When I first reviewed this I think it was a one-shot so I'm stoked to see there is a second chapter!
Oh my goodness though, you did it again! Another cliff hanger! :P Seriously though, I read through this so fast because it is really that gripping. I couldn't look away.
This was another great chapter, and unlike the first chapter where it was really uncertain whether everything was in Hermione's head or it was real, in this chapter there's clearly something, and it's real. I'm really curious about the italic sections, as well, particularly the second one. Flashback? A dream?
I'm glad Hermione seems to be trying to face her fears here, but I feel so bad every time she makes progress and then sees this thing again. Based on the fact that it talks at the end and calls her a mudblood, I wonder if it's some residual thing left over from the scar Bellatrix gave her, like a continuing curse. That's some dark magic.
You also have some really wonderful imagery in here - I loved the chilling visual of the dark clouds 'kidnapping the sun' - that's such a perfect descriptor and fits in with the tone of the story so well.
Great chapter - and I'm anxiously awaiting chapter 3!
Ho Ho Ho!!! Another little gift for Avi... Enjoy
Till now, the two stories that I had read of yours were romantic stories. People tend to make images in their head after first impressions and when I read the title of this story I was intrigued.
Well this was amazing. A story on Hermione suffering PTSD. Just what the doctor ordered. Personally, I am all for exploring how the war would have affected the characters and I really like to read the perspectives of other people about it. Loved this.
The fear of being followed as they were running from Voldermort, the fear of darkness that she could feel descend upon her in the Manor as well as the fear of the monster that Lestrange was bound to affect her psyche in more ways than one. Nice job capturing Hermione's mental state here.
Your interpretation of the adult Ron is great as well. Loving, doting and yet ready to take the difficult decisions.
Loved this story as well Avi. Bravo.
Till we meet again. Ho! Ho! Ho!
WHAT is THIS?!!! It is SO GOOD!!!
I'm really not overstating here. I am tremendously proud of you. This is amazing! I've always enjoyed reading your work, but I don't think I've read anything of yours since the early chapters of Upper Class, which I quite enjoyed, but this is like a whole new level. I liked your writing before, but you've grown so much since then. This is excellent.
Everything--your use of short sentences to convey the sharpness of Hermione's fear; your use of different phobia to split the sections; your portrayal of Ron's fear, the Healer's response, and Hermione's reaction? It is all ON POINT!
It only seemed to stop whenever I left the forest where I house was,
--Maybe, "where our house was"? Or "where the house was"?
Then there are these 4 places. You've used "for" in all these sentences, and in these cases it sounds a little antiquated. It might be better to replaces these "fors" with "because", "as", or "since".
-I never got it, for Ron quickly told me to let it go,
-not quite, for there were still some rays of light that softly illuminated the ground.
-It scared me more than anything did – for that meant that I could not see what was out there. [Here I might suggest actually rewording instead of switching out the "for". Like maybe "It scared me more than anything did. It meant that I could not see what was out there."]
-I did not listen, for I knew that I was not crazy.
Honestly I am just so amazed. This is sooo good. It's been one chapter, and I'm already hooked and loving it. I'm adding this to my favorites RIGHT THIS MINUTE and I must be back to read more.
Okay, so, as scared as I was of Chapter 1 and the end of it, how could I not come back and read Chapter 2? (and demand, at the end of it, that you should continue this story as soon as possible?) Ahem, anyway, moving on. The same feeling of fear and paranoia still pervades this chapter but in this one, it is more intense, heavier and knocks out the breath. I was starting to feel quite as scared as Hermione and could only be thankful that it's still light outside. (See, there's a tiny little forest outside so, yeah, scary at night. hehe). I was also incredibly intrigued by the bits that sound different. Ones where there is bright, white light. It's obvious that it is at a different time and possibly a different place and I am very curious to know what it is all about. SO ANYWAY. I SCREAMED AGAIN. You really have a way of ending your chapter in such a way that it's very cliffhangery AND it's super scary.. I cannot wait for chapter 3 and am very saddened by the fact that it will take a bit of time to reach our screens. Well, off to hide back under the bed now. :)
House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw
Okay, I just had to read this one. The most brilliant reason is because I have no idea what Tetraphobia is. -laughs- WELL, I certainly found out, didn't I? -rubs fastly beating heart- There is a certain sense of fear that I felt as I was reading this chapter. A fear that built up as more and more time passed and I wondered. What is going on? What is out there? Is there anything out there? :O -takes a deep breath- OK, WOW. I feel Hermione's paranoia and, certainly, I can feel how scared and vulnerable she is. And I am intrigued. How is it she is the only one who can hear it? Who can feel it? Is Ron just being oblivious or is it really just a figment of Hermione's subconscious? That you have written it this way really added an extra element of otherworldliness to this (even more otherworldly than Harry, which is about magic and is already quite fantastic on its own.) AND THEN I SCREAMED. Because what can be scarier than meeting someone's eyes. Someone you did not expect in the middle of a forest? NO, REALLY. (And I bet they were red too. Those scare me most, you know. RED EYES.) -runs to curl up into a ball-
House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw
House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw
This is so fantastic. Summer is now, gimme the last chapter!!! I love how this is a Hermione so different than the one we know from the books, but she's still so... Hermione. She's still so recognizable, and I can still connect with her. Her reaction to her own illness, believing that she can fix herself (and giving herself a deadline) just fits so well into what we know about her...
