge fan of your writing!

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Review #3, by Jdpotter Saying I Don't Love You

1st January 2017:
I just found this story and slightly addicted. I love it all but really like the "present time" story line. I'll be waiting for your next update!

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Review #4, by Taylor Their Mission

31st December 2016:
I like this story I wonder when everyone will find out her
parents were Death Eaters.

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Review #5, by quill2parchment The Request

29th December 2016:
The banter between the boys and the Meredith was excellent! I am intrigued to know what happened to cause such hostility but, at the same time, you give just enough information to where I feel satisfied.

I enjoy the present time timeline a little more than I did the flashbacks. However, I feel like the flashback allowed us to get a sense of the characters were before the war. You made it clear that the war has changed them in many ways, so it's nice to see who they were before. It also makes me wonder what her relationship with Lily is like now.

Can't wait to read the rest of the chapters!

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Review #6, by quill2parchment Meredith

28th December 2016:
You have a beautiful way with words. This chapter wasn't very long, but I think your ways with words keeps the reader captivated. Finding creativity not only in plot but also in description is very important, and you do it very well. For example, I was in love with "and these days, rumors went a long way." Such poignancy in even the smallest in details!

At this point, I don't know enough about Meredith (or her relationship to Remus or Sirius) to know where the story is going... but I am interested in finding out!

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Review #7, by quill2parchment Dear Remus

28th December 2016:
I really enjoyed this prologue for several reasons.

The mood is quite faithful to the time period. There's a certain suspense and sense of forbidding that really takes the reader straight to the first wizarding world.

The friendship between Remus and Sirius is quite believable. The Remus that debates whether or not comfort his friend is definitely the Remus we know: kind spirited and thoughtful of others. I am interested to see how you well develop these two characters as well as the others.

I also liked the fact that there's just enough information. We know that Remus and Meredith are somehow friends, and that she has a history with Sirius, but we don't know what that history is exactly or where you are going to take them in the story.

I am definitely looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters after such an excellent beginning!

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Review #8, by CJS Reaction

13th August 2016:
This is one of my favorite stories! Please update soon I want to know what happens next!!!

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Review #9, by Hannah Reaction

11th August 2016:
I check back every few months to see if there is a new chapter- please update soon! It's a really good story.

Hope you have some inspiration soon! x

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Review #10, by Aleine Dear Remus

30th September 2015:
This is an amazing beginning to an amazing story. Sirius is my favourite character in the entire series, and you've done him justice.

I love the way you've captured Lupin's character. It resonates in Meredith's letter as well. Lupin is an sympathetic, intelligent and caring person, and it shows in the way Meredith talks to him through the letter, the way in which he breaks the news to Sirius and in the way he acts afterwards. He knows people well (Let's forget the Pettigrew incident) and he uses it to comfort them.

Very very nicely done.

I didn't see ANY typos or grammatical errors. Sentence construction and character development was nicely done. Some might say you've made the chapter too short, but this is a prologue. You've developed curiosity and stopped exactly at the right moment, so that the reader will be compelled to continue reading.

Exactly as a book should do. Each story should make the reader want to jump into the next.

It made me want to :D

Please do keep requesting reviews. This is EXACTLY my cup of tea.

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Review #11, by ytt Reaction

23rd September 2015:
Can you please update this soon? I can't wait this story is too good

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Review #12, by ab Reaction

17th August 2015:
please keep updating this story it's awesome

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Review #13, by Ella Reaction

11th August 2015:
So I'm not a frequent story-reviewer, but I wanted to let you know I really like the distinctive storyline and your writing style only adds to that. Even though I like the post-hogwarts parts a little better, this chapter was great and I reaalllyy wonder what's going to happen next, but I'll just have to wait to find out :)

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Review #14, by pht Intervention

5th August 2015:
definitely my favorite story!! please don't stop!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'll try leaving a new chapter at least once every month, but hopefully more frequent than that. I'm really happy you're enjoying the story so far

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Review #15, by Zoie The Ride Over

30th July 2015:
I owe you 22 reviews, one for every chapter. I like how you've been trying (it appears) to be more descriptive. But I feel.like there's something missing in the landscape and sensory details of the place and the characters' experiences. 9ther than that Meredith seems like such an original character and you have such a grasp of story flow,would love to read more of your writing. Also to know more about Mere's hobbies and character. I feel like there's loads about her that we don't know and I still don't understand why she and Beth are so distant. What is Mere like when she's by herself?

Zoie

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Review #16, by Jaymie Intervention

30th July 2015:
Just found this story and I love it. So original and witty. Please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

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Review #17, by Clara Intervention

27th July 2015:
No worries about this chapter being up later than you planned. I am not a tiny bit less excited about it. I think it is a beautiful chapter, the part where Remus compares Meredith's situation to his being a werewolf is absolutely heartbreaking. I love this story so far and I cannot wait for the next chapter. I hope it has more Sirius in it :)

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Review #18, by MadiMalfoy Dear Remus

16th July 2015:
Hi! MadiMalfoy here with the review you asked for about a month ago. :)

I don't think I've every read a fic focused around Sirius and Remus before, so this is definitely a first for me, so thank you! As far as your concerns go, you have nothing to worry about!

