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Lauren! 

I’m here with your last review prize from the Name that Fandom Challenge! :D

Oooh, now we’ve got Hugo’s POV! Very nice!

The thing I really like about the change in POV’s that you’ve got here is that you really get to see a wider view of everything that’s going on in the story. It’s really interesting because each character has such different thoughts and focuses on different people, so what doesn’t seem like a big deal to one character is a huge deal to another. You’ve done an excellent job of highlighting that so far, especially in this chapter!

Hugo is absolutely adorable though. I love that he’s so confused as to why he’s constantly thinking of Alice when it’s so painfully obvious why. He’s so concerned for her and worries over the littlest of things when it comes to her, which is the cutest thing ever. I LOVE IT.

Oh, and your descriptions, especially at the beginning of each chapter, are AMAZING. Flawless, really. I dunno how you do it. I’m more than a little jealous of them. Somehow you manage to conjure up such a vivid image for the reader with so few words… it’s just fantastic.

I’m totally falling in love with this story, Lauren! I can’t wait to see what’s next! I’ll definitely have to come back and review the next two chapters as soon as it’s humanly possible!

Thank you again for entering in the Name that Fandom Challenge, and keep writing my dear! You’re amazing!!
Lizzie

Author Response

Lauren!

Here’s prize review 4 of 5!! :D

<i>“…Jimmy Wood was one of the most competitive people she knew and would probably struggle to let a three year old win a game of hide-and-seek. It was a trait, she was told, that he got from his father.”</i> — BAHAHAHAHA! That made me laugh far harder than it probably should’ve. :P

Sorry, I just had to point that out. Easily one of my favorite lines in this chapter!

I giggled on more than one occasion during this chapter, that’s for sure! I really enjoyed Lily’s POV in addition to Ivy’s. They both have really distinct voices, so the tone of both chapters were really different, but in a really good way! :D

I LOVED Lily and Jimmy’s whole dynamic. Watching them both get so wound up over Quidditch was extremely hilarious, and I hope that there’ll be more of that to come! It was awesome!

I also really love that Lily didn’t really know about the map and the cloak. It’s something that you don’t see in a lot of next-gen stories - usually that info is pretty well known within the Weasley family and friends, which I’ve always felt takes away from the general awesomeness that is the cloak and map. It’s kinda nice to see Lily, Hugo and their friends discovering these two items for the first time, even though they’ve been in the family for so long. :)

Gah, this is really shaping up to be a really cool story!! Looking forward to more!

Keep writing, Lauren!!
Lizzie

Author Response

Lauren!

Haha! Bet you thought that I forgot about those last three reviews, did you? Don’t worry, I didn’t. :P

I figured I’d check this story out because a) I haven’t read it before, and b) next-gen stories are my favorite stories to read. ;)

Oh boy, I like this story already! I’m really interested to see what happened between Ivy and Al… it seems like it’s going to cause quite a bit of drama for Ivy and Lily!

I also really like the way you’ve introduced the characters… there’s a lot of people mentioned in this chapter, but it’s not overwhelming. And the way that you’ve developed Ivy in particular is really wonderful. We get to see a lot of her personality in how she sees the people around her and her actions, and I’m really loving her character already!

Okay, I want to say more, but this story has got me so intrigued that I want to keep reading! I’ll be back at the end of the next chapter!!

Keep writing!
Lizzie

Author Response

Hi Lauren,

I'm sorry it's taken me a bit to get back here to read this chapter. Real life has finally slowed down enough that I can catch up on reviewing. 

Oh! A chapter from Alice's POV. She's so sweet and modest. She really seems to take after Neville. I am awfully curious to find out why she has such a hard time with the thestrals. I mean in order to see them, she has to have witnessed someone kick the bucket so to speak, so I wonder what's going on with that.

I think this budding relationship between Alice and Hugo is so sweet. You've done a great job of conveying just how awkward each of them is. I'm totally rooting for them though because I think they would be adorable together.

Poppy and Kristy seem like some awful girls. I always wonder why people like that feel the need to pick on the shy or the meek. Alice really wasn't doing anything to bother them, so there rudeness was pretty unnecessary.

I did want to point out that I noticed a handful of typos throughout this chapter.
 
she'd be okay to go everyone else – to go with everyone else

it took a miracle Ivy to get excited. – it took a miracle to get Ivy excited

 her best friend Kirsty, much to her disappoint.- disappointment

Hugh asked as Jimmy passed the note to Alice. – Hugo?

