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Very good.  THe flashbacks are creative.

Author Response

Thank you and I am happy that you like it :)

Hello!  You requested a review from me several weeks ago, and this story was just so brilliant that I wrote quite a bit.  However, there seems to be something wrong with the review box:  It won't post my review in its entirety.  So, to make sure that you get my actual review, I'm going to PM it to you on the forums.  

This was a brilliantly written story.  I really enjoyed it, and I'm really sorry that my review won't behave itself!

~UnluckyStar57

Author Response

Hey, it's okay. I haven't been able to check on my account for a while. I will just do that now.
Thanks for liking this and I think I am going to write another one soon. :)

I've always imagined Tonks trying to curse Sirius when she met him. I played with that idea a lot. 

You did a great job hitting the key points in their tumultuous relationship. Great fic!

Author Response

Thanks for the review:)
I always thought that Tonks would have attacked Sirius or maybe a little scared of him like Mrs Weasley. But furious Tonks is the one I used.
I have tried to assemble some main scenes of her life and its quite good, I guess(judging by the response I got).

Hello there, I'm here with your requested review :)

I think you did a nice job with Tonks's characterization here. I like how you showed her taking her nickname from her dad and how her feelings of loss related to the war spurred her into action and caused her to want to became an Auror. A lot of stories I've read focus exclusively on her relationship with Remus, and I thought it was cool how you explored her feelings toward Sirius and gave us more of a sense of how she felt about her parents. 

One thing I think you could work on to really make this stand out would be to find some themes in Tonks's life and emphasize more clearly how they tie the moments you've chosen together. As of now, I can see how Tonks met the important people in her life, but I only get the most basic sense of what motivates her and why her life was meaningful and unique. For example, I sensed a moment of weakness when she was sort of selfish there at the end and only wanted to focus on her family and not the war itself. I think you could work to go beneath that surface level and expand her emotions there in order to make them more relatable. Figure out what distinguishes her from every other mother and wife in the Order. Though the flow here isn't bad, you can improve it even more by trying to tie all of the parts together.

Overall, I think you did a great job with this one-shot, especially given that it's sort of new for you to try something like this. You also did well with integrating the flashbacks so that I didn't feel like the flow of the plot was interrupted by the change of time. I did pick out a few places where you had typos, but those weren't all that common and you could fix them with another round of proofreading. I hope this review is helpful to you!

-Amanda

Author Response

Thanks for the review :)
I am happy that you liked the way I described Tonks.
I know I haven't shown much tought about the war but the story was about the struggles she had with her family members. How close she was too them and how reacted towards them.
The story was Family challenge and I wanted to show her that way.
But I would keep your pointers in mind and use them for the next one. I loved your suggestion and I am goin to work on my flow too.
Your review was very helpful and it helped me a lot. Thanks

Hi. Not a bad story ... The ending was emotional .butvi dont think it flowed very well.. I just felt u were recording her life  in  a long list  on who sed what and did what.. Without giving her a chance to explain her feelings. But the part with Molly nd Arthur was really gd... That was quite amagical moment

Author Response

Thanks for the review :)
I have tried my good to showcase different family members of Tonks and am happy that you liked it.

I am here with your requested review!

I really like this story even though I have never read from Tonks' point of view. I think, if anything, the switching between time periods is a bit too confusing. Everything else was great!

The ending was really perfect, and you managed to build up an emotional connection between the reader and Tonks very quickly. 

I was almost squealing when Remus and Tonks met like that it was so adorable. I think your description in that section was the best you had through the whole story. Just keep that part up throughout the whole piece. You're missing descriptions in some places that really need it; I got lost a bit at some parts. 

Her thirst for revenge grew very realistically in this, and that was definitely the most believable part.

Thanks for writing and requesting a review from me. Keep on working!

blackballet

Author Response

Thanks for the review :)
I have participated in family challenge so this switching in periods was to show the different time she spent with her family members.
I would keep your suggestions in mind if I try this again.
Thanks for suggestions and compliments :D

Hello, love!