You pulled me in immediately with the letter from this mysterious woman Meredith. It made me ask questions like who is she, how is she important to Sirius versus Remus, why is she in the US, etc. From what I gathered from your story info, I'm assuming she'll be a love interest for Sirius or Remus? You've managed quite nicely in a short intro to capture my interest and keep the attention there to want to continue reading on. You used enticing language to describe the scenes and characters which exhibits your high skill level when it comes to that sort of thing.

I think you've got a great premise here and I'd be happy to come back again to help you improve! :) Feel free at any time to re-request.
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #19, by shez Union

10th July 2015:
This is beyond amazing! Please update!

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Review #20, by shez Union

28th June 2015:
PLEASE UPDATE! This is so good! I love it.

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Review #21, by yeahbroccoli Union

23rd June 2015:
i really, really, really love this story :D Can't wait for the next chapter *o*

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Review #22, by agario Union

22nd June 2015:
I am curious what Remus is going to say to Meredith! And will things ever work out with Sirius? Please update :) I love reading this story

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Review #23, by Gabriella Hunter The Request

17th June 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with you review and I am glad to be back. I was really impressed with the way you wrote this chapter, I finally got a few questions answered and the dynamics of your characters are certainly interesting.

I really could feel the animosity coming from the group too. I wasn't sure what was going to happen but I cringed when I imagined how awkward it must have been for the former friends. It's clear that Meredith isn't going to let some of the past go and I was really just dumbstruck by the fact that both sides of the arguments were so dark. Sirius and his group believe that she betrayed them and while information was given to Voldemort, Mereditch feels equally betyrayed by THEM for not believing her innocence. I'd like to know more about that, to be honest but I'll also say that Meredith wasn't very likeable in this chapter and I'm not sure if that was on purpose. I'm not sure if she's just hiding from her true feelings or not but when she broke down a little at the news of their friend's deaths, that was a moment of realism for her. I felt like she was showing her true self. I'd like to see more of that.

I liked the way you wrote James, Sirius and Remus too. They felt very distinct and weren't relying on some of the more generic things that I've seen around. They're all worn out by the war and have no idea what might happen and I liked that you didn't have them all glowing, handsome beasts with tragic eyes. That would have taken away from the realism of this story but here's what I loved the most: The flashback.

It gave me a real idea of who they all were before the war changed them. I can see the immaturity and snarkiness in each of the characters, which helped to emphasize how different tehy were in the present so great job on that!

I do hope that Meredith will be able to work with the guys in order to save her sister. I'm really worried about that and what else they might discover about one another. :D

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #24, by Gabriella Hunter An Old Face

17th June 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with your review and I'm sorry for the lateness. I'm not sure if you merely wanted the fourth chapter reviewed but since I promised that I would read two at a time, I read this first! :D

Dun, dun, dun!

So, we're back with Mereditch. I liked the description that you gave early on in this chapter because it shows just how disconnected the Muggle and Wizarding world is. The amount of owls seen flying and soaring around would alert anyone to something funny going on and it reminded me so much for the first HP book. If only the people would have noticed Meredith appearing out of nowhere...now that would have been the topic of some interesting gossip!

I'm curious to know more about Meredith's family and especially her brother. There's obviously some pain there that we're not getting a lot of information on and I'm wondering what kind of trouble he might be in. That's a whole other topic though and I do wonder what she's going to do with herself now that her mission is concluded. There are all sorts of answers, I suppose and then Remus shows up! I could feel their connection all the way down to my toes and I'm SO eager to know what happened between them and what news he'll have for her. :D

Onward, to chapter four!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #25, by SunshineDaisies Meredith

17th June 2015:
Hello again! I wanted to stop by and hopefully give you a bit more feedback. :)

This chapter is absolutely wonderful! You've done a really spectacular job of developing the mystery and creating intrigue. The way you've showed us this scene but withheld almost all of the new information is so well done. And of course adding in references that we do know makes it so the reader isn't completely lost. I was drawn in by the pieces I knew, and hooked by everything that was missing.

It's often said that showing and not telling is the first rule of writing. That is the advice I give most often in my reviews, but you have done an absolutely excellent job of it. Nothing was stated directly, you've allowed the reader to discover things on their own. Information is given in the details and description and that is absolutely my favorite thing.

I think starting with the sort of prologue before jumping into this chapter was wise as well. It creates more of a context, and gives us more of a reason to get attached to Meredith.

Overall, you've done a really brilliant job with this!

Author's Response: This was such an uplifting review, you've really made my day, thank you again for reviewing my story! :)

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