Search Home Read Write Contact Login Register

I am so sad to see this story abandoned, but I shall review all the chapters posted because what you have is brilliant and I can pretend that it's the ending of a film noir when I reach the last chapter :P

I just love Albus' narration so much. His voice is funny but I don't think he realises just how amusing he is. I like how he narrates it almost as if he's in a film noir or a gangster movie with one of those voice-overs. I love it!

Poor Scorpius! No one gives him a chance, do they? To be honest, there isn't much to him just yet. Albus does seem more interesting as a character than Scorpius at the moment, especially with that middle-child syndrome he has going on, but I'd love to see Scorpius come into his own - or at least, his relationship with Albus grow.

And who is this mysterious girl? Other than being their mark of course. I'm sure there's more than meets the eye with her if she's got Albus describing her as a femme fatale and eyes the colour of cornflowers :P No good detective story worth its salt is complete without a femme fatale. I have high hopes for her - in the two remaining chapters.

And that cliffhanger! Always a cliffhanger. This one's worse than the one in the last chapter, though. Bomb explosions are scary, especially when used as cliffhangers!

I'll be back soon, I hope :)

Author's Response: I was sad to abandon this story! It was fun to write, but I really don't have the time or energy to devote to it - it's another sad example of a story begun impulsively, without thinking far enough ahead. It's very kind of you to keep reading and reviewing - if you do want to know what would have happened next, I can give you a summary over PM on the forums. :D

That's exactly the kind of tone I wanted to convey with Albus's narration - he wants to be that cool detective from film noirs, and I can totally imagine him watching those films on his days off. XD

A lot of this story was going to centre on Albus and Scorpius's relationship, and on how Albus learns how to trust Scorpius - he slowly sees what Scorpius has to offer, and gives Scorpius that chance that everyone else has denied him. They do make a great team once they've gotten used to each others' methods.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! It means a lot to hear that you've enjoyed it so far!

Oh, it's been so long since I read the first chapter of this, I'd forgotten how much fun this was!

I absolutely adore Albus. He's just as much an elitist as Malfoy, but his elitism is much more subtle - or different, I don't know. I haven't quite decided. He does appear to be enjoying his position of power over Malfoy a whole lot!

Scorpius is also fun, because he's so different to the way I've seen him portrayed typically. He doesn't seem to have as fine a control over his emotions as Lucius or Draco did (or used to, before you know, Voldemort happened) and I love that he's a bit of a potty mouth. I'm excited to see where their relationship will go. Will it remain the same? Or will it evolve?

I giggled at the ending. They don't seem to be very good at surveillance, no matter how much either of them pretend and posture! I'm wondering what wonderful excuse they'll come up with to explain their terribly spying?

Your writing is wonderful as always. I've read some of your other work, and I think that this story is a little different from the types of things that I've read of yours already. It's still incredibly excellent!

PS: Is the Bulgarian mobster Victor Krum? OMG that's fantastic!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! :D It's lovely to hear that this story is fun - that's just the kind of thing I hoped readers would feel about it. It's a pretty shameless story, not at all serious, just playing with as many cliches as possible with as many one-liners as I can manage (which isn't many, but oh well :P).

You've pointed out a very important aspect of Albus's character as well as of his narration. He's guilty of many of the same things as Scorpius, but he either refuses to admit it, or (and this is more likely) he doesn't realize it. His self-evaluation skills are somewhat lacking.

I'm hoping that their relationship will evolve (if I manage to finish this story, which would be nice). They're supposed to learn how to trust one another and see how well they work together as a team - they discover tyat they do have a decent chemistry and can bounce ideas off one another well, which is perfect for Auror partners.

It's great to hear that you like Scorpius's quirks. I enjoy writing him differently like this - there are a lot of ways to develop him, and it's fun to find new ways of interpreting his character.

Thank you for the wonderful compliments! It means so much to hear them from you! ^_^ And it means a lot that you're enjoying the story. :D

You have no idea how long it took me to decide which story I would read and review. First of all, you're an amazing writer, and practically anything that comes out of your figurative quill is bound to be amazing, so really, I had to pick ONE story/chapter to gush over. Do you realise how difficult that is? Also, fifty-six stories? That's such an amazing achievement in time and dedication alone, before we even begin to consider the actual calibre of the writing. Eventually, I decided to pick this one because I've never actually read any of your humour/comedy, except Pride and Pestilence, which I'm not counting here because it follows a completely different set of rules.