Your descriptions are terrifying - there were times that I wasn't even sure what was real and what wasn't, and that's not always something easy to achieve. You gave me insight into what Hermione's feeling, and what her fears are like, and how her irrational fears can work with her very rational mind.
I'm glad that Ron is at least a little bit of comfort to her... Seeing that she's lost even more weight made me sad. Ron's devotion to her was really nice, though. This story is just a jumbled basket of feels.
House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw
This story was fantastic. I'm such a fan of Hermione, and I'm such a fan of stories about mental illness (that sounds so weird. I'm not a fan of actual mental illness, I promise). Combining the two always feels like a story specifically written for me.
You wrote this so fantastically well. Just so well, so amazing. I could see Hermione slowly falling apart before me, and I could feel Ron's confusion, and not knowing what to do. I could feel her anger at him calling a Healer, and... it was just fantastic. Every emotion, and every reaction felt so genuine, realistic, and relatable.
Ooo and I can't close this review without mentioning that I liked the way that you structured it, showing how mental illness can have many layers, and how it develops and morphs into different things. You did a really fantastic job with this entire story, and I'm looking forward to reading on!
Greetings from The Summer Snake! I have recently slithered out of hibernation and discovered this amazing place with such amazing stories, so I want to read and review as many as I can before I go back into hibernation!
WOW. JUST WOW. I HAVE NO WORDS. NOW THIS IS EXTREMELY RARE BUT YOU'VE GIVEN ME - A COLD BLOODED REPTILIAN CREATURE - CHILLS. WOW.
This was really, really amazing. You've written this very well. Your descriptions and narrative is very impressive. The paranoia and darkness and fear surrounds the story wonderfully and really pulled me into it.
The whole idea of this phobia affecting Hermione, the uncertainty of whether the "monster" is real or not, the little italic bits in the middle - glimpse into the future perhaps - are all very interesting. They gave me a lot to think about and I am now really excited to know what happens next, to find out all the answers.
Your characterisation of Hermione and Ron is very good and I could connect with them. The scenes flow wonderfully and the air of mystery and fear that your narrative has is just perfect. You've got the scenarios down very well. I am just loving the story, amazing job writing this!
Now, I'm a summer snake and I am supposed to slither across this land of stories then go back to my hole but if you update soon, I might be able to catch you one more time before going back into my hole. In other words, I'd really like to get all the answers so you might see me coming back - maybe in another form ;) Update soon!
Don't know what else to say except great work! *showers confetti and flowers* Now, I'm off to explore more of this wonderful sun! See ya!
The Summer Snake
How am I supposed to review this when you write that at the end? You're too nice to me. *hugs* You're a fabulous friend to me too.
So, story. First of all a warning to anyone who is reading the reviews before you read Avi's brilliant story - it it is dark outside and you are alone, under no circumstances read this until daybreak. It is utterly terrifying. Avi, your word choice and descriptions were amazing. I found it so difficult to sleep the night that I first read Tetraphobia. No kidding.
Second of all, I can't wait to read the next chapter. There are so many questions left unanswered here, and I am very intruiged to find out what's going on.
You managed to write Hermione and Ron so canon, an impressive feat considering the darkness of the story. Seriously, you go so deep. If I had to describe this so far in a single word, it would be 'chilling'. I could not stop reading, and there were so many time I realied that I was holding my breath.
I loved the little italicised sections. They make me wonder though, is Hermione dreaming? Is she at St Mungos? Is this infact taking place just after the battle and she has been knocked out? So many questions Avi!
I am so excited to read more.
I'm Auroraphobia, and I've seen you around the forums and decided that it was time for me to read and review one of your stories.