You did a beautiful job with this story! I'm not sure if I've ever read a story about Tonks before, but I loved this one. You really captured the essence of her life flashing before her eyes. The details starting from when she was only 6 to when she died so many years later was perfect! You have just enough details to allow the reader to picture the scenes inside his/her head. I felt as though I were looking at pictures of Tonks' life. I think you did a wonderful job with her character.

The emotion in the story was awesome. From defeat, to happiness, to fear; I really felt everything that Tonks felt. I think the story flowed wonderfully. It gracefully slid from one chapter of her life to another. There was no part of the story that felt confusing or out of place. I think you did a really lovely job!

xx Rachel

Author Response

Thanks for the review :)
I am really very happy that you liked this story. When I had thought of writing something about Tonks, this idea just came to my mind and I wrote it. I was more like it would be really bad but learning that it's good through reviews is nice.

Thanks for your kind words :D

FOR MERLINS RED BOXERSHORT! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? i am crying so hard now, i can't type, and I am lost for words, but this is the best I read. It's simply perfect.

Author Response

Aw Thanks for the compliment and I am very happy that you liked it.
*Merlins Red boxershort* -  it's hilarious :)

Hello, since SunnyWitch isn't getting around to reviewing this, I thought I would!
I found this to be a great match to the given title, as Tonks seems to be up against something her entire life, whether it's her extended family, the love of her life being obstinate, the Death Eaters or even her own name. Your characterisation was fantastic, for Sirius, Remus, Tonks and Bellatrix. I found it captured perfectly the personalities that are so unique to them.
Now, for the nitpicking.
There were a few grammatical errors, such as forgetting a 'the' in 'the Order of the Phoenix', and the sudden italics slightly confused me. If you're going to use italics for a flashback, please use it for all the flashbacks, otherwise you get confused as to what is a flashback and what is not.
The story itself was excellent, and the flashbacks were a really nice touch, almost a life flashing before your eyes sort of thing. I also liked that you made it Bellatrix that killed Tonks, because it was only ever hinted, and in the movie version it wasn't stated at all, but I do believe that Bellatrix would gladly kill her niece purely because a) she's a halfblood, b) she was involved with Remus Lupin and c) she was a member of the Order of the Phoenix. Also, Bellatrix is crazy. That stands as a reason in its own right.
I can't wait for more of this (unless the W.I.P. was a lie *gasp*)!
Cheers, Phoenix Quill :D

Author Response

Thanks for reviewing, I was actually waiting for your review :)
I am really happy that you liked this. I had matched your challenge with the LilyLou's one and had got Tonks as the character to write and think of my surprise when I got the waging war in yours. I mixed them together.


There are some mistakes and I am quite new to writing one-shots and having some little problems. The sudden italics were to show that it was a nested flashback, means another flashback in the existing one. I am sorry I am rambling, I used the comp. programming term :)

I always thought that Bella killed Tonks in the war as she was after her blood and that's why I chose do it. Bella had said she wanted to kill her niece by her own hands.

Sorry, it's complete. That W.I.P was the default as when I had posted the chapter and was waiting to validate, it got rejected as I forgot to select the strong violence and it was pulled to Wip. I have changed it.

Thanks for the review :)

I love this! To pick a time where someone is certain they are going to face death to reflect on their life is perfect. All the emotions Tonks is going through is well written and powerfully moving I might have actually shed a tear or two. (shh dont tell anyone) Brilliant!

Author Response

Thanks and I am really happy that you loved this.
When I entered the family challenge and got Tonks, I knew that I was going with this idea.

Aw. That's a huge compliment and I am very honored that it touched your heart.

Thanks for the review.
-Shelly.

Hello! Reilly here with your requested review! :) Sincerest apologies for the delay; I fell off the face of the earth for a few days. :p

First, pardon me while I completely fangirl over all this Remus/Tonks amazingness. They're honestly one of my favorite canon ships and...gahh, I just love them so much! :D

I think this was presented in a very interesting manner. I really liked the idea of using snapshots to tell us her life story. You packed a lot of emotion into a relatively short piece, so well done with that.

Your characterization was flawless in this, and not just for Tonks, either. Remus and Bellatrix were spot-on, but I think my favorite was Ted. I like how much he had in common with his daughter. It was really sweet and made it all the more heartbreaking that he never got to know his grandson who was likely just as amazing.