Anyway, onto the actual review!

Literally one paragraph in, and all I want to know about is "the Rose issue" and why one would need to take a few days to fix it. Obviously, it's not something that can be sorted out over a weekend, BUT I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS.

My first impression of Albus is completely based on his impressions on Scorpius. Is Albus really dismissing him on such a superficial basis, or is there more to it? It seems like a really silly thing to do, and to me, it speaks a lot about Albus' character already.

"There simply wasn’t a convenient Dark Lord prancing around anymore." I had the strangest mental image of Voldemort galloping through the wreckage of Hogwarts after the final battle. In other words, the line was super funny for me.

Okay, I totally dissed Albus for being so superficial earlier, but I see too much of myself in him to really hate him. He's actually quite endearing in a way. So is Scorpius for that matter, but in a different sense. I'm looking forward to seeing how their relationship changes over time, and how their two personalities will interact with each other. From a character development point of view, I think this story is going to be a lot of fun!

I totally loved this chapter, in all of its short glory. As I've already mentioned, I'm excited about where these characters will be going, in both a literal and figurative sense. I hope to be back for chapter two soon!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for these compliments! The 56 doesn't feel like that many, not over 9 years, but it means a lot to hear that it's such an achievement. I haven't thought very much about it, and I probably should. :D

Haha, the Rose issue is either her relationship with someone the family doesn't like - not Scorpius in this case, for once - or it's that she's decided to run off to another country to take on an unexpected job. I can't remember what exactly I had in mind, and I have a terrible feeling that it's something I entirely forgot after writing the first chapter. *hides*

Albus is actually dismissing Scorpius on a superficial basis. For someone who prides himself on being a detective, Albus is seriously narrow-minded, and in this story, his narrow-mindedness is clearest when he discusses gender and gender norms. Albus sees Scorpius as not masculine enough, and he reads the main female character in a similar way in later chapters. I like to make my main characters problematic, and it's great that you noticed this problem of Albus's so soon. He has his moments, and is for the most part, an okay guy, but this is one of his particular character flaws, and it has a significant effect on the plot. It also opens the door for some solid character development as the story continues.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! I'm very glad that you enjoyed the first chapter!
I love how Scorpius is the "anti-partner." He's so dramatic and perfect. I think your Al/Scorpius non-friendship is the best I've read. Though I am secretly hoping that they will eventually become friends, or you know, go against the Beaver together to still work on this case somehow. And Scorpius is such a little brown-noser! But I love how he doesn't get any recognition for it all.

Of course Phyllis escaped, she's like a mastermind criminal or you know, a mobster girlfriend. Poor Al and Scorp can't catch a break, can they?

Now, why aren't there any more chapters? I hope you're writing more!! And sorry these aren't very long. I'm not really sure what else to say. :(

Author's Response: For this chapter, I gave Scorpius a lot more freedom - I wasn't sure what to do with him before, hence the silence. The focus on Albus as narrator meant that Scorpius was more difficult to "know". It's wonderful that you like how he has turned out in this chapter because I was uncertain and uncomfortable... and yes, it means a lot to have you call him "perfect" and that the relationship between the two of them is that good. Total fangirl moment going on right now, that's all I can say. ^_^

I'm also not saying anything that may reveal the plot I have in mind. :P It will be fun, but it will be strange and complicated.

The plan is to write more. hopefully soon! Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story - your reviews have helped inspire me to keep going, and I really appreciate that. :D
So I definitely read this yesterday but didn't get around to reviewing, it seems.

Finally! Scorpius is released from the spell. Now we can hear his whining again. ;) I love how Albus is so in control, and all about the action. I'm glad you brought up the terrorist attacks and reminding the Muggles of them; it kind of makes it more real, you know? I felt so bad when that boy told Al his mom was in the building, so I'm really glad that she's okay.

Poor Al is just setting up for failure, isn't he? I'm kind of amused by his use of a mobile for taking photos though. Comes in handy for quick things like that.

And then comparing Scorpius to his grandmother! God, the two of them are great together. And Phyllis is fantastic, she thinks she's so superior to the boys and I love it. And Bogey-Wogey? I mean, really? Bahaha, that's great.

I love how Al doesn't want Scorpius to have the last word but then HE DOES! Oh, Al...this is just beginning and I'm already loving their interactions. So, so good.

