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2013-10-19 5:08pm
Hello :) I'm here for our swap.
I had a tough time decided which story to pick because you've written so many and they all look very interesting. I finally zeroed in on this because I can't turn down the promise of anything Shakespearean and of course, Rose/Scorpius. I also love Wuthering Heights, which came as a bonus. THIS, for me, is the perfect combination.

I love the style you've adopted to write this one. Your writing is so beautiful and the descriptions are incredibly vivid and symbolic, in a way. I always prefer descriptions that appeal to me in both a visual and auditory sense and this certainly did that very well.

The story line, I can see, is very much along the lines of Romeo and Juliet, except that you've used Chess and rival houses here instead. The idea is absolute genius! I take my metaphorical hat off to you. I've never read anything like this. It's so SO original and I love finding stories like these.

To a great extent your Rose reminded me of Catherine, but there were also many elements of Juliet's character too. The way they fell in love was written so well. Suppose you hadn't mentioned the influence of Romeo and Juliet on your story, I would have still guessed it. That's how well you've re-written (or re-visioned :P) this.

Now, I know that the word 'Tragedy' is in the title, and that the story is very much along the lines of Romeo and Juliet, so I anticipate that there will be death, but I'm already hoping that there's some great plot twist, because you've made me fall in love with them even though there isn't all that much about them, in a way.

Overall, I really enjoyed this and I cannot think of even one negative to say. I'm definitely going to come back and re-read the rest! I'm sure it's great. I've favourited this one because I really enjoyed it so much! Great writing. I love your style and your idea is simply amazing!

Can't wait for more!

P.S- As I write this, it's almost 2.45 A.M. My review may not be entirely coherent. I apologise.
I will come back and read the rest tomorrow :)

Author's Response: Your review is very coherent - for some reason, late-night writing and reviewing results in more interesting ideas coming to light. ^_^ Thank you very much for choosing this story! It's very strange, but there are aspects of it that I'm proud of and others about which I love to receive feedback. :D

It's fantastic to hear that you think this combination of influences is perfect - I hope that you feel the same even if you continue reading, though, since I draw on many of the darker themes from both texts. I'm also pleased that you've enjoyed the style and descriptions of this first chapter - it was a great experience to write in this way, twisting seemingly average scenes into something more menacing. And descriptions should be meaningful, even symbolic - they have to do as much work to tell the story as the plot and characters. :)

Thank you so much for all of your compliments! It means a lot that you think so highly of this chapter and the foundational ideas of the story. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to read and review!
I don't even have words to express what I felt when I read the ending to this story. Just... wow. I'm really amazed by your writing and by the shocking ending. I'm going to try and write a coherent review for this chapter, but it might be difficult!

I loved the way that the chess theme returned in this chapter, since we hadn't seen it much since chapter one, but I thought it helped tie the ends of the story together well. I've been questioning who is actually in the role of Romeo and Juliet for a while in this story, but this chapter confirmed the roles that Rose and Scorpius took, with the idea of the queen in chess threaded through the chapter too. It was so effective and it's such an original and refreshing portrayal of these characters and I've loved reading this story!

One aspect that I thought was great in this chapter was that we got to see Rose's family play more of a role, which is also something we haven't seen a lot of since the first chapter. Obviously Hugo has been there all the way through, but here we got to see Hermione and Ron both mentioned, as well as Albus and James. The relationship between Rose and her parents was really intriguing; she seems to think that she didn't love him before he died, and yet his memory still seems to be something that's precious and important to her. She and Hermione have also grown apart to the point that there doesn't even seem to be a relationship between them. Rose actually reminds me of Hermione before she became friends with Ron and Harry, but all of her worst traits have been mixed with Ron's worst traits and amplified to create this cruel and manipulative character. It's fascinating to read about her; I have a feeling that if she'd used her talents for the right reasons then she could have made a big difference, but instead she uses them for her own ends.

Hugo's death came as a real shock to me here. I wonder whether, if he hadn't died, Rose and Scorpius would have run away together as had been planned, and I don't think they would have done. Scorpius, while believing he loved Rose, did care for her more through the story, came to realise that what he felt wasn't love. But throughout the time when Rose went to find Hugo I felt nervous and I could sense that something was going to happen, although right until the end I couldn't tell what. Hugo's death seemed to represent the death of innocence in the story - he reminded of the characters in Shakespeare tragedies that we're always upset to hear have died - Cordelia in Lear, for example.

As well as Hugo dying, I was surprised to see Rose kill Scorpius. I knew that there would be some death and tragedy in this chapter but when you mentioned that they would both be killed if Scorpius had been followed then I thought that maybe outside forces would have killed them, rather than Rose or Scorpius being responsible. I liked the fact that Rose had a motive for it and showed her loyalty to Hugo with killing Scorpius. The fact that Scorpius didn't kill Hugo adds to the tragedy of the story and reminds me of Shakespeare plays.

I thought you used the different influences you've mentioned for this story brilliantly. I could see elements from each of them in your writing and I think that helped to enhance it even more. The semblance of love between Rose and Scorpius does remind me of the relationship between Cathy and Heathcliff, which is enough to destroy both of them in the end. The way that you wrote the ending, with the bodies being found by some of the more minor characters, and Rose having disappeared, reminded me of the ends to Shakespearean tragedies too. It fitted really well with the style you've used throughout the story and I think it made the ending more shocking, because the reader had to see the events struggling to sink in for the characters like Hermione, and we hear the news at the same time as they do.

This was a really fantastic story and I'm so glad I got the chance to read some of your amazing writing. I'll definitely be reading more of your work in the future!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thank you again for the fabulous reviews! This one has been particularly challenging to respond to, so my apologies for taking this long to offer my response. It means a lot that you took the time to read and review this story so thoroughly.

I've enjoyed following your thoughts about this story as you've read it, especially because I think you really "got" the story. You've caught on to many of its significant aspects such as the characterization of Rose. What you've said about her here is what I was hoping readers would see in regard to her character - she is the sum of her parents' worst traits. It's perfectly plausible, though oddly few writers take that interpretation, instead constructing Rose in a more positive light. But you're so right that she embodies her father's jealous tendencies and impulsiveness as well as her mother's so-called bossiness and standoffish-ness. You're equally correct in saying that Rose could have turned out differently - there was always the potential for her to do great things, but there must be some little point somewhere in her life - even something seemingly insignificant - that turned her onto this path. Oddly enough, this aligns Rose with Snape - another character with the potential for good, but it's hard to tell whether something triggered his negative behaviour or whether he just always had a chip on his shoulder. Rose was very distant from me while I was writing - her motives were never quite clear, and I have very little idea of her backstory - but I like the idea of leaving it up in the air. It means that I get wonderful interpretations like yours. :D

I'm glad that you also caught the chess references. Being able to bring a story full-circle is something I like to do - although the characters' stories continue, there has to be a way of showing that this particular part of it has been resolved. Bringing back clues from the beginning somehow enhances the feeling of closure.

It's fantastic to hear that you liked how the influences informed the structure of the story, as well as its characters. In this chapter, the Shakespearean influence is strongest because I wanted the story to end like one of his tragedies, deaths everywhere, mostly upsetting, and that all-important conclusion where this moral leader comes forward to express horror. Hermione here takes on the role of the Prince (more gender-bending - and who else is a more morally-driven character than Hermione?), nut in this case, she's more involved in this tragedy. She's at once an outsider, unable to understand why it happened, and yet it's her own children who are at the centre of it. When the events sink in for her, as you've said, it truly is horrifying - a murdered son and the murderer daughter who avenged him. In this way, the story became more than just a romance between two star-crossed lovers - how will this world rebuild itself again? What is left for the wizarding world when it has fallen into such a state?

Rambling over. Thank you again for your reviews! They've been a joy to receive and respond to!
Hi again - I'm sorry it's taken me longer than I meant to get back to this story!

I really love the style of this story, because there's almost something classical about it that's reminiscent of Shakespeare and Bronte, and it's really original to see it used in a story like this. I don't think I've ever seen it done before in fanfiction! And once again (you'll probably get bored of me saying this) your description is absolutely beautiful. This chapter is loaded with so much imagery that it takes my breath away. The pictures that you paint are so clear in my mind and it all works brilliantly with the style that you've used.

The set-up that you've created here is a really refreshing and different way of telling the classic Romeo and Juliet tale. Most fanfictions featuring Rose and Scorpius in the role of these characters end happily, ignoring the tragedy that's cast with the roles; here I could tell from the beginning that things weren't going to end well for the characters, even if I'm not sure exactly how they'll end.

Your characterisation of them both is so intriguing! Here Rose seems to take on the role of Romeo, more reckless and manipulative than the cautious Scorpius, who in turn must be cast in the role of Juliet. It's strange to see the roles reversed so much, with Rose calling all the shots and almost controls him. The two are the antithesis of each other but even though they know it can't go well for them, they're drawn to each other by some irresistible pull. Or rather, I think Scorpius is drawn to Rose because of how different to him she is - I think she only cares about how she can use him. She's almost sociopathic, to be honest!

