I complain that you call Regulus a selfish coward. If he was, he wouldn't have had to run.
Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to leave a review! :)
Oh, this was... captivating. Okay, not exactly the word I wanted to use to describe this, but I don't think there is a word for it. It made me speechless, sympathetic, heart broken all at the same time. So many emotions.. and only 6000 to describe it wouldn't be enough.
Amazing though. Truly was.
And I don't think he's a coward. Reminds me a lot of Snape, and Molly Weasley: Protects his loved ones, he does.
Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad that you liked this one-shot- I really enjoyed writing it. It was one of those stories that once you started writing it, everything seemed to flow easily afterwards. :)
As for Regulus being a coward... Well, I don't know. It all depends on your opinion. :) And I liked your Yoda speak. :)
Thanks once again for reading and leaving such a wonderful review! It really made my day!
This is a really great one-shot. Sad and chilling all at the same time. I love that right from the start you create a really dark and sinister tone for the rest of the story. From what we know of regulus his character in this seems to fit really well. Kreature is perfect too, exactly how I would have imagined him to act after Voldemort used him to drink the potion. I love the way you worked to quote from half blood prince in too, it worked really well as part of the story. My favourite line was the part about Sirius being the favourite until he was sorted into Gryffindor. Excellent one shot :)
Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for leaving this review!
I'm so glad that you liked this one-shot. Regulus was a really interesting character to explore and I quite enjoyed writing this piece.
A dark and sinister tone is really the only tone this story could have, right? After all, it contains one possible version of Regulus' downfall and death.
I'm glad that you liked the use of the quote. It really only seemed appropriate to include. :) I'm also really glad that you liked the dynamic about Sirius and Regulus- they have such an interesting relationship.
Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! Go Puffs! :D
Poor misguided Regulus! I love how well you showcased his journey throughout this piece. His fighting with Sirius and his fall from grace gave Regulus an "opening into the spotlight", his pride for the family and need to uphold the honor and even his betrayal of the dark lord. I love your take on Kreacher and Regulus. He describes it as selfishness that caused him to turn...not concern for Kreacher. I like that. I love how vivid and emotional your descriptions were. Great job and a fun little read!
Author's Response: Yes, poor Regulus learned too late that there are some choices that you can't escape from. I'm really glad that you liked the journey I took him on- all of the things you pointed out really make him who he is, I think.
I'm not sure how much love/concern Regulus could have for a creature he's been taught is so far beneath him... But viewing him as a personal belonging... Now that, I could see. :)
Thank you for your lovely review!
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your 3/15 review!
Once again, I'm afraid you're going to find me to be a very lame reviewer, because on the whole, I really don't see much to critique.
You have a very distinctive writing style. All three of the one-shots I've read at this point for your challenge win (as well as Golden Chains) are very introspective, in a lot of ways. That doesn't make for a quick, light read, but it does make for an interesting and thought-provoking one. You have this way of taking minor characters and really exploring them and giving them new depth.
In this story, you managed to work in enough description to elicit a very strong reaction from me, despite the fact that it was pretty much all Regulus's reflections, rather than something that was going on at the time. That can be difficult to do right, but you managed it, and worked in all the right details - things like Regulus not remembering the woman's face was absolutely perfect, because in a lot of ways, it felt more real to me than a dramatic, "I will remember her face forever" sort of sentiment would. That's not to say that that's wrong - it's just sometimes a bit overdone.
You did an excellent job of humanising Regulus without whitewashing him. You didn't try to portray him as a good human being, deep down - you portrayed him as a prejudiced human being who didn't really have the stomach to torture people. (Your portrayal of him actually reminds me a little of how I imagine Draco Malfoy to be during the 6th and 7th books.) We're never really told why Regulus has a change of heart, only that he does, and you've presented this catalyst in a way that fits beautifully with canon - it compliments it, but it introduces a new interpretation of the events. I never even thoughts of Regulus standing there waiting for them, and the idea really sent the gears in my brain spinning.
There were a few things that felt a little off to me. They're quite minor, but I thought I'd mention them, in hopes of being at least somewhat helpful to you.