My favorite thing you did with this was the beginning. You tell us right off the bat that she's going to die, which sets the tone for the entire piece and makes the happy moments all the more bittersweet. What really struck me was this: "It was bearable in comparison to losing him." On the first read-through, I assumed this referred to Remus, and maybe it did. On the second read-through, though, I felt that it pertained more to Teddy than anyone else. At the end of the story, it's Teddy she's thinking of, fighting for, and wanting a better life for. She doesn't say it, but we know it's breaking her heart knowing she won't get to see him grow up. As such, I think her death is how she's 'losing' Teddy, and that's breaking her heart. I'm not sure if this was you're intention, but if it was, it's a stellar way to connect the beginning to the end and make the story come full-circle. 

{Pardon my analysis of something so minor. It's an English major thing. :p}

My lone suggestion is to keep an eye on your spelling and grammar. There were a couple of oddly-placed commas here and there, as well as a few minor misspellings, but don't dwell on this criticism too much; we aren't machines, after all! :) It's just something to think about when writing in the future.

You did a fantastic job with this! Well done! :D Cheers!

Author Response

Thanks for the review and there's no need to apologize.

I like Remus/Tonks too. They are a different and strong pair.

'Flawless'- that's a huge compliment and I am really very honored.

When I got Tonks as the character for challenge, the first thought that came to my mind was, reliving the memories of her past when she is just about to die.

I had two options to use for her childhood and I went with Ted because whenever I was angry, my father used to come and joke with me till i felt good. i just tried to show a father-daughter relation in that snapshot. It was sad that Ted never got to meet Teddy but if they had met I don't think she would have named her son after her father.

When I said that line in beginning, I was thinking about Remus but then I changed it and made it as if she was missing both of them. It was like when you read about Remus you will think it's about him but when you reach teddy, you think that's him. I tried to make it a circle between both. 

I can't say it from personal experience, but a mother cares about his children till her death and wish for their betterment. I have tried to describe the feeling what a mother feels when she leaves her infant(almost) and all her concern are how he's going to survive. who will take of him.

I know I have a freaky tendency to use commas a lot and I am trying my best to improve it.

Thanks for your review and compliments. :D

Hi there - here with your requested review!

I really liked this. I think you did a wonderful job! You included all the major events in Tonks's life and I think you wrote her character very well. You also conveyed a lot of emotions in this story, I was really able to connect with it a lot. Also, there were fewer grammar issues in this than you've had in some of your other work, so I can see your writing is improving! :)

As for the plot, I'm not sure quite what you're trying to do. If you're going for just a life-story, it does that reasonably well. But I was thinking that it might help the story hold together if the vignettes you chose to write from her life were all related in a way. Sometimes it skips around a bit in time within one particular memory, and it's confusing when exactly it's taking place (or at least it was on my first read - I figured out when I read through again. But it's nice to be able to tell on a first read ;)

Also, that little bit at the end when Tonks has given up and says she has nothing to live for, is in direct contrast to when Teddy was born. I think Tonks would still be worried about her son, even though she knows Andromeda will take care of him. Teddy is her son and I don't think anything, even Remus's death, could stop her worrying about her son. Maybe you could say something like, the thought of Teddy gave Tonks the will to fight on, (until she saw Bellatrix etc.)

Overall though, this was really good - so give yourself a pat on the back! You had mentioned this was different to anything you'd written before and I think you did wonderfully. :)

Author Response

Thanks for the review.

I, myself, quite enjoyed writing this and am really happy that it's good.

It's for family challenge so I have tried to highlight the family members of Tonks. First her dad, them mum, Sirius, Remus and then Teddy. I have added Bella as she was her aunt and there couldn't be the war of Tonks without Bellatrix after the Dop incident.

Thanks, for the advice. I didn't realize I wrote it in wrong sense and I am going to edit it. I didn't mean that she didn't have nothing, just that she had lost hope, she knew her end was coming.

Thanks:)

That was so good! Well done for making such a great storyx

Author Response

Thanks for liking :) I wanted to try Remus and Nora and I loved writing it.

That. Was. Amazing. You are an incredible writer. Wow.

Author Response

Aw! thanks. I really appreciate your compliments :)

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