WOW! I love this story already even though it is just within the first chapter. So much seems to be going on within this and I really do love that. It describes the story of Rose and Scorpius' relationship (They're my OTP by the way), the new emerging war and also the jobs which Rose and Scorpius are still expected to do during this difficult time.
I really like the idea that they are very much in love but also I loved how you made Scorpius bored. This gave an insight into the scene but also Rose's reaction to him to me showed just the tenderness between them!
Scorpius' OCD was a little bit different to how I've seen him portrayed before but when he is given this personality I can sort of see him acting that way, especially if Rose acts like that a little too! Him reading muggle novels though seemed to be a little bit odd. As much as I expected him to be more open than the rest of his family to the muggle ideas, I think that may be going a bit far as far as stretching his personality goes, although that is just a minor detail I picked up on.
Its interesting that you gave wizards their own TVs that you'd have made as I feel it could actually happen after the days of Hogwarts as muggle ideas and technology would have been more acceptable to some people. I like the ideas though that they could pick up every single channel as that seems very believable.
The way the war starts just seems a little surreal. I couldn't imagine anyone breaking the statue of secrecy but in this instance it seems almost believable with it coming out in a whole battle against the muggles. I just can't believe it actually would have happened!
Rose being a healer is good as it gives us an insight into the front line of the war without actually being on the front line if that makes sense. She is there to heal people and like Scorpius said, she is overworked but I guess she didn't see it like that and just wanted to help as many people as possible although she had her wedding and honeymoon coming up in a few weeks.
I just like the whole idea of this story!
Author's Response: Hello! Thanks a lot for this lovely and massive review! You wouldn't believe how excited I got when I saw it!
I've always had a soft spot for Scorpius and Rose. For some reason, in my head, they'd always end up together somehow! And I'm always happy to stumble upon more fans of this ship!
Truthfully, when I was working on this story, many, many months ago, I wanted the interaction between the characters and all the feelings and emotional transformation they go through to be the centre of the story. And so, I've managed to make many mistakes in setting up the events around them and rather focused on just them, which, I know now, was not the wittiest of moves.
Anyway, if I ever do come back to edit, I'll be sure to take a look at all the things you've pointed out!
Thank you so much for this detailed and kind review!
Hey, this is a great idea for a story! I never really thought about what would happen if muggles found out about magic but this is really well written, great idea.
Rose and Scorpious, there relationship is so cute, what with the blueberries and raspberries and all that. I also really like how Scorpious was making Rose feel better, it was a nice touch!
All in all a great start to what looks to be a great story! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I'm very glad you like this story; it means a lot to me! I didn't mean for it to tug onto the fluff side much, but Rose and Scorpius had a mind of their own! :D
I really liked this story! The dialogue and the descriptions were particularly well done. The concept of making May 2 a holiday is pretty interesting. :) All in all, I liked this. 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review; I'm very glad you liked the story! :)
The transitions on this chapter were prefect. I felt that the flow was much better in this chapter than in the last. I now have an idea of how old the characters are and how long it has been since the last war. I had a better idea of the characters and their relationship.
I am still left wondering a few things though. How are the muggles able to tell the difference between who is a wizard or not? I am not sure I understand why they would fire the muggleborns. Okay yes, they are muggleborn and their families are muggles, but at the same time the muggles are hunting wizards, as soon as those muggleborn's are found to have magic the muggles would no longer consider them as one of them... right?
I really liked that Rose and Scorpius quit in protest, I would have done the same thing. Good job over all and it will be interesting to see how you end this story.
Author's Response: I am very glad that things were cleared up a little in this chapter.
Now, I am sure there is no obvious identification for those of magic. But the point was that those who are obviously wizards and witches, who let slip something, or somehow someone sees their wands, etc... I suppose there's no definite way.
The muggleborn thing... Here was the biggest problem of the war. Those who are magical were being attacked from two sides, the pureblood elites who tried to eliminate muggleborns from everything or kill them, and the muggles who just tried to find wizarding living areas, and public wizarding places and kill the people in them. That's why they were obviously losing that war.
And I saw that Rose would do such a thing. No matter how dedicated she was. Her mother is, after all, a muggleborn.
Once again, I thank you for those two wonderfully helpful reviews! Now I know a few of the things I'll be tackling in the editing process.
Sorry that it took so long for me to get to your review, it has been one of those weeks. Well where to start..?
The idea behind your story is a good one, it is one that I don't see very often. The idea of muggles knowing about magic and their response to that knowledge is a good idea. However, I had problems reading this chapter. The flow was a bit chaotic, there were no clear transitions everything seemed to just flow into the next making it a bit confusing at times. I wish I knew what year this was taking place, or just how long it has been since the last war. I have no clear idea of how old the characters are or when this is really taking place. I am not sure that I believe that Draco would allow a TV in the manor, or playing on a playstation. Even though he did help with the second war, I just not sure I believe it without more knowledge. I didn't think that St. Mungo's would have a blood bank problem since the magical world has the blood replenishing potion.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for doing this and I'm sorry that it's taken me a while to respond.