I really liked the touch about Hugo in that section as well. It added another layer to her character and gave her more depth; it's something that's almost human. But the way that you've described her attachment and affection to him still seems quite unhealthy, more than something that's actually a positive. But it does make sense that Hugo would be the one person she cares for, having grown up together and being close in age - we saw it even in the first chapter. It was great to see Scorpius jealous of Hugo as well, showing that he's in the weaker position because he cares more.

The ending was interesting too - I can't wait to see how the story ends now. Montague seems pretty calculating as well, and I almost feel sorry for Scorpius being caught between him and Rose. I liked the Slytherin set-up, seeming determined to gain world domination; I loved the comparison to Tom Riddle when you were describing Montague. It fit so well with the image I had of him and what they were all doing.

At the end of this chapter I felt like the sense of tragedy, that uncontrollable fate that all of them are facing, came through really well. They don't even seem to know that they're spiralling towards it yet but I'm sure it's going to be tragic and awful, even though I still can't guess what's going to happen at all!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thank you again for reading and reviewing, as well as for your lovely compliments! It's fantastic to hear that you like the style of this story - I've often worried that it's overdone, too descriptive and old fashioned. What I want to do with the descriptions is paint a picture of the story. In the case of this one, it's supposed to be a bit overwhelming, a touch of the theatrical about it. Most of this story is about the ending - the tragedy - the part of the R&J tale that I for one can never forget. Everything about this kind of romance is like a snowball gaining momentum down the hill, and the world around these characters foreshadows that. It's now falling apart around them, just as their lives, their love, is falling apart.

Rose and Scorpius fulfill that one rule of physics how forces enacting on one another are equal and opposite in nature. They are equals - Scorpius has his own strengths, though they're often difficult to see because he's so reserved and keeps his cards to himself. He is fatally drawn to Rose because she's vibrant and incredibly brilliant, too brilliant, and he wants to have a part of it. She is rather sociopathic - she needs more development to show her human side, which is there, but very hard to see except in her scenes with Hugo. What she really feels about Scorpius is the thing that's missing - if she does love him, in her own way, then it might be worse than if she's just using him for her own ends. For someone like Rose to love is dangerous because, for her, it's all or nothing. There is no in between.

Hugo is all that Rose had for a long time, and once their father died, she truly felt he was the only one in their family that she had a connection with. She's too much a negative version of Hermione for them to get along. Hugo also completely trusts Rose, and she likes that - he never questions her and loves her without reservation. Everyone else wants something from her, but Hugo never asks for anything, and therefore she gives him all she can, even if it doesn't seem like much at times.

Thank you again for the wonderful review! It's great to see how much you're enjoying the story!
2013-09-17 3:42pm
Erm... wow. I feel like this chapter was a real turnaround from the first, with things getting gradually more cynical and sinister. It's hard to know what to say about this because I'm just taken aback by your writing.

Once again, your descriptions are beautiful, even if sometimes the images they evoke aren't exactly pretty. The way you wrote about Hogwarts made me feel like I was seeing it again for another time after reading about it through seven books and seeing it in the films.

Ah, the famous balcony scene! I wondered if you were going to include it and I liked the fact that you chose for it to take place in the Astronomy Tower as well, because it worked with the whole tone of the chapter. The cynical and almost satirical aspect came through here, with the fact that you're poking fun at the cliches and even pointing out how ridiculous it is that two teenagers 'fall in love' so quickly, even in the play (and I have to agree with that!). It's quite mocking, really, and I thought that it added to the idea that a story like this can't end well.

The characterisation of Rose and Scorpius is very intriguing; at times I can't even say which of the two is Romeo and which is Juliet. The second scene of the chapter was when I felt that things began to get a lot darker and more sinister. Behind the love story there's something much more calculating going on, both with Scorpius and Montague (Mercutio, I think?) and with Rose. I feel like perhaps Scorpius and Montague are underestimating her abilties and her intelligence if they're planning to somehow hurt her.

I'm so curious how things will end in this story. Whereas in Romeo and Juliet, it seems like fate that leads them to the tragic end, here I feel like Rose and Scorpius are going to be more responsible for what happens, as if they're setting out to destroy each other...

Sian :)

Author's Response: Yes, you've read it correctly! There's something ominous running through this chapter, with imagery that should be romantic and youthful, yet isn't. I like how you call it cynical and sinister because that foreshadows well for the final act. :D It means a lot to hear that you liked the style of this chapter, its imagery and darkness. Part of it has to do with writing this particular group of Slytherins because there's so much social politics going on in that scene, and Scopius tries to keep himself on the outside of it, but because he's a Malfoy, he can't escape it. Those kind of social interactions between people are too much fun to write, with much opportunity for double-entendres, slippery language, and so on.

What I especially love to hear is that this story has made you see Hogwarts in a new way, too. That's a fantastic compliment! ^_^

It's funny because the astronomy tower was, at least for a time, a very famous location in romance novels on HPFF - I don't know why, but it was a favourite spot for lovers to meet, so the scene in this story also pays tribute to that cliche. I'm interested in the mocking tone of this chapter and will have to re-read it to see in what way it appears - I don't want it to be too heavy-handed, with too much of my own dislike of these cliches showing through.

Ah, yes! You're supposed to be uncertain as to which is Romeo and which is Juliet - it goes back and forth quite frequently in this story, which is another reason why I enjoyed writing it. There's a lot of instability throughout, and that's key to how the whole story came together.

Thank you again for your wonderful reviews! It's very interesting to see how you're reacting to the various elements of this story, and I look forward to seeing how the third act hits you. ;)
2013-09-17 1:18pm
I'm actually ashamed by how long it's taken me to get round to reading more of your stories (there have been times when I've visited your AP and not been able to decide what to read because it all looks amazing) but I decided I couldn't wait any longer! I was so intrigued to see how you interpreted Scorpius and Rose as Romeo and Juliet - it's been ages since I read a story about them because they got a little boring, but none of your stories seem to be cliche, so I have high hopes for this. And then you're using influence from Wuthering Heights, which is one of my favourite books - I was so excited to read this before I even started!

Your description is so beautiful, and it's so lovely to read; there's so much imagery and symbolism in your writing that it amazes me. There was something very Bronte-esque (is that a word?) about your descriptions too, and I thought it helped build up the idea that this story is going to be intense and tragic - and not fit the mould of a fluffy next gen - really well. The way you wrote about both Rose and Scorpius falling in love was great too, as if it was something that would ruin them and seal their fate, much as it does for Romeo and Juliet and Cathy and Heathcliff. Although I often find it hard to believe that two people can fall in love so quickly, it makes sense when tied into the Romeo and Juliet play and the fact that they're both teenagers - it could easily be a sort of infatuation that they're both happy to believe is love, rather than the real thing.

This ties into the imagery and description again, but I loved your use of pathetic fallacy as well. "Thunder rattled the windows, shaking the castle to its very foundation" - thunder AND windows! I cannot tell you how happy that makes my Wuthering Heights loving heart!

I loved your characterisation of the different people who appeared in this, but particularly Rose. She has such a strong, vibrant personality here and it's strikingly different to the sort of character I often see her portrayed as, but again reminds me of Juliet, and more particularly Cathy, in their non-conformity and almost formidable.

The chess game was a clever idea as a replacement for the (rather cliche) sort of party or ball that Romeo and Juliet met at. Despite this being written in a completely different style to normal next gen stories, you still managed to capture the interactions between the different characters and the dialogue seem realistic and believable, and appropriate for the actual time.

I can't wait to see what happens in the rest of this story, so I'm off to read on!

Sian :)

Author's Response: It has taken me a terribly long time to respond to these reviews, and I'm sorry for that. They were fantastic to receive and equally so to read and read again. This story, while far from perfect, is still an accomplishment I'm proud of, and it means a lot to hear back from readers on what they thought of it. It's a lot of fun to write different interpretations of Scorpius and Rose because there is really a lot one can do with them - we know only the most basic information from the epilogue, the rest being what we think they could be like based on their parents and the environments in which they grew up. What's sad is how quickly fandom constrained them both in very particular characterizations and in a very particular relationship - this story in particular defies fanon, challenging readers to see other ways of understanding these characters and their potential relationship. Scorose so often gets played as a forbidden love sort of relationship, so what I did here was exaggerate it - and what better examples to follow than Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights? :D

While writing this, I was reading for my Victoian exam, so I'm not surprised to hear that it's filled with Bronte-esque style and symbols - I worked through both Vilette and Wuthering Heights at that time, the two heaviest, darkest Bronte novels. It's wonderful to hear that the influence is evident. Those early chapters of Wuthering Heights have haunted me for years - they were all I remembered of my first read through the novel when I was like 13 or so. They're such powerful descriptions, and I can't help continue to be fascinated by pathetic fallacy.

The falling in love part is very difficult to do without it sounding contrived. All I can think to make it seem less so would be to suggest that they had noticed each other before - certainly that excuse works for Scorpius, would is the perceptive sort, and I can imagine him watching Rose and being curious about her. But like you said, it is part of the required structure for this kind of story - it is far more of an infatuation than real love, a desire for the thing that one shouldn't want. Without that history, would they have ever tasted that curiosity? Perhaps not.

