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12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ruthdobble Of conditioning, bromances, and embarrassment

6th February 2014:
Well, frankly I find this a bit confusing but I like it :)

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Review #2, by HPManiacs Of conditioning, bromances, and embarrassment

1st August 2013:
Nice chapter! I don't know how they can take all that conditioning! James is crazy! Not only does he do all that conditioning but then he goes and asks her out in front of everyone! Haha hilarious! Please update soon!!

Author's Response: Look yonder! Tis a review! I extend my greatest thanks to thy reviewer!

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Review #3, by Rachel Payne Of conditioning, bromances, and embarrassment

31st July 2013:
Great chapter!

I don't know how you are going to solve Avery's guy troubles, but it feels like it is going to be happening relatively soon, and so is the showdown with the antagonist!

I hope you update again soon, Avery and co.'s antics amuse me, and I cannot wait to read more!

Best of luck with the writing

Author's Response: YEAH!
I would have responded earlier, but my poopy laptop refused to post it. SO I SEND MY GREATEST APOLOGIES.
I made you a poem cause you a dedicated reviewer:

Rachel Payne, Rachel Payne
without, I would have no gain
her reviews really help
duh uh duh uh uh. MICHEAL PHELPS!

Err. I'm working on it.

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Review #4, by Rachel Payne hogsmeade trouble

21st July 2013:
And after that mess, I have the distinct feeling that Avery's poor date isn't going to be much interested in her anymore.

Nice touch adding in the threat though, really does serve to round out the story and help move the plot along.

I hope to see more romantic-ish scenes between Avery and James in the future, because after all that is obviously where this story is headed. Among other things anyways.

I hope you update with many new chapters very soon, so that your faithful readers can follow along! Can't wait to read more.

Best of luck with the writing

Author's Response: hahaha yeah I know, I'm planning of making Dylan show up in other parts of the story later on. And thanks for the idea! Might use that! And I'm gonna update this story son (I hope, if my poopy laptop doesn't delete my work AGAIN)

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Review #5, by Rachel Payne Evacuation

21st July 2013:
This was a rather short chapter, kind of disappointing actually, but what can I expect, the poor girl passed out after she was attacked. In most the thoughts and comments and ESPECIALLY the actions in this chapter are very fleeting and they jump around quite a bit. It gets to be kind of confusing because there is almost no noticeable time lapse in the story, and really doesn't do much for the development of the story, OR your skills as an author.

Still all my perfectionist comments aside, this is an awesome story and I cannot wait until I can read more.

Best of luck with the writing

Author's Response: I'll try my best to make this one better... and longer...

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Review #6, by Rachel Payne Detentions, Kitchens, and St Mungo's, oh my!

20th July 2013:
Hahahahahahaha wow.
So um the death thing is... interesting.

Avery seems to shout a lot. Like a lot a lot. There should be a plain scene where James tries to woo Avery. Just a kind and simple scene before the inevitable happens.

Best of luck with the writing


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Review #7, by Rachel Payne The Supreme lord of chocolate and awesomeness tries out for quidditch

20th July 2013:
I'm having a little trouble following the thoughts in Avery's mind. I get that this is a short story, but it is a little chaotic in its delivery and time lapse.

Best of luck with the writing

Author's Response: oh poopy, I'm sorry you see my stupid laptop won't let me italicize ANYTHING I'm gonna try to fix it the best I can honey child.

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Review #8, by Rachel Payne Hogwarts & The Great Prank

20th July 2013:
Can you find a way to separate your author's comments from the text in the short story, its a little confusing.

Oh my gosh. James Potter turned into a pig and Fred got to ride him. Have I mentioned that I love your creativity yet?

Artemis Owens seems like an awesome character, almost a mini Avery.

Also, I thought alarm clocks weren't supposed to work in Hogwarts?

Best of luck with the writing

Author's Response: oh...err. sorry about that. AND WHY THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS OF ENLIGHTENMENT ON MY CREATIVITY. (trying ma hardest to use long words here)

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Review #9, by Rachel Payne Starting it off

20th July 2013:
"The name's Willington. Avery Willington (James Bond fan right here)"

You had me by the second line.


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Review #10, by asdfghjkl hogsmeade trouble

3rd July 2013:
This is actually really good, bit strange, but then there would be no awsomeness!!(your words)

Author's Response: Yay! Sorry if there's some confusion, I'm editing it a bit. Yeah, I'm strange. But oh well. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #11, by HPManiacs hogsmeade trouble

18th June 2013:
I love it! It's really cute and the characters are great! Please update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks! Im Kinda an amatuer. you are appreciated in this psycho mind of mine!!!

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Review #12, by slightlyobsessedwithfanfiction hogsmeade trouble

18th June 2013:

I just started reading your story today so that explains why i'm only commenting now... but i am... so i am awesome... i know, i know... No you don't nee to bow!

Haha.. sorry... seems your first commenter is SLIGHTLY nuts, oh well.
Well good news... I LOVE YOUR STORY! yay!! no seriousy, this is really good! I love Avery! She's really great. i love how she's so naturally talented at magic.
I like that you made her religious. I'm not myself religious but it was a really original idea, i don't think i've ever read a fanfic where the main character is religious. So good job!!!

I love her relationship with the Wotters. They're all funny. I like how you've protrayed "Cat lady/ woman". Your story is really funny. And me like funny. :D

I have to say though, even though Aves seems to have a good relationship with her dad. it seems kind of twisted no? The whole thing like what she wasn't this beautiful for free... kind of harsh for a father no? But anyway... i loved in chapter 1 when he came home and just looked at her with so much pride when he learned whe was a witch. That was really sweet to read.

Ok, further on my friend we shall ride! (is that even a saying? i know. i'm kind of weird... i'm pretty sure i fell on my head a few times when i was younger... who am i kidding??? i fall on my head still today! explains a lot.) wow... that was a long parenthesis. ok . this is awkward. I LIKE CHOCOLATE... i don't really know why i wrote that but i thought you had a right to know.

Ok... well it feels kind of like i'm writing an essay here, but i'm sure it's very interesting to read since i'm such a fascinating person (note the NOT sarcasm :D)

I apologize that your first commenter had to be a nut case...
PLEASE UPDATE SOON. by the way, i added your story to my favorites. i know, i know... i rock! No, you don't need to bow . wow... DEJA VU much???



(a completely sane fan :P)

Author's Response: Girl, you gon' make me cry. I appreciate a good nice comment, especially one from a fellow nutter. Thanks for encouraging!

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