Author's Response: Oh god, you like Scorpius's whining? :P Don't let Albus hear you, or else he'll do a bunk and leave you to solve the case with Scorpius instead. not that he could leave this case, not with the way that it has captured his interest, not to mention his sympathies. It was important to have him see the aftermath of the bomb first-hand to bring home how serious it was - for all that this is a humourous story, I don't want it to lose sight of how serious these things are (it was something lacking from "Murder on the Hogwarts Express" that I want to fix in this story).

Albus has very little self-confidence, poor guy. It's like he sets himself up so as to avoid being disappointed, which doesn't say much about his successes this far. The use of the mobile is a bit of a cheat, but I'm glad it worked (no one else has mentioned it so far, strangely enough!) - my assumption is that, by this time in the wizarding world, young wizards are making use of the "muggle magic" available to them and perhaps acting more kindly to muggles in general. :P Harry's influence and that sort of thing.

It's fantastic that you're enjoying the humour and the characters - it is a lot of fun to write this story, even if it takes forever to get into the right mood for it, and it means a lot that you're having fun reading it. Thank you! ^_^
This new girl has certainly got me intrigued with her whole femme fatale looking going on, and yet her casual mention of seeing Scorpius on the cover of Witch Weekly. I love Al's narrative in this story, how he just goes off for like a paragraph and then he's just like, "I digress." He's such a solidly funny character, very self-entitled sometimes, I think, and it's fantastic.

The bit about how she could possibly assume that him and Scorpius were at the hotel for a hook-up had me in stitches. I love the pairing, but it's kind of hilarious to see a version where it could be implied they are in a relationship and Al is completely against the idea. He's certainly made Scorpius look like lady's man, though, that's for sure. Too bad he couldn't unleash that charming personality of his on this girl.

I kind of miss Scorpius, though I was really amused when the girl re-silenced him after listening to him go off. I love Al, don't get me wrong, but I really adore their banter the most, and I kind of miss it.

Al jinxed himself when he said bad things come in threes! I can only assume the whole bomb thing is the third bad thing. I'm glad there's still a couple more chapters so I don't have to wait in anticipation to find out what happens next.

Two corrections:

He was an conceited - 'an' = 'a'

but as the preferred to conquer the female sex, - 'the' = 'he'

Great update! I'm really enjoying this story, a lot. You should write humor/parody more often. :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you like both the girl and Al's narrative. There were a lot more of his digressions initially, but people said that it was overdoing things, so I've limited myself to one per chapter. He's a wordy guy, this Albus, and keeps going off on tangents - makes me wonder why he didn't become a professor rather than an auror. :P It makes these chapters easier to write, though, because he does have such a strong narrative voice.

There is a bromantic element to this story, and Albus will change his views... if only a little. I couldn't resist including that assumption because it comes up way too often, both in fiction and real life, as though two people of the same sex couldn't possibly spend time in the same room without it being scandalous - Al sees it as ridiculous. Yet at the same time, he does feminize Scorpius to alarming extent, and I'm still not quite sure where I want to take that - is it just jealousy that Scorpius is having an easier time in the department? does he feel threatened by Scorpius? It may add some interesting angle to Al's character. ;)

You're not the first person to miss Scorpius in this chapter. XD I'm amazed at how much readers enjoyed his banter with Albus, not to mention the effect of silencing a character in a humour story - perhaps I should have made Scorpius pull a Charlie Chaplin and do all sorts of clever miming acts, that would have been funny. :P But a lot of this story relies on the two characters working in tandem, so I agree that it caused an imbalance.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, Missy! I've fixed those typos you pointed out, too - thank you for mentioning them. ^_^
An indignant Malfoy is so ridiculously amusing. I was laughing out loud throughout this chapter, especially the bit when Al said he went out to get a mocha and then was all, "Oh, did you want one too?" When Al's stomach growled and Scorpius flipped out, thinking someone was trying to get into the room...I almost died.

I think my favorite part of this chapter was Al constantly comparing Scorpius to his sister. He stamped in just like my sister does when she’s in one of her tempers, which is pretty much all the time. Bahaha, that is just such a perfect description of Scorpius.

Then Al silencing him for chewing too loudly! That was great. I felt kind of bad when Al basically said they only took Scorpius because they needed more man-power and that he really kind of sucks as an Auror.

The Bulgarian mobster isn't Krum, is it?! That's all I could think about when you said Durmstrang and Quidditch player...

I can't believe that girl knew they were spying on her! She must be more observant than they are, that's for sure. I wonder how they'll explain themselves...