Rose did turn out a lot like Cathy. She's difficult to pin down because she's so turbulent and unpredictable and overwhelming - it makes her very interesting to write, but also challenging because one can never be sure how she'll react to the plot and other characters. She is very strong, but I would also say that she's weak because of this turbulence - she really has little control over herself, her mind raging, her ambition limitless, her empathy almost non-existent. What kind of life could she ever lead, except within a tragedy?

You know, I never before thought of the chess game as a replacement for the ball - it's really silly of me because it works in that same way. I thought of it more as the duel that takes place prior to the ball in the play, except in ihs instance, it's Romeo and Juliet who duel, rather than Romeo and her cousin. In this way, Rose takes more of an active role in the action, rather than being relegated to the romantic object. If anything, Scorpius becomes the romantic object of Rose's desire. I'm really pleased to hear that you liked how the story has been adapted for the next generation, so far! I look forward to responding to the rest of your reviews. ^_^ Thank you again!
Wow is all I can say for this chapter! I had my suspicions on what it might be about with the blood splattered chapter image, but what actually happened in it definitely caught me by surprise!

I really liked how you explored Rose’s relationship with Ron in this chapter, as we haven’t really heard much about her parents up until now. I didn’t expect it to be so fraught and then you made it even more complex with the addition of James and Albus trying to her be her father, and the dreadful consequences that led to with the death of the Aurors.

One thing I picked up on in this chapter is Rose’s feelings towards her family. Even though she supposedly cares for Hugo she still isn’t afraid to manipulate him into leaving with him, and then the way she almost mocks Albus when he tries to help us. I really liked how you slowly unravelled Rose’s twisted personality and it acted as a great prelude to what happened in the end.

Then using chess as a theme for the story was really great here. It hadn’t really been mentioned in the previous two chapters but I liked the emphasis on it in this one because it almost acted a way of tying up lose and ending and showing that this was the finale. I suppose Rose views herself as the queen and it reminded me of the chess game in the Chamber of Secrets when the queen wielded all of the power.

Hugo really was a symbol of innocence in this chapter, or the entire story in fact. I was already feeling sorry for him for being dragged into Rose’s deluded idea and when he was thinking of home and all his comforts I could sense how he didn’t want to be there. Then the ending with him being killed by Montague, it was just horrible. He just seemed so naïve and young to me and I felt as if he was a lamb being slaughtered as a sacrifice, and it was just horrible.

Then with Scorpius I had a feeling something monumental was about to happen with his feelings of discontent. I thought it was going to be something minor like him giving up on her and running away but I should have realised it wouldn’t have been the case. After all, Romeo and Juliet never did things half-heartedly so neither would they.

Then the amount of foreshadowing you included while Rose was fetching Hugo left me on tenterhooks. Then when she came in and said the part about blood being thicker than water and what resulted after that I honestly thought she had gone insane. But like I said in the previous chapter, I liked how you still humanised her by showing this as a result of Hugo’s death, so while it was still awful it was slightly more understandable.

Then the way you tied it up with the scene with Hermione and Albus I thought was perfect. It gave us a new perspective of the story and it was one which was more similar to our own as they observed what was going on like we had. There was a certain level of ambiguity about the ending too as you never fully revealed the full extent of Rose’s crimes but I liked that.

Another brilliantly written story by you, and you work still continues to amaze me. I can’t wait to read the next thing of yours! ♥


Author's Response: Kiana! You keep out-doing yourself with these reviews - thank you very much for taking the time to leave them and make them so detailed. I really appreciate it (and wish you the best on winning the Dobby)! :D

Saying "I'm glad" to have surprised you isn't strong enough. It's exactly the kind of response I wanted to evoke with this finale, not only because of the sheer violence of it, but also because of the way it changes the Romeo and Juliet story and the typical narrative of Scorose stories. There's a lot more to this chapter than its shock-value, though, and it's fantastic to see how much you've drawn out in regard to Rose's family. It became a far more important subject than I thought it would in the first chapter - she was always going to be close to Hugo, but her relationship to her parents and cousins grew into something complex and fascinating. There's still a lot more I could write about these characters, which is so strange for a story that, when I wrote the second part, seemed like it was going nowhere.

Rose has distanced herself from her parents - from her father's memory, though she still holds it dear, and her mother, who (Rose believed) cared more about her work than about her children. Rose clashes with Hermione because they're very much alike, except that Rose is more logical and less feeling - this last turned to apathy after her father's death, and everything that has happened since only encourages Rose's behaviour. It's one of those things where a character could have been "good" if only circumstances were different - Rose could have been a leader, but instead she crosses the line to manipulator; she could have used her skills to benefit others, but in seeing the world around her crumbling, she decides to use them to benefit just herself. She's the perfect chess player, manipulating the pieces and, once the battle is over, leaving the board behind, as though the pieces did not represent lives. I can't remember the name for the kind of person Rose becomes - she feels as though everything is hopeless and so she turns her back on it, not afraid to kill if it means achieving her escape. I've never written a character quite like her before, and it was a fascinating experience.

Hugo's fate was a painful one to write, and I resorted to Shakespearean methods to make it work - I just couldn't let it happen "on stage" because it would be too much. Like you said, he represents innocence - he's the only actually "good" character in this story, and it's sad that he's also the most powerless, completely passive, almost as though he has no mind of his own. In a tragedy, he's the character one regrets dying - like Ophelia, Lavinia, and Cordelia (he oddly takes the role of the young maiden in tragedy, whereas Rose is more like a Lady Macbeth).

You're right that Scorpius was not likely to actually run away with Rose - he had seen too much and, although he was still attracted to her, he was also afraid of her. If anything, he would have turned against his fellow schoolmates and gone to help the Potters and Hermione. I have no idea what he would have done about Rose, though. Would he have also reported her? Or would he have just let her go? It's a "what if" that I never thought about because I planned the end of this story long before I started writing - it was always going to end with Scorpius's death at Rose's hand.

I'm so pleased to hear that you liked how the ending turned out. It seemed right to conclude with the speech by the "Prince" - who in this case, turns into Hermione as Minister of Magic - and also to take the story off the tragic stage and back into a more realistic perspective (like there was in Act 1).

Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! It means a lot that you enjoyed it. ^_^
I found it fitting that we’ve jumped a couple of years as it showed how long it took me to come back :P I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, but your style is very different in this story compared to other ones of yours. It has a very classic feel to it, and I really love it. I rarely see it in the fan fiction world but having read most Bronte, Austen and Dickens books I love seeing it here.

Your characterisation of Rose is very different to how we usually see and how, given that this is based on Romeo and Juliet, different it is to what I expected of her. I always viewed Romeo more of the villain out of the pair of them but in this one it seems to be Rose. I think it’s from the opening scene when you talk about her being cold and calculating, and it’s such a nice twist to the story seeing her being the bad one out of the two.

I feel bad for Scorpius in this section because Rose dominated over him completely and he just seems so forlorn. I could tell by Rose’s posture such as her leaning over him that she views herself as superior to him, and the way she spoke seemed to be saying she was looking down on him. That, again, is definitely a twist. With the heightening sense of danger for the pair of them in this chapter it’s making me wonder what will happen in the next because I don’t see Rose currently killing herself to be with him.

I did like how you tried to humanise Rose a bit by making her care for Hugo. It shows a different side to her and added another complex layer to her which I really enjoyed it. The whole planning for the escape was interesting too, because I thought Rose had possibly developed a heart and then she says she wasn’t going because she loved him and she seemed all cold again. I guess the next chapter will only reveal her true feelings.

I enjoyed the scene with Zabini and Montague as it had a different dynamic to it to what I’ve seen from the scenes with Rose and Scorpius. It had a very tense air to it and it’s making me more and more eager to find out what happens to them when they attempt to escape. I really loved this line ‘Opinions were dangerous, if not fatal.’ As it fitted their situation really well.

That was another fantastic chapter and it left me on such a cliff-hanger I’m off to the next!


Author's Response: Thank you for coming back to read and review! ^_^ It's fantastic to hear that you like the style (it comes through better in these last two chapters, when I had more of an idea what I was doing). At the time I was writing this story, I was working through my reading list of Victorian literature, so "Wuthering Heights" and "Bleak House" proved a major inspiration for both the plot and style of this story. I have a problem where I pick up on the syntax and rhythm of whatever I'm reading or whomever I'm spending a lot of time with, so if I read enough of a period or author, I begin to sound like them. Still not sure whether it's a good or bad thing. ;)

Your reading of Rose is excellent, especially when you discuss how she dominates Scorpius. It is definitely a shift in the typical characterization of Romeo and Juliet, or even Rose and Scorpuis as they usually appear in fanfiction. I wanted to go against stereotype in that regard. Rose's one soft spot is Hugo, whom she has looked after for years because her mother was busy at the Ministry (not that Hermione was a bad mother - quite the opposite - but Rose and Hugo, being so close in age, have always had each other). I'm glad that it helps make Rose a more complex character, that it gives her an unexpected layer. It's not that she has a heart, but if I wanted to put it in those terms, I'd say that Hugo was the only person Rose loves (feels any sort of true affection for).

This part of the story verges on a recreation of the next-generation world as a dystopia. It was the most interesting part of the story to write, and I'd love to try something like it again sometime. It's a world fraught with tension, where all the characters are spiralling down toward their fate, having not yet realized that there's no escape - they're all doomed, much like the atmosphere of a Shakespearean tragedy.

