2015-07-03 11:09:43
Grat concept!! Looking forward to more!

Author's Response: thank you! There will be more coming soon. I signed up for challenge of FF to update once a week with a minimum of 1000 words. Chose this story to do it with so it could get done!
Hello, hello; I'm back!

Plot/plot arch: I appreciate the bit of backstory in here before immediately hopping into the main events of the story. Understandably, some of the characters are a bit anxious to get started, or at least to get the whole event over with. The fact that they all must remain in character to their assigned character sheets will be all the more fun! I can't wait to see what everybody gets! Furthermore, I was excited to see that the fun had begun. I'm sure murders in the post-war world, even staged ones, would bring an uneasy feeling to the participants. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Characterization: Draco -- I love his dynamic change from the Hogwarts era to the post-war one. While he still maintains his Malfoy characteristics, you can see that he's grown as a character realistically. After all, he went through a lot during the war.
Astoria -- It's probably a good thing that she wasn't friends with Draco during his Hogwarts years, especially the later years. Draco was dealing with a lot in the wake of the war, and it probably wouldn't have been an instant friendship if the two were to interact earlier.
Pansy-- This was just a bit of fun, so I thought I'd bring up some of her characteristics. I love that she still thinks that she's the best choice for Draco in a romantic sense, and that she can seduce him into believing so.

Detail: The necklace! I wonder if it could be a clue :).

Style: The events seem to be flowing together nicely -- good job!

Notes/Other: This was fun, I'm excited to see what happens next!


Author's Response: Thank you. I am glad that you liked Draco's characterisation as I really wanted to show that he had changed since the end of the war.
2014-03-17 19:23:27
I'm doing the first-chapter sweep of the challenge reviews (and I'll be back to review the rest of the story, ideally before the deadline, but definitely before winners are declared).

Plot/plot arch: Oh fun! A murder mystery party! From the beginning, I am unsure as to whether there are REAL murders at the party, or if it only part of the party. Either way, I'm excited! You approach to the challenge was very clever, having the Ministry decree this team-building excersize. It's true that there had been far too much death during the war, but having supposed enemies work with each other to prevent more death would definitely establish some community team-building. I can't wait to read more of this!!

Characterization: There's no characterization in this first section, save the skepticism of the majority. Obviously, this is only an introduction, and characterization is not always present :). We'll skip this section for now.

Style: I thought we were jumping right into the action from the beginning! It did give me a fantastic sneak-peak as to what is to come. The remained established what was happening, which was extremely appreciated.

Notes/other: Fantastic start! I can't wait to read more!


Author's Response: Thank you so much! Mystery stories have never been a particular strength of mine, but I've had this plot bunny rolling around my head for over a year and I really wanted to do it.
I wanted to give a reason why everyone was there, and I didn't think that a recreational purpose would be plausible because of the war.
There aren't supposed to be real deaths in a murder mystery weekend, and it is definitely not something planned by the Ministry so their character profiles they're given won't help them one bit.
2014-03-17 19:23:27
This looks brilliant! It's well written and I'd very excited to see where it goes. :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much for reviewing. I am glad that you think it's well written as I barely even edited it. I really hope that you enjoy what i have planned for it!


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