I liked this story. It was great structured with the name of a fear before each part. I'm glad my name didn't pop up, because then those terrifying nothern lights would have to also. And I can stand nothern lights! I mean, what are they? What is their purpose? Not knowing means it could be something bad, so I'm not going to go anywhere near those blasted lights if I have any say in the matter!
Sorry, I got a little carried away there. Back to your story. I liked Hermione and Ron, and it was a welcoming (but still sad) sight to see the roles get a little bit switched. Normally I feel like Hermione is the one that tries to stay strong, and this time it's her falling apart and Ron trying to stay strong and think sensibly about it. That was nice!
It was intersting to see the fear develop from her not thinking much of it, to the fear of being followed, to fear of darkness, to fear of monsters in the darkness (but not in the literal sense, I think).
I also liked the description. I could practically see Hermione falling apart in front of my eyes, and Ron fighting to help her back to a good place. And I almost felt Hermione's fear, very much like my fear of nothern lights really.
But you can not end it this way. I'm going to have to come back later now in my real archive form (I have a secret identity to keep the northern lights away) to find out what happens.
Anyway, looks like I have to run. I've heard there might be nothern lights tonight, and I can't be out when it comes.
See ya later around the forums!
Finish the story. Don't Leave us hanging.
Author's Response: I will finish this story when I get the time for it.
Thank you for your review.
Hi there! I was just on my way to deliver Easter baskets to some kids down the way, but this story caught my eye and I just had to stop by to look.
I just want to give Hermione the biggest basket of chocolate I can find - she seems like she needs it. I just feel so bad for her, especially because she doesn't feel like she can tell anyone about what she's seeing. But just between us, I've had to go through that forest more than a few times on my usual route and I have definitely felt like there was something not quite right there, even if I can't see what Hermione is seeing.
Ron deserves all the Easter baskets in the world for trying to help her the best that he can. You can tell that he truly does care about her and it hurts him that he can't do more to help her, you do an absolutely wonderful job portraying all of that (I'll make sure to put in a good word for you and get you some extra jellybeans this Easter). All of the raw emotions to throw into this is just fantastic!
Oh, darn it, I think I've spent more time here than I meant to. These Easter baskets aren't going to deliver themselves! Great job, keep up the good work!
Ah, beware, The Hot Cross Bun has lurked away from its lair and its ready to attack your story!
Bahaha, how fitting that your story focuses on phobias as I know everyone suffers from Hot Cross Bun Monster phobia as I really am terrifying, I kid you not. I think I am personally responsible for how Hermione is chattering away at the end as I have frightened her into shock (though I must say, on a somewhat lighter note, as I do allow those sometimes, the way you captured her fear was very realistic as I have seen a multitude of panic-stricken people over the years).
Another thing which was highly enjoyable was Ronald's characterisation as he is at least somewhat brave and fights me head on. I suppose there is some hope for Hermione with the healers, but I must warn her, they have been trying to defeat me for some years so she may need to try a little harder.
Another thing which was quite delectable about this piece of fiction is the stylistic choices as they added to the chilling effect of the story. By highlighting the phobias and then relating the corresponding sections to them was quite ingenious and the use of the short, stilted sentences was another great thing as it added to the suspense of the chapter.
An excellent piece of work, if I haven't scared you too much I may return for the next chapter!
This was simply amazing! And quite scary, too. Honestly, I really thought something would be resolved by the end, but instead I freaked out at the red eyes and shut my laptop! Seriously, this freaked me out!
I think so often we forget about the actual after effects the trio, or anyone from that final battle really, went through. I'd imagine some severe PTSD happened.
With the trio specifically, though, I feel for them the most. They continued to keep going in order to fight their own battles, and everyone else's. Hermione especially had to stay strong after being caught by the snatchers and brought to Bellatrix to be tortured.
Seriously though, in a very creepy way, this was beautifully written! You did an amazing job with this unique idea of a story, an amazing job with actually scaring me, and I loved it!
Author's Response: Hi Mae!
Argh! Such a surprise to see your review! I wasn't expecting it at all.
Hahaha, I am so sorry I freaked you out! But I suppose that's a good thing as well.
Yes, you're right. It's very common to forget it, and it just struck me and somehow inspired me to write this story. Hermione was tortured, and she was with Harry during their search for Horcruxes, where they were constantly afraid of being caught - that could damage you for some time. Even after the war.
Thank you so much for your review! It made me so happy, and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it.
Ah! I loved this! I love that, with each new phobia, Hermione's state of mental well-being is declining more and more. The phobias are literally destroying her, causing her to become paranoid and unhealthy. Her response to each one of the phobias is absolutely fantastic, having the perfect balance of realism mixed with aspects of 'the horrific'.