Thanks again! ^_^ It means a lot to hear from you!
2013-06-17 6:32pm
With exams finally out the way and momentarily giving up on graphic making, I’m finally back!

Ok I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure what to make of this chapter. I’m not really sure why, because I really did like it, but there was this uncertainty about this chapter. I think it’s the fact you’ve taken the biggest flaws, in my opinion, of Romeo and Juliet being how quickly they fall in love and it can’t be realistic into this chapter. I’m not really sure why that made me confused as I know the play well, so I should have expected it, but gah it’s left me confused, perhaps if I read on it will solve this confusion!

There’s almost a sense of cynicism in this story and mocking too. I think it was this line ‘Sometimes pathetic fallacy is just that: a lie.’ And then the mocking of almost how quickly people portray people to fall in love and its common occurrence in Scorose. Maybe that’s what is contributing to my confusion. I mean, I really love it because it’s almost satire of fan fiction in a way which I’ve never seen done before, but I think the fact I’ve never really seen it done in such a clever and subtle way is what confused me, so it’s good confusion!

Actually, now I’ve picked up on the satirical element of this story I can’t stop noticing it. There was a brief comment about the divisions of the houses and the stereotypes which supposedly make them incompatible and that made me laugh. I never got that idea in fan fiction so seeing it here was really great.

I was wondering when Paris would feature and I think him being in the form of a cat delighted me a little too much :P

Ah the famous balcony scene taking place at the infamous astronomy tower – how fitting! I think out of the entire chapter’s descriptions it was best at there. I try and not talk about your descriptions too much because that could take up the whole of the review, but seeing it here was really great. I think it was this line ‘but let them swallow her in a flaming beacon that he, soaring past, could not possibly ignore her presence’ which is what I really loved.

Their kiss was romantic in a way due to the impromptuness of it, but then at the same time demanding due to Rose forcing Scorpius back to kiss her. Your characterisation is very different to how I usually see her depicted, and I really like it. She has obvious flaws being demanding due to what I just said and then other one’s I’m yet to pinpoint more precisely, and it makes a change from her flaws being loud and moody because they really are overdone.

I didn’t anticipate for Scorpius to have such dark intentions. At first when he was trying to defend dating a Weasley and said ‘A thought pulled one corner of Malfoy’s mouth into a smile. “Perhaps that’s why I prefer her.”‘ I thought it was merely due to him being around his friends and then there was that sinister chat with Montague about him not failing which is making me wonder about what he could fail. Aha, I just realised that you probably purposefully used Montague for that role, that was a very happy convenience from JK Rowling for naming one of her characters that!

I really enjoyed this chapter despite the initial confusion, but now I think I’ve found the source of it, it’s a lot better due to me being able to understand that element of the story!


Author's Response: My apologies for taking so long to respond to your reviews for this story. It's actually a difficult story to talk about, not because it's disturbing, but because I think I could have written it much, much better. I'm not quite sure what I was doing, especially when writing this middle chapter. The source material is murky when it comes to the actual falling in love bit because it happens so suddenly - it's hardly even love at all, just an adolescent attraction that proves fatal for... well... everyone. There's no way of writing it realistically, except to show how completely ridiculous it is.

What's likely causing your confusion is the style, which is overdone in this chapter. I was trying to make up for the lack of plot movement by couching all the narration in florid purple prose. :P This second act painfully mocks itself and its content, which marks a significant change from the seriousness of the first and third acts - it's trying to get Scorpius and Rose to fall in love in that pretty romantic way that totally eluded me. If anything, this chapter more accurately describes my inability to understand how this kind of relationship can be seen as romantic - hence the confusion. *hides*

I am glad to hear that you liked the balcony scene! That was a nicer scene to write - it's definitely the centrepiece of this chapter, and it's amazing how easy it was to write that scene in a Potterverse context. It's like broomsticks were made for this purpose. XD

Rose's characterization was the largest risk of this story because it's very rare to find her in a darker role (GubraithianFire has one), but it was important to reveal her personality bit by bit. She twists the Juliet role on its head - perhaps its even worthwhile questioning who is meant to be Juliet and who Romeo? ;)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I look forward to your opinions on the next two chapters! :D
2013-06-04 3:35pm
I know for some strange reason you dislike Rose/Scorpius, but I’ll let that go as I’m so eager to read this. I adore Rose and Scorpius, I adore Romeo and Juliet so I have a feeling this story is going to be good! Oh, I thought I should say I think the link to the chapter image has expired as it just shows the tinypic logo :)

Ok I can’t even form words for this review. It was all too perfect by having one of my favourite plays and pairings placed together. Gah it was wonderful. I think the most ingenious idea was their first meeting by having them play chess it was brilliant and so fitting for both of them. Another reason why I liked it was because I guess Rose learnt from her father which made it even more complex in how their relationship developed and generally amazing. I fangirl over your writing too much :P Oh well, it deserves it!

The foreshadowing within this chapter was brilliant and the using the weather to convey was really excellent. I think my favourite line was this one ‘Thunder rattled the windows, shaking the castle to its very foundation.’ After Rose looked at Scorpius and it was as if it was representing what was going on in both of their minds at that time.

Another thing I really liked is how you managed to keep the whole chapter into the norms of reality. Admittedly, the whole plot of Romeo and Juliet is questionable at times with the lovers willing to die for one another, but it didn’t feel like it here. I think it was the constant use of foreshadowing here which prevented it from turning into one of the stories. Oh dear, now it’s got me worried that there’s going to be death involved. I mean, that is the whole plot of Romeo and Juliet but maybe this one will have a twist.

One thing which was so great about this chapter was the slight dash of humour when talking about everyone’s reactions to Rose’s win. It was rather unexpected but it added something more real to the story and it was useful for weaving in a little backstory about where each character belongs which was great as I always feel disorientated by not knowing.

This was an amazing start and I can’t wait to read on :D


Author's Response: It's not strange to dislike Rose/Scorpius! It's more that I don't like popular things, especially when fandom blows them out of proportion. People treat it as a canon ship even though it's not, and that kind of thing bothers me - I'm apparently more of a canon stickler than I thought possible. :P Better yet, I really dislike Romeo and Juliet, so you can just expect that this story isn't going to end well at all. But it's a story I really enjoyed writing because I was able to take on the Gothic in a way I hadn't done before. This story is a lot more violent and horrifying than my other stories, and it was interesting to learn just what I could do with that kind of writing.

I'm very glad to hear that you enjoyed this first chapter - it's my favourite of the story, and it could easily stand on its own as a one-shot. Chess is a perfect game for Rose because she can draw from both her parents' knowledge and skills. It means a lot that you liked this chapter so much! :D

Keeping part of this story somewhat realistic was important. I don't know if "realistic" is the right word, actually - I wanted to make their relationship grow in a more natural, though no less disturbing way. So although Scorpius has that world-crashing-around-him moment, neither he nor Rose runs headlong into a tragic relationship. It instead builds slowly. The connection is there, and it's powerful, but neither character knows what to do with it yet. For Rose this is particularly important because she needs to know how it will benefit her.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing! It's always a treat to hear from you! ^_^
2012-12-16 8:25am
First of all, I adore the chapter image, it's absolutely stunning. Who is the model you use for Rose?

I'm blown away by this chapter and by the story in general. What draws me in completely is the language you use which is almost pretentious (especially during the beginning with Rose) but it fits the era and fits the story well. I love the old feeling of it and its smoothness. That's definitely something you should be proud of.

The description itself is incredible, especially in this chapter. I felt like my brain was being assaulted by it. There was just so many vividly painted scenes and moments that made this chapter seem real and close. I think my favourite scene with that would be the Romeo/Juliet-esque balcony scene with Rose's red hair blowing about. It seemed almost right out of a fairytale in that moment, almost whimsical. It did seem like a place outside of Hogwarts and I liked a lot was that you described the place and showed the readers this Hogwarts. I find that many forget that because there has been 7 books inside those halls and thousands of fanfictions that sometimes how the place looks, feels, sounds gets neglected.

Your characters are interesting too. I think they are mostly differently from the counterparts (Juliet or Romeo). Juliet seemed a bit of a 'i'm in love and that's all that matters - butterflies and sunshine' to me when i read the play. I like how Rose has this extra depth, this cleverness, this brain that needs to prove everyone wrong and needs to be the best at everything. There is something almost scary about that to me. I'm thinking this may come into play later on in the story. I do like though that, at this point, she is tied to Juliet because she is focussed on this love at the moment and seems to just be drinking it up. Whether this will stay is yet to be determined because you also have a lot of negative imagery here that seems to foreshadow something later in the plot. Scorpius is interesting too. He seems at the moment like he cannot distinguish where his infatuation (or truu luuve ;) ) end and his devious plan begins.

I'm just really jealous at the moment of how good this is. It absolutely stunning. You can wield the senses so well that make a person feel incredibyl captivated by a story. Really well done job and i like the stubtle hints of darkness and evil that is coming into the story. It gives this 'love' they have a dark feeling, something to be feared rather than basked in.

Really well done!