Now the moment was over  -Now that the moment

I hope you don't intent to show  - intend

Also, I would like to critique the fact that there are no more chapters. You've drawn me into this story and I really want to keep reading! Pretty please, hurry up and update. :D 

Thanks for an enjoyable read! 

~Kaitlin

Author Response

Hello once again!

I'm here for another of your reviews from the Gryffindor review swap!  

Now we're back to Ivy's pov and again she's alluded to her mysterious happening with Albus Potter. I wonder what happened! I'm guessing a drunken song session or something along those lines. Whatever it is, she seems to really be into him since she can't seem to stop thinking about him. 

Ivy's list of worries seems to be pretty extensive. Her reaction to Alice's reaction to the thestrals really made me wonder why Alice reacted the way she did. Has she seen someone die recently.

The good natured way that Ivy and Lily teased Alice about Hugo holding her hand was cute. Like I said in my last review, I'm pretty sure everyone knows what's going on even if Alice and Hugo won't admit it. I love the idea of a Weasley and a Longbottom dating and maybe eventually marrying, so they can officially become family.

I feel like such a broken record in regards to description, flow, pace, characterization, etc., but once again it's all handled masterfully. Great work!

~Kaitlin

Author Response

Hi Lauren,

I'm here with another review from the Gryffindor review swap for the month of April!

Let me start by saying that I'm really enjoying this story. I love the amount of time and effort that you've spent building these characters and the dynamic between them. It's really lovely and makes this such a joy to read.

The description in this chapter was breath taking, particularly the part where you were talking about the setting sun. It was like someone painting a picture on a canvas in front of me. It really is art at it's finest.

I think the budding romance between Alice and Hugo is really sweet.  There is that innocence of the first love to it, but as of yet it's still unrealized. I get the feeling that Alice feels the same way though. I have to wonder when Hugo will finally work up the courage to admit it. I'm pretty sure everyone else knows what's going on at this point.

The flow of each of the chapters so far has been quite smooth. The different scenes are transitioning well and I have yet to find any awkward sections.

Onto a bit of constructive criticism. I did find a few typos, but they're nothing major.

for an extra ten minutes than she'd originally wanted to. - ten minutes more than she'd 

 “I practically had to shout you then.- shout at you

you can get your broom of the - broom off the

Another great chapter! I'm looking forward to the next one!

~Kaitlin

Author Response

Hey Lauren,

I'm here for another review from the Gryffindor review swap! 

After reading chapter one, I was really eager to see what would happen here. It picked up exactly where the last chapter left off and continued with the world building. I like that you aren't rushing through that part as it really gives us a chance to get to know the different characters.

I think Jimmy Wood has to be my favorite so far. I see so much of Oliver in him, but I also relate to that hyper competitive streak and curiosity. I could picture him "trying to drown himself in the shower" after a loss.

As soon as Lily mentioned that James and Albus had given her a package I knew what it was. Even with that knowledge, I still couldn't help being excited when she finally opened it. Having a map of where everyone is at and an invisibility cloak is like every child's dream come true, so I can only imagine the mischief they'll be getting up to.

The parallels that you've drawn between the Trio era Hogwarts students and the current students is quite lovely. I can really see different bits of trio era characters in all of them. It really makes the dynamic between them enjoyable.

I don't really have any constructive criticism as much as a I have an observation about this chapter. For some reason, this chapter didn't seem to flow quite as easily as the one previous to it. I can't exactly put a finger on why. It just reads very differently. I mean I know that you were planning on switching POV's, but something just felt a touch off.

All in all, it was a good follow up chapter. I'm looking forward to seeing what chapter 3 has in store! 

~Kaitlin

Author Response

Hey Lauren,

I'm here for the Gryffindor Review Swap for the month of April! 

This was a lovely start to the story. I wasn't at all disappointed that it was from Ivy's POV. I actually liked the distinct voice that she had and was intrigued by this awful incident she alludes to. I also found her mom to be quite lovely. It is pretty cool how she's so at ease with a world not her own.

I thought you did a great job of building a realistic relationship between the different children. It seems to be hard sometimes, but I felt you made each one distinct enough to realize who was talking without having to look for names. 

I noticed in your author's note that you said the POV's will rotate every chapter, so I'll be curious to see what this story is like through the eyes of the other characters. I always like when stories swap POV's because I feel like it gives a much more complete picture of things.

I really appreciated what a complete picture you painted at the beginning of the story. Description and detail is one of the biggest things that I look for when reading, so I was really happy with this. I could quite vividly imagine what platform 9 3/4 looked like as everyone got ready to leave for school. 