One minor correction: contended silence. - I believe that should be contented instead.

I'm also really enjoying the length of these chapters. I don't mind long chapters but sometimes I just want to sit down and just read some nice, short chapters and the fact that this story is hilarious just helps me gobble it up. Love it! :)

Author's Response: Haha, it's so true! Putting Malfoys in situations that make them indignant are a staple of Potterverse humour, and Albus is really, really mean to him at all possible moments. It doesn't help that Albus has some access and understanding of the Muggle world, whereas Scorpius is still too much of a pureblood to be able to navigate that world with success. Poor fellow - I really have to give him the long end of the stick in one of these chapters. XD

Oh dear, your review is reminding me how much eating takes place in this chapter. It's all about food! I've never done that before, and now it's striking me as entirely odd, but also very funny.

Anyway, I'm not sure whether to make the mobster Kum - I was going to initially, but that might be too easy. For now, I'm going to leave him faceless in a sort of "star part" role as the person everyone talks about, but whom never appears until either the very end, if at all. I might have something else in mind for dear Bogey. ;)

I'm now wondering what a "contended silence" would sound like. Is it an argumentative silence? :P I've fixed that now - thank you for mentioning it!

It's nice to write short chapters once in a while, too. For a humour or action/adventure story, it works in the plot's benefit to write short, snappy chapters with lots of cliff-hangers - chapters that, predominately, end with each scene rather than combining scenes as I tend to do with my other stories. I'm really glad to hear that the short chapters are working for you - after all the long chapters around, I'm sure it's a nice break!

Thank you so much again for reading and reviewing this story, Missy. It means a lot to hear from you! ^_^
2012-03-21 12:58pm
Gah, Susan, this is fabulous. Al and Scorpius are my favorite Next Gens and to see you + them + humor, I was scrambling to read the first chapter.

I'm already giggling at Al's narrative. His descriptions of Scorpius, of course, are my favorite. Scorpius kind of reminds me of a preening peacock with all this delicately pretty features.

I think this is my favorite part of the chapter: Coy as ever, Malfoy sidled over; his grandfather must be glaring up at him from hell in horror at this ghastly result of careful breeding and failed reputation. Scorpius Malfoy was an Auror, which immediately placed him in the failure column for his parents, and, to boot, he was a delicate flower of manhood from his pretty golden locks to his lilywhite skin, which made him a failure among the Aurors.

I love how he's so different from Albus - yes, he became an Auror (probably for the sake of having a job and he seems like the type of character who would do something just to spite his family), but he's all about being safe and taking the easy way out, whereas Albus just wants to go somewhere with his career, eager to get those difficult cases and prove himself worthy of being Harry Potter's son. The little bit about how he wished there was a Dark Wizard running around to help boost his career was amusing, too.

Eager Beaver is great too - from his cologne to his desperate desire to take over Harry's job and being all condescending to Albus all the while. Sticking Albus with Malfoy certainly doesn't win him any points (except perhaps with me, because I seriously think that Albus and Scorpius's interactions are hilarious and I'm going to really enjoy this story a lot).

I'm not sure if anyone pointed these out, but some corrections:

He must have borrowed out the Beaver's in his quest - the 'out' makes this sentence read awkwardly

I turned his back and bent over some parchment or another. - I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here...maybe take out the 'his.'

I let out a painful sigh I could muster - this sounds awkward, maybe 'let out the most painful sigh I could muster' would work better

bottom rung of the latter - ladder

Only the witch puzzled many, her face a cross between Dad's and Teddy's mothers - unless Teddy has more than one mother, that should read mother's

I really enjoyed this first chapter, and I look forward to reading the rest. I'm always up for some good humor stories to break up the monotony of all the angst. ;)

Author's Response: You are fabulous, Missy! I never expected you to read this story, though now that I think about it, you have mentioned an interest in Albus and Scorpius, so it's fantastic that you've chosen this silly story to read. They're fun characters to write, not only because I've exaggerated them a bit here, but also because they're got a lot of potential for a combination of humour and depth that should make for some very exciting developments.