Author's Response: You are the best Secret Santa ever! Thank you for all of these glorious reviews - I hardly know how I'm going to respond in the way that these reviews deserve. It means so much that you took the time to read and review all of these stories!

The girl in the chapter image is Ruth Wilson from her work in theatre - her character in "Luther" was one of the inspirations of Rose's portrayal in this story. :)

Haha, I'm glad that you said the language was pretentious - I wanted to exaggerate the romantic scenes to show just how ridiculous they could be, particularly in the context of a Romeo & Juliet type story. But one other thing I was trying to do throughout this story was make it seem theatrical, somewhat unreal, or even super-real. It's great to hear that the language and style suit the story well and that the descriptions were almost overpowering. Sometimes it's a bad habit of mine to go overboard with descriptions, but in this story, they are meant to almost overwhelm the characters and plot. Their lives and actions are small and petty compared with the world around them. That particular scene with Rose was too much fun to write because the Romanticized description contradicts her personality - the description is imposed upon her, but it doesn't quite fit - perhaps I meant it as a sort of irony that this cold, ambitious girl was still described using conventional romantic language.

I love being able to find new ways of visualizing Hogwarts. It's such a familiar "sight" to readers, and familiar things are the most exciting to re-invent in stories. It's not just a magic school or ancient castle - it has a complicated history that allows it to be many things at once.

I'm not going to give away anything else about Rose. :P The ending is too good for me to spoil. At least, I think it's a great ending - it's one of the few times I've been pleased with how I ended a story. Rose's character was a challenge to develop - in this and the first act, there are only hints of what she's capable of, the cleverness and the distance she maintains from others. How she develops from here depends on the kind of world she grows into. She loves the idea of being in love, but it doesn't necessarily mean that what she actually feels for Scorpius is love - it's something, but what that something is is never certain.

I'll stop now before I keep analyzing my characters. :P Thank you again for your fantastic review! It's wonderful to hear that you enjoyed this part of the story! ^_^
2012-09-12 2:29am
I usually steer clear of ScoRose because they seem ridiculous to me and too many people like them. That turns me off and I usually don't give them much of a chance. However, the summary was intriguing and it made me curious to know how you were going to handle a re-telling of Romeo and Juliet (which is one of the Shakespeare play's i don't particularly like very much either). But the combination of them made me curious because if anyone can pull it off, i'm sure it's you.

I'm glad i clicked on because this was a really lovely way to start the story. All passion and fire, the dark vs. light. You set up typical plot lines here, the Slytherins vs the rest of the school each one wanting to prove itself greater. However you are able to pull it off so beautifully and make it so believable. I'm just incredibly envious of that skill to turn a cliche into something worth your time. Which just points to the fact that it's not the cliche that matters, it's how you write it. You clearly make something that some authors completely butcher and make it into something that is just good. (that's bad wording who uses the word good for something? i wish i could be more eloquent here but that's as good as i can come up with at the moment as it's late here and well past the time my brain turns to royal mush.)

I think the strongest part of this is your language. Your ability to make it sound sort of Shakespearean and told in that air. If that makes sense but it add so much to the story and captures a spirit of woe and foreboding. Which i love. I'm a huge fan of fluff but this makes me feel on edge because of the fate of the star crossed lovers in R&J.

There was some confusing parts however, not plot wise, but I think it sometimes happened in you descriptions where there were a few longer sentences piled together and a lot of characters around where things got a little convoluted. Like when you describing Hugo's hair? I initially thought it was James who had the red. That's an example anyway of some tiny distracting things throughout the story that brought me out of your tale. Also when Rose revives her queen, epic moment, but you say white queen... wasn't she playing black? Or did i miss something there?

Anyway, honestly, this is a lovely piece of work. I just finished reading and reviewing The Mark of Cain and then i came over to this and it's just remarkable how you can go from that style to this!!! I'm blown away because the tones are so different and you are able to write them both so well!

I think the ending was my favourite but too the scorpion imagery and the piercing of her heart which let in this poison. It's such strong imagery and it's incredibly haunting because it points to a sort of fear of what is to come for these two if love is likened to poison.

Another great job Violet! This is excellent work and I loved how Hogwartsy it seemed. With all the chess, gobstones, and homework. It actually felt like a school! I hope this review makes sense, as i said before, it's late and i feel my eyes getting cross-eyed and i fear it's gibberish. :D

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, Zayne! Two super long reviews in one night! I wish I had your reviewing abilities - this is brilliant! Thank you very much - as always, it's a great treat to hear back from you. ^_^

This story came out of my own dislike of Scorose - that ship might have been interesting once, but now it's just overdone and so laden with cliches. I've been writing it all the same, both to try it in new ways and to take out my negative feelings in a productive way. :P If you get to the end of this story, you'll see how that works, haha.

For some reason, I love working with cliches to try and recycle them - perhaps "restore" is a better term, like an antique that needs fixing up. There are many in here, but they needed to be told in different ways, often subtly, but in the case of Rose and Scorpius's characterizations, drastically. In this story, they're exaggerations of how they often appear (I seem to always do this to poor Scorpius, but he is a Malfoy, after all :P). I'm so glad to hear that the cliches are believable - that's exactly what I tried to do, and it's wonderful that it proved successful! *blushes* There are parts of this story that feel pretty butchered to me, but not in this first chapter. If I may say so myself, it turned out better than I expected - writing school scenes is always a challenge, but for some reason here, it just /worked/.

I've adjusted a few of the sentences to make it clearer who is speaking, and I corrected the colours of the chess pieces. It was primarily the length of the sentence that was confusing things, I think (I made the changes not long after you reviewed, so I can't remember exactly what it was). The old fashioned linguistic style I used in this story more often than not got in the way - I like it, but I kept losing control of it. XD Thankfully I've been able to fix it, though there are probably still places that need work. It became a more complicated story than I thought possible for something only meant to be three chapters long. ;)

Oh, your review makes perfect sense - and it's perfect too, with all the things I love to see, including some good old CC. :D Now I only hope that my response makes sense, as it's getting late on my end too. Thank you so very much for reading and reviewing this story - it means a lot that you've admired the imagery (particularly that one at the end - it's a favourite of mine). ^_^
2012-07-31 6:05am
It's Rosie from the review tag! :)

Wow...this was an amazing start. The detail leaves me speechless. Of course, I've always known you're a great author, haha. ^^ The general idea of having it based off of Romeo and Juliet, as well as having elements from Wuthering Heights is so creative! I mean, they're both wonderful stories, and putting them together is sure to create something even more wonderful.

I loved how you made a simple game of chess so suspenseful. Rose definitely inherited her father's chess talent. The detail of lightning and rain made everything much more dramatic, and I really enjoyed it.

A wonderful first chapter, with such vivid imagery and an intriguing plot. Great job! :)


Author's Response: Hi Rosie! Thank you very much for the lovely review - I'm just sorry that it took me so long to respond to it. It's great to hear that you enjoyed the first chapter! :D

Strangely enough, I haven't seen many stories about Rose that have her inheriting that particular skill of her father's - she often turns out to be much more like her mother, so I wanted to add an extra twist to her characterization. And the atmosphere! I have way too much fun writing about storms and crazy weather, so I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
I love, love, love your writing style. It really captures me into the story.

I like the comparison between Rose and Montague, because they really do remind me of one another, both so calculating. I feel a little sorry for Scorpius, to be honest. I have decided I like your characterization of Rose - of the two of them, she's really probably the "villain" in a sense, and that's not the way it is normally portrayed. At the same time, it doesn't seem that many in the story see her thorns for what they are. Scorpius does, but he's still captivated, and the hatred the Slytherins have is because she's a Weasley.

I'm really anxious about pushing that "next" button.

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you! It's always wonderful to hear that my writing is captivating. I wondered whether the style for this story was too heavy-handed and elaborate, so it's great to hear that it was instead quite effective. :D

It was interesting to come across that realization while writing - I hadn't planned for Rose and Montague to be similar, but it emerged strangely, entrapping Scorpius between them. He's so connected to them both that, no matter how much he may be repelled by their cruelty, he is still attracted to the strength and power they wield. They're both extraordinary people, and Scorpius, while not ordinary, lacks that spark, be it passion or ambition.

I agree with you that Rose is the "villain" of the story, or at least as close to that role as one could get. Montague is more of a red herring - though he does, at times, take on that role too. To be honest, it's really very complicated, and I'll leave it at that. :P

Thank you very much for all of your reviews! It's fantastic to hear that you've enjoyed the story thus far, and I hope that you like the ending as well. ^_^
2012-07-22 11:45pm
I'm trying to decide how I feel about your characterization of Rose. It seems like she's somewhere between captivating and conniving - perhaps exactly as she should be, given her name.

Scorpius is also interesting - at least, I like his reaction to the Slytherin taunts, rising above them rather than letting them get to him. He seems a bit above his father in that regard, but at the same time has a hint of foolishness, which is probably appropriate in this particular story.

Author's Response: You've described Rose right there - she's a cross between the two, a highly ambivalent character with no clear loyalties, no clear ties except for that she shares with Hugo. She's difficult to pin down, which is why Scorpius finds her so interesting - she repels him as much as she draws him in, and so he wants to learn more. She captures his curiosity, and that leads to far more.