Now for a bit of constructive criticism. I noticed a few sentences that read a bit awkwardly to me and also a couple typos. It wasn't anything major...just a few things I wanted to point out. 

"She paused and considered the wall, absentmindedly started biting her fingernails;" I think this would read much more smoothly if you took the word started out of the sentence, so it read "...considered the wall, absentmindedly biting her fingernails;"

"Lily greeted Ivy with her surname as she so often did as she approached." I think ending this sentence after the word did would make it a little smoother. "Lily greeted Ivy with her surname as she so often did." 

"Hogwarts was a home from home" I think you forgot the word away in this sentence."home away from home"

"Ruth was supposed to be here too but Al said got held up at work,” I think you forgot the word she in this sentence. "Al said she got held up at work."

All in all, I think this was a very solid chapter. I really feel like I know who these characters are now and am interested to see what happens to them this year! Great work!

~Kaitlin

Author Response

(Gryffindor CTF AA, Round 5 ~ Jailbreak)


In this chapter everyone is settling in - in Hogwarts. I don't know why Lily is being such a downer about the Hat's song, but I loved it! And you did a great job with it! ^_^


Again - dang it! I still need to know what Albus needed to tell Ivy! :(


I liked how the girls tried to guess a few of the first year students houses. :P


Poppy, Poppy, Poppy, Poppy, is really getting on my nerves. Haha - hopefully as the story progresses... (Doubts)


And the feast! I always enjoy reading about the feast! You did really good with describing the food. I haven't eat all day, so you're making me incredibly hungry. :P


I really loved how you described the dorms for Heads. It's short yet really nice! :D


Everything about your story is just great! Really good characterizations of your OC's and Lily. You description with scenes! It's a gift! &heart; Hope that I can learn that from you!




- Asphodel

Author Response

*attack!*
Hello Lauren,
I'm so impressed that you actually wrote a Sorting Song! I'm not sure if Ivy and Alice's comments were just inserted because you felt unsure of yourself, but I'm seriously impressed that you even attempted it.
One little criticism I have is that I can't picture Professor McGonagall saying "Now that you are all fed and watered".
I really, really don't like Poppy. You've done an excellent job of making her an unlikeable person (not an unlikeable character - as a character, she's quite good). I'm very nervous about what Ivy said to her - I can't see that having a good outcome.
I think it's super duper cute that Ivy chose "Rapunzel" as the new password, and that John didn't know what it meant and was nervous about remembering it. What an adorable detail (I'm sorry I keep leaving reviews going on about your details... they're just SO GOOD)! Also, that was a really cool bit of magic you dreamt up with the tapestry.
The Head dorm sounds SO beautiful! What a wonderful job you've done of describing it - I could totally picture it. I had never considered the idea of Heads having a seperate dorm before, but I suppose it makes sense. I'm not sure I would like that, though... I would be so used to having several other people around to talk to. (Or maybe I'd appreciate the privacy, come to think of it :P)
Great chapter!
-Kayla

Author Response

(Gryffindor CTF: Round 5 -- AA ~ Jailbreak!)


Alright Lauren! I had to skip chapter 3 & 4 for now. So forgive me! :D



This chapter really gives a good insight of the great friendship between Ivy, Lily, Alice, Jimmy, and Hugo. :D

I really like the tidbits of things about the characters as well. Lily's cheekiness, Alice bashfulness. Jimmy's aura of always being ready for the day. He's so cheery. ^_^ Oh and it's so cool how you have a Journalist club at Hogwarts! Poppy is so ugh! So Malfoyish - or the like. 


Mm... since I didn't read the last two previous chapters, I don't know what exactly happened to Alice, but judging by Neville's concern, it must have been big. I did note of the mentioning of the Threstrals. And Alice's exasperation at knowing her mother knows, haha - I see she has a lot of placating to do. :P



I have to say, I love the names of the professors that you have for this generation. (Unless a few of them are real - and I'm unaware of that fact. :P) Either way - I still love them! ;D


Ooohhh Hugo and Alice!!! I hope Lily and Ivy do get those two together! Nothing more sweet and infuriating see two people like each other but they deny the other like them and/or doesn't do anything about it.