Albus in his turn exaggerates his descriptions of Scorpius. He derides Malfoy for taking care with his appearance and possessing a very nice set of facial features - he makes the incorrect assumption that, because Malfoy's pretty, he can't be smart. I'm looking forward to writing the moment when Albus's assumptions about Scorpius are proven wrong - it will blow poor Albus's mind. XD

Scorpius is going to be the ultimate contrarian, doing things because other people won't, or better yet, tell him not to. It makes him more of a radical than Albus, who is the sort that is good at talking, but is sometimes too timid to actually follow through - he cares too much about his reputation and that of his family to take too much of a risk. Albus is also driven to succeed at his job, which puts him at odds, his ambition against his reputation, and this case will end up pushing him to his furthest limits.

I've made those changes, thank you for pointing them out. I'm embarrassed that I've missed so many, and such dreadful ones, too!

Also thank you for reading and reviewing this story! It's wonderful to have you reading and enjoying it, and I hope that I'm able to write more of it soon! :D
I sense some rebellious resistance brewing with Albus and Scorpius. And I'm just going to reiterate what I said already in the previous chapter now, these two remind me so much of a modern-day Sherlock and Watson. They work well together, though they aren't exactly friends but definitely seem to be heading toward friendship the longer they're in each others presence. And now that they've been assigned desk work, officially kicked off the case, I can see Albus going against Beaver's orders and bring Scorpius along with him, thus working according to his own rules as Sherlock does. Over all, great chapter and I can't wait to read more. :) 10/10

onestop_hpfan18, Hufflepuff
Inter-house review-a-thon

Author's Response: Oh yes, rebellious resistance is on the way! It may be just the thing to unite them. ;)

It's sad how influenced I am by the Sherlock series - the whole time it was on hiatus, I couldn't write this story, but as soon as it came back, I felt the need to return to this once more. It's not a healthy way to write, but my excuse is that male-centered stories are very different to write - Phyllis is a peripheral character, the focus being on the male relationship, something I've never written in such detail before.

I hope to make it a bit of a twist when they finally decide to ignore orders and take on the case anyway. ;) Albus thinks he's the one in charge, but his position with the Aurors is his sensitive spot, and he won't want to endanger it.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story! It's wonderful to hear that you're enjoying it! ^_^
Hahah, I like how Albus's last thought was how he had to have the last word, yet you give the last word to Scorpius to say in this chapter in "We'll see", it made me laugh. These two are so amusing and you write their bickering and over all macho-ness over each other so well. It kind of has a Sherlock-esque feel to it (the BBC show written by Steven Moffat, of course) with the way these two interact toward each other (like Sherlock and Watson). I love it.

Also, I just over all enjoyed the after math of watching that bomb explode, destroying that building, as you describe a lot of what they are seeing as Albus tries to figure out what they can do to succeed in this case. He really doesn't want to fail and you make that point so clear and valid that I'm curious what he's going to come up with. He's very much like Sherlock in this respect, not giving up and continuing to think his way around the whole situation. Over all, excellent chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more. :) 10/10

Author's Response: The last word joke is always relevant! It happens to me way too much in real life, so I thought it would be perfect to include with these two because they're such rivals and egotists (yes, even Albus :P). I'm very glad that you liked it! :D

The Sherlock series has been the main inspiration for this story - the atmosphere and camaraderie within it especially, even if Albus and Scorpius squabble like a married couple. There's a bigger gap between them (than with Holmes and Watson) because of their prejudices, but eventually, that should change (hopefully). ;)

For all his bravado, Albus is terrified of failure, especially with his family being so prominent - he probably feels a lot of pressure, even if it's unintentional for the most part, to succeed and be like his father. It makes him very driven, though, and helps far more than it hinders.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this chapter! It means so much to hear from you about it! ^_^
Yey thanks for updating! Loved the chapter :D

Author's Response: And thank you for coming back to read the new chapter! I really appreciate it and am glad that you enjoyed it! :D
2011-08-29 2:08pm
Hello, lovely.

It's a shame this story doesn't get more press. It's so very clever and fun, and I love it to pieces.

THIS line, especially, had me in stitches: "My report would end up in a large red file labelled 'fail'." I don't know how you come up with these things, but they definitely make me laugh. :)

As far as pacing goes, it was fast, but that certainly doesn't have to be a bad thing! I loved it. And have no criticism as far as "missing" elements go.

Still sticking with my earlier statement: YOU are a legend.

- Rin

Author's Response: Rin! Thank you! Gah, your support for this story makes me so happy, and also guilty that my muse has clammed up when it comes to the plot. Then again, I could just make it the adventures of Albus and Scorpius... that would be fun, actually. It's the characters who get the most love - the plot is all secondary. ;)

lol, I wish I knew where those lines come from! Some of it is a pure love of sarcasm, well-bred from too much Sherlock Holmes and Blackadder. I'm very glad that it made you laugh, as I love to make people laugh. ^_^

Me, legend? That's scary! *hides* I seem to have this reputation that looms overhead at all times and it's frightening. Lovely in its way, but still frightening.

