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I really enjoyed this! You captured their ages wonderfully. I loved the way the favouritism of Dudley was so clearly shown without making the Dursleys seem unrealistic. I loved how Harry simply ignored Vernon when he had fallen on the ground. You kept everyone really nicely in character and I can completely imagine this actually happening. I also adored the doctor's comment about the front lawn. Vernon would be the last person to ever congratulate Harry. Well done :)

Author Response

Thank you very much for the lovely review! I'm always a bit worried that my portrayal of the Dursley's was a bit over-the-top, but I'm glad you liked it! I'm also always very wary about keeping everyone in character - similar to the previous point - and so thank you for pointing that out as well! xo

Really good... though I wished harry's leg was still twisted and when the doctor came in he said that harry's is broken and dudley's was just a small bruise or some thing... it would of made the story a bit more interesting... but this was good too

Author Response

Thank you very much for the lovely review! Yeah, that would've been interesting to see their reactions aha, thank you for letting me know :D xo

It's your Secret Santa!

This is a very interesting look into Harry's life before he knew about magic and Hogwarts. It was very interesting to see the little hints of accidental magic that you inserted into the story- the clean path (there must have been magic used because there's no way that Harry could have finished that quickly) and the healed ankle. I always find accidental magic interesting to read about and you integrated it nicely into this story.

Your characterizations were great as well. Vernon's reaction to the magic and Harry in general was the same as we had seen in the books and Petunia was just as sickly sweet and affectionate to Dudley. Dudley's thoughts in this piece were very interesting to read because you could see the influence that his home life had had on him- he enjoyed watching the torment his parents wreaked on poor Harry.

I also thought that the differing reactions to what were essentially the same injuries was very interesting and helped to clearly show the contrast between Dudley's and Harry's treatments by Vernon and Petunia. 

All in all I really enjoyed reading this story and I think that you did a great job with it. The writing was smooth and there were no jarring moments in it.

Author Response

Thank you again for the review! I'm glad you liked the accidental magic, and you thought that I managed to integrate it into the story without it being forceful. 

And thank you once again for your comments about that characterisation - as I mentioned, replying to the last review - characterisation is one of the main things that I worry about, and so it's nice to be reassured :')

Thank you once again! 
Megan xo

Great story. For some reason I enjoy reading stories from the childhoods of Harry and his generation. Am I right in my understanding that Dudley was exaggerating the extent of his injury? He only bumped his knee right? I like to think that when Harry's leg healed, the injury transferred itself to Dudley (maybe a minor fracture- just enough to prevent him from getting his surprise and attempt to teach him a lesson for lying).

I have the idea that Vernon is all hot air, and that he really wouldn't have sent Harry outside again. What would be the point, he wouldn't have anything to do... Vernon would have thought of something else. Maybe putting the snow back and removing it all over again just to be ridiculous. Vernon seems to me to be the type to have silly ideas when he's flustered.

Overall and great read, thank you :)

Author Response

Thank you very much - yes, Dudley was exaggerating his injury :) He probably only had a small bruise or something! Ah I love your ideas- they're really great! Hahah, I can imagine Vernon doing that too; it really made me laugh :')

Thank you again! Megan xo

This is a really cute story. :) I love stories about Dudley, and I liked that we got to see him as a kid - there aren't that many of those. And poor Harry! Goodness, Vernon is sort of terrible, isn't he? xD

This was really well done, I quite enjoyed reading it. Good job!

Author Response

Thank you! I know - I've never personally read a Dudley story (not that there aren't out there) but I got him for a challenge and actually really enjoyed writing him as a boy!

Thanks again,

Megan xo

Fantastic story, everyone was very in character!

Author Response

Thank you very much! That was one of the things I most wanted with this, so I'm glad it seemed to work :-) Thanks! 

- Megan xo

Wow that was amazing well done!! Its written so proffesionally as well! Congratz!! xx

Author Response

Hahaha thank you Jemma, glad you like it! :-)

- Megan xo

Aw, poor Harry :(  At least he fixes his leg, I guess...

Great story, I really liked it :)

Author Response

Ahaha yes! Thank you very much! :-)

- Megan xo

Haha this is excellent! :)

Author Response

Thank you very much! :3

- Megan xo

Hey! Its Perelandra from the forums here with your review. 

I've never read a Dudley story and I'm glad that I got to read yours to open me up to a new "section" in HPFF that I can read! 

This was a short and sweet story that left me wanting to read more. Harry wasn't really there (which I'm glad as this was a Dudley story) but the little he was there I felt SO bad for him. I knew that the Dursleys treated Harry badly but I wonder if they treated him THAT badly. I believe that they'll have him shovel the snow, that's for sure but neglecting treatment? Maybe! They were horrible enough in the books..! Dudley seems well on character. He still behaves as he did when we first read of him in book 1. 

Grammar wise, I did not spot any issues so I think that's why your story flowed very nicely. Kudos to you! 

Other than that...this was a cute story! You should add more chapters, make it sort of a collection of Dudley's life as a 7yr old. Hahaha. Just an opinion/idea. 

