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Story: Mystery and Mayhem at the Cirque d'Haverghast

Since I loved your other story, I decided to read this one as well, and I think it's a wonderful idea and you've set it up very well so far. 

First off, I wanted to let you know that I found a tiny typo in the second paragraph. You wrote "Hermion" instead of "Hermione". Besides that, everything looks fine with the writing. If there are any grammar mistakes, typos, or anything like that, I was too busy enjoying the story to notice.

Something else that stood out to me, and slightly confused was Teddy driving. I noticed Hermione praise Teddy quickly for driving well, so I can assume he's still learning. But, judging from James, Albus, and Rose's ages, I can also assume that Teddy should be around thirteen or fourteen, which makes it a bit strange that he'd be driving already. I don't recall ever hearing of this, but do they start driving earlier in Britain than in places such as the US?  

I really love your characterizations; especially Rose. I like her because certain aspects of her character in fanfiction have become a bit overdone (bossy know-it-all with a fiery temper), but here she is less of her parents and more of an individual.

I absolutely love the shyness in Victoire as she greets Teddy. It's a cute hint at the crush (I think) she has on him. Especially because they're at the perfect age where Victoire starts noticing Teddy in a different way, while Teddy is a bit clueless.

So about them finding magical surprises, what they found were supposed to relate to themselves, right? Because I did notice several connections between characters and their surprises. Rose with her rose, the towels can change appearance like Teddy can, seven candles like the seven Weasley children, A phoenix like Fawkes, an artificial dog like how Ron's patronus is a jack russell terrier, and a bookcase for Hermione who loves books. I have no clue about Fleur and Bill though. I may be completely off with these assumptions, but maybe I'm just a little close??? 

Anyway, besides all the rambling used in this review, I hope that it's clear that I really enjoyed this chapter and I think you have a very interesting story idea. You're quickly becoming a favorite author of mine on HPFF.

Author Response

*dies* Worst typo I've ever made, I think. Thank you so much for pointing that out, I'll fix it as soon as possible. XD

Teddy's meant to be sixteen here, but I may have miscounted the ages. I'll cover all the possibilities by saying that it's a flying car, (my backstory says that Mr Weasley made a new one, and can pretty much get away with all the tinkering he wants, now that they're a family of heroes) and so doesn't abide by Muggle laws anyway, but I will also definitely take another look at the ages and see if tweaking needs to be done. Because on the other hand, Hermione would probably be making a fuss if they weren't following the Muggle laws anyway. XD

Yes, that definitely was a hint at the crush, and I'm glad you like the characterization! I love Next Gen, but I hesitated a long time before starting to write it, just because of all the characterization issues with them. A lot of them we don't get to see at all, but unlike OCs, a lot of their background is already set, so it's both the best and the worst of both worlds, depending on the writer's current mood, I suppose. XD

And yes! I was wondering if anyone would catch that, or if the subtle ones were so subtle, that the obvious ones would just be overlooked. XD It's meant to be a hint at some of the later eery magic that the circus reveals, because while some of them are fairly simple (Rose's rose), there's no real reason that anyone at the circus should know what Ron's patronus is, or that Teddy is a metamorphmagus. (The singing is because I've decided Fleur likes to sing and I'd already used flowers with Rose :P [it was cheating just a bit, but it was the best I could come up with at the time, although now I'm thinking something should have danced instead, for a Veela reference] and the runes are a reference to Bill's work at the bank.)

Thanks so much for the review. Favorite author? I'm extraordinarily flattered. XD And extraordinarily motivated to update more, of course, so thank you very much for that!

Hey there! It's VioletBlade, the issuer of the challenge :D So I have one request, could you possibly put in the summary somewhere that it was written for my challenge? I think I forgot to add that into the rules, which is completely my fault.

Hehe, the first thing I noticed was Fleur's accent. I liked that you made it so she lost it since she's now lived in England for so long, but gets it back when she's around French-type things. That was a really explanation, and most people either forget to explain why she doesn't have her accent or why she still does, you know?

Other thing, I loved the descriptions you gave of the enchantments, and now I'm curious as to what you're referring to in the summary as everything seems so harmless now. :S Ooh, and I also wonder what it was that Albus found and if it's important... :)

All in all, great first chapter, and I can't wait for updates!

Merry Christmas!

~VB

Author Response

Yeeks, yeah, I'll definitely put that in as soon as the queue reopens. :D

I'm glad you liked that! At first I wasn't going to attempt the accent at all, because I always feel like I write accents too heavy-handedly. But I kept thinking that it wasn't very realistic, if she was back in France, because every person I've ever known who lost their accent gets it back when they go home, or even when their family comes to visit them. Plus I don't think she'll have very many lines in any of the other chapters, so I hope it won't be too distracting.

Yes, the sinister bits start showing up a bit more in the next chapter. There are a few in this one, if you look really closely, but the full-on creepiness won't show up until the third chapter, I think. Sort of... edging into it. XD I do think that Albus's discovery is important, but it's more of a characterization importance, not a plot one. As far as I know. It may very well become important to the plot later on, and I just haven't spotted it yet. XD

Happy holidays to you too!

- Evan

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