- Asphodel

Author Response

Hi! This is a jailbreak post for CTF :)
I'm really enjoying this so far. I think you've done a brillian job of making all of the characters really clearly defined and very seperate from each other - they're not all like the same versions of each other but with different names. They all have their seperate interests, and hobbies, and fears - for example, Lily likes Quidditch and Alice is afraid of THestrals. It just helps to add so much depth to the story, and make it a lot more believable this way. I commend you on that - it can be quite a difficult thing to do and to sustain when you have this many characters.
I'm enjoying the story a lot so far as well - it all links and flows really micely, making it very enteratining and engaging to read. I like the occasional funny moments, like when Hugo falls on Jimmy in the carriage - it makes it a lot more pleasant to read when you're not trying to force humour out of it every other line, but instead just intersperse it with moments like that. That bit made me laugh, though - Jimmy's line after Hugo falls on him is really well done, and almost reminds me of something one of the Marauders would say! You've done a great job of getting your audience intersted as well - I've gotten attached enough to these characters (because you've done a very good job of creating them) that I'm really interested to see what happens to them. So I'm going to carry on reading now :)
Well done!

Author Response

(Gryffindor CTF: Round 5 -- Jailbreak!)


Hahaha! I love the cat, Grizabella. :P So funny and cute. Seems to have spunk. ;P



Oh wow! I just realized that Jimmy is Oliver Wood's son! Haha! *Smacks forehead!* Now I can definitely see why there's Quidditch tension between Lily and Jim-Jim. (Ignore my nickname for him.)

Do Jimmy and Lily like each other? Hm? *Raises eyebrows*



Awesome that James gave Lily the Marauders' Map and Invincibility cloak! Yes! I do imagine the 'fun' the group can have. :P



I wonder what secret Jimmy is keeping to himself too.


You always have a killer punch line or amusing line (particularly towards the ending of a story/chapter.)

<i>“Guys, who is the next Hufflepuff captain?”</i>


Haha, another enjoyable chapter, my dear Lauren! Great job!




- Asphodel

Author Response

Hey Lauren! CTF-Round Five. On lookout for a flag, reg and gold with a picture of the giant squid on it. Seen it anywhere? :p

Anyway, onto the review. 

I'm really enjoying this POV shift. I love that we're learning so much about each character from their angles. It's an excellent way to wield this style, and it is quickly becoming one of my favourite nextgen stories, mainly (but not just) because of this.

It was really nice to get into Hugo's head :) I suspected that him and Alice would have something going on there, but I didn't quite have any hard evidence of it up until now. I feel a little more sorry for Ivy though. Because I can see Lily/Jimmy happening, and I can see Alice/Hugo happening, but she likes Al, and he isn't even in Hogwarts :(

That task that Hugo got assigned does sound incredibly dull. I mean, who wants to hang back and check the train when they can be riding to the castle in carriages with their friends, right? And it was so awkward with Kate there :p That being said, I felt something happen there. I could be gravely wrong though, but I feel like they'll become friends over the course of the year. Maybe Kate will even develop feelings for him. Or maybe I'm just seeing things ahead of time :p

I love how each character has a distinct voice. One risk that you can run with so many POV shifts is making every character sound the same, or similar. But over here, you've managed to give each of them their own individual voice. Like, in this chapter, it became clear how Hugo is more of a thinker and observer. He's very reflective. Also, not only did you manage to give him his own voice, you also managed to show us that you write male POVs just as well as female POVs, and that's a great skill to have! You truly understand your characters so well.

I love how you've described his feelings for Alice. Clearly things have changed over the summer, and he isn't sure what to make of it, or how to react to it. It's very sweet to see how deeply he cares for her. So many guys are too oblivious, but as I noted, Hugo is an observer, and it's nice to see how he catches every subtle hint in her behaviour. He just understands her so well, and gahhh &heart; it's already so sweet! 

I'd guessed about the threstals by the time the chapter reached that point given how you'd built up to it. It was really well written and realisitc. Though they are lovely creatures, they're symbolic of something so negative, that it's only natural that there are people who fear them. I wonder whose death poor Alice had to witness though :( I feel quite sorry for her. I just hope that it isn't Augusta Longbottom. I <i>love Augusta Longbottom </i>. She seems so unbeatable. She came closer to immortality than Voldemort ever did :p Though, she wouldn't be my first guess. I'd think it was either Frank or Alice or both, and that's just as bad. I can't handle that, sorry. Or maybe it was someone on Hannah's side. I know it's just as bad for her, but atleast then it won't be a character I'm already attached to :p

Jimmy lightening the mood was great :) I also wasn't surprised when he didn't realise that all that Quidditch talk was boring Alice. It seems so in character, and I can imagine Oliver Wood being that way too. You know what though? Jiimmy may be my favourite so far, and we haven't even had a chapter from his point of view yet!