In the paragraph starting, I accept that I'm easily swayed by my parents: the comment that he dislikes muggles of all types seemed a little strange to me. What types? It just felt a unnecessary as a description. Similarly, when he says that he love[s] the colour green, that felt a little overly simplistic for me. It's just such a shallow characteristic, and seemed out of place amidst the much more serious ones.
I also felt like when Regulus is thinking about how he still believes in those ideals, you were a little heavy-handed with the narrative. For example, Mudbloods truly do have dirty blood that infects everything they touch just seemed a little too defensive; if he really feels that way, it should be more natural and taken for granted when he talks about that prejudice.
Other than that, you (once again) did a great job, and I thoroughly enjoyed this!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing and no- I definitely don't see you as a lame reviewer. Not at all. You're very good at balancing out a review and giving the necessary critique, something that I appreciate.
I hope that having a distinctive writing style is a good thing. I definitely do enjoy exploring the personalities of minor characters because there's so much more that's unknown about them. With them it's truly up to you to decide how they ended up like they did- there are no expectations.
I'm glad that you liked my description- it didn't make sense in my opinion that Regulus would remember her face because to me, Regulus would be trying to avoid looking at her. I'm also pleased that you liked my characterization of Regulus- I don't know if I ever consciously made the decision not to make him a "good guy". I think that, as I was writing, I thought of explanations for his behaviour that, for me, fit better with his past and I liked my reasoning.
I can definitely see what you mean about the colour green but, if I can remember correctly, I believe that what I was trying to get at the fact (I don't know how to phrase this properly) that Regulus was aware that there were "different types" of mudbloods and muggles, such as the mudbloods who try their best to fit into the Wizarding world, those who try to change it and that there are muggles who are intelligent and refined in their own way, and didn't care. However, I think that I should go back and expand on that thought so that no one else will be confused by it.
Hmmm... I see what you mean about those lines. I think that I was trying to show that he is defensive of his beliefs because Sirius had left him and he was trying to justify himself, the younger, "inadequate" son.
Thanks once again for the review- I will definitely be taking your comments into consideration when I edit this story!
Wow your writing style is so good. Is this story going to continue or not? Was quite sad towards the end but really well written xx
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the compliment- I'm really glad that you liked the story. Yes, the end was quite sad... He died. I'm not going to continue the story because Regulus' story ends there and I don't think that I could continue it without ruining it.
Thanks for reviewing!
I don’t know if you read my blog yet but you ended up in the third place in the hooked sentence challeng and that’s why you won one review. Congratulations!
Seeing I love reading about Slytherins/ Death eaters I choose to read this but I would suggest getting a banner for your story and your other stories. I liked your portrayal of Regulus. I like tha fact he didn’t really redeem himself as in most stories this happens. The tenderness he displayed for Kreacher, his elf, was quite touching and I really thought this was interesting and very original. The only annoying thing was the enormous spacing so I hope you will change that.
-Trick or Treat from Slytherin House
Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to review- no, I haven't read the blog yet. Thanks for choosing my story for third place!
I'm so glad that you liked my portrayal of Regulus. I didn't even notice when writing the story that he hadn't redeemed himself- it was just the way he wrote himself. It never crossed my mind for him to "change for the better". I'm glad that you liked the way he treated Kreacher. That was the reason I chose to explain his turn away from Voldemort.
Thanks once again for reviewing!
Your portrayal of Regulus Black is beyond amazing. You seem to have captured his entire character so well and I kid you not when I say that I cried during this story. There were some parts, especially the parts where Regulus gets emotional that brought tears to my eyes. In a good way of course. Regulus' pain brought me pain and I felt everything he was feeling, and everything you were so gracious to describe he was feeling.
I absolutely loved this story. There is NO doubt about it. Regulus Black is an immensely complex character, mostly because we don't hear much about him during the Harry Potter Series but if anyone got his character right, I think it would be you. I know your stories are all very unique and this one is right up there with them. It was capturing, different in a wonderful way and emotional where it needed to be.
Your writing always gets to me because it's so great. The change in Regulus from beginning to end was great! I love how we get to see him progress and the progression wasn't too slow or too fast. It was just right and was going at a good enough pace for the readers to keep up and understand and begin to think just like Regulus Black. At least, that's how I saw it.
