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Hello again!
Wow! I never would have thought of this, but it's absolutely brilliant! Such a different take on the cursed necklace. I loved the believe-able way you turned our ever-sweet Katie into a villain. The story was obviously not canon, but that's fine! It was done very well. 
I was also very surprised by the bit about Katie being in love with George. Again, I never would have thought of it but it makes sense! 
High five on a job well done!
- Secret Santa

Author Response

High five! 

I always thought Katie and George would've made a cute couple together so that's why I picked Katie being in love with him. 

I'm relived you thought I wrote it in a believable way I was so nervous that it would've been too rushed or something. 

Thanks for the review.

Hi Crystal!  I'm here for the Gryffie review tag!

I think you've done a good job of turning Katie bad in this story.  It's such a hard challenge to write something for, especially since most of the characters are good and fight for the right side; the idea that the necklace might have carried another curse besides killing the wearer is really intriguing and well written.

I'd suggest getting a beta for this since there are quite a few typos and grammar mistakes - one that stuck out to me was 'Hermonie' instead of Hermione.  I also think that the beginning of the story seemed a bit rushed as well, and you could have added in a bit more detail to pace it better and make it seem more realistic.  Sometimes you need to 'show not tell' - for example, you write what the last thing Katie can remember is and then she says it to her father straight afterwards.  If you just had that in the speech then it would be more effective.

I really liked the way that you ended it with the articles, because I've never really seen that done before in stories and it was a really effective way of ending the story.  You didn't tell us what she'd done and then repeat it - you were much better at showing rather than telling here!  I really liked the way that you used them to show just how bad and evil Katie had become.  Good job!

Sian :)

Author Response

Hey Sian! 

I'm glad you liked the story and think i did a good job turning Katie bad. 

As I've stated before I really wanted to complete this before the deadline but now that the competition is over I'll go back and fine tune and all that good stuff. 

YAY! You loved the ending lol. I really just needed a way to tie the story up with a neat little bow and I just decided what about news paper articles. 

Thanks for the review.

Crystal.

Hey! Here for review tag!

This was certainly a very unique and interesting concept and I enjoyed it very much. I liked how you described Katie's confused feelings in the beginning then eased her into the evil person she became with the events that took place. The "epilogue" was quite shocking though fitting. Your writing style was nice as well, and the story flowed smoothly.

The only CC I'd give you is that perhaps you should have added a "line break" before the epilogue to make the formatting neater. Also, there were some grammar/spelling errors I spotted so perhaps this could do with a thorough re-read and then edit. I also wish you'd have included some more description and imagery as that would have made this all the more dramatic.

Nonetheless, your idea was very good and I like your characterisation. You certainly have loads of room for improvement so keep experimenting with your writing. Good job!

8/10
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author Response

Yay I'm glad you liked it. 

I wrote the story for a challenge and as it took a while to be validated I didn't have the time to go back and edit it before the deadline. Now that the challenge is over though I'll probably go in and touch it up and add some more detail. 

Thanks for your input and thanks for the review.

Hello there I'm here with my review for my challenge. 

I think this is really interesting, and I think you had a really good idea for it. I would just have to say that the whole thing seems a bit rushed. The scene between her and her father was probably the most rushed and just a bit confusing because it wasn't spaced out properly. 

I liked the part with the articles the best, I think. I don't know why, but maybe it's because I've never seen information relayed that way or something. It was a good use of the Daily Prophet. I liked how she killed herself at the end as well. I think it almost shows how she couldn't live with what she did to Harry, but still couldn't stop killing people (the aurors). 

Great job! Good luck in the challenge

blackballet

Author Response

Thanks so much. I'm sorry if it seems rushed..I would go back and edit it but I don't know if it would be validated by the deadline so for now I'll leave it as is. 

I'm glad you love the articles I've never seen that done before in a story so I tried to do something different.

Thanks again!

Hello! Here from Review Tag! =]

Your plot idea is really intriguing. The idea of the curse working differently seems really believable, though it would have changed the whole Harry Potter series. ;)
You have captured Katy's feelings and her situation well I think. Great job about that!

But maybe you could try to bring a kind of dramatic touch to the story? I felt that your narration is too plain for the dark plot you are writing. You can divide the paragraphs after Katie's discharge from St Mungo's and describe the situation through scenes or something like that. It would increase the length certainly, but long and horror one-shots are really effective. Hope I make sense!
Overall, it was a nice read. Great plot idea.
Hope I wasn't too harsh! =]
Keep writing.
Ashwini

Author Response

Thanks so much for the review! No you didn't come off harsh at all!

I would go back and edit it to your suggestions but as this story was for a challenge and it's almost the deadline I'll leave it as is right now and then probably after the challenge is over I'll go and revamp it somewhat.

Thanks again for the review!

Hello there, I'm here from the review tag!

I thought you really got Katie's character her. It seemed very her. The only suggestion I could really is say is that if she had been in a coma for 6 months I would have expected her to be more dazed and confused, so maybe if you had her clutching at her head or whatever it would add more realism.

I liked her father too he seemed really nice, and it was good that he was just straight out with what happened to her. I've never really seen it explored in much detail before but it was nice to see it here.

Ok I did this was for a challenge but I completely forgot it when reading so seeing her have those evil thoughts about the trio was great! I thought that was a really ingenious twist to it.

I liked the reports as it was an interesting way to convey the news. My only issue is that given that it was written by Skeeter I would have expected more outlandish things as we were used to seeing. So perhaps if you incorporated them it would make it even better!

Other than that, I thought you did a great job!

-Kiana

Author Response

Thanks so much for the review!  

I'm so glad that you think I got Katie's character I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it because she is completely out of my comfort zone as I'm so use to just writing from an OC point of view and plus I'm still getting used to Third person POV.

When I get a chance to I will definitely go back and make her more confused. 

I'm glad you liked her dad I know in Cannon she had both her parents but I decided to leave her mother out of the story as I see Katie as a Daddy's Girl because she comes off slightly tom boyish. 

As for the articles I just used Skeeter because she's the only reporter I remember from HP but as I don't know how to write like Rita I might just change it to some random name.

Thanks again for the review!

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