I am, nowadays editing the story, and I will be going over the flow problems and, hopefully, it will be a little less confusing then.
As for details about time and age and what the characters are like, I didn't want to pour them all in together. But perhaps I should add a few indications so the readers can see the characters in their heads? I will see to that too.
I have decided before writing the story that it was not going to be a detailed one. I tried to only include the absolutely necessary details to develop the two main characters, Scorpius and Rose.
I do plan to write a companion short story or a collection and maybe include a bit more about the other characters and more about Draco and his acceptance of muggle technology and so on.
And thank you for pointing out the blood bank problem. I have completely forgotten about the blood-replenishing potion. I will work on changing that bit.
Thank you so much for this review; it's helped me a lot and made me realize the first bunch of things I should work on as I edit.
I'm sort of amazed about how good this was, because honestly I wasn't expecting it to be good at all. I think 'All is fair in love and war' is just such a sort of cliche title that I didn't really expect much, which is why I sort of think you should change the title to fit the quality of the story.
I really loved Rose and Scorpius's easy relationship - the raspberries and the blueberries, and then the 'I fall over and he knocks things over' and when they were using the one pair of glasses that literally just my heart melt a little. It was so cute! Plus it was such a vibrant and orginal way to START a story, you know - none of these boring introductions. You were just right in there.
I mean, I really enjoyed everything about it and I'm really glad I read it. You're a really good writer, honestly :)
Author's Response: AC, I've already told you what this review has done to me and my story! I am actually very, very lucky that you got to review this story. Otherwise, I'd still be stuck with the initial long, trite title. So thank you!
I was worried that Scorpius and Rose may get a little bit too fluffy, which I did not want because I'm not the fluff sort of a person. But the two of them seemed to develop their own characteristics from the very beginning and I just had to make use of them later on in the story.
And I don't think I intended to start it this way. I just didn't know how else to do it. But I'm glad you think that it's good.
That last line of the review killed me and I am not sure how to respond to it at all! Really! But thank you so much! It means a lot to me coming from you.
And thank you for reading and reviewing. :D
Really interesting idea. I really liked reading the story and I thought it was quite well written. I also love the relationship between Rose and Scorp. Can't wait to read more ! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm overjoyed that you've liked this chapter and that you think it was written out well.
This is Nymphie Tonks from the Ravenclaw common room. I’m popping in to leave a review for the review battle :)
So. I really liked this chapter. Usually I try to avoid the ‘third wizarding war’ stories, as many times they’re pretty clichéd and just not my first choice, but I really did enjoy this chapter! I like that it focuses specifically on Rose and Scorpius and their relationship through this war. I also like how you show three different points in time within this chapter. It was a little confusing between the first section and the second (with the ~ in between the first section and the second), but I quickly caught onto the time change.
I also liked the characterizations of Rose and Scorpius. Rose is a lot like I usually imagine her, with her need to be strong and not show weakness. I can also totally pictures Rose being a healer, just from that need. Her thoughts against those who are dying, and not wanting to think about her wedding are also really good. It really brings her character to life. Scorpius seems a little mysterious, but I really do like his character. He’s there to protect Rose and he does truly care about her.
I have a couple things that I noticed while reading, which you may want to look at:
In the first section of text, you have some present tense, when the rest is past tense.
The words muggle, wizard, and witch do not need to be capitalized.
And then two specific things I noticed within the text:
“No one had expected another war in the Wizarding War.” –I think instead of War, you wanted world?
“I responded as he sat up properly, leaving my shoulder feeling heavy, yet urging for the return of his touch.” –Maybe instead of urging, yearning? Just a word choice thing that may just be me.
Other than those few things, I really did enjoy this story! My favorite line, out of this whole chapter, is the last line:
"Because we've got each other, and we've got our families. You can't die when you have so many people who love you and would do anything to protect you, now can you?"
It was just…so sweet. And beautiful. It makes me anxious as to what will happen in the next chapters!
Author's Response: Hello there!
I'm glad you noticed how I put the characters in the spotlight rather than the war itself because that was my aim when I started writing the story. I did not want to write about the war itself or how it was happening but rather how it would affect the characters. And thanks for noting out that at some point, the time change was not obvious. I'll replace it with a horizontal line when I edit this chapter.
I like to think that Scorpius is not so pompous and all that usual jazz. Yes, he'd be a bit uptight, a little mean, but he'd be a man with a big heart. And that's the Scorpius I wanted to portray here.