Scorpius is a bit of a noble figure here, taking family pride to heart in a different way from his father. Instead of gloating about it, he simply lives it - he can rise above the taunts because he's very self-confident and assured of his place in the world. It does lead him to over-confidence in many ways, which, like you said, suits the story - he suits the role of Romeo, the true reckless, feckless Romeo of the play, quite well.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! :D
2012-07-22 10:52pm
So, I got on HPFF for the first time in ages and went to your page, saw this, and thought it was exactly what I was in the mood to read.

I wasn't disappointed. I'm not a Rose/Scorpius fan, but I love the concept of a twist on Romeo & Juliet. I love how your entire style/descriptions this chapter was such that one could almost literally feel the tension going on.

I also like that you introduced Montague first of the Slytherins. I've thought for a long time that someone should tie the Pureblood last name to the play while avoiding a cliche, and that did it for me.

Author's Response: I remember you! It's great to see you around again, and a wonderful compliment that you checked up on my stories. :D

I'm not a Scorose fan either, but I'm so curious as to why others like it so much that I keep writing it (usually with the result of sinking it completely). Often Scorose is equated with Romeo and Juliet, which gave me even more fodder to work with - this story didn't turn out quite the way that I envisioned, but I'm very pleased to hear that you've enjoyed this first chapter - it's style and its content alike. It was really interesting to write, with a lot of intricate parts (such as the chess game - I don't write those things usually for a reason! They require a lot of research) and many OCs. Haha, it was perfect to come across a Potterverse Montague! I couldn't resist giving him a significant role here.

Thank you for reading and reviewing this story! ^_^
This is definately, by far one of the best romances I've read. I'm not a big Scrose shipper, but this one appealed to me, and I love the darkness to the story combined with it's passion. It has a different feel to it, and I admire how you incorporated "Romeo and Juliet" to it as well. I haven't studied "Wuthering Heights", but I'm pretty sure you nailed it.

I must say, I love how you retold "Romeo and Juliet" in this format; everything just seems to fit so perfectly, with the whole family royalty issue and the tragedy. What I love about your Rose is her undying loyalty to her brother and her being compared to the likes of a queen, her inferiorities being just mere pawns. It brings out a lot about her character.

But it isn't just Rose you developed well, you made all your characters realistic. Your way with descriptions and dialogue breathed life into them, making them real to us readers. (Something I wish I could do in my stories.)

From the beginning, you made me sense that the bond between Hugo and Rose was strong and indestructable, something that no force can break.

Anywho, this was a lovely story and I congratulate you for winning "Best Short Story" at the Golden Snitch Awards, even though that was last year (Pardon me for being a tid-bit late). You very well deserve it, and I hope you know, your work is admired by many!


Author's Response: *jaw drops* This is incredible! I really don't know how I'm going to coherently respond to such a review as this, but I'll try my best. I can't thank you enough for your compliments - it means a lot to hear them, especially for a story that I worried over for months, uncertain whether I could finish it, and later whether I had done so as well as I ought. So thank you for boosting my confidence! ^_^

Rose's loyalty for Hugo was something I wasn't sure about because it seemed to go against everything else in her character, but maybe that adds some realism to her too - a natural contradiction. I'm very glad that you loved that aspect of her character. It changed the focus of this story from a tragic romance to a family tragedy, and now that I think about it, Rose's loyalty to Hugo makes her a true Weasley - she still has a grain of that deep-rooted family connection, even if she only feels it for her brother.

I wish I knew how my characters end up like this! Then I'd happily share it with everyone. Most of what I do is just let them grow on their own with little pre-planning - let them develop as the plot develops. How much do they control their world, and how much does that world control them? In this story, it's like they're all stuck on this track to inevitable doom, but that's the Shakespearean influence coming through. It's wonderful that you like how all of the characters turned out in this story! :D

Thank you again for this day (year?) making review! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to respond to, but it doesn't mean that I haven't appreciated it or the time that you've taken to read and review this story. ^_^
It's interesting that you compared Montague's mask-like face to Tom Riddle. This chapter then made everything come to full circle after the revelation that this is a war. This is much bigger than Scorpius and Rose now, a lot of lives are at stake. It's the ultimate game of strategy - a real life chessboard, and we are all pawns.

The end was inevitable. They both knew it was too dangerous for Hugo to go with them, but she still insisted. I knew that if there was one person she would love more than him, it would be her brother.

Like you rightly said, it wasn't love. I believe that Scorpius loved enough for both of them. If she believed in him then surely his life would've been spared, as well as her brother's. It's sort of a vengeful end, you've turned the ScoRose fandom on its head with this one, I think.

Part of me doesn't think the last line - the quotation - is necessary. Certainly I understood why you put it there, but to me it sounds better without it. It breaks the flow even if this is the end of the story.

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this story! Taking points from the play, you created your own tragedy, one that I never saw coming actually.


Author's Response: If I remember correctly, I wanted Montague to be a shadow of Tom Riddle - in possession of a Riddle-esque yearning for power without that next step into madness (the desire to live forever). Montague just wants to rule and take back the world for purebloods. (This is why I could have done a novel - it's too easy to write about him.)

The story broadened out more than I'd originally planned, taking in this whole complicated Cold War of sorts, leaving the romance in the shadows. What it does, however, is show how immature especially Scorpius is because he holds onto this adolescent love even while the world is falling apart around him. He doesn't care about the war, only about love - I ended up making him as stupid as I've always regarded Romeo. Well, maybe stupid is too harsh - naive and idealistic might be more appropriate. By this part of the story, he's almost entirely lost his reason in the face of his passion - as the chapter goes on, he loses even more.

Oh my gosh, you've said the most amazingly perfect thing that I hoped someone would say because it was what I was trying to do all along. *gasps for air* I wanted to turn the ship on its head. I wanted to write a Scorose that totally destroyed the ideals of that ship, showing how absolutely wrong that relationship could go.

I'll take a look at that quotation. I was probably stretching too much there. Endings are the hardest thing for me to write because I'd love to end with something incredibly profound, but never can think of the right words when I get there. *sigh* Thanks for pointing that out!

And thank you for these reviews! It's been a pleasure to follow along as you read through this story, and I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it! :D
Hey again! I'm reviewing this as I go along, so please bear with me :)

The introduction of Act Three Scene One makes me think that you had something else in store for these characters. All based on that semi-ominous line in chapter 1, and Montague and Malfoy's plan.

You're always hinting at a darkness surrounding Rose. As I read her conversation with Scorpius, I keep hearing the words 'every Rose has its thorns' in my head. They are polar opposites here. One wouldn't expect Scorpius to be so cautious, but here he is. Rose is definitely the dangerous one, and you don't even have to "tell" us. Every word use to describe her, all the things she says, proves that she'll hurt you one way or the other. I thought those were good contrasts to show as well. Scorpius obviously wants a simple life, out of harm's way despite his talents and usefulness. Rose always seems to place a barrier between them. He may have her, but it doesn't seem like she's truly his. Like her ivory tower is a pedestal, and she's just out of reach.

The most telling part of this chapter was the scene with Scorpius and Montague. The latter is shown in a much different light than before. Like the danger alluded to earlier in the chapter, it has now manifested into the words and actions of one Dorian Montague. It's much more frightening that he doesn't kill his cousin right then and there; obviously he has much bigger plans.

I like the allusion of Scorpius being the white knight - the saviour, one that was always pure (like his Nan's family motto suggested). He brought them glory, but now he wants none of it. I never understood the significance of that from the first chapter, until you brought it back now. From the perspective of the Slytherins', he's the black sheep.


Author's Response: Now I'm trying to remember how much planning I actually did put into this story. XD I honestly can't remember whether, in chapter one, I was already thinking about chapter three. I might have let it build naturally in some ways too, particularly with Montague, who is a strong personality and thus it makes sense that he would do something radical like try to take over Wizarding Britain. >< It's less certain, though, why Scorpius lets himself get involved - he's a strange character, very slippery because he's incredibly smart, quietly waiting for his opportunity, yet also naive, believing in something (Rose's love) that doesn't actually exist. I still can't really make sense of him.

Oh yay, it's fabulous to hear that Rose's personality came through without me having to explicitly say that there's something just plain /wrong/ about her. She certainly is dangerous, an example of genius that has gone too far, overwhelming sympathy and feeling, and it makes her impossible to possess. She is perhaps as close to a sociopath as I could write. Scorpius is fascinated by her because of this - his cautiousness finds its equal in her recklessness. He wants to own her, whether as a curiosity or because she fulfils his lack, I'm not quite sure.

The scenes between Scorpius and Montague actually ended up being my favourite to write. It was a surprise, as I rarely write Slytherins in starring roles, but this group ended up being so interesting, very complicated and confused in their motives, constantly and obsessively planning the impossible. I could have written a whole novel about Montague's coup.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing each chapter of this story! As I told you before, I never expected so much, and I really appreciate it. ^_^
2012-07-18 10:04pm
The unfortunate thing about me reviewing this is that I never read Romeo and Juliet before tonight - well, a brief wikipedia synopsis. And honestly, you've meshed things together so well! I find it can be very difficult to convert these plays or novels to fit the fandom, but really I am impressed (not that I expected anything less from you anyway). I'd love to see the notes you had when preparing this.