Thank you so much! It means a lot to hear all these lovely compliments from you! ^_^
2011-06-20 11:46am
Ahh, Susan. I have officially dubbed thee a legend. A gilded, gold-ed legend. AND IT IS SO.

Anyway, this was the funniest chapter yet, I think. You rant (in a hilarious, awesome way) for about a paragraph and then you'll stop with a one-liner that has be in stitches. Everything is very clever, and you've masterfully crafted this so that it flows so well the reader is surprised they've finished.

And everything in it is chock-full of wit. I mean, everything. All the dialogue your characters say, everything you ever describe, is amazingly clever.

Though art un LEGEND. -bows-

- Rin

Author's Response: O_O

How does a person respond to a review like this?! Really, Becca, I don't know what to say! *runs and hides*

It was such a worrying chapter to write, I guess because I had to make up for Scorpius's silence with Albus's wit, and he can't always manage it well on his own. I'm really glad that you found his rant and one-liners funny - it means a lot to hear from you that I can pull off humour. It's a hard genre to write, wow! It's shocking to keep up a humourous tone for this long - no wonder humour stories have shorter chapters. XD

Thank you THANK YOU for this review. Re-reading it makes me want to be worthy of it and I think you may just inspire me to write another chapter of this story. It's been too long already. *huggles*
Hahahaha I really love this story! Please write more! :D

Author's Response: Thank you! I hope to write more soon! :D
Haha I love it. So well written :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful compliment! ^_^
Ah, I really love them :)

Author's Response: Thank you! They're hilarious to write together. :D
Oh. My. God. I absolutely love it. I used all of those full stops in the "oh my god" just to show that.
But seriously!!! I love the characters you've set up and the plot is just brilliant. Please, please, please! There better be more of this :)
10/10 of course!

Author's Response: Wow! This is fantastic to hear, thank you so much! There is more of it coming, I promise. I'm just working out some kinks in my original plan. ;)
2011-04-17 8:17pm
I liked this. I don't think I felt as if anything was glaringly missing, but it was a quick chapter to read. I did feel my self rushing through, but I still feel as if I am fully aware of what's going on. I really like the bit at the end between Scorp and Albus, I think this chapter was lacking a bit of that back-and-forth between the two of them, that was really what made this piece stand out to me in the past chapters. I'm still very interested in continuing to read the upcoming chapters!
Good Job!

Author's Response: This helps quite bit, thank you! So while it moves quickly, it does not move confusingly and also flows well - that's just the kind of thing I wanted to know. :D You're not the first so have noticed the lack of Albus/Scorpius banter in this chapter, so it's definitely something I'm looking to rectify in future chapters. I missed writing them bantering, too. ;)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! ^_^
2011-04-07 9:49pm
I enjoyed this one like the others. As far as pacing goes, it did seem a bit faster than the others. I look forward to reading the next chapter!

Author's Response: A bit faster is still okay, as it had more action going on than the previous chapters, which had more dialogue and description. I'll keep it in mind, though, and see if I can better regulate the pacing.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I'm a little stale on this story at the moment, but I'm trying to working through possible plot developments, so hopefully it won't take too much longer to update. :D
2011-04-07 9:40pm
I enjoyed the old movie references very much and adore Malfoy in this. Look forward to reading the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's fantastic to hear that you're enjoying those references and Malfoy too! It's strange writing him so differently than I have before - this version is more like the Draco I've done in other stories. :)
"When he sniffed so loud that I thought his brains were rearranging themselves, I couldn’t remain silent any longer..." Loved that line and I really like the way you write them interacting with each other. As well as the small details like Malfoy's slurping and tossing his wrappers.

Author's Response: Thank you! :D They're hilarious to write together, and I have to get more into writing their banter, whether as dialogue or as silent comedy. Wish I could come up with that sort of thing everyday, lol.

It's great that you like these details!
2011-04-07 9:18pm
I decided to read fanfiction after about a year and your stories never do disappoint. Always admired your writing style and humor. Looking forward to the reading the next chapter.