Your story was more than just well written. It was enough to give us a good idea of Regulus Black without making it too long. I think this was a great idea for a one-shot and I cannot wait to see more from you because I know you will produce some awesome stories and I would like you to know that I'll always be here to review them for you. This story really got to me, and not a lot of stories do that. I hope you will continue writing because you are one of the best writers amongst the HPFF ranks!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I'm so happy that you loved the way I wrote Regulus Black. Oh- you cried... I'm so glad that this made you really feel something.
Thanks so much for the compliment! I'm so happy you loved this story as a whole! And for liking all the rest of my stories...
Thanks so much for the compliment! (has huge grin on face). I'm so happy and pleased that you like all of my stories and that you think I'm a good writer. Thanks so much!
And thanks once again for taking the time to write such a lovely review!
Wow. I loved this from the very start to the very end! You portrayed Regulus really well, I like how he didn't give up on his views and opinions even though he became disillusioned with Voldemort. I also really liked how he seemed to connect with his family and how he really seemed to care for them. His connection with Kreacher was excellently done too, I could feel that he cared for him despite how he saw the elf as his 'possession'.
The spelling and grammar were great, I didn't notice anything amiss.
'I cannot resist the siren call, the liquid my body is demanding I drink.' This line was just gorgeous! I love it.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece it was such a good representation of Regulus and just a delight to read. Great job :D
Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I'm so glad that you liked my depiction of Regulus, his opinions and connection with his family. I'm so happy that you enjoyed reading my story!
Oh! The ending seriously sent chills down my spine, so well done! I really liked getting this look into Regulus, and I was even feeling bad for Kreacher. D: It was very well written, and I absolutely LOVE how it was his anger over the mistreatment of Kreacher by the Dark Lord that led to his betrayal! The fact that earlier he was also wishing he was more like his brother was lovely, as it was something I don't believe I've seen before. =)
This line ' I cannot resist the siren call, the liquid my body is demanding I drink.' was definitely one of my favorites. =) I think the only thing I'd critique about this chapter is the spacing because it seems a bit much? Other than that this is a lovely story! ^^
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!
I'm so happy (seriously, my smile is so huge right now) that you liked my explanation of his betrayal. I'm so glad you liked the way this was written!
As for the spacing, I'll look it over. It could be the spacing the site demands or it could just be the fact that sometimes I seem overfond of the single-line paragraphs. We shall see...
Thanks so much for taking the time to review (and such a lovely one, too).
This was a very interesting one-shot. I especially like the way you chose to present it with the irregular flow; I thought it was fitting with the boy's life. Regulus is a very interesting character and I thought you did a great job, giving him a soul and mind of his own. The characterization you went with was very well done and it worked well with the little we know of him.
Like I said, I really like the way you wrote this piece, it is original and you manage to make the reader go through a lot of emotions. There is one thing that bothered me a little at times and it is your sentence structure. It could only be me, considering english isn't my native language, but sometimes, it was hard for me to understand what you meant. Most of the time, the problems were missing ponctuation (eg. : Is it hard to believe that with them as parents I turned out as I did?) or the conjugaison of verbs (eg. : The camel’s back was broke.). It is up to you wether you decide to go over your story or not. It is not a dramatic problem or anything; it's simply a proposition for you to improve your already great story.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you liked the irregular flow- it's how it came out when I decided to write the story. I think that I couldn't write it if I tried to do so in chronological order.
I'm so glad you thought he was IC.
As for my sentence structure, I'll go back and reread it. They sound fine to me, but then again I'm no grammer genius! And thanks for providing specific examples- it makes looking out for the mistakes that much easier.
And thanks so much for the compliment. I'm so happy you liked it!
Thanks once again for taking the time to review!
I liked this one-shot; I think you conveyed Regulus's beliefs, life, and mistakes very well. I like that he maintained the core belief that purebloods were superior, because honestly after all those years of brainwashing from his parents and the Death Eaters, changing his mind 360 degrees is so unlikely. Regulus is a mystery - defying the Dark Lord he sought to follow, attempting to destroy a piece of his master's soul. I always wondered what had happened to make him change sides. I feel that he is one of the biggest and most unexplained heroes in the books, and despite being such a coward, he turned out to be very, very brave. You retained all of his original characteristics and made them work even when he began to change his views on Voldemort.