I don't think I'll ever stop gushing about how perfect your dialogue was &hearts; You must teach me, Lauren. It's the best! And you always have a little bit of humour tucked away. I know that this was comparatively serious, but it still wasn't too overwhelming, you know?

All in all, you've done an amazing job, and I can't wait to read more. I can't get enough of this story!

Author Response

*attack!*
Hi Lauren,
The details you've included here are really amazing. I'm finding that to be a recurring theme in your work. You are able to dream up those little quirks that everyone has and insert them into your writing. It makes your characters seem so rounded and real. In this chapter, for example, you have the details that Ivy chooses the two darkest pieces of toast, and that Alice people-watches. Those don't really tell me anything vital about the characters, but they make them seem more like real people.
I can't even imagine having to maintain a student-teacher relationship with my dad. I'm glad that you didn't write Neville being really stiff and formal with Alice, though - really, the only thing was that she called him "Professor" (This isn't a criticism, just something I found personally hard to imagine being able to do).
Lily's conversation (if you can call it that) with the first-year girl was so completely adorable. It sucks that the girl was shy, but Lily was so sweet. I really liked that.
Poor Alice... that was a really cruel comment from Poppy. She definitely reminded me of Draco Malfoy in that moment.
There are a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes that I'm noticing here. For example, "Hugh" instead of "Hugo" one or two times. You might want to go through this and make some tiny fixes :)
I totally cracked up at the idea of an accidentally-conjured-pig destroying the classroom! Another great detail, Lauren! I know I keep saying this, but that's a really strong point of yours.
Lily is so cheeky. I really adore the way you've characterized her.
Great chapter!
-Kayla

Author Response

Lauren! :) BACK for for. CTF is giving me such a great chance to read this. This is for round five, by the way.

I have to admit, this stuff is your jam. There are so many nextgen stories like these, but there are few that I've enjoyed so much, and we're only in chapter two so far!

Okay, so you're rotating POVs (while keeping it in third person). This is interesting!It gives a very ensemble cast kind of feel where every character is important and has their own story. I don't see this being used much in fanfiction, to be honest. And that makes it all the more impressive. I also wonder why it is this way though. Because it can be such an effective tool for story telling!

I love how you've portrayed each individual character here. And in some cases, there's a bit of their parents in them. I was just thinking about how Jimmy's competitive urges must come from his dad before you mentioned it. I also love how Hugo is the resident chess champion of Hogwarts, and how he's thinking up plays in his head. Lily, in all her Quidditch captain glory, is a bit like harry in that regard. Then there's Alice, and I've never seen her written like this before! I know she's an OC, but so many people include her in their nextgen fics! Your take on her was so fun and refreshing :) And poor Ivy. I know that being head girl must come with a fair share of bitterness from those who lost out, but I'm really liking what you've written of her so far, and I hope that despite all the negativity, she has a good year in the end.

I like the little group you've got here as well. They seem well-balanced and fun, and I think that they're a bit mischievous as well, which is always nice to read about ;) I'm more excited about their year now that they have the cloak and the map. The potential speaks to me!

I think this chapter serves as an important public announcement as well because... BOYS DO GOSSIP. All the time, seriously. Who're they kidding when they act like they don't care, really? :p I loved how Ivy decided to use that piece of information to prove her point. It was rather clever of her. 

The dialogue, once again, was amazing. I found myself smiling ad chuckling at a lot of different points. There's something that makes the dialogue seem very natural. Like, I can imagine a group of friends sitting in a compartment and just saying all these things, you know? It didn't feel strained at any point.

The flow of this chapter was also excellent, aided by the smooth dialogue. It wasn't choppy, and at no point did I feel that it was too much.

I love the exchange after the Hufflepuff captain comes into conversation. I think the interhouse dynamics within this group makes things rather interesting. Just to be clear, is Wood the only Ravenclaw out of them all? I'd love to know how they became a group, but since we're only in chapter two, maybe I'm speaking too soon :p The Hogsmeade incident also really caught my interest. I want to know what happened, and I hate waiting *pouts like a child*

The introduction of the map and the cloak just made this a whole lot more interesting. I love the idea of it being passed down from one sibling to another through their years. Possessing these two items is definitely like striking a gold mine, and it can make all the difference to their year. I hope they use it well, and I can't wait to read more on that front. Also, these two things were some of my favourite magical items. I've always wanted to own them :p So, it's a favourite really.