This chapter perfectly introduces the balcony scene, which I thought you pulled off quite well. Even if you are emulating Juliet through Rose, and Romeo through Scorpius, they are still their own people (relatively speaking). It actually does sound like it belongs to that era! The way the characters speak to each other, and how you've written the tone of this story.

The flow of this story was good too. Quite a number of things happen, and you haven't drawn it out to add more to the story, and nothing is squished together so that you can get to the important parts quickly.

If I hadn't read the synopsis, I would've thought that Scorpius and Montague were up to something sinister. One of the last lines of chapter one played on my mind as I read the end of this one too - 'the idol with a heart of black', in reference to Rose? Could this possibly be foreshadowing?


Author's Response: Just having a general idea of Romeo & Juliet is all that's needed - I only chose it because often Scorpius and Rose are portrayed along the same lines, and I always have fun exploring and pushing the boundaries of cliches. It's been a while since I've read R&J too, but I'm glad that this story follows it so well! I seem to be doing a lot of classic literature conversions lately, but it's hard not to be inspired by those books (especially since I pretty much read them for a living) and want to adapt them in new ways.

To be honest, this story never had notes. Some of my others do, but with this one, it was all kept in my head, and even then, I only had a strong impression of the very end of the story - everything in between was done on the spot to get me where I wanted to go. Notes are something I know I ought to do, but often I just keep a very loose notion of the story in my head.

I'm very glad to hear that, even with the influence of Shakespeare's play, Rose and Scorpius do sound like independent characters. I had to do some revisions on this chapter in that regard, so it's wonderful news that those revisions paid off. :D But I also wanted to keep a certain formality? in their speech and in the narration. I don't know how better to explain it. In some ways, I found it added to the atmosphere, as though they're on stage rather than actually existing in real life.

They /are/ up to something sinister. :P They just don't take Rose into consideration as much as they should - she's way smarter than all of the combined and has some tricks of her own up her sleeve. There's definitely foreshadowing in that last line, but what it foreshadows? I'm not telling. ;)

Thank you again for the fantastic review! I'm enjoying following along with your journey through this crazy story. :D
2012-07-18 10:03pm
Your description is something that always draws me to your stories. It's simple, and in that way, it makes the scene more vivid. Most authors tend to overdo it - in my opinion anyway. You took the audience from the castle grounds, and sort of panned in to the goings on in the Great Hall - like something I'd see in a movie. I thought that was a nice touch. At the same time, you've set up something with the environment, it makes it seem like if this change in weather was beyond nature's control of it. Maybe I'm reading too much into that.

I love that you used the 'old guard' of Slytherin house instead of creating completely new characters. It reminded me of the earlier books where the parents of these boys were on the Quidditch team, carrying out the same types of strategies, and probably making the same kind of deals. I thought picking Scorpius mirrored when his own father was picked for the Slytherin team, and this information was revealed to the others.

I must admit, I got a bit confused as to who was talking at some points - namely after Montague's reaction to Rose's selection. Whether it be Albus or James. I dunno if I read it wrong, but I figured I should point it out anyway.

Again, you mirrored similar scenes that the characters' parents would've been in when they were at Hogwarts. Draco's shrewdness, and Ron's eye for chess. At first one might have thought it was over for our Rose, but the chapter wasn't quite finished yet. It always seems like if the entire world is against Slytherin House - maybe I'm biased.

What I found most interesting was the interaction between Rose and Scorpius after everyone else left. It was one of those moments when you can quite honestly say "but there was something about her/him", and it would be true. They're not sure how they are drawn to one another, but there it is.


Author's Response: These reviews! I'm sorry to have left them for so long - they're amazing and detailed and everything I ever could have wanted. However, that makes it ten times as hard to respond to them. :P

It's fantastic that you like the description in this story, particularly in this first chapter. I wanted to set the tone of the story relatively quick, and although I have a tendency to overuse pathetic fallacy, it suits this introduction incredibly well, and the entire plot falls into place around this one moment - a game of chess. It's not only a game between Rose and Scorpius, but also between two sides of what would become a war, all starting with a stormy afternoon.

You know, I never thought of the Slytherins as mirrors for their parents. I developed Rose around her mother's logic and father's talents with chess, but I never even thought of Scorpius reenacting what happened to his father. It's so cool, though, because it fits - all that's different with Scorpius is his personality, but he's still the privileged Slytherin pureblood, treated well by his fellows because of his name. I do talk about history repeating itself in the final chapter, but it's interesting how that was already appearing here at the beginning.

I'll take a look at the dialogue for Albus and James. I think I was trying to hard to maintain a formal syntax and when it came to having two Potters, it just fell apart. Thanks for pointing that out!

That's just it about Scorpius and Rose. It's somewhat cliched, but in this story, it works because it was the same for Romeo and Juliet. It's not necessarily love, just this strange attraction, like something forcing them together against their wills. It was an interesting aspect of this story, writing that kind of moment.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! It means so much to hear from you! ^_^
So remember that time when you won a challenge and I promised you five reviews? Well, I never forgot about it, honestly. I just had to get through exams and whatnot. Now I'm here. :)

What jumped out at me here was how you described falling in love at the end-- It really sounded like something sinister, or dangerous. I can see how one might think that, but it's rare to see it down on paper, so blunt, and without any mention of the better parts. Which I guess goes along with what you warned in your summary to be a pretty dark story.

You did a really nice job with the characters in this as well (not much of a surprise). Rose in particular stood out in about five seconds as a strong girl, not to be ignored or crossed. She oozed a sort of energy, too. She was extremely likable.

Speaking of likable, that adjective can pretty much describe the rest of the chapter as well. I'm not the biggest fan of the whole head-over-heels in love at first sight, but tied into your Romeo and Juliet theme (and helped by a hearty dose of good writing), I'm happy to go along with it here and see where it takes me. Nice job.

Four more reviews to come (hopefully) in all due speed.

Author's Response: Haha, I think the one who forgot about it was me. I was surprised to see a new review for this story (it's been so long!), so thank you for being able to leave feedback. It's a story that I really have to finish this year, but it's been hard, not only because it's a Scorose, but also because I'm not getting enough feedback to feel confident about it.

Anyway, I am planning on changing that falling in love scene at the end to make it less drastic, instead showing Scorpius to have an unhealthy obsession for Rose. She's a strange character - and I'm glad to hear that you like her - and I'd like to emphasize that Scorpius is drawn to her. He can't help it, but something about her personality is just magnetic - dangerous, overwhelming, but magnetic. That's why there's that ominous note to the falling in love - for Romeo and Juliet, it's the moment that seals their fates and instigates the tragedy, and it's much the same for Cathy and Heathcliff. There's going to be very little happiness and fluff here. :P

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story! I'm going to be editing it soon, and hopefully I can get that done before you read the rest. ^_^
2011-12-31 7:31pm
“I wouldn’t cross Rose Weasley, not if I were you or anybody else.” After a pause, watching Montague closely, he added in a lower tone, “You know what they say: every rose’s got its thorns.”

when I read this. It made me smile. I always love reading Romero/Juliet Harry Potter style stories. And yours is superb! The detail in the writing, makes me feel like I'm there! I can't wait to read the rest. and more of your stories!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's good to hear that you enjoyed it! :)
Hey, this apocalypse back with your review! =)

I went into more detail for this chapter as you had mentioned it in your areas of concern. So, let's start off with the areas of concern, shall we?

Characterization: A very interesting interpretation of both Rose and Malfoy's characters with the Romeo/Juliet perception. I liked how you portrayed them with such intensity; you gave a very detailed description on their characterization. However somewhere in between, I felt that, you lost the real Malfoy/Rose. You should have mixed Romeo's character with Malfoy's instead of CONVERTING him into one. Your POV is not wrong, just that you seem to give more weightage to both Romeo/Juliet part rather than to Rose/Malfoy. The dialogues: they seemed to be lacking the Weasley/Malfoy touch; however, I was glad to see that you put their dialogues in a way that made YOUR idea and perception of them very clear. So good job with that =) Both their characterization seemed a bit off track which disturbs the picture; I hope I'm making my point clear. I really want you to achieve just the right balance while characterization; it sure will add more fun while reading your story. =)

Montague: A very impressive character. I like the dominating quality of his personality; it complements your scenario. Using the big 'Tom Riddle' name to reflect him? Worked well for the story; smart move. =).You were successful in portraying him as the ultimate Slytherin =P

Plot development: You were, to some extent, successful in further developing your plot. But the thing that shadowed your progression was Rose/Malfoy scenario. You dragged it a bit or maybe it seemed so due to the details you wrote regarding the weather. The atmosphere is already set; you don't always have to give in SO much detail. You wrote paragraphs of description which could have been summarized into one or two; you could have focused more on the dialogues and their actual feelings. However, the second scenario seemed to be more appropriate in contributing more towards the progression than the first one. You have the potential in you, work on these minor things and your story will rock it. =)

Style: The style you've adopted is very rare these days; it has almost all the characteristics of an old novel writing style. You've got a very strong weapon on your side: description. LOVE it! Seriously, there are some places where I actually feel as if I am reading an actual classic. As I mentioned earlier it's very hard to replicate classical novels but your writing, in terms of style, seemed flawless. Well done! =)

Thankyou so much for requesting! And I just read your post! I'm SO happy that you liked my reviews. Hope you like this one too and it helps you just as much =) Goodluck! And Happy Writing!! =D

Author's Response: Thank you for returning to review the third chapter! I really appreciate your opinions and critique - it's going a long way to renewing my interest in this story, which is something I definitely needed.