The only thing I caught was Voldemort "catching up" to Regulus and coming after him. Voldemort never learned that the locket was taken from the cave until Deathly Hallows, when he went and searched all of his horcrux hiding places one by one. He never knew Regulus was ever involved, and Regulus died because he was pulled into the water by the Inferi. After he drank the potion, he would have been thirsty, and would've tried drinking from the lake. And Kreacher did not drink it the second time - it was Regulus. Regulus died in the cave and Kreacher took the locket home. Voldemort probably did not bat an eye that one of his servants was gone, and the other Death Eaters most likely assumed that the Order had gotten him. For more info, check out the lexicon.
All in all, however, I thought this was a very chilling tale and the characterization was spot-on. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I'm glad you think I characterized him well. I'll go back to the story now and fix it- that's a pretty big mistake (I just completely forgot about exactly how he died). Glad you caught it! Thanks once again- your comment is really helpful!
Hey there! This is academica with your review :)
I loved this one. I think Regulus is a really interesting character, and I don't read many fics about him. I thought you characterized him really well, particularly with the lines about how if he didn't torture the girl, he would take her place and also the one about how embarrassing his family would be excruciating pain. You have definitely painted a canon-compliant picture of him as a Death Eater who is in well over his head, shoved along by his family's ideals. The tenderness he displayed for Kreacher, his elf, was quite touching.
I thought it flowed very well. I could see definite parallels between Regulus's disgust over having to kill and the fact that he threw up again when he thought Kreacher might be dead. The ending was entirely appropriate, I think, and I loved that you made him very brave while looking death in the face even though he claimed to be a coward throughout the tale.
I really enjoyed this piece, and I saw no obvious grammar/punctuation/spelling issues, either. I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to check out Story Recommendations and post this one under an appropriate category if it isn't already there. I just think others might want the chance to read it :)
Thanks for requesting a review! It was a pleasure to read, and I hope my comments are helpful :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I have such a huge smile on my face right now...
I'm glad that you think I characterized him well and doubly glad that you thought the ending was appropriate.
And Oh. My. Gosh! Thanks so much for the recommendation! It means a lot to me.
Thanks so much for reviewing- and so quickly, too!
I think this is a really interesting take on Regulus - I like the idea of Kreacher being so important to him. That one line on its own was really good, really simple and blunt - "He was mine." Regulus felt really young there, possessive in quite a childish way, which I thought was good as, after all, he was just a teenager. It also gets across the... fondness? loyalty?... he feels towards Kreacher though, of course, which was a nice contrast after you stated that no one else is particularly important to him.
I liked your portrayal of Regulus in general, actually. The way you opened was quite brave, if that makes sense - you just make him seem absolutely awful. You didn't really redeem him by the end, either - he had our sympathy for the fact that he was going to be killed, of course, but then he had to go and start talking about pureblood supremacy. I mean this in a good way, by the way - most Regulus stories I've read will do their best to show him in the most positive light they can, despite his Death Eater ways (I'm guilty of this myself), so this was rather refereshing.
Oh and also, this is a really small point, but I really liked him thinking that maybe Sirius would be reinstated on the family tapestry. It's a really interesting thought.
Overall, great story! One very, very small thing annoyed me a bit though - you said "# 12 Grimmauld Place". Just a personal preference, but I find it's better to write numbers out fully in words. Sorry, I'm being picky now, but as I've said, I really rather enjoyed it. Great read!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm so glad you liked it!
You know, I never even thought about putting Regulus in a redeeming light; I was just trying to explain why he turned away from the Death Eaters in my mind.
I'm glad you liked the "He was mine" bit- I had a little struggle with Regulus caring for him so much because after all, don't we know that purebloods feel that house elves are beneath them? I'm glad it turned out nicely.
I think I will go back now and change the address. I never know which way to write it.
Thanks so much for taking the time to review!
This is too choppy. Can you please fix the formatting? Hopefully that will help.
Author's Response: What do you mean when you say it's too choppy? Are you talking about the flow of the story or the spacing? I'll re-read the story to check out the flow, but if you're talking about the spacing there's a minimum amount of space required between paragraphs. Thanks for your review, though.