I'm shipping Lily/Jimmy so hard now, that I can't even tell you, really :p I want them to get together, and it's only the second chapter.

I'm so glad I've gotten to this now, Lauren, and I will be following it and pestering you for updates regularly. Great job, love &hearts; favouriting.

Author Response

Lauren!!! XD (Gryffindor CTF -- AA ~ Round 5: jailbreak!)



Hahaha! I have to say, the first paragraph - that is a really great point Ivy makes. Haha! I'd even find it... I don't know... I'd be quite hesitant to go through a brick wall - no matter how many times I've done it. It's something about the rules of physics. And... well... look at what happened to Harry and Ron in COS.


In the beginning when I joined the forums, I was hard-on fan of just only Hogwarts characters. It's my fault though I had a complete distaste for Next-Gen because every where else had the next gen/oc characters so snotty and completely disrespectful and a distasteful plot or no plot. To me it irks me and it completely goes against Rowling's hard work at writing a beautiful universe for all us HP fans.



Not that I don't come across a few here on the archives, but there's fics like yours that balance it out or outweighs it. You manage to keep all the things that make Harry Potter - Harry Potter. Over time, I learned to be more open-minded.


I can see an adventure is just around the corner for Ivy and the others.


I'm interested as to what's going on between Ivy and Albus. I can only guess for now. ;)


I see that Ivy, Lily, and Alice have a nice friendship. I really liked the part where Lily said, Ivy went from a scared first year to a matured head girl.


Your description of platform 9 and 3 quarters, and Jame's girl is just amazing and flows quite well.



I might just come back to finish the rest of your story. ;)


And of course! I enjoyed reading this chapter. ^_^



- Asphodel

Author Response

LAUREN :) Here for the CTF game! Round five! 

I've been so excited about this story for ages that it's a shame that I've never dropped by. I'm going to attempt one of those rolling sorts of reviews, partially at least :p

I was very surprised when I started reading this because every time we spoke about this story, you focused on Lily quite a bit, which made me feel like it would be written from her perspective. However, I really like Ivy and I'm glad that you chose to write it this way because OCs are great, and I think that you've set her up really nicely. I can't wait to read more about her :) 

I love how you started off. The part about Ron saying that he almost broke his neck was quite funny, and fits with canon Ron, who is funny :P I can see him trying to scare the nextgen kids with his stories!

I love your take on Ivy's mum. She sounds like a really warm and supportive person, and the fact that she's a muggle can have some interesting implications. 

I love the way you've written the scene on the platform. The excited buzz of the students awaiting another packed year at Hogwarts, the crowds, the emotions, everything was so palpable. I chuckled a bit at the part where the cat crossed Ivy's path. It was all so very platform 9 and three quarters :p

I loved how you introduces the girls. Straight off the bat, I can tell that they're inseparable. The dialogue in that bit was also well written. I love that all the parents also seem close to the girls. And Harry's interruption! HAHA xD I know that sometimes we all have the tendency to act as if we haven't seen or met up with someone in ages even if we only just saw them! I also love that Harry is fussing over Sparks! Once an owl lover, always an owl lover! I know I said that Harry was sunny, but Ginny was no less. That line also cracked me up! Oh god, I'm just going to be quoting all your dialogue back to you if I need to pick some favourite lines because the one about how difficult it is to wake Lily up was also funny (and very relatable ;))

As you know, I've just finished uni. So the bit about it being their last year, and making it count really got me. I felt nostalgic and sad, and I wanted to just hug them and scream that I <i>know</i> how they're feeling!

Oh, so Ive is head girl, eh? This adds an interesting spin to their dynamic, especially because Lily and Alice don't seem to be do-gooders at this point. That could change though. :p I love the annual tradition of Alice (and Clair) coming with Lily. It's nice that her parents let her ride the train. It's such a crucial part of the whole Hogwarts experience!

Awh, James and Al have come to see Lily off on her last year? That's really sweet :) Initially, when I first read the senetnce, it seemed as if Ivy liked James, but when you introduced Ruth, it became clear that it was Al whom she liked. I did feel a bit sorry for her though :( I love how you sneaked in a mention of ScoRose. I want MORE :p 

As I said, this is a rolling review. So the story is unravelling slowly as I'm writing this. So now I see that there's some fuzzy history between Ivy and Al. 

I like that Ivy stood up for herself and insisted on moving her own trunk, but I'm already shipping Ivy/Al, and I really wish that she given him some opportunity to talk to her. Even if it was just a couple of minutes alone. 