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! That's a wonderful compliment, both that you chose my stories to read and that they don't disappoint. ^_^ It's great that you've come back to fanfiction - I remember you from TDA - and a familiar name is always a pleasure to see. :D
I really liked this chapter. You really do have such a flair for writing Albus and humour. And I love that she immediately placed Malfoy back under the silence charm after taking it off when he started swearing like a sailor. This is just such a fun read and I can't wait to see what else you come up with. Not to mention that bomb going off at the end... now that was not something I was expecting to happen in this chapter. But anyway, great job! (: 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm really glad to hear that you enjoyed this chapter and liked its humour. Albus is fun to write in this way, though I can get carried away with him sometimes - he is an opinionated narrator. XD

The bomb was a very last-minute decision to break the tension. I didn't know how else to write myself out of that scene, and it seemed, if not a tasteful, at least an exciting addition to the story. I've been watching way too much "Spooks" and this story is turning into something more of a spy story than a mystery. Oh well, whatever gives it a plot. ;)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, Susan! French internet is the worst, then I've been busy at home but finally here!

Gosh, I love this. I quite missed Scorpius, though; even if he was there, his silence was quite obvious and I think that helped emphasise how important he is to the whole scenario. This couldn't just be Al - it wouldn't carry in the same way as it does with the pair of them. Their relationship was written so well in the first two chapters and here, the little interaction they had was the same. I do hope his voice comes back soon, though!

The girl - so many questions. I love how you're pacing the story. It's absolutely perfect and the suspense is there without making it too over the top and dramatic. You've struck the perfect balance and I don't know why I even bother saying so really because it's you and I feel so daft pointing out things like that.

Also, BOMB! I hope you update soon because that's completely got my interest captured again. This story is way underreviewed and underappreciated and it's so sad to see it like that but I hope this wasn't too rubbishy. I struggle with reviewing after the first two chapters sometimes!

Wonderful update ^_^

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing, Rachel! It's wonderful to hear from you, and don't apologize for not reviewing sooner - people are busy (I know I am) and I'm an immature, whiny child when it comes to reviews. *hides in hole*

Yes, I really have to work on Scorpius. His silence was funny at first, but when it stretched, I was having trouble filling the space he was meant to fill. It was surprising how important a character he'd already become and how important his interactions with Albus were, both to myself and readers. Now to figure out just what kind of Scorpius I want him to be - he's pretty, but with more to him that Albus refuses to see. ;)

It's great that the pacing and suspense is turning out well, as it's a very different pace from what I'm used to. It moves so quickly that most of the time, I can't keep up and it gets me worrying that I'm going too fast. It's not a description-filled, slow-moving dramatic story, and in more ways than one, I don't know what to do with it.

Which is why I haven't updated in a long time. :S From this point on, the story could become far more serious, and I'm not sure whether that's the right thing for it. Albus and Scorpius would have their banter, of course, but both of them would have to do a lot of growing up if they want to keep the case - which both of them do (eventually). Need to do some plotting, obviously. :P

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and enjoying! It means a lot to hear it from you, Rachel, and I wish I could live up to all your amazing compliments. ^_^
2011-02-19 11:10pm
And another funny chapter! This was really good. I like how you have mixed the great humor in so well. It doesn't seem like too much to me at any point. Just the right mix of humor and a good plot. The bomb there at the end, interesting. You really slipped it in there nicely.

The one thing I have a bit of a problem with would be Albus's commentary to the reader/about the writing. I honestly think there is a place for a narrator who speaks to the reader, and I think you have some moments where it works, but there were a few too many in my opinion. The one moment I had the biggest issue with was the typo comment. It didn't seem necessary, just odd.

Beside that nit-picky bit, I really did enjoy reading this. And I will be reading your future chapters... I HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS BOMB! haha.

Author's Response: Point definitely taken regarding Albus's editorial insertions. I'm never sure how far to take them, but I can see how they're detracting from the pace of the plot, so I've removed them from this chapter, which was already too long anyway, so it's worked out for the best all-round. :D Thanks for mentioning that - it may have seemed like a nit-pick, but it's actually an important aspect of the narrative style for me, and knowing how people were reacting to it is helpful.

It's great to hear that the rest of the chapter has worked out nicely. I wasn't sure how the ending would be accepted, but it makes for a good cliff-hanger - just the sort of thing the plot needed at that point in time, if only to save the guys from that girl. XD She'll be unhelpfully in the way for them, that's for sure.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this! I really appreciate it! ^_^


Get access to every new feature the moment it comes out.

Register Today!