One of my favorite aspects of this is that her fears absolutely consume her, keeping her from living normally. I mean, after facing what she had in the war, it's really no wonder that she would become paranoid, and start developing phobias (and if not her, others would have suffered some mental issues as well). I don't think that this aspect is brought up enough in post-war stories, which is what really made this story stand out.
YOU CANNOT END THIS HERE! That! That...is a cliffhanger! I need to know if Hermione is hallucinating due to her extreme stress brought on by her phobias, or if there is something else going on! I would love to see another chapter of this, because this is really great!
Author's Response: Hi Rumpel!
I am so glad you liked this! I had this on my laptop for quite some time, before handing it to a beta-reader. The timing was actually perfect, for the Slytherin Writing Challenge started and this story fell perfectly for Prompt 2.
Yes, I've noticed that it's something we writers sometimes overlook/forget, how the war affected them. They were on the run for a long time, and were close to death several times. It would be absolutely normal for them to get post-war traumatizes.
I WON'T END IT HERE. I promise! Because of your and the other's wonderful reviews, I've decided to change this into a Short Story instead of a one-shot! Yay. Now I just have to write the second chapter, I'll probably start on it by the end of February.
Thank you so much for your review! I loved it.
HOW CAN YOU END THIS HERE
OMG FREAKING OUT
This story - wow! I love the way you built it up, as it's natural that Hermione would be suffering after all she went through in the war. Perfectly normal. Like the Healer, and Ron, I assumed Hermione was just imagining things too, or you know like when your house is empty and you think you hear footsteps- scary, but you know it's not real. That's kind of how I imagined the rustling leaves that Hermione kept hearing.
You had me so convinced that it was all in her head - which, I might add, is scary enough, but then the PLOT TWIST ENDING completely threw me off and the fact that it IS something AND THAT I NEVER FOUND OUT WHAT IT IS!!! Or what happened to her! You left it off at the climax of the story and the unknown factor is the scariest part. Basically, this was SO well written and I'm sorry for all the extreme capslock but I'm really impressed with how you wrote this. Way to go!! 10/10
Yes, it needs more. Like Hermione bragging to Ron that there was something out there. This is an amazing depiction of phobias and their effects without making the reader believe Hermione's lost it. I also love how you make Hermione's condition slowly worsen until it is to the point of an extreme phobia.
A very accurate telling of fears and how Hermione would react to them. Beautiful (though slightly frightening) story.
Author's Response: Hi Georgina!
Whee, such a surprising review. I love it.
Thank you so much for reading my story, and I'm so happy that you liked it!
I'm not sure if I have the skills to continue the story, but once I get the courage to do so, I'll definitely make a status about in the forum.
Thank you so much for your review!
And Happy New Year!
Oh dear, now I think it was a bad idea for me to read this at 1 AM. I feel kinda scared. Definitely sleeping with the lights on tonight xP
I saw your post in the Slytherin Fall Writing Challenge thread and decided to check out the story, and I don't regret it. This was a beautifully written piece. You got Hermione's voice so well. I especially loved the way you described all her phobias and stuff. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. It seriously gave me the chills and I don't exaggerate when I say I am quite scared to open my curtains now haha.
All in all, brilliant brilliant one-shot. I really want to see more of this though, I want to see this grow into a short story perhaps and get to know more about this inhuman monster which only Hermione is able to sense. So please expand this!!
P.S. Adding to favourites xD
Author's Response: Hi Aditi!
You have no idea how happy this review of yours made me! Mostly because it was so unexpected, and I love those kind of reviews.
I may be evil, I don't know, but I'm so glad that you got scared :P
I actually re-read it a few times before posting it and I thought to myself that it wasn't scary enough, haha. So it's nice to see that I scared at least one reader :P
Thank you so much for your review! I love it to bits! I'll make sure to read your entry as soon as I can!
Hey Avi! I decided to read this because this did catch my interest! I really love the banner you made for this story by the way! I think it should be a permanent one... instead of "temporary." ;)
Anyways, moving on to this...
The sense of unease transitioning to paranoia was perfectly written!
For me, a person who has an immense fear of darkness, you wrote her feelings down to the t, because it's how I feel!
The bits with the phobia definitions are great touches to the story as well!
You also have the characterization for Ron and Hermione down. I love how she tries to reason things, (something she'd naturally do). Poor Ron! Having to see his wife (right? I'm assuming) go through that.
I think Ron should not have left her alone after that... With her paranoia continuously growing.
That cliffhanger though! You should add more to this! You can't leave me hanging like this! XD
Outstanding job with this overall! :D