And the last bit? I really liked how you ended this. Even though we've seen very little as of now, I'm rooting for Lily/Jimmy as well! Also, Harry and Oliver's kids dating= :')

I spotted one error. In a couple of places, Lily says 'me and Alice' where it should be 'Alice and I'.

That aside, there was NOTHING amiss. what an excellent first chapter. I'm excited for the rest of it. Great work, Lauren &#9829;

Author Response

The Marauder's Map! 

I love Lily she seems like a typical seventeen year old, it makes you think of all the trouble their parents had to go through. But enough of that I love how Lily and Jimmy get so anxious to know who is the Hufflepuff captain. 

I noticed there is a lot of conversation in this chapter which is cool because it moves the plot forward, but maybe a bit of descrpition here and there would make the chapter richer, besides that I love your characters! 

Ida

Author Response

Hey! I'm here for the Gryffindor Review exchange 
:) 

I thought this was a sweet first chapter, it's 
cool to see a next gen fic with Lily Potter as 
the main character, usually it's James or Albus. 
Anyway I did think this would be from Lily's POV 
(according to the summary) but I did enjoy Ivy's 
POV. So Oliver Wood's son is in Ravenclaw, that's 
interesting everyone usually makes the kids 
carbon copies of their parents, which I'm glad 
you didn't do here, also if I'm not mistaken Ivy 
is Justin's daughter? (correct me if I'm wrong) I 
wonder how the whole Head Girl thing will go for 
Ivy? Also I wonder what happened between Albus 
and Ivy, were they ever together, or is my 
imagination?

AHHH so many question, I'll go on to the next 
chapter :)

Author Response

Heelloo!!

Interesting first chapter! I m intrigued in the way that you are going to take it with Ivy and her perspective as opposed to Lilys, as I feel it will definitely be a different take on the story, but after reading this chapter may work better for what you have in store for the plot development (which so far I like!) I am very interested to know what went on with Albus and Ivy..one too many Butterbeer I imagine...hmm.all of the intruige. I must stay tuned and see what you have instore! But he has a girlfriend! You have set down a great plot for the forst chapter and introduced the characters really nicely. left use just on edge enough to want to keep reading!

You have done some really good character descriptions, which is something that is can be missed in the first chapter when trying to solidify characters, and i think it has helped to started created a depth in your characters for you which is good. You possibly could have put a tincy bit more description into the surroundings...what was it the platform like? crazy runaround kids? more steam? If anything, maybe to help slice through a bit more of that tension for ya, and to highlight how uncomfortable for Ivy the interaction was :)

All in all though I think you've made a great stat and I am definitely going to have to continue reading to see what has been going on and see how you develop these characters! Merry Christmas! 

Grace :)

Author Response

Hello! I'm back!

Alice is a morning person. I strive to be more like Alice. All of last semester, I think I managed to make it to breakfast about six times... but next semester, I'll be more like Alice!

I haven't even really gotten into this chapter, but I'm already really liking it. Your writing seems to have shifted with her POV, which is very cool. You're doing well with showing the characters as individuals, and the different narrative style helps to solidify their individual personalities. 

I think I love Alice a little bit. I can totally picture her sitting there, observing. She's great. 

I feel so horribly for her, though! Who did she see die? :( (Or was it already mentioned and I just have poor reading comprehension?)

Alice and Hugo need to just fess up! I want a little romance! Oh but then they'll probably break up because they're hormonal teenagers and it'll be horrible and I'll be very angry with you, so maybe I don't want that... huh... maybe I'll just settle to be along for the ride and let you decide what happens!

UGH. I DO NOT LIKE POPPY. 

She's provoking inappropriate language, and it's Christmas, so I'll just say "I don't like Poppy" and move on. HMPH!!

UMITOKI OH MY GOD SHE'S ADORABLE.

Hmmm why is Lily so in favor with Loughty? Also I love that the new flying professor is Aerius. That's so perfect, and very HP. 

One thing with this chapter was that it moved very quickly, because it was dialogue heavy. I'd consider looking for places where you could add more description.

I also have a message for you that I think you might enjoy:

01000100011100100110101100011011010010
0100010001101011100100110110101101001
011001010110111001110011001010011100111
01010110111001110001011101010110101101101
001010101000110100101110100011010010110
11000110110001101011011100110010001110101
01110011

(the line breaks are just so that it doesn't get all weird - it's all one string of binary)
I really enjoyed this chapter, and I look forward to keeping up with the story once my super secret identity is revealed!!