I understand what you're saying about the characterizations, and this chapter actually went worse than the last in that regard, especially with Scorpius. He's a very difficult character to capture correctly for me, and my struggle with both him and Rose is one reason I started writing this story in the first place, but my weakness is showing through way too much.

Montague, on the other hand, I'm almost surprised at because I also wasn't sure about him, especially whether or not I was overdoing his characterization - whether he was too evil, in other words. He's a ghastly sort of person and terrified me while writing him - Scorpius comes through best in the scenes with him, I think, when one can see the similarities and differences between the two cousins. I'm pleased that Montague worked out so well, though! ^_^

I'll work on the plot and characterization for Scorpius and Rose, hopefully fixing the latter will, as you said, make the former flow much more smoothly. I see what you mean - that section was one I added because I worried that the romantic bits were... absent, but I'll edit it out again. :)

It is a very old style - I made the mistake of reading Wuthering Heights while planning and starting this story, so the Bronte influence is definitely heavy. Whatever I'm reading really affects what I'm writing, so all of that Victorian stuff I read in the summer is squished into this story. XD It's good to hear that it's not taking away from the story in any way because it's something I had fun adding to this story. :D

This review did help a lot, too! Really, you're an amazing reviewer and if I need help with this or another story, I'll definitely ask you. ^_^
2011-12-02 1:19pm
And I'm back for round 2!

Woah, I never imagined Hogwarts in the way you described it; it's like an entire different place. Who knew description could change the entire perception? Makes your story different or should I say makes your Hogwarts seem different? Haha. It's a good change =) Well most of the stories I read had this same old description of Hogwarts and now you're actually the first one I know who has actually created a Hogwarts that can be known as the next generations' Hogwarts. Well done! =)

I would like to mention some things that call for some attention. I like how you reflect your characters' feelings through weather but in order to maintain some realism in your story try describing their feelings directly instead of taking a longer route; instead of depending on the weather you really should focus on what they're actually feeling. I hope I'm making my point clear. I mean even though it's inspired by classical novels, mix it up with the modern literature; actual Hogwarts scenario and give it your own touch. I hope you give it a thought and work on it. =)

I loved the replication of Shakespeare's Balcony scene. The transition was simply amazing and the best part? It actually seemed appropriate in a Hogwarts setting. Good job! Though, I felt that you got carried away. Well actually? I won't blame you. The scene got me absorbed in it as well. I mean while reading it I almost forgot that it's Rose/Malfoy and NOT Romeo and Juliet. Just make sure you don't lose yourself to the extent that you forget who your actual main characters are. Though, you sure seemed to be realizing it in the upcoming scenes and fixed it to some extent =).

I am glad you didn't drag the whole Malfoy/Rose relationship by keeping it a secret; I actually enjoy seeing both of them being so open about it. Especially Malfoy, his answers were very entertaining. =). Also, Rose for having the guts to tell James, now that's her; bold and confident.

Really well done up till now! I hope my review helped you! =)

Author's Response: I'm very sorry for not getting back to you sooner with these responses - these are the best critical reviews I've gotten in the long time, if not ever, and I wanted to give them the time and effort they deserved... but then I forgot to come back to this story and edit it as you suggested. I'll still have to do that before I write the last chapter, just so that everything ends consistently. That won't be as soon as I planned, but I should respond to your reviews before they sit for another ungracious month.

Your points on overdoing the Romeo & Juliet theme (or foundation) are excellent, and I'm very glad that you mentioned them, as well as explaining exactly where they occur. Even without looking back into the chapter, I know what parts you're referring to - they're ones that I got carried away with while writing, a kind of automatic writing, I suppose, and it both jars the flow of the action and immerses the story in too much Shakespeare, making it less... mine. It's one thing to recreate the balcony scene in a new way, but quite another to force the characters into roles that don't exactly suit them. It isn't doing them justice, and perhaps that's why I've been struggling to finish this story off. I wanted Rose to be a dark, selfish character, but if she's too busy being "Juliet-esque", there is going to be a clash resulting in too many inconsistencies. That will be the hardest edit, but one that will make the story much better and easier to make sense of in my head while thinking about this story. You lighted on the one thing I think that I needed to feel more positive about this story again. :D

Thank you very much for your compliments as well! I'm really glad to hear that you liked the descriptions of Hogwarts - more like gratified actually because I so rarely write stories taking place there. That's probably why it seems like a different place because I'm not used to writing about it, nor am I used to placing so much emphasis on its description. In this story, though, the castle is almost a character, a living entity that works to help Rose and Scorpius foster their romance. I would have loved to have made this chapter into something longer, if I had the time, further developing the romance and the atmosphere. However, it could have become more cliched that way, too.

Anyway, thank you again for your wonderful help! When I finish the ending, you're definitely going to get credit! :D
2011-12-02 12:11pm
Hey, this is apocalypse, here with you review!

Let's start off with some appreciation.

The beginning was a very visual introduction to a chapter; the start was described in a classic manner that grabbed my attention immediately! It's hard to replicate stories like Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet but you were pretty successful at it. Well done! =). I like the idea of chess at Hogwarts; you choose a really suitable substitute for Quidditch. Irrespective of the change in the competition, the rivalry between the two houses was maintained pretty well. Good job.

Description: An amazing description! It's bees SO long since I saw so much description and do not have to advise you to add more! I feel really good about it. I look for description a lot and I have to say that so far your description level was really good. The description of the chess game got me absorbed in the scene to the extent that even I could feel the tension. Making your readers feel the way your characters feel? It's a huge achievement! Excellent job! = ). The details regarding the weather added to the intensity of the scenario. Keep it up! However, I'm afraid that I have to say that it went slightly overboard. It wasn't wrong but it would've been a teeny bit different and better if you would have cut down on it only a teensy bit. But that's just my opinion; you can ignore it if you want because despite the suggestion, I still think that your description was amazing =)

Rose: A very impressive entrance; made me like her character that very second. Though, I'm afraid I have some issues with Malfoy's character. I mean he being a Malfoy, I would expect him to complete disregard a Weasley's appearance and not notice it in as much detail as he did; not yet anyway. It just sounded abrupt.

Also in reference to Rose you wrote, 'who now loved her' it was a big jump to the conclusion, don't you think? It's been years and a chess game made Malfoy notice and fall in love with her at the same time? The flow doesn't seem to have established. Maybe if you explained how it's been a while since he started noticing her, in the past few years; summarizing it would have made it sound more appropriate. The part where Malfoy's blushing, hiding and admiring Rose, do you think that's what a Malfoy would do? Sure, a Romeo would. =). Not that your new perception of his character is wrong, you just need to work on the transition of Romeo being a Malfoy. These are merely suggestions and I don't intend to offend your anything =) Just saying what I think. Of course, your idea of Romeo being Malfoy would have a special meaning to you =)

Towards the end. The ending paragraph was the highlight of the chapter for me! =DD That is what a Malfoy-ish description should be like. I was very glad to read it =)

I hope my review helps you! Again, no offence intended =)

Author's Response: Your reviews are extremely helpful! It's wonderful that you took the time to read the chapters so carefully and make such detailed recommendations for improving them. This story is a troubling one for me because it's one that I challenged myself to write - mostly in terms of being Scorose and focused more on the Slytherins - but written in a style that I'm very familiar with, a style that's not really used for Next-Gen stories. It's meant a strange confusion of things, though. XD

I really like your point about Scorpius falling for her that quickly. It can happen, but it's not so much "love" as "attraction" or, as in his case, an infatuation. He never really loves her, but rather finds himself fascinated by her vitality, however much he is repelled by her innate cruelty and emotional distance. I think that by saying "love", I was half-making fun of typical romance stories, particularly those in the Romeo & Juliet line. Instead, I'll change it to infatuation, and hopefully that works as something more realistic.

Your point about confusing the Shakespeare characters with Rose and Scorpius is true, and I really have to watch for that - it's something that I'll be editing over the holidays before finishing off the story. I'm really glad that you mentioned it because those parts of the story were the ones I was having most trouble with. Scorpius and Rose on their own, separated from one another, are easy to write, but when I put them together in this story, they melt into their R&J roles and lose their individuality - it's definitely a weakness of the story.

On the other hand, I'm extremely glad that the descriptions (of other things) turned out so well! I let myself go wild with descriptions in this story, and it's so much fun to go into that much detail to evoke atmosphere. I was reading Wuthering Heights while writing this chapter, and the Bronte style is really laid on heavy. It was very interesting to write a chess game like this, but wizard's chess is intense, and thus it required a very tense atmosphere. :D

Thank you again for the wonderful reviews! I've found your suggestions very helpful and not at all offensive - it's great to get a strong critique, as there's always room for improvement and a second or third or forth opinion is very helpful to have. ^_^ I'll respond to the other two reviews soon!


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