Lastly, thanks for pointing out the typos! I would have probably missed them while editing... I'm as blind as Rose and Scorp, honestly. And yes, I think you're right. 'yearning' would make more sense here.
Thank you so much for this thorough review. It made me so happy! :D
First of all I think you have a very interesting and original idea for a story here. Its definetely not your typical Sco Rose. It's interesting to consider that the wizard and Muggle worlds would have collided at some point, and the consequences may very well have been disastrous. This idea of a war between Muggles and wizards is a fascinaing one to explore, and it sets your story up very well.
I think it might help to add some more descriptions and explanations to the scenes. I know it can be hard when you have an epic scene playing out in your head to get it to come accross in writing. Fow example, whenn Nott was on the TV it seemed like he was just doing magic tricks to get attention, buth then somebody killed a random kid on the police showed up? I was pretty confused there. Also, you might want to explain how a traditional pureblood family like the Malfoys is embracing muggle technologies. Also who attacked Harry and Albus? There was just a few places I felt like it may have jumped from scene to scene a little too quickly when some more explanations would have helped.
Aside from that, though, it looks like you are off to a good start and the story definetely has a lot of potential.
Author's Response: Hello!
First off, I must thank you for your compliments on my story; they mean loads to me!
Secondly.. I know that this story lacks details, but I do have a reason behind that. When I started to write this story, I knew I wanted to write a short one, so I decided to forgo the details that are not absolutely crucial for setting the characters and the situation.
I have been toying around with the idea of writing a companion story (or maybe stories) to this one, which will include a lot more details and depicts a lot more than just the sentimental effect of war on the characters.
Also, I have gone back to the TV scene, and I do agree with you. It did get a little messy back there. I am editing the story nowadays, so thank you for pointing that out.
Once again, I thank you for this wonderful review. It's helped notice some things that I will brush up while I go over the story once more.
I really enjoyed it! So dark and depressing, but so amazing at the same time. It was truly fantastic. The ending was sad and while I would have liked some closure it worked in the story.
I loved it!
Author's Response: I think dark and depressing is more of my type; every story I start ends up as a tragedy. I also left it a little open-ended just in case I decided to write a little sequel, and because, quite honestly, I could not decide how I would want it to end. Seal it with blood or seal it with a smile? I really couldn't decide. But I'm quite satisfied with how I let it end.
Nonetheless, I am beyond glad that you've liked this and that you have left a review! Thank you very much!
If I could marry a fanfiction it would be this one. For two reasons: first, the author is a very talented person and a great writer (as I always thought it was), and, second, because it was the first Rosius fanfic I've ever read. That leaves me with practically nothing to compare to it, but I don't need it. This is perfect as it is, whether it's a Rosius one or not.
I really do hope you do that "little one-shot from their days at Cuba", because you've held me in such a suspense till the end of the story. I honestly didn't expect this ending, so, since I'm a cliche hater, I want more from you, I want more of this!
And, finally, keep writing and doing awesome things, Manno. :)
(P.S: Here goes my favorite sentence of the chapter, and probably the whole story: "This was wrong. This was unfair. This was a burden no one could bear.")
Author's Response: AH! CARINA! I love you! But you do not get my permission for this marriage; I forbid you! Like I told you, you deserve a better partner than my first published story!
And I don't know about the one-shot because I do have an idea for how I'd want it to go, but I'm not sure if I want that to actually happen! I'm still thinking about it though. :D
I love you! Thank you for leaving a review! You haven't a clue how much it means to me coming from you!
This story is very good.
I got caught up with your summary; so well-thought, and realistic and written with such style! I loved it, to be honest!
As for this first chapter, I like how it begins peacefully, and we get to see some happy moments between the couple and the family. It's nice that it begins directly without too many words from the narrator's side and simple events.
I also like the characterizations: both Rose and Scorpius look like real people, not idolized versions of their parents, as we see in many stories.
But my favorte part is how the morbid mood manages to get your reader even like this; in the happiest and most peaceful scenes.
The finale is grand- I'd really like to see how people will be affected by this war.
I'll be keeping an eye on this; I'd love to see more.
Author's Response: You have no idea how much I have swooned after reading your review, and I am sad I haven't gotten to respond to it earlier than this...
Although I am usually into writing a bit of a smarter and more poised Rose and a more bombastic and balanced Scorpius, I thought I should take a different route this time. It seemed attractive to me.
Basically, the story here is not going to be about a creative plot or a twist of events. In fact, it will be more of a close-up on the feelings of the characters while in war, and the changes they go through, with some twists included.
So, I hope you find the portrayal of the sentiments good enough.
Thank you so much for this beautiful review. It means so much to me!