-Santa (EUGH there I go again almost typing my name!)

Author Response

Hello, there. I am Santa!!! Teehee!!!

I know that Ivy's been worried that she won't be a good Head Girl, but it seems as if she'll do really well, to me! I hope that she gains some confidence, though. 

I'm curious to see about the new Potions Mistress. I've come to learn that brilliant doesn't always make for the best teacher... I mean, obviously Hogwarts teachers are generally brilliant, but there's that type of focus on research that doesn't pair well with teaching. What I'm saying is, I'm curious about her.

YOU WROTE A SONG. I bow down to you. Great job with that, and very brave!

Awww, did you really have your characters give the song a put-down? Shut up Ivy and Alice, the song was fantastic!!

I love that they're guessing all of the sortings. That's totally something I would do. 

I don't think I like Poppy very much. Hmph. 

Oooo those dormitories sound nice! I'd like to be Head Girl, if you don't mind... I also like the way that you described the tapestry splitting. I agree with John... gotta love magic!

Okay, so I was planning on leaving a much more in-depth review, but that ending has me on the edge of my seat, so I'll probably be buzzing through the rest of the review so that I can get to the next chapter!!

I can't help but notice that so far, the main character seems to be Ivy. I was expecting it to be Lily. I'm not complaining, because I really like Ivy and would like to continue spending time with her, but I just thought that I'd mention it. 

I also like Alice, but I wish she'd be more open about... everything, really. You have a crush? Go for it! Are her anxieties just about the Thestrals, or is it a more general thing? If she suffers from anxiety on a regular basis, I really hope that she gets the help that she needs. 

I enjoyed this chapter! Again, fantastic job on the song. I'll see you next chapter!!

-Santa (WHEW! Almost signed my name out of reflex)

(okay so when I preview this, there's slashes before my apostrophes and they won't go away so sorry if this is hard to read!)

Author Response

Hey Lauren!  I can't believe that it's taken me this long to finally get round to reviewing these chapters, but stupid life has got in the way - at least now I get the chance to continue reading!

Mmm, your description of all the food at the feast has made me really hungry now!  I'm glad that Ivy likes food as much as I seem to :P But she's also quite preoccupied with making sure she does everything right in her first day as Head Girl - I can see why she would have been first choice for the role, because she's really conscientious and a model student, from the sounds of it.

This Albus Potter secret is very intriguing!  I want to know all about what happened, I'm suspecting some cheating and wondering whether Ruth does indeed know, and what repercussions that could have for Ivy in the future...

Lily might think the Sorting Hat's songs aren't as great as they used to be but you should be proud of yourself for tackling it, because it's really difficult and I think you did a really good job of it!

Poppy seems like an annoying sort of character, and I have a feeling that she's not going to let her grudge for Ivy go that quickly.  There could be more trouble on its way in the form of John's girlfriend...

I like the way that you described the Heads' dorms and the way that they get in, as well!  I actually really want to visit them now because your descriptions were so vivid I could picture it all quite easily.  And Albus is the last thing that Ivy thinks of before she goes to sleep... she's got it bad!

As always, I love the way you write the friendship between these characters and they just seem so natural and happy together.  Great chapter!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author Response

Just Friends?  Just Friends?  Alice and Hugo are definitely not just friends and Alice needs to start admitting soon that she wants to be more than just friends!  I loved the way that the girls were teasing her over it though, because it's really natural and just what I used to do with my friends at school.

I'm intrigued about what happened to Alice and why she finds the thestrals so disturbing.  It must be quite a significant reason for her to react so badly each time she sees them, and for her parents to still be concerned about it if it's happened before - although I suppose parents would always be concerned!

Haha, I love the rivalry that you're setting up between Lily and Jimmy when it comes to Quidditch, with Alice afraid to even let Lily know that she's helped another of their friends do posters for his team.  They both take their sport very seriously and are probably a perfect match - I can't wait to see how they start getting together!

Poppy is mean.  I know that she's disappointed that she didn't get to be Head Girl, but it's not Ivy's fault that she was a better candidate and that the teachers preferred her.  I like the idea of the newspaper, though, because I think there would probably have been some additions to the extra curricular activities at Hogwarts after the war.  With Poppy as its editor though, it could mean some bad things get printed about our main characters...

Aww, Hugo and Alice are just so cute!  I loved that little moment between them and how Alice reacted so stupidly, despite the fact that she protests they're just friends.  And Lily's going to get them together?  That could either go really well or end up as a complete disaster...

Sian :)

Author Response

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