--Perelandra/Remus

Author Response

Thank you for the lovely review! Yes, I was wondering if Vernon was a bit TOO harsh.but I think I'll leave it as it is, because they were portrayed pretty badly in the books!
I'll think about it! ;) Thanks again.

- Megan xo

I really liked that! Short, sweet, and simple. Keep up the EXCELLENT work :).

Author Response

Thank you very much! :3

- Megan xo

I love Dudley stories :)  And I think that this is a great chapter.  I really love how you did this, and I think that this is going to be a great story.

I think that I loved how this went.  Dudley seems spot on, and so does everybody else.  I think that you have a great idea, and I think that this first chapter was great!

Good Job!

Author Response

Thank you very much for the lovely review! It's only a one-shot, so there won't be any more chapters, but I'm very glad you liked it :3

- Megan xo

Hello! I have come with your requested review :)

I'm so happy I got to read a Dudley story. You know from my initial post that I cherish opportunities to explore underloved characters, and this was no exception. You did a good job of showing how overly attentive Vernon and Petunia are, and you also conveyed Dudley's greedy personality well. I loved how Harry magically fixed his own leg there at the end. It all stuck pretty close to canon except for one little thing -- I don't think Vernon would have been quite so cruel to Harry. I certainly think his behavior would have been similar to this, but I'm not sure that even he would insist on Harry going back out in the snow with a visibly mangled leg. In my view, he would have gotten his frustration out by griping loudly and complaining about Harry until the doctor arrived. That's just me, though :) It's a very tiny exaggeration; Vernon was quite awful to poor Harry!

The story flowed very well, and I didn't spot any mistakes with regard to grammar, spelling or punctuation, which is wonderful. It was definitely an interesting and believable piece, in my opinion. I would have liked to see a little more detail in the imagery just to fill it out; for example, you could describe Petunia's "horsey" features more specifically. Again, just my opinion, because I'm a huge imagery buff :) 

Great job overall! Thanks for requesting a review, and I hope my feedback is helpful to you :)

academica

Author Response

Thank you very much for the review! I really appreciate all the points, and you're probably right about Vernon :P I just wanted to make him as horrible as possible haha :3 I definitely see what you mean about description - I enjoy reading very imagery things!
Thanks again, it was very helpful - 

- Megan xo

Hello! This story was great!

I really liked the way you portayed the Dursleys in this. I think you got the characterization of them spot on. Dudley was appropriately whiney and spoiled, Petunia was perfectly fussy, and Vernon was just Vernon, because there's really no words to describe him :P But this was really believable, and it fit the challenge perfectly!

If I had any critique for you at all, it'd be the grammar, and flow. The grammar was slightly off at times, which made it difficult to read (but just barely). And the flow was only interrupted once, I thought, when you were talking about his surprise. I had to read that part twice to get it. But these are both minor things, so don't worry too much about them!

Overall, this was a great representation of the challenge, along with an adorable story! Winners will be posted later today, so keep an eye out for them ;)
-Naida

Author Response

Thank you so much! I am having it beta'd at the moment, so those mistakes will hopefully be ironed out, but I didn't have enough time to have it beta'd before posting it, if I wanted to enter it in the challenge :P

And thank you again for the result!
I loved the challenge, well done.

- Megan xo

This is Houlestar with your requested review!

This is really good. I really liked it. I thought you characterized the Dursleys very well. It felt like it was straight out of the first book (when you got all of those great Dursley scenes). Dudley seemed just like Dudley, and Vernon was just as nasty... I loved your Petunia (she's a really fun character to write in my opinion).

I just loved the contrast between Harry's injury and Dudley's. Great job with that part. It really shows the Dursley's well.

I'm really impressed with how well you captured the spirit of this family and made this little scene that showed off the entire dynamic of Number 4. Well done! 

While the story is awesome (plot wise and characterization), you might want to get a Beta to look over some grammar and typographical errors that can be easily fixed. Otherwise the story was excellent!

Thank you,
Houlestar

Author Response

Thank you very much for the feedback! I really enjoyed portraying all of the characters :3
Yes, I haven't managed to get a beta yet, but I will do very shortly to try and iron out the errors :)
Thank you again!

- Megan xxx

I really like how well you stuck to canon on this. All of the characters, Vernon, Dudley, Petunia, and Harry are all very well in character and not overly-so. It was a nice look into a moment in their lives that wasn't written by J.K.R. and really held all of the elements that she always mentions when talking about their relationship. I like the little hints towards accidental magic that always makes Vernon mad. I think you did a great job with the characters and the challenge. Dudley is a hard character to do, at least for me he is, so i give you props on that. 

It all flowed really well together and I didn't see any mistakes at all during the piece. You had great description throughout the chapter especially when talking about the characterizations such as Petunia having horsey features, Vernons moustache twiching. You really did a good job with these characters. Great Job. and congrats on your first piece!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author Response

Thank you very much for the lovely review! I tried to stick to canon so it's great to know I succeeded :') Thank you again! 